the dehumanizers

We're autistic, we're human, get used to it

Some dehumanizing descriptions of autism are negative. For example, some people believe that we are incapable of love, or incapable of imagination, or incapable of understanding anything of importance.

Some dehumanizing descriptions of autism are positive. For instance, some people believe that we are incapable of lying, incapable of being manipulative, and that we always say exactly what we mean.

Autism doesn’t work that way. We are fully human, for better and for worse. We are fallible. We make communication mistakes. We don’t always know what we mean, and we don’t always express ourselves clearly. For instance, sometimes we say things that feel direct but that are actually very confusing. That’s human.

We are capable of treating others well, and we are capable of treating others badly. We are capable of caring about others, and we are capable of indifference. We are capable of being kind, and we are capable of being cruel.

Autism means having disabilities that can affect how we communicate, how we move, and how we understand things. Autism doesn’t make us better than other people, and it doesn’t make us worse. We’re not subhuman, and we’re not superhuman. We’re just people.

lattelaurel  asked:

what's been bothering me about this whole Moffat/bill thing is that even if they fix her (which is pretty much guaranteed to happen), it doesn't fix what happened. They took a black lesbian woman and stripped her of everything. We already constantly see POC and LGBT people dehumanized by society on a regular basis so to have it happen on my favourite show too? It's painful. So, so painful.

Yes, that’s basically what I’ve been trying to say all day. I have almost absolute faith that Bill will be alright eventually. I even dare to hope that the end result will be triumphant, because it often is. (Amy reclaiming everything time had stolen from her came right after Rory was forced to shoot her in the previous episode. Clara taking over the myth of the show was built on her dying in the Trap Street.)

And I think that - like the choice to have Amy die by Rory’s involuntary betrayal, and Clara because of a recklessness and the desire to save someone else - Cyberconversion is a choice that doesn’t come out of nowhere. It makes sense for Bill’s character, for the way she wears her heart on her sleeve, for the way she lives who she is. It’s the kind of thing that is an overtly smart thing for her to triumph over.

I suspect that once the next episode has aired, this post won’t be the only brilliant redemptive reading of Bill’s fate. A lesbian black woman, who can be shot, who can lose her heart, who people will try to change (to “improve”) beyond recognition, only for her to (likely) make it through to the other side, alive, as herself? That’s potent stuff.

But is it really the only powerful story that could be told here? One that goes through the tired, upsetting images of a black lesbian being shot and being tortured? The possibility of her brutal, terrifying death looming over the viewer? Over lesbian women, over black women, over QPOC, who have seen all of this play out one too many times?

I think the beginning of this series really touched on what people really wanted out of a character like Bill. A promise of safety. Stories which emphasised hope over trauma. A vibrant, intelligent young woman who can be vulnerable but never ashamed. It’s never quite going to be the same again, isn’t it?

TalesFromYourServer: Am I overreacting?

Hello to everybody in serverland! I’m not in the industry, but I’m a long time lurker. I’ve learned so much from reading about all of your trials and tribulations, so thanks for all the great insight here!

Anyway, I have this pet peeve when I’m sitting in a restaurant, and I was wondering what all of you think. It might seem like it’s minor, but it sure does bother me to hear. Sometimes when a table near me is placing an order, I hear them start off with “I need….”

For example, “I need a 12 ounce steak with ….” And they usually say it in a matter-of-fact, almost dehumanizing tone. What happened to “Could I please have a 12 ounce steak ?”

Every single time I hear this, I want to run over to this table and say, “What you NEED is some manners and to quit treating your server like they’re subhuman.” It’s just common decency, sheesh.

Am I being too sensitive, or does this bother anybody else out there?

Keep up the great stories - you are all fantastic people, and I appreciate all the hard work you do!

By: statmidnight

ostensibly it was all anti-kink discourse which sucked on its own for a lot of reasons mostly bc it’s almost always absurdly dehumanizing, but also, “there’s no way gay teens will take and run with reasons sex is bad and evil, there’s no way anyone is preconditioned to see the self as a) predatory or b) an object to be discussed/disgusted with that might cause this to be filtered/internalized harmfully”- 30 year old women online who also never shut up about christianity

Hello yes I am back from the social security examiners office, it was dehumanizing, humiliating, and painful and I think I gained +100 to my anarchist levels how are all of you?

anonymous asked:

Could a person be blue/white and think violence is a reasonable answer, especially when it comes to immoral scum (like tho right wing assholes who talk about snowflakes, safe spaces, and "you hurt my feewings")

Yes. If you enact white’s absolutism and draw lines that dehumanize the opposition, you can view violence and death as appropriate punishments. See: every totalitarianism ever

trans people: turning someone down is not an act of violence but the deliberate unwillingness to qualify trans people as romantically or sexually valid is a common dehumanization factor among marginalized groups

te/rfs: so you’re saying you want to RAPE ALL FEMALES????

i want to talk about the word “jew” for a hot second, because i don’t think gentiles understand why some jewish people don’t like being called that. this year, cnn had a banner that said “Alt-right founder questions if Jews are people.” now, they’ve gotten a lot of backlash for it, and apologized, but here’s the point: the sentence “Are Jews People?” is very different from “Are Jewish people people?” See, in the second sentence, the absolute ridiculousness of the question is even more clear, because of course a jewish person is a person, it’s right in the name. But by calling jewish people “jews,” it allows certain groups to dehumanize us, remove our personhood. I’m not suggesting we get rid of the term “jew” entirely, but the full word is something to keep in mind when using it. 

8

Ruth Hopkins updates on the illegal evictions at Standing Rock

[TWEET #1: Helicopters, humvees, assault rifles, being used by police against women and elders on U.S. soil. #NoDAPL

TWEET #2: Armed searches, camp is being swept. This is the raid. #NoDAPL

TWEET #3: They’re arresting the veterans #NoDAPL

TWEET #4: Guns drawn #NoDAPL

TWEET #5: Arresting people praying #NoDAPL

TWEET #6: Grandmother arrested. Please don’t strip her and number her and put her in a dog kennel like you did the rest #NoDAPL

TWEET #7: The people are unarmed, singing and praying in front of police with guns drawn #NoDAPL

TWEET #8: This is not the end. This is just the beginning.]

Feb. 23rd, 2017.

consider this. I don’t care that it’s actually more profitable to feed and house people, I think we should do it even if it was an expense on society because I’m not a fucking asshole. Most homeless people are women and children and some of yall out here like “well if child labor was legal maybe these kids could buy their own food, instead of taking handouts” 

or “the government really needs to think about saving money not helping people” because we have soooo many cases of austerity measures working… lmao oh wait we fucking dont and it’s failed horribly to hoard money like literal dragons.

Your sexuality isn’t a fucking threat to minors, okay? Since staff is deciding to be a total asshole to the LGBTQIA+ community during pride month I’m gonna spit some facts to set things straight

- “gay” and “lesbian” are sexual identities, do not reduce their meaning to a fucking porn tag. It’s dehumanizing and fetishizing

- being anything other than straight does not automatically make things nsfw

- your existence is not “sensitive content” and is not inherently dangerous

- there is absolutely no reason Tumblr needs to worry about “protecting” minors from gays especially when a lot of the content they are censoring are helpful, supportive posts for LBGTQIA+ youth

I’m so sorry that staff is literally censoring our entire community out of existence. Your sexuality is real and valid and you deserve better than to be treated like this

“Here’s all the reasons why undocumented immigrants financially hurt our country and should be kicked out.”

“Here’s all the reasons why undocumented immigrants financially help our country and should not be kicked out.”

Okay but have you ever thought that someone’s humanity should not be based on how much they do or don’t help you financially and that immigrants are more than their economic contribution. 

On trauma aftermaths that don't advance the plot

The way TV shows trauma can lead people to expect every reference to trauma to be a plot point. This can be isolating to people coping with the aftermaths of trauma. Sometimes people treat us as stories rather than as people. Sometimes, instead of listening to us, they put a lot of pressure on us to advance the plot they’re expecting.

On TV, triggers tend to be full audiovisual flashbacks that add something to the story. You see a vivid window into the character’s past, and something changes. On TV, trauma aftermaths are usually fascinating. Real life trauma aftermaths are sometimes interesting, but also tend to be very boring to live with.

On TV, triggers tend to create insight. In real life, they’re often boring intrusions interfering with the things you’d rather be thinking about. Sometimes knowing darn well where they come from doesn’t make them go away. Sometimes it’s more like: Seriously? This again?

On TV, when trauma is mentioned, it’s usually a dramatic plot point that happens in a moment. In real life, trauma aftermaths are a mundane day-to-day reality that people live with. They’re a fact of life — and not necessarily the most important one at all times. People who have experienced trauma do other things too. They’re important, but not the one and only defining characteristic of who someone is. And things that happened stay important even when you’re ok. Recovery is not a reset. Mentioning the past doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in crisis.

On TV, when a character mentions trauma, or gets triggered in front of someone, it’s usually a dramatic moment. It changes their life, or their relationship with another character, or explains their backstory, or something. In real life, being triggered isn’t always a story, and telling isn’t always a turning point. Sometimes it’s just mentioning something that happened to be relevant. Sometimes it’s just a mundane instance of something that happens from time to time.

Most people can’t have a dramatic transformative experience every time it turns out that their trauma matters. Transformative experiences and moments of revelation exist, but they’re not the end all and be all of trauma aftermaths. Life goes on, and other things matter too. And understanding what a reaction means and where it came from doesn’t always make it go away. Sometimes, it takes longer and has more to do with skill-building than introspection. Sometimes it doesn’t go away.

On a day to day level, it’s often better to be matter-of-fact about aftermaths. It can be exhausting when people see you as a story and expect you to advance the plot whenever they notice some effect of trauma. Pressure to perform narratives about healing doesn’t often help people to make their lives better. Effect support involves respecting someone as a complex human, including the boring parts.

The aftermath of trauma is a day-to-day reality. It affects a lot of things, large and small. It can be things like being too tired to focus well in class because nightmares kept waking you up every night this week. TV wants that to be a dramatic moment where the character faces their past and gets better. In real life, it’s often a day where you just do your best to try and learn algebra anyway. Because survivors do things besides be traumatized and think about trauma. Sometimes it’s not a story. Sometimes it’s just getting through another day as well as possible.

A lot of triggers are things like being unable to concentrate on anything interesting because some kinds of background noises make you feel too unsafe to pay attention to anything else. For the zillionth time.  Even though you know rationally that they’re not dangerous. Even though you know where they come from, and have processed it over and over. Even if you’ve made a lot of progress in dealing with them, even if they’re no longer bothersome all the time. For most people, recovery involves a lot more than insight. The backstory might be interesting, but being tired and unable to concentrate is boring.

Triggers can also mean having to leave an event and walk home by yourself while other people are having fun, because it turns out that it hurts too much to be around pies and cakes. Or having trouble finding anything interesting to read that isn’t intolerably triggering. Or having trouble interacting with new people because you’re too scared or there are too many minefields. Or being so hypervigilant that it’s hard to focus on anything. No matter how interesting the backstory is, feeling disconnected and missing out on things you wanted to enjoy is usually boring.

When others want to see your trauma as a story, their expectations sometimes expand to fill all available space. Sometimes they seem to want everything to be therapy, or want everything to be about trauma and recovery.

When others want every reference to trauma to be the opening to a transformative experience, it can be really hard to talk about accommodations. For instance, it gets hard to say things like:

  • “I’m really tired because of nightmares” or 
  • “I would love to go to that event, but I might need to leave because of the ways in which that kind of thing can be triggering” or 
  • “I’m glad I came, but I can’t handle this right now” or
  • “I’m freaking out now, but I’ll be ok in a few minutes” or 
  • “I need to step out — can you text me when they stop playing this movie?”

It can also be hard to mention relevant experiences. There are a lot of reasons to mention experiences other than wanting to process, eg:

  • “Actually, I have experience dealing with that agency”
  • “That’s not what happens when people go to the police, in my experience, what happens when you need to make a police report is…”
  • “Please keep in mind that this isn’t hypothetical for me, and may not be for others in the room as well.”

Or any number of other things.

When people are expecting a certain kind of story, they sometimes look past the actual person. And when everyone is looking past you in search of a story, it can be very hard to make connections.

It helps to realize that no matter what others think, your story belongs to you. You don’t have to play out other people’s narrative expectations. It’s ok if your story isn’t what others want it to be. It’s ok not to be interesting. It’s ok to have trauma reactions that don’t advance the plot. And there are people who understand that, and even more people who can learn to understand that.

It’s possible to live a good life in the aftermath of trauma. It’s possible to relearn how to be interested in things. It’s possible to build space you can function in, and to build up your ability to function in more spaces. It’s often possible to get over triggers. All of this can take a lot of time and work, and can be a slow process. It doesn’t always make for a good story, and it doesn’t always play out the way others would like it to. And, it’s your own personal private business. Other people’s concern or curiosity does not obligate you to share details.

Survivors and victims have the right to be boring. We have the right to deal with trauma aftermaths in a matter-of-fact way, without indulging other people’s desires for plot twists. We have the right to own our own stories, and to keep things private. We have the right to have things in our lives that are not therapy; we have the right to needed accommodations without detailing what happened and what recovery looks like. Neither traumatic experiences nor trauma aftermaths erase our humanity.

We are not stories, and we have no obligation to advance an expected plot. We are people, and we have the right to be treated as people. Our lives, and our stories, are our own.

Abuse does not make you a broken monster

Our culture often sends the message that if you were abused as a child, you’ll inevitably abuse your children.

It’s not true. I know multiple people personally who grew up in violent homes who have chosen not to be abusive. They experienced violence as children; they do not commit acts of violence as adults. It is possible, it is happening, and people making that choice deserve more respect and recognition.

It’s easier to learn how to parent well from growing up with good parents. It’s also possible to learn from other people. I know this because I’ve seen people do it. To some extent, *everyone* learns from people other than their own parents. (Including their own children. Kids are born with minds of their own, and people who respect their children learn a lot from them about how parenting can and can’t work.) 

It’s a matter of degree. Everyone needs some degree of help and support in learning how to parent; some people need more help and support. Abuse (among other things) may mean that someone needs more help learning parenting; it does not mean that someone will inevitably become an abuser. 

I think we need to talk about this more. Abuse survivors should not be treated as broken monsters. Violence is a choice, and abuse survivors are capable of choosing nonviolence. Abuse survivors are full human beings who have the capacity to make choices, learn skills, and treat others well. 

maybe politicians and the super rich are so worried about poor people cheating the system to survive because they think we’re like them and want more money than we could possibly spend … at the tax payers expense, which is exactly what they do for themselves. They’re worried we cheat the system for money to live on because they cheat the system for billions to sit on.