relatives treating you like a bomb at family gatherings; like you’re just some controversy that exists to make holiday dinners more awkward for everyone else
feeling like each time you go to the bathroom other people think you’re making a political statement
not being able to defend yourself when people disrespect you because they’ll think it’s funny if you get offended
people acting like your existence is an inconvenience for them- like your name and pronouns are a hassle- like it’s your fault.
having cis people tell you what “gives you away” like you haven’t already spent every moment of your life hating your body
they laugh at your confidence and they laugh at your insecurities. you feel like no matter what you do, you’ll be laughed at.
knowing that no amount of hormones will change your height, your hips, your hands…
hearing “attack helicopter gender” jokes and “bun/buns/bunself pronouns” jokes and “did you just assume my gender” jokes and “traps are gay” jokes and knowing that people see you as the punchline for each and every one
watching people go out of their way to tell you that they’d neverbe attracted to someone like you, and realizing that they want you to validate their repulsions
knowing that people will always see you as a trans (man) first and as a man second
fighting the urge to scream every time you see a mirror because you know the exact location of every little flaw and you despise all of them
wanting to vomit when you come across old photos
missing out on so many things because you were been too busy feeling trapped in your own skin
feeling like you were deprived of a childhood by the person you weren’t supposed to be
everyone telling you that you should empathize with transphobes because, really, don’t they have a point??
“you’ll always be [deadname] to me”
cis people constantly measuring you up against their standards for what a trans person //should// look like
hearing well-meaning cis people call you “they” because calling you “he” is too hard for them to stomach
you can’t get upset when complete strangers ask you invasive questions about your genitals, your transition, your sex life, ect. because the instant a cis person deems you ‘rude’ your pronouns become 'optional’.
wondering if forcing yourself back into the closet would be worth it because you’re tired of dealing with people’s reactions
I just want to stop being the sad person at the family gatherings
The one who isolates themselves because if they hear “good girl” once more they’ll cry in front of everyone
I want to be myself and happy and feel loved for who I am
Not who I’m pretending to be
1. Grab a swimsuit for tomorrow
2. Grab tickets at the King Soops
3. Eat some fuckin salad or some shit
4. Work on commission
5. Maybe run depending how hyper focused I am
6. FINISH COMMISSION
7. Reward myself and try to bang Craig on Dream Daddy