the dante circle

pure! AU: Apocalypse Testing

AN: hello! This is the first in a series of a pure AU plot about AP testing as I am looking to get into AP French next year. I don’t even know if they had AP testing in the 80s but I don’t care. Jdronica as usual, AU stolen from @pure-jdronica. Enjoy!

“It is upon us,” he said walking out of German. “The apocalypse has come. Tell me which circle of Dante’s Inferno you’d prefer to be in.”

“Stop being so overdramatic.” I shot him The Look (copyright Veronica Sawyer, 1988) and shifted my book bag from one shoulder to another. “AP testing is not the end of the world. I have not seen even one of the four horsemen appear.”

“Oh look, there comes war and pestilence.”

I can see a flash of red and yellow in my peripheral vision.

“I set myself up for that one, didn’t I?”

“Yes.” He snickers out of the corner of his mouth and turns on his heel, trying to stay away from them. He barely tolerates them. All for my sake.

“RONNIE!” Chandler pushes her way to the front and people in her path part like the Red Sea. “We need a fake ID.”

“I’m hiring someone out to take my APs!” McNamara squeals. “I just need the picture of the kid I hired on my school ID and we’re set!”

“Surely you can do that for us, Veronica.” Heather C. places a soft hand on my shoulder, her red nails impeccable as usual.

“Nope. No can do. First of all, I don’t do fake IDs. Second of all, I am not gonna be an accessory to cheating on AP tests. It screws things up to people who have actually worked hard in the classes.”

McNamara’s lip quivers. Heather Chandler’s eyes are sharp under her mascara-coated eyelashes. “Oh, surely you can make an exception for a friend,” she says.

I’m getting pissed. “What is your damage, Heather? I said no.”

“I’m gonna fail,” sniffles McNamara. “I’m never gonna be a sorority sister. Everyone knows how bad my grades are.”

“Wow. You want me to forge an ID for you so you can meet frat boys?”

“Exactly,” says Chandler into my ear. “She’s been really depressed lately. Thinking of killing herself. I can’t let that happen to the Heathers.”


“Well, I won’t do a fake ID. But I will help you study. This Saturday, Sherwood Library. Bring snacks.”

She looks a little better. Her tears have stopped and she wipes away the mascara smudges under her eyes. “Thanks so much, Ronnie. You’re so good at school.”

“Let’s motor,” says Heather C. They are out of the hallway in two seconds flat. Everyone makes way for them as usual.

We’re at 7-11 when I tell JD of my plan.


“Just helping out a friend. Look, I really had no choice. She was gonna kill herself.”

“Why would Chandler say that to you?”

“Um, because it’s true?” I take a massive sip of my slushie.

“Veronica. That was our date. Our study date. You can’t let those assholes interfere with our relationship anymore.”

“They’re my friends!”

“Um, they weren’t when you crawled through my window and banged me.” He smiles at the memory.

“You tried to serve Chandler drano the next morning. If I hadn’t stopped you, you and I would both be in jail.”

“Look, I only put up with them because I love you so much. I’ve got my dad to deal with, and now these APs if I’m ever going to get into Harvard. And you invite some girl who doesn’t know her algebra from her geometry into our much-needed time together.”

“JD. I promise this is a one-time thing.”

“You promised you would break up with the Heathers!”

“Maybe underneath all the makeup they’re good people, JD. They’re just as lost and confused as everyone in this suburban hellhole.”

“I’ll take you at your word. But I’m not afraid to cut the Heathers out of your life if this turns sour.”

“JD. Remember what they said in therapy. Nobody deserves to die. Everyone has potential whether you can see it or not.”

“Oh, I don’t mean kill them. I mean just show you what assholes they really are.”

“JD. Please. It’s one date for a poor girl who’s gonna fail her APs without my help. If you want to bail, fine.”

“I’m not leaving you.” There are tears in his eyes. “I want another slushie.”

“JD, baby, let’s go back home and study. You have German and I have French.”

“Okay,” he sniffles. “Your house. The asshole is home.”

“It’s gonna be okay. Remember, our love is the highest power in the universe.”

“Our love is God,” he agrees.

The signs as circles of hell in the Divine Comedy/Dante's Inferno
  • Aries: Seventh Circle (Violence)
  • Taurus: Third Circle (Gluttony)
  • Gemini: Fifth Circle (Anger)
  • Cancer: First Circle (Limbo)
  • Leo: Second Circle (Lust)
  • Virgo: Sixth Circle (Heresy)
  • Libra: Ninth Circle (Treachery)
  • Scorpio: Second Circle (Lust)
  • Sagittarius: Eighth Circle (Fraud)
  • Capricorn: Fourth Circle (Greed)
  • Aquarius: Sixth Circle (Heresy)
  • Pisces: First Circle (Limbo)

Dante The Pilgrim

For my visual development on Dante Alighieri’s The Divine Comedy. I’ve started reading it for the first time ever. It’s basically like an ancient self-insert fanfiction but I find it a really fascinating story. I like the idea of Dante being a big red balloon speck in hell. 

The second image is my character sheet for Beatrice (Dante’s first love who had died at a young age), who sends Virgil the poet to guide Dante through the circles of hell to Paradise.

Edit (October 20, 2015): Added Virgil’s character sheet 

(Made in Clip Studio Paint)

I think I found another circle of Dante’s Inferno, folks. Can’t believe I’m so stupid to not have realized it sooner. I mean, I buy all of my outdated food here, for fuckssakes. It’s an outlet for groceries. It’s literally called grocery outlet.

dantes circles of hell make a lot more sense than the singular Fire Pit Of Pain bc iirc the lustful are thrown into roaring winds that carry them around forever so people who might actually LIKE the torture are kept from it and instead are just made violently nauseous and dizzy which I don’t think (hope) is anyone’s fetish