the d'artagnan romances

Porthos
  • Book!Porthos: Is remarkably taller and stronger than the others.
  • Series!Porthos: Is stronger than the others, but not taller.
  • Book!Porthos: Comes from a bourgeoise family.
  • Series!Porthos: Is the child of a nobleman and a former slave.
  • Book!Porthos: His life goal is becoming rich and noble.
  • Series!Porthos: His life goal is succeed in the army.
  • Book!Porthos: Is plain dumb.
  • Series!Porthos: Is natural but not stupid at all.
  • Book!Porthos: Can kill a man with his bare hands if their friends ask for it.
  • Series!Porthos: Is very sensitive about the value of human life.
  • Book!Porthos: Has a servant who has a criminal past.
  • Series!Porthos: Has a criminal past.
  • Book!Porthos: Keeps a rich mistress he don't love because of money, but eventually marries her.
  • Series!Porthos: Don't have a mistress, just former lovers. He's not good at pimping himself.
  • Book!Porthos: Has a fashion sense that is slightly flashy.
  • Series!Porthos: Has a fashion sense that is slightly flashy.
  • Book!Porthos: Trust in his friends without a question.
  • Series!Porthos: Trust in his friends without a question.
  • Book!Porthos: Is adorable.
  • Series!Porthos: Is adorable.
Athos
  • Book!Athos: Is moody and silent, but deep inside is just another rascal.
  • Series!Athos: Is moody and silent and incapable of mischief.
  • Book!Athos: Would give his life gladly if a friend ask for it, as in "if your honor demands me to die, just kill me (dramatically opens his shirt).
  • Series!Athos: Would give his life gladly for a friend, period.
  • Book!Athos: Is happy following orders.
  • Series!Athos: Is a reluctant but natural born leader.
  • Book!Athos: Leaves the thinking and planning to someone more skilled.
  • Series!Athos: Is remarkably skilled in thinking and planning.
  • Book!Athos: Keeps a loyal servant to his side for decades.
  • Series!Athos: Is uncomfortable around servants.
  • Book!Athos: Thinks Milady is beyond redemption.
  • Series!Athos: Wants to redempt Milady.
  • Book!Athos: Admires d'Artagnan for his brains.
  • Series!Athos: Likes d'Artagnan for his hot head.
  • Book!Athos: Is perfectly comformable with his role as a nobleman.
  • Series!Athos: Gave up his title and states.
  • Book!Athos: Is an incredibly skilled swordsman.
  • Series!Athos: Is an incredibly skilled swordsman.
  • Book!Athos: Is remarkably handsome and elegant and he don't even tries.
  • Series!Athos: Is remarkably handsome and elegant and he don't even tries.
Aramis
  • Book!Aramis: His whole life is a secret.
  • Series!Aramis: Can't hide his feelings for nuts.
  • Book!Aramis: Is reckless but is also smart enough to always get away with it with no harm.
  • Series!Aramis: Is reckless to the point to put everybody in danger without even noticing.
  • Book!Aramis: Always come out ahead.
  • Series!Aramis: Never achieves anything and don't give a shit.
  • Book!Aramis: His attire and hair are always flawless.
  • Series!Aramis: His attire and hair are often messy, but he's handsome anyway.
  • Book!Aramis: Always wanted to be a priest.
  • Series!Aramis: Never wanted to be a priest.
  • Book!Aramis: Puts his cock wherever he wants and nobody notices.
  • Series!Aramis: Puts his cock wherever he shouldn't and sooner or later everybody finds out.
  • Book!Aramis: has big beautiful black eyes.
  • Series!Aramis: has big beautiful black eyes.
  • Book!Aramis: Is happy when he kills people.
  • Series!Aramis: Is happy when he kills people.
Discretion cannot be demanded of a first love. A first love is accompanied by such great joy that the joy must overflow; otherwise, it will choke you.
—  The Three Musketeers, Alexandre Dumas.
d'Artagnan
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Is short.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is tall.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Fights anyone just because.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is friendly until you really piss him, then he's ruthless.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Loves Constance at first sight because she's pretty.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Loves Constance after a while, because she's awesome.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Cheats on Constance.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is incapable of cheating on Constance.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Is a nobleman.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is a farmer.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Has a small estate and family somewhere in Gascony.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is an orphan and his properties are ruined.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Is cunning and manipulative, but would ruin it all because of his temper.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is smart but not really good at diplomacy.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Is remarkably good at fighting.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is remarkably good at fighting.
  • Book!d'Artagnan: Is younger than the others.
  • Series!d'Artagnan: Is younger than the others.
amynion answered your question:Twenty Years After: D’Artagnan Hits on a Plan, aka…

When there is no fic there is only one solution - write it! Do it now!

I will have to, won’t I? The story of their voyage across the channel, where Aramis suffers horribly and Athos is very patient and gentle. And lends Aramis his last shirt when they disembark, because Aramis has sweated through all of his and has no clean linen left.

I can’t write the epic about their friendship throughout the years now, but I’ve added it to the list. Athos and Aramis doing political intrigue together, what could be sexier? 

Twenty Years After: D’Artagnan Hits on a Plan, aka the most pornographic chapter yet
  • He had been down to the stables, already taken a look at the horses and given the necessary orders for the day, whilst Athos and Aramis were still in bed […]
  • “I play with Monsieur du Vallon every night. Sometimes we don’t go to bed at all!”
  • “It is true we plundered them a little when we took them […]” (d’Artagnan about Athos and Aramis; if that’s not a euphemism I don’t know what is)

The Athos/Aramis shipping continues to be a delight. I can’t stand d’Artagnan, self-righteous abusive asshole that he is; I imagine him as a slightly more evil Louis de Funès: short height (“D'Artagnan was hardly more than five feet tall”), horrible temper, cunning plans and all. Porthos, the poor lamb, is still reduced to grunting in the background. But Athos & Aramis are fab. They’re totally attuned to each other:

  • Athos and Aramis looked at one another and smiled.
  • Athos and Aramis kept themselves to their role. At midnight they withdrew to their chamber […]
  • Athos and Aramis suppressed as well as they could the disgust they felt in the presence of such coarseness and brutality. (i.e. at the sight of the English captain who, y'know, drinks beer)
  • […] but to his friends–to Athos and Aramis–was apparent a certain feverishness in his gayety.
  • Aramis smiled as one who hopes. Athos was pale, and trembled in every limb. (And then they kissed. The end.)

I’m actually tempted to write a fic about their adventures before d’Artagnan and Porthos arrived back in their lives. They were in touch prior to the events of Twenty Years After and then went to England together, there’s an epic romance in there. All those letters that they must have exchanged that were written in cunning code, and then the fact that Aramis gets sea sick and Athos would have to Care For Him Tenderly during the voyage and Mop His Brow and everything. Where is the fic? Why is there no fic?

queenaramis replied to your post:notyourbusinessanyway replied to your quote:“I,…

I’ve come to the conclusion that Twenty Years After will probably kill me, and as such, I won’t read it til I’m actually in my deathbed.

Yeah, it really helps that I’m not that invested in their friendship as everybody else. The only character I’m genuinely sympathising with is Mordaunt, because his motives go beyond "I work for whoever promises me a promotion”, pretending that it’s for “honour” (I’m looking at you, d'Artagnan and Porthos).

notyourbusinessanyway replied to your quote:“I, madame,” replied Aramis, “follow Monsieur de…

I have to read it too.

I think I’m enjoying it more than The Three Musketeers actually. I’m definitely liking the older Aramis more. On the other hand, younger Athos was more fun. D'Artagnan annoy me, but then, he always did. And poor Porthos is reduced to monosyllables and going along with everything the others suggest. He reminds me of the Baron of Überwald, the poor thing.