the cursed holy sword

The Holy Hand Grenade of Fuck You Curse: You Get To Break Shit Edition

What you need:

  1. Clay/mud/something you can mold and that hardens but isn’t harmful to the environment
  2. A picture of the person/their full name and birthday
  3. Any herbs/oils/salts/rusty nails/war water/whatever else you feel would enhance the spell
  4. A ‘Fuck You’ song
  5. Rage

What you do:

  • Take your picture and rip it up into large pieces that can be put back together like a puzzle. 
  • Then take your clay and just abuse the hell out of it. Pour your anger and frustration into it. Tell the clay all the reasons you want to fuck this guy’s life over. Eventually start to form two halves of your grenade (like when making one of those round bathbombs). 
  • Between the two halves, place your ripped picture as complete as you can make it. Add your extra stuff at this point as well. Bonus points for if you add bang snaps.
  • Fit the two halves together so they stick and let the whole thing dry. If you want to carve sigils or other words on the outside, now is the time. 
  • It’s generally going to take at least 24 hours for this thing to dry thoroughly, so now would be a good time to charge it under the sun/moon/your chosen sigil, if you choose
  • Go someplace that’s really good for throwing shit on or at. A brick wall, a tall place, whatever. Pick a spot to throw your grenade at, visualize that person standing there, and sing the ‘Fuck You’ song at them. 
  • When you’re done, make a promise to them that their life is gonna go to shit to reflect the shit human being they already are and hurl the grenade at that place as hard as you can. Watch it smash. The picture inside should break apart and your grenade should be in pieces. 
  • Sit back and watch their life fall apart around them

yappatan  asked:

I'm going to be obvious and say... the legend of Zelda!

5 things I’d personally change about Legend of Zelda

1) the story is about pure holy Arthurian legends lifting up holy swords to throw down a large cursed dark man who reached above his station, it’s about a main character who wants to restore Zelda’s innate rightful Divine Right of Kings, and those aspects aren’t…. good. it’s not a good. the only dark-skinned man is the incarnation of evil, and Zelda is seen as a perfect ruler always, it’s mostly played straight except maybe with regards to Wind Waker. More complexity would be interesting.

2) The simplicity of the story makes the fandom unbearable because everybody comes away with something completely different. It’s really just a fairy tale. That’s not that bad, and I wouldn’t necessarily change it too much, but it makes it hard to do fandom stuff when there’s little complexity to work with. So I guess I’d rehaul the fandom itself. it’s like if Shadow of the Colossus had a huge fandom - like, what is there to explore without people fighting you on everything? it’s such a simple story

3) As a game, it’s just a fantastic experience. The puzzles, the exploration, the gameplay elements are always top-tier. I even really like the simplicity of the story (but not the simplicity of the characters) and how long it takes to play, I feel like it evokes emotions and nostalgia. I’d personally prefer more puzzles and less fighting enemies, but that’s just a personal thing. I really like the puzzles in this game, it gets you to the level of just instantly stomping on other puzzle games.

4) I’d really like more… dynamic character content, I’ve said this before above. The only character who is really dynamic and changes in each game is the sidekick/navigator buddy (Navi, Midna, the King of Red Lions, Fi, Linebeck, etc), and that’s only one character. I feel like it wouldn’t be that hard for them to give that sort of dynamic writing to each character, and give the villains a step or two more complexity like in Wind Waker. it wouldn’t change much except give you more to think about.

5) Link = a girl. I want to experience playing as a girl.