the cupid shuffle

Body language vs Pheromones

More humans are weird: we are super into body language as a species. Like, we’re so into body language that we created cute pictograms to insert into our otherwise non-pictographic language specifically to add facial expressions to text communication. Which in and of its self is super cool. Most species have some form of this, like mating dances etc, but most of them also have pheromones to go with it. We do to, but we aren’t very good at sensing them or at least picking up that we’re sensing them. We rely on visual cues as our primary form of none-oral communication. So what if aliens are more pheromonal? Their body language is secondary to their chemical communication, so for instance they have a harder time flirting with someone across the room because they can’t smell/taste them. An alien and a human watch one of their friends at the bar interacting and the human say “we aren’t getting our drinks for a while, looks like Claire found herself a catch” and the alien is confused because how can you tell if she’s interested from across the room. You can see it on her face of course. Or! We describe some pheromonal cues visually, like when we describe pregnant women as glowing.
Human ‘Preeya looks amazing right now’
Alien ‘She seems rather tired right now actually’
Human 'Well, yeah, carrying a baby is hard, but she’s got that pregnant glow’
Alien (concerned) 'Do humans produce bioluminescence when they are pregnant? That was not in the books! She does not appear any brighter’
Human 'What no not literally, it’s just.. idk a thing pregnant women have. Like an aura of life’
Alien 'Oh you mean her pheromones. Got it.’
Human 'What? I can’t smell anything.’
Or
Human Mike returns to ship after unsuccessful night at the bars
Mike: Hey guys I’m baaaaaack (slightly drunk singing)
Caro Lyssan: Hah, struck out huh?
Mike: What? Yeah this Caro chick was all over me one sec and then the Cupid Shuffle came on and when I started dancing to it she looked really grossed out and left. How could you tell?
Lyssan: You have rejection stink all over you man. Take a shower it’s making me sad
(The Cupid Shuffle is highly offensive in at least six cultures because shuffles are considered to be highly vulgar, similar to hip thrusting on earth)

reblog with some of the songs you’re going to play at your wedding in the tags

How Y’All Dance (Avengers Preference)

Hey guys! I know I said I’d be writing more but I haven’t posted anything! I was out of the country for a little bit and then went on a family vaction, but I am back! I know this isn’t a full blown one shot, but it’s better than nothing (And I had so many ideas sooo!)

I hope this is what you had in mind and that you like it! If not please let me know and I can try again!(:

~~~

Tony Stark:

Most people would think Tony liked to dance like he’s at the club. Your back pressed close to his front as you swayed mindlessly to the beat. However, Tony’s favorite way to dance with you was ballroom style. His parents had forced him through cotillion when he was younger and the art of ballroom dancing had not been wasted on him. Tony loved the way he got to twirl you around the dance floor, making you feel like a princess. He enjoyed the way everyone would stare at you as if you were the most beautiful person in the room (because you were, especially in that stunning dress Nat picked out for you). But most of all Tony loved the way he got to look into your eyes as he made you laugh and drew you closer.

Steve Rogers:

Steve was not much of a dancer. Sure he had gone to clubs, and (never, ever tell Tony this but) even took a few lessons throughout the city, but Steve just couldn’t dance. On undercover missions he was actually forbidden from dancing in order to prevent another Johannesburg incident. But in the quiet of you guys’ apartment, whether on a lazy Sunday afternoon or the middle of a Tuesday night, Steve would hold you close as y’all swayed aimlessly. Sometimes you would have the radio playing modern music (from Ed Sheeran to Beyonce), sometimes Steve would be listening to his old records, and sometimes there would be no music at all. Steve would hold you as close as he could and slowly sway around the living room, your head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat, while he placed soft kisses to the top of your head. 

Bucky Barnes:

Bucky loved dancing like he had back in the 40′s. At first his memory was a little hazy but after watching a few videos and trying it out a few times Bucky realized his muscles remembered exactly what to do even if his brain didn’t. Bucky loved the feeling of getting to go somewhere and feel like he fit in. To be perfectly in sync with those around him as he melted into the music with the perfect partner. He loved the chance to impress you with his moves as he spun you around before pulling you in close again, giving you little winks or short kisses on the forehead or nose, before spinning you out again. Bucky also couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the fact that for once when people were staring at him wide eyed and open mouthed they were staring in awe of his skills and in jealousy of the beautiful dame he had with him.

Bruce Banner:

Bruce was hands down the most awkward dancer you had ever seen in your entire life. Every time you guys tried dancing it ended up with your toes being stepped on (and once you even got a bloody nose when Bruce accidentally got off beat during a line dance and his hand hit you square in the face). But for some strange reason Bruce was really good at square dancing. Clint had dragged you guys to square dancing in Bryant Park one day and while Bruce had been reluctant at first he was surprisingly very good. It probably helped that he was getting constant instructions on what to do while also getting to follow what everyone around him as doing. Whatever it was, Bruce was soon taking you to as many square dances as he could find, loving the fact that he was able to take you dancing and NOT have to patch you up afterwards.

Clint Barton:

You name a dance and Clint could do it. He could two-step, waltz, foxtrot, every dance Clint had been trained to do it perfectly, able to blend into any crowd so he could go undercover. But even though he was an expert at every dance and was able to blend into any room of dancers, Clint stood out when he swept you into a tantalizing tango. He would lock his eyes with yours and lead you around the room, other couples jumping out of the way as Clint would twirl you out and bring you back in before sweeping you back so far your hair tickled the ground. If Clint was honest he had never really cared for the tango before he met you, but the old saying “it takes two to tango” had become his favorite line since finding the perfect person he wanted to tango with.

Pietro Maximoff:

Pietro loved club dancing. He loved the fast beats and the vibrations of the floor as he held you close and moved to the rhythm of the music. Pietro also enjoyed getting to hold you close and show you off. His hands would grip your hips as he pressed you close to himself as everyone around you guys shot jealous looks your way. On top of the fast music Pietro loved that he got to hold you body close, allowing him to steal kisses whenever he wanted, not having to wait to press his lips to your forehead, nose, neck, etc. While most people would say that this type of dancing was too impersonal (what with the sweaty strangers around and the music so loud you can’t hear yourself think), but that was one of Pietro’s favorite things, that he didn’t have to think about the lyrics to the music or running into the people around him, he could just get lost in you - your body and eyes and the way you made him feel like he was the luckiest man alive. 

Thor Odinson:

Thor loved the traditional ballroom dancing of Asgard. The elegant dresses that his mother would get made for you, made him beam with pride as all of Asgard stared at you with wonder. He loved getting to teach you the elegant dances of his people- happy to be teaching you something for once instead of the other way around. The rich music was just soft enough to let him hear you counting under your breath as you tried to concentrate, only for it to be broken when Thor told you how happy he was that you were here with him. Thor loved getting to show you his world- knowing that one day you would make a wonderful queen. 

Loki Laufeyson:

Loki was a very graceful dancer. His slender body was made for grace so when you first met him you would assume he enjoyed the more traditional types of dancing like his brother. However, Loki really loved line dancing. The Cha Cha Slide, the Cupid Shuffle, etc. For someone who usually hated “stupid Midgardian” things Loki always got a kick out of the synchronized dances. You remember the night he made you stay up so you teach him all of them (the furniture in you guys’ apartment being pushed against the walls to give you more room). Loki’s eyes would light up as he scurried to the dance floor to clap his hands and wiggle his shoulders around. After finally asking him one day why he loved it so much Loki admitted that he enjoyed blending in for once and just being in sync with those around him.

Sam Wilson:

Sam liked simple dancing. The slow swaying and shuffles seen at weddings and during slow songs at Tony’s parties. The slow movements allowed him to relax into you, not having to worry about stepping on your toes or running into other couples. And the fact that there was no real rhyme or reason to the motions meant he could focus all of his energy on talking with you. Whether y’all were joking about the people around you (leading to Sam’s favorite feeling of you laughing as you tucked your face into his chest), or you were staring into each other’s eyes as you talked about your own wedding some day. Sam just loved that he got to be with you, physically as well as emotionally and mentally as you shared those moments he would carry with him for the rest of his life.

Scott Lang:

Scott loved to do random dance parties with you- managing to make the most embarrassing dance moves ten times worse. It didn’t matter whether you were at a party with music or shopping in the middle of a crowded target, Scott would take your hand and start “dancing” like a maniac. He would do things like the sprinkler, the lawn mower, the shopping cart, anything you see awkward nerdy people doing in the corner by themselves at parties Scott had perfected as an art. You should be embarrassed but instead you would just jump right in making everyone around you either burst out laughing or look away out of second hand embarrassment. Cassie would pretend to hate it when you guys were in public but as soon as you got home she would join right in. 

T’Challa:

T’Challa enjoyed doing the native Wakandan warrior’s dance. It was a complicated dance that looked more like a planned fight with the swift movements that brought your bodies so close, but never quite completely together- it was stunning. It had taken him months to teach you the entire thing but the finished product was worth it. It was a dance that only the Black Panther knew and T’Challa had been taught by his parents when he was growing up so you were very honored to have been taught the dance. While it wasn’t really something you could just show off at a club or one of Tony’s parties, it was something you guys did when hosting parties in Wakanda for fellow government officials. And even though countless people had asked you how to dance the beautiful ritual you knew it was a secret you would share with T’Challa until you had your own children to pass it down to.

~~~

I hope you guys liked them! I tried to make them a little longer to make up for my constant absence!

Also requests are CLOSED… BUT I have gotten a few requests for the soulmate stores so f you guys had any ideas revolving around those (for Clint, Pietro, Loki, Tony, Bruce, Scott, or T’Challa) please send them my way! I would love to hear you guys’ ideas!! Ok love y’all!(:

Black Girl Classics

The Playlist Series: Songs You Will Hear at an African American Family Function

Sister Sledge: “We Are Family”
Frankie Beverly & Maze: “Before I let Go”
S.O.S. Band: “Don’t Stop the Music”
Slave: “Just A Touch of Love”
One Way: “Cutie Pie”
Patrice Rushe: “Forget Me Nots”
The Isley Brothers: “For the Love of You”
Juvenile: “Back that Ass Up”
Curtist Mayfield: “Pusherman”
Al Green: “Let’s Stay Together”
Stevie Wonder: “Isn’t She Lovely”
R. Kelly: “Step in the Name of Love”
Luther Vandross: “Never Too Much"
Shalamar: “Make That Move”
Teena Marie: “Square Biz”
Kool & the Gang: “ Get Down On it”
Sugar Hill Gang: “Rappers Delight”
Earth, Wind & Fire: “Reasons”
Strafe: “Set it Off”
The Gap Band: “You Dropped A Bomb on Me”
Chic: “Good Times”
Montel Jordan: “This “is How we Do It”
Evelyn Champagne King: “Love Come Down”
Club Nouveau: “Why You Treat Me So Bad”
McFadden & Whitehead: “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now”
Sly and The Family Stone: “Family Affair:
Al Green: “Love and Happiness”
Switch: “I Call Your Name”
68 Boyz: “Tootsee Roll”  
The O'Jays: “Love Train“
Carl Carlton: "She’s A Bad Mama Jama”  
The Whispers: “Rock Steady”
Johnny Kemp: “Just Got Paid”
Kool & the Gang: “Celebration”
Ohio Players: “Love Roller Coaster”
Al Green: “Tired of Being Alone”
Marcia Griffiths: “ Electric Boogie (The Electric Slide)”
Roger:  "I Want to Be Your Man”
Ohio Players: “Fire”
Earth, Wind & Fire: “September”
The Commodores: “Brick House”
Michael Jackson: “Billie Jean”
Chaka Khan: “Ain’t Nobody”
Whitney Houston: “I wanna Dance With Somebody”
Parliament: “Flashlight”
DJ Casper: “Cha Cha Slide”
Zap: “ Computer Love”
The Whispers: “And the Beat Goes On”
S.O.S.: “Just Be Good to Me”
Frankie Beverly & Maze: “Happy Feelings”
Cameo: “Candy”
Vaughan Mason & Crew: “Bounce, Rock, Skate, Roll“
Guy: “I Like”
Cheryl Lynn: “Got to Be Real”
Cupid: “Cupid Shuffle”
The Gap Band: “Outstanding”

Shallura Wedding Headcanons

Private Wedding

  • They end up having two wedding ceremonies. The first is a private ceremony that takes place on the Castle of Lions/in an open field full of wildflowers on Earth, so that the team’s relatives (like Shiro’s parents) are able to attend.
  • His parents never imagined their son would marry an alien princess who was cryogenically frozen for 10,000 years; but they also didn’t expect him to be abducted from Kerberos’ moon, imprisoned for a year, and then to have joined up with a young team of earthlings and two Alteans to defend the universe from evil.
  • Needless to say, they are very happy for him and absolutely adore Allura.
  • Lance’s little cousins are the ring-bearer and the flower girl.
  • The wedding is very lax and simple, which is perfect in Shiro’s eyes.
  • Allura is more than happy to share Shiro’s culture and wear a simple black and white kimono courtesy of his parents, because she’s always wanted one after Shiro once described traditional Japanese clothing.
  • Shiro also wears a traditional black kimono
  • Coran officiates the wedding.
  • Not only do Shiro’s parents/family provide traditional Japanese cuisine, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge’s families also provide some homemade cooking. So, basically they have the best multicultural buffet, and it is awesome. Not only are Shiro and Allura’s family/cultures merging together, but everyone’s is, because they’re all family.
  • When it gets dark, they probably have a bonfire and stargaze until they retreat into the castleship to share stories of their adventures.

Intergalactic Royal Wedding

  • The second wedding ceremony is much, much bigger and more extravagant. Mostly because the entire universe is watching and there’s hundreds of guests that are welcome to see it in person.
  • It takes place on a planet that has been dubbed “New Altea” and is populated by Alteans (and other aliens) who were initially in hiding before they joined in the war effort years back.
  • As much as it makes Shiro paranoid (because you know he’s always concerned about security breaches) he is just so glad that Allura’s not only getting the official and royal, beautiful wedding that she deserves, but she also gets to celebrate it with her new family and the newly found Alteans that were in hiding.  
  • Allura wears an amazing, white backless gown with a long train. It’s sparkly (!!!), has a sheer cape, and flows freely.
    • It’s important to her to have traditional Altean touches to the dress, but it’s her jewelry that is truly Altean.
    • She wears an ensemble of gold earrings, pendant, and crown, all handed down from her late mother. They’re made of gold and have traditional turquoise crystals.
  • Shiro wears a formal black and gold trimmed Altean suit with a cape.
  • Coran walks Allura down the aisle and is a sobbing mess while he gives her away. He knows that Alfor and Allura’s mother would not only be proud of the incredible leader she’s become, but of the man she’s chosen to marry (even with his hideous ears).
  • Allura and Shiro find it important to integrate both human and Altean marriage traditions.
    • They exchange rings and vows.
    • As per Altean tradition, they are both given a burning candle and light a much bigger third candle together at the altar. They then blow out their own candles, and the bigger candle will stay lit until the end of their marriage, or until their deaths. It symbolizes unity and the bond of them becoming one body for the rest of their lives. (I’ve based this on a marriage tradition from Colombia).
    • It’s also traditional for Alteans to exchange quintessence with each other, which is one of the reasons why the bride will show a little more skin at the wedding to show off the glowing of her markings.
    • Ideally, they’ll hold hands and channel and mix quintessence together.
    • Because Shiro’s human, he didn’t expect to be able to do it (and they had attempted before), but to their surprise, he’s able to push back Allura’s quintessence and his arm glows.
    • At the end of the ceremony, it’s also an Altean tradition to behead a bottle of Nunvil as an act of trust between the newlyweds. Shiro holds the Nunvil bottle while Allura beheads the bottle with the sharp edge of a celebratory Altean sword. (I based this on a technique called sabrage, which is used for ceremonial occasions and was popular in France).
  • Keith is Shiro’s best man
    • Keith is extremely nervous about giving a speech because he’s “bad at this” but he has some really touching words to say that make a lot of of the crowd (and viewers at home) cry.
    • He touches upon how Shiro has always been there for him in his time of need, and how he knows that he will do/has done the same thing for Allura.
    • He can’t stress enough how Shiro and Allura are incredible leaders always looking out for their team and each other. He’s seen their dynamic firsthand and knows that they make a great team.™
    • Shiro is in tears by the end of his speech and gives Keith a big bro hug.
  • Hunk, Lance, and Matt are the groomsmen.
  • Pidge is Allura’s maid of honor.
    • Like Keith, she’s also pretty nervous about giving a speech, especially because she doesn’t feel like she’s as close to Allura as Keith is to Shiro. But she recalls all of the bonding moments she and Allura have had over the years that they’ve defended the universe, despite their different interests and personalities.
    • Not to mention having a front row seat to the blossoming relationship between the two leaders of Voltron.
    • She has some fond memories of her and the guys making bets over when Shiro and Allura would officially get together, and making some schemes to get them together.
    • None of these schemes worked, mostly because Shiro and Allura kept their relationship under wraps and were together for months before anyone found out. So, joke was on the rest of the paladins.
    • Allura is incredibly touched, especially since Pidge feels like the little sibling she never had.
  • Shay and Nyma are the bridesmaids
    • They aren’t aware of what bridesmaids even are, but they just roll with it.

Reception

  • The first dance of the night between Shiro and Allura starts off with a traditional Altean slow dance. Followed by Otis Redding’s “That’s How Strong My Love Is.”
  • Lance hijacks the DJ and breaks out all the typical wedding reception songs, like the Macarena, Electric Slide, Cupid Shuffle, Cha Cha Slide, etc.
    • Needless to say, there are a bunch of confused aliens that don’t understand any of these songs. But you know Lance is happy to show them all how it’s done.
    • And Keith.
    • Keith: “What the hell is a ‘macarena?’
    • Lance: “Oh man, oh buddy, oh paaaaal. Lemme teach you.”
  • Lance and Hunk tease Shiro about the garter toss and don’t think he’ll take any part in it
    • Shiro sits Allura down in a chair, drops to his knees, pulls up the skirt of her wedding dress with a wink and puts his head under.
    • Allura is bright pink (her markings are literally glowing) since she not only has no idea that this is an earth tradition, but this is literally happening in front of the entire universe. Or at least the people invited to the reception.
    • Shiro comes back up with the garter in his teeth. He’s got a smug grin on his face and Allura playfully shoves at his face and demands to know about the other absurd earth traditions.
    • Lance and Hunk can’t believe he actually did it.
  • Shiro throws the garter behind him to the group of single/unmarried men.
    • Lance catches it, puts it between his teeth and does finger guns at all the ladies and then at Keith.
    • Keith’s mostly just confused. And also kind of grossed out, because Lance, that was also in Shiro’s mouth two seconds ago.
  • Allura, after being told about the bouquet toss, throws her bouquet behind her.
    • Except Allura overshoots it by about 20 feet and hits Hunk.
    • Hunk lights up and hands it over to Shay.
    • Shay misunderstands and thinks it’s a proposal and exclaims, “I accept!!”
    • Hunk ain’t even mad. He just kisses her.
  • Pidge and Matt start a conga line.
    • It gets pretty out of hand.
  • Pidge and Hunk made little drones to record the reception and the wedding, so they can edit it together into a video they can all look back on for years to come 
  • Everyone gets pretty drunk, tbh
    • By the end of the night, Lance has danced and flirted with literally all the party guests, including dancing on top of the tables, and doesn’t know where the heck his shoes or tie is. It’s a surprise to everyone that he still has his shirt on.
    • Keith’s a surprisingly good singer, but no one even knew that until he decided to try out karaoke while very, very drunk. He sings a lot of Journey, MCR, and Madonna. He doesn’t remember any of this the next morning and is horrified when he sees the footage of himself.
    • Hunk has been parading around the dance floor and serenading Shay, flower in his mouth, and Shay cannot stop laughing.
    • Pidge has been toting Matt around to make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble (she’s the only one who hasn’t been drinking, because she hates the taste of nunvil and would rather be eating all the delicious food).
    • Shiro and Allura spend a lot of their night saying their hellos and thank yous to everyone for coming.
    • But later in the night they get pretty tipsy, too. Shiro more than Allura since his tolerance to nunvil is very low compared to his wife’s.
    • He steps on her feet more times than he can count, but Allura always just laughs and readjusts him (it’s not like it hurts anyway).
  • By the end of the night, when the party is just about over, Shiro and Allura make sure that the entire team is accounted for and are led back safely to their guest rooms at New Altea’s castle.
    • Lance insists that the party isn’t over and that he needs to go back, but Shiro and Allura pat his back and make sure he gets in bed.
    • Keith, drunk as Lance (if not more) is incredibly emotional and close to crying as he congratulates Shiro and Allura over and over about their marriage.
    • Shiro and Allura make their honeymoon getaway in the black lion and peace out for like, two weeks, so they can be out of the limelight and have some quiet for just themselves for once.
easter with hyung line

anon said :  bts hyung line coming over for easter (black reader) ?? 💖

a/n : first off happy easter to all that celebrate ♡  + this request i’m abt to show out for real lmao


kim seokjin

  • asks for a plate upon entering
  • your grandma fixes it for him
  • “what do you want baby?”
  • “everything”
  • she kisses him on the cheek
  • he tells her the food’s good
  • always boosting your grandma lmao
  • eats two or three plates
  • then he goes in on the banana pudding
  • takes a long nap after eating

min yoongi

  • your little cousins love him
  • he lowkey hates them though
  • “look at this egg, it’s the same color as your hair”
  • “shut up”
  • loves ribs & lemon pie
  • dances with you
  • teaching yoongi the cha cha slide
  • and the wobble & cupid shuffle dead af
  • makes his to go plate when everyone’s outside
  • he smart

jung hoseok

  • you’re never too old for the egg hunt headass
  • brings a basket and everything
  • helps dye the boiled eggs
  • will push the little kids to get to the eggs first  💀
  • trades candy with you and the kids
  • gives himself a sugar rush eating all his candy
  • complains later about his stomach hurting
  • “shouldn’t have ate all that damn candy”
  • favorite food is fried cabbage and cornbread
  • roasts you in your family pictures

kim namjoon

  • all your aunts love him
  • like for real
  • they’re all “y/n how’d you get so lucky”
  • and he just blushes and smiles
  • helps your grandma make the plates
  • “see y/n you should be more like your boyfriend”
  • your aunts tell him all the gossip
  • favorite food is baked mac and cheese
  • ends up drunk swaying with your uncle to some r kelly
  • really likes lemon pie

Y’all The Flash’s summer hiatus got me bored as hell, so… I got to thinking about what superficial cultural impacts Barry faced being raised in a Black household. Like, who cuts that white man’s version of a fade he rocks and hooks up those perfectly arched eyebrows? ‘Cause I’ve never seen a white man walk out of Supercuts looking so clean. Does Barry know how to do The Electric Slide and all other variations of said dance, including but not limited to the Cha Cha Slide, The Wobble, and The Cupid Shuffle? Does he know all the words to at least one Al Green or Stevie Wonder song and have All My Life by K-Ci & JoJo on his sexy time playlist? Does he know not to eat the potato salad at the family reunion if cousin Trina decided she wanted to try her hand at it this year, even though through the years the only thing she’s ever brought is store brand soda? Did Iris teach him not to touch a Black woman’s hair? 

Nordics as parents/family relatives
  • Denmark: the dad that just whips out all the dance moves he can, but it's actually just the cupid shuffle mixed with the Macarena
  • Norway: that aunt who constantly will ask about your life, but tells you wild stories about your mom or dad
  • Iceland: the cousin who you only reconnect with during the holidays and they change almost every year
  • Finland: soccer mom. Just, soccer mom.
  • Sweden: that uncle who's just there and still listens to disco
  • Bonus!
  • Sealand: the spoiled/youngest cousin who doesn't share their toys. Ever.
14 Days- Part Six

(Reader x Pietro Maximoff)

Word Count: 2176

Summary:ย The readerโ€™s best friend, Wanda, goes on a two week mission and leaves a list of things to do for the reader.ย Tasks 5 and 6.

Warnings: none

A/N: this is a fun one! I hope you guys are enjoying this series. only a few more parts to go <3 happy reading!

Masterlist | Previous


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Band (Part 5)

More shenanigans from college.

- Band director: *Talking about music* It’s like you two are dancing together.
Alto sax: You’re probably better than the girl I have to dance with for the show.
Kenny: But I have big feet and large calves.
Alto sax: We could dance now….
(At this point the band is dying laughing.)
Band director: *Between laughing* Okay, we need to get back.

- Beginning of band:
(The director was showing a percussionist how to hold a shaker. So, the band director was standing beside me, waiting to catch the shaker.)
Band director: Let’s see if we can try to hit Kristen.

End of band:
(We were putting chairs away. I was standing by the chair rack, putting my horn away. A sax player was putting her chair away.)
Band director: Don’t hit Kristen! She’s a gentle soul.

- Person: Do you want a cookie?
Sax player: I can’t, cookies make me sick.
Person: It’s not even an entire cookie.
Sax player: That’s true. *Takes sliver of cookie and eats it.*

- Bass Clarinetist: *Walks into band room with really good hot chocolate from The Bakery™. He sets the cup down and leaves.*
Clarinetist: *Takes hot chocolate to the corner of the band room and kneels down on the floor.* It’s my precious. My preciousssss.
Bass Clarinetist: *Walking back in the room.* Listen here, bitch.

- Alto sax: So Kenny got another chromosome.
Kenny: You’re just now figuring that out.

- Band director: *Holding up whiteboard* Tequila!
Kenny: Do you have any?
Band director: Darn, I’m fresh out. You can try to get some at a Mexican restaurant. But they probably won’t give you any…. Okay, so Tequila.
Percussionist: HARAMBE!
Band: HARAMBE!
Percussionist: Can we say Harambe instead of Tequila?
Band director: No.
Percussionist: Please?
Band director: No.

- Percussionist: I can’t make it, it’s Thomas Jefferson’s birthday.

- *Clarinetist and Alto sax girl start throwing kernels at the saxophonist’s boyfriend. Band director notices.*
Other Clarinetist: You’re not going to stop them?
Band director: No. Just as long as they clean it up. *Watches us throwing kernels.*

- “Take the shitty cymbal. This one is like $600.”

- Band director: If you take this song (Cupid Shuffle) faster than I count off, I will cut you off.
Percussionist: *Begins to play song at half the speed.*

- *Playing Bad Romance*
Band director: *Ends song*
Percussion: *Keeps going*
Band director: *Trying to make cut off bigger* Hello??? Are these working???? GUYS WE CUT OFF.
Percussionist: Oh.

- Band director: *To percussion* Just jam some before we play the Star Spangled Banner.
Percussion: *Jams*
(They were playing something that had parts that alternated between the set player and guitar. Then everyone dropped out and it was just the set player.)
Percussionist: *Passive aggressively plays the set for three minutes straight*
(Everyone watches percussionist, confused, but dying laughing.)

DANCE DANCE DANCE BABY
  • the fakes don’t “dance” (and in the very high school musical, “I-don’t-dance-I-say-as-I-dance” kind of way)
  • Fakehaus is more into dancing in the celebratory way, either in their apartment alone or at a club. They go clubbing about three times per minute tbh
  • but the Fakes don’t club. and they really don’t dance. they drink and sometimes go to fancy parties, but not dance. 
  • geoff is the closest to being truthful when he says he “Doesn’t Dance”. when he and Jack were younger they would sometimes go swing dancing (and they once or twice went to a salsa place) for the heck of it, because they were young dumb teens in a poorish city that couldn’t get into clubs and Jack really desperately wanted to be a 1920′s flapper. but now Geoff just kinda… doesn’t. There’s no need for it. Sometimes he’ll randomly dip Jack in certain situations, but that’s the extent of it. he’s not embaressed of it though– he has a few pictures of young teen Jack in her makeshift 20′s getup, and only one picture of the two of them (it could look very real if it weren’t in color)
  • Jack never grew out of her flapper phase. If she’s home alone the living room is DEDICATED to swing dancing. she loves it and she’s honestly not ashamed. (Ryan bought her an actual antique flapper dress for one christmas and she hasn’t stopped gushing about it since. Geoff is very annoyed he didn’t think of it first)
  • Ryan is very casual about it, but he is definitely a culprit of “I don’t dance, I say, Dancing.” He’s kinda got a whole bunch of genres all up in there– nothing fancy, just the basics, the shit they teach ya in school. swing, salsa, Wedding Dances (cupid shuffle + cotton eyed joe included), some hip hop, even tap dancing. he could never wow the judges, but he’s well versed.
  • Jeremy’s dancing consists of “I can’t dance but WOW I JUST DID A BACKFLIP HOW COOL IS THAT HAHA”. Like, just nervously doing really impressive body manipulation and calling it dance. he can rap, sure, but he has zero rhythm with music, which everyone rails on him constantly for. 
  • Michael is the BIGGEST “I don’t dance, I say, while dancing” TO EVER DANCE. It is his TO THE GRAVE secret that he is EXCEPTIONALLY good at dancing. he loves hip hop dancing but his actual area of specialty (that he pushes down and ignores so highly) is contemporary/lyrical. that is a part of him he deeply ignores.
  • Gavin may or may not be the same. he claims that his parents made him take ballet classes when he was young– part of being in a prestigious family, part of having a very lanky body. there are two theories within the fakes: that he quit because he has no coordination, and has not danced in a large number of years, Or he actually still dances and takes classes and is EXCEPTIONALLY good at ballet. no one can figure out the truth, despite how many times he claims he quit.

bonus:

  • you know that white dad at the barbecue? who alternates between smiling/laughing awkwardly & commenting about the music awkwardly and doing the white dad dances because he straight up cannot dance? that’s Ray. unironically.