Imagine kicking Joker’s ass, along with the rest of the gang.“
Notes: several trigger warnings: blood, violence… Other than that, enjoy.
You spat out a terrible amount of thick blood and cleaned your mouth with your black sleeves. The green haired man had hit you repeatedly with a hand gun, and Harley was standing behind him furious. While your body lay on the dirty trash infested alley way concrete.
“Y/n’s my friend Mr. J!!!” She yelled, but Joker just shoved her aside like a doll. Worry lines formed on her pretty little forehead, and you just sent her a look; the one that says ‘i’m fine, really.’ And in all honesty, you were. Of course your face was a bruising painful mess, but it’s not like you haven’t been hurt before. You’ve had your share of fights, and the Joker was a complete an utter Joke when it came to fighting.
“Listen to me! Are you listening? I’m in charge” Joker laughed, his obnoxious laughter echoing throughout the alley. It definitely scared off any stray cats!
“Oh shut up, will you?” You spat, causing his boot to hit you across the face. You moaned in pain, and rolled onto your side with a hand holding onto your now broken nose. Oh how you wished you could stab the man in the eye, but that wasn’t quite your style.
An angry Harley shoved Mr. J to a wall, and hit his chest in a child-like manner, repeatedly.
He simply clenched a hand onto her hair tightly, clearly angered by her act of rebelliousness. A scared expression formed on your best friends face, and it pained you to watch her be hurt by a man she loved. You hated him. Swearing at J’s cowardice only made him act more aggressive towards Harl’s. You HATED him more, if it were even possible to so.
“Puddin’ please” she muttered wearing a pout, as J tugged on her blonde dyed hair and caused her to whimper.
“Tsk tsk tsk.” Joker shook his head and pulled out a small knife from his horrendous choice of a coat. “Why don’t I fix that frown for you?” He hissed, a barf worthy smile shown on his face. He slammed her body onto the brick wall, and gripped her by her neck. Planting a forceful kiss on her mouth, before inching the knife to her swollen lips.
“Why don’t you back off our girls and I’ll make your death as painless as possible?” You heard Floyd say, while aiming a gun at the disgusting clown.
The gang was at the end of the alley way making their way quickly to you. Joker dropped the knife, it clanked onto the floor and Harl’s kicked it away. Diablo gave you a hand up, while digger gave you a cloth to wipe the blood of your face.
“The clown got you good, babe.” The aussie spoke, and cleaned the blood on your bruised lip.
“Want me to eat him?” Croc asked, moving forward. Katana pulled out her sword from it’s casing and waited for your nod of approval, but it never came. Joker put his hands up, he knew he was gonna enter a world of pain soon.
“No, Harley and I got this.” You smiled.
“Harley, baby, fire in my loins, you wouldnt kill me.” J asked, a false puppy dog look plastered on his face.
“We ain’t gonna kill ya’ Mr. J…” Harley quipped while cleaning her self up, “we’re just gonna hurt you, really, really, bad.”
In seconds the scrawny man lay on the concrete, blood oozing from his temple due to the sudden hit from Harley’s lucky bat. You were quite proud of her just then. She looked up at you, and placed an arm around your shoulders.
“Y/n, wana take a go at it?” She asked, handing you her bat. You spun it for a while, admiring how useful such a thing could be.
“I never thought you’d ask, Harl’s.”
You moved towards the laughing mongrel, and turned him over with your foot. “This
is for hurting my best friend,” you swung
once, “And this is for my nose.” You swung again.
Joker didn’t yell in pain, or cry, or do anything but laugh pathetically. Your blood boiled, and you swung the bat over his head causing it to break in to. The beaten man had lost consciousness, and you dropped the remaining pieces of harley’s weapon.
Harley ran over to you, pulling you into a tight hug. You managed not to wince, although your body was pretty sore. Her hug never loosened, and you just squeezed her tighter. The burly Aussie joined in on the love, causing Harl’s and you to glare at him.
“ you wana’ be next?” Harley asked, an arm resting at her hip.
Digger chuckled and backed off. Floyd poked the half dead mans body, “what do we do with this guy y/n?”
You shrugged and linked your arm around Harley, “I dunno, Harl’s and I are gonna go for burgers. You guys can take care of him.”
Harley took off her choker and tossed it into the garbage bin, before you two made your way out of the alley and heard the guys talking to another.
If ask someone to describe Modern Caleb they’ll tell you all of the following.
A total disaster.
The GREATEST guy you will ever meet.
I will explain.
A total disaster.
So many tank tops.
So many graphic t-shirts. Mostly with 90s tv references. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The X-Files. Nickelodeon Logo. Bart Simpson.
So many slogan t-shirts.
SO. MUCH. TIE DIE.
Not afraid of color. Has shirts and pants in every color of rainbow (also has rainbow colored shift and pants) and wears them all in rotation.
Not afraid to shop in the girls department because fuck you and your gender roles.
Wears the same tank top with skinny straps as some girl and when the administration calls her to the principles office Caleb is right behind her because if you have to send her home then I guess you have to send me home too because both of our shoulders must be so distracting. She gets sent back to class. Caleb gets detention. It’s worth it.
Ripped jeans and basketball shorts.
Sneakers that squeak against the linoleum.
The biggest, clunkiest, combat boots paired with a bright pink shirt with a smiley cloud on it.
Nothing ever matches and he doesn’t care.
Did you have that kid that came to school in a banana costume and no one said anything because it totally made sense? I did and it was Caleb Brewster.
No one gives him shit about anything he wears because he’s Caleb Brewster.
He has the best/worst pictures in the yearbook.
Freshman year: Bright yellow shirt with just the tops of the eyes on the smiley face showing.
Sophomore Year: An actual tube top. He looks naked. The whole school loves it, teachers hate it and work to get it banned but are quickly overthrown by the students who refuse to buy a yearbook if it’s taken out.
Junior Year: Goes shirtless. Yolo.
Senior Year: Ben wrestles him into a black polo shirt in the bathroom right before he gets it taken and tells him he can have his tank top with a hamburger on it after he’s done. Caleb agrees but outruns him when he comes at him with a comb.
Ben plays baseball so Caleb wears short shorts and paints his whole body school color and paints Ben’s number on his chest.
When he finds out Ben gets into Yale he drives up to the book store on campus and buys two of everything, one in his size and one in his own. Blows all the money he was saving. Ben gets a little misty eyed when he sees all of it.
Learns about conservation and spends a lot of time on boats or cleaning beaches and scrubbing oil off of ducks and seagulls like you see in those Dawn commercials and is first introduced to waders.
He gets them in bright yellow and is in love with them.
Quickly takes to wearing them everywhere, not just on the beach or on the boat but to the grocery store to pick up things for dinner with his host family.
They’re amazing. You don’t even need to wash them just hose them off which the kids of the host family love doing.
Calls Ben just to tell him about them.
“They’re great. Spilled coffee the other day and it just ran right off. You should get yourself a pair. Surprisingly comfortable too. I don’t even need to wear underwear with them.” “You could say that about any piece of clothing.” “Yeah.” “……..”
Tries to talk Ben into it.
“It’s so freeing. It’s natural. It’s how god intended us to be.” “I’m okay.” “The breeze Benjamin.” “I’m going to hang up now.”
Spends months on a boat in the open waters and doesn’t cut his hair or shave once. Kind of likes it. Keeps the look until it’s time for him to go home.
Buys three more waders and jams them in his bag to take with him. His suitcase barely shuts.
Decides to join after college.
He’s feeling a little lost without a clear direction and Ben has had a five year plan since he was five and Caleb is not part of it. Not that he thought he would be but he kind of always thought he would be. He thought they’d have it together by now. He thought the distance put between them from Ben being at Yale and Caleb being in Greenland would bring them closer together but it hasn’t.
The only hint of interest from Ben has been one really weird Skype conversation where Caleb said he needed to sign off early because he was going to dinner with Holger and he didn’t want to be late to meet him and Ben got really pissy and passive aggressive and Caleb didn’t tell him that Holger was the 47 year old friend of the host family that was extremely straight with a beautiful wife and four kids and is also the professor at the local university who is going to tell Caleb all he can about marine biology.
So Caleb gets home and Ben has a job lined up in a new city and Caleb has no idea what to do with his degree and his uncle mentions that he was in the Navy and that’s all it takes.
Ben finds him right before he’s about to ship out standing in his childhood bedroom in his dress whites.
The same childhood bedroom where they had countless sleepovers and studied for vocab tests and the SATS and got high (Caleb for the first time and Ben for the first and last time) and fooled around but never talked about it again and Ben stares at him for a full minute before he speaks.
“You look good.” “Is the uniform doin’ it for ya?” “Kind of.” “Well if I had known that I would have joined a lot sooner. Christ. Think of how many Halloweens I could have been dressing like this?”
They sits on his twin bed for a long time waiting for the other to speak first.
Caleb wares Ben down and finally he reaches out and traces the outline of a button on Caleb’s uniform. Then palms his beard free face which is odd.
“Be safe. Come back.” “I was planning on it, Tallboy.” “No. Come back….to me. I’ll be here. I’ll be waiting. Just come back.”
Caleb’s uniform is wrinkled by the time he has to leave.
Caleb gets very lucky and is stationed in Hawaii so Ben gets photo after photo of Caleb looking very tan in a tacky Hawaiian shirt.
“When I see you again it’s going to be like An Officer and a Gentlemen.” “Right so I watched that scene and I just don’t think you can lift me.” “I’m gonna try though.”
Caleb cannot lift Ben. They end up in a heap on the ground with couples reuniting all around them and Caleb kisses Ben for the first time in years and it’s exactly like the movie in all the ways that counts. Caleb makes sure that hat ends up on his head.
Post Navy Life.
He gets out as soon as he can.
Moves in with Ben.
Resumes dressing like a mess but everyone looks like a mess when they stand next to Ben.
Caleb thinks its hilarious to look at the closet and see all of Ben’s fine dress shirts and and jackets next to Caleb’s flannels and over-sized sweaters and those one pair of overalls that Ben keeps threatening to throw out but they never actually make it to the trash.
Caleb is white Hanes T-shirts that he buys at Walmart.
He’s worn in boots he picks up at thrift stores.
Dollar Store Sunglasses.
Grows his beard back and his hair out a little.
The beard itches like crazy and he spends a week scratching his face on Ben’s shirt between his shoulder blades while he’s standing at the kitchen island reading the newspaper, or while he has the fridge door open looking for something to eat, or while he’s typing away at his laptop in his office.
Donates a lot of his time to local charities both because it feels good to give back and because he usually gets a free t-shirt out of it. His favorite is the one he got from the humane society with the cartoon puppy on it.
He gets a motorcycle so he has to get a leather jacket and all his jeans have grease stains on them because it’s not a new motorcycle and he spends a lot of time in garage fixing it.
He only wears a helmet when Ben makes him.
Hanging Around the House
He orders them online and Ben finds the box on the front porch.
“These must have shipped to the wrong address because I know these things are not going to be in the same house that I am going to be sleeping in.”
Caleb lifts them out of the box and raises them over his head like Simba in The Lion King and hums The Circle of Life while doing it.
They’re bright orange and offensive and also the most comfortable things he’s ever put on his feet.
He wears them while gardening and working on the pool and over dinner he tells Ben he’s going to order a pair for him as well. Ben chews slowly, swallows, and puts down his fork and says “I am going to leave you.”
He doesn’t order a pair but he does get Ben just drunk enough to try them on and takes a picture of him on his phone.
“Delete that.” “I’m setting it as my background.” “God, you’re so lucky I am in love with you.”
Has a Speedo.
Ben forbids him from wearing it in public but the pool in their backyard ain’t in public so yeah, he gets plenty of use out of it.
When he’s not in THE CROCS he’s rocking flip flops. The cheapest kind he can get. Zero support. Cannot sneak up on Ben because of the sound they make against the hardwood.
Loves them, lives in them.
So many pockets.
When they go to concerts and stuff he holds everyone’s shit. Mary, Anna, and Abigail don’t have to bring a bag with them they just shove all their belongings, phone, keys, license, in his pockets.
Caleb puts cool things he finds around the house in there. Interesting looking rocks he finds in the yard, an odd nail he finds in the garage, shopping lists, a golf pencil, pennies.
CARGO SHORTS seriously fuck him over because every morning he puts a little black box in one of the pockets because he’s so ready to ask Ben to marry him and he’s only waiting for the perfect moment and who knows when that will be but he’s always prepared. The Perfect Moment will happen and he’ll drop down on one knee and whip out that ring box from one of the pockets and there ya have it.
But he forgets it’s in there one night and Ben does the laundry and as he rooting through the pockets and taking out stones and bolts and a matchbox car that looks like it’s from the 70s and rolling his eyes because how did he end up with a boyfriend that’s also ten years old he finds the box and knows what it is immediately.
Caleb finds him standing in front of the washing machine looking down at the ring and Caleb’s ready to throw out all his cargo shorts because they have betrayed him but then Ben turns to him and nods and Caleb has never been happier so the cargo shorts get to stay.
What He Wears To Bed.
Boxers and a t-shirt.
Not opposed to sleeping in the nude.
Ben isn’t either but begs him to remember to put on pants before coming down for breakfast when Ben’s father comes to visit.
Remembers only half of the time.
Has holiday themed boxers. Does not wear them with the corresponding holiday.
Heart Boxers on The 4th of July. Santa Boxers on Halloween. Turkey’s on Easters.
When He Has To Clean Up.
Has to accompany Ben to some work thing (maybe it’s something political, maybe he’s up for Teacher of the Year, whatever) and he has to wear a suit.
Bitches and moans about it for weeks.
He’s seriously afraid Caleb is going to he’s going to mutiny and walk out of the bedroom in a bright orange suit like the one Lloyd wore in Dumb & Dumber.
Instead he walks out in a perfect Three Piece Suit and Ben straight up dies.
“How do I look? Your tailor says hi, by the way.”
Ben is speechless but quick enough on his feet that he’s across the room to Caleb and unbuttoning his jacket as he kisses him really hard. Caleb gives in for a few minutes but before he can get too excited he gently pushes Ben away and straightens his shirt.
“Nope.” “Nope?” “No, I bought this thing so you could show me off and you’re going to show me off so lets get going before we’re late. You can take it off of me later but people are going to look at me in his suit. People are going to take pictures of me.” He pats Ben’s face and grabs the keys and Ben follows after.
The event would be boring if it wasn’t for the way Ben keeps looking at him and it’s so empowering knowing that he has Ben wrapped around his little finger like this and after a few hours he finally takes a little pity on him and follows Ben into the bathroom where they make out.
“Lets go home.” “We can’t leave so early.” “How am I supposed to keep my hands off of you?” Caleb puts a hand over Ben’s heart and pushes him back. “I don’t know but I’m able to control myself around you all the time so dig deep, take a deep breath, get yourself together, and rejoin the party when you’re ready.”
They leave an hour before the thing is supposed to end because Caleb is both ready to get out of the suit for himself and he’s ready to let Ben get him out of the suit.
They barely make it into the house.
Ben pops the buttons off his shirt.
“It’s going to wrinkle if you take it off like that, Ben.” “I don’t care.” “You don’t care if an expensive dress shirt wrinkles? Who the hell are you and what have you done to my fiance?”
Ben puts his left hand on the side of his face so Caleb can feel the cool band around his finger against the skin. Caleb turns his face, kisses his palm and tells Ben to get on with it.