Lady Mary Crawley // loving, loyal, cold on the surface, caring, when you get to know her; warm-hearted and kind, progressive, supportive, hard-working, self-confident, vindictive, emotional, courageous, willful, graceful, honest (Scorpio, Cancer, Capricorn, Aries)
Lady Sybil Crawley // open-minded, idealistic, sweet, politically engaged, strong opinions, brave, does not care about the things others say, energetic, lively, dreamer, dedicated, innovative, not afraid of change, understanding, respectful (Pisces, Aquarius, Leo, Sagittarius)
Lady Edith Crawley // reserved, kind, wants to be respected and loved for who she is, quiet, vengeful, romantic, survivor, enduring, curious, independent, never gives up, strong, good-hearted, can be selfish, longs for love and an own family (Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Libra)
"To Mary and Matthew, Edith and Anthony, Sybil and Tom—you're brave men, taking on the Crawley sisters for your wives—I repeat, brave men…but also very fortunate, if I do say so myself," Robert's eyes grew soft and tender as he looked at his girls. "Yes, very fortunate indeed.”
inspired by @magfreak‘s “previously on…” posts about her wonderful story If Things Were Different, I am “borrowing” her idea of posting previous chapters in preparation for *deep breath* FINALLY posting an update in the next day or two! WHOO HOO!
gonna need to hear Accent Rant Part II: Featuring** Draco Malfoy (**STARRING)
ACCENT RANT PART II: DRACO MALFOY AND OTHER ASSORTED UPPER CLASS TWITS OF THE YEAR
so you know whenever you watch a film set in England any time between the 1880s and the 1930s there’s always that one posh cock who says something rude and classist and demoralising to The Hero™ while wearing a dinner jacket and everyone TITTERS into their champagne flutes and you know, as you stare murderously at his perfectly parted hair, that he’s going to get his Comeuppance SOMEHOW, even if you have to drag YOURSELF through the celluloid to PUNCH HIM ON HIS ARISTOCRATIC NOSE?
Draco Malfoy sounds like that guy.
just for example: Benedict ‘bite it… you have to bite it’ Cumberbatch in Atonement, Rupert Everett in pretty much anything, Jude Law as Bosie in Wilde, Achievable Goals Please Jeff in Pride, the classically handsome but predictable shitty one in Kingsman: The Secret Service, Colin Firth in the 1995 Pride and Prejudice (some of these examples don’t fit the bill re: horrid rich dude in a movie, but all of them fit the bill re: horrid rich accent in a movie, so whatever, sorry about it, Colin), every single person in The Riot Club, Jason Isaacs in Peter Pan, JASON ISAACS IN HARRY POTTER, which I will bring up again IN A JIFFY, any Conservative politician in any film – not to mention a great swathe of Tory politicians in real life, but ESPECIALLY Boris Johnson.
actually, Boris Johnson is probably the best example, mainly for entertaining Parallel Life reasons (PLUS someone actually wrote him as Draco’s uncle/Minister for Magic in a fic once, which I would have found absolutely hilarious if I hadn’t read it the week after Brexit) – him or David Cameron, though I do like to think that Draco Malfoy is more of an Alarmingly Blond, Deceptively Intelligent Career Politician Cultivates Reputation As Eccentric sort of person than a Fucks Dead Pig Mouths sort of person, but then Boris Johnson is at least partly responsible for Brexit, so which is worse, really?
A N Y W A Y, if Draco Malfoy wasn’t a wizard, he’d have gone to Eton, gone to Oxbridge, and then taken up his father’s seat in the House of Lords because you can fucking bet the Muggle Malfoys would be hereditary peers or whatever. he would have only shown up for the votes on, like, rich people taxes, and spent the rest of his time as a member of the Right Honourable the Lords Spiritual and Temporal of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland fucking about and driving all the Lib Dems absolutely crackers.*
*can I just say right now that my political knowledge is extremely lacking, so if this paragraph reads like gobbledegook that’s because it probs is.
in fact, all the shit I said about Justin Finch-Fletchley’s non-magic AU life? that would be Draco Malfoy’s non-magic AU life, except, unlike Justin, the magical version of Draco Malfoy’s life doesn’t have him ironically located at the bottom of the wizarding and wizard high school hierarchy. Draco Malfoy is the direct wizarding equivalent of Justin Finch-Fletchley’s non-magic AU life. like, canonically. the Malfoys are so rich they don’t work, they have a big, old mansion in Wiltshire, they’re OBSESSED with their own ancestry, and Lucius Malfoy throws money at the government and subsequently has the Minister’s ear despite a) not working at the Ministry, b) having little-to-no background in politics at all, and c) being a pretty much proven baddy.
and, I mean, if Draco Malfoy isn’t the sort of person who would join a prestigious university drinking club whose Join Our Prestigious University Drinking Club hazing involves burning a £50 note in front of a homeless person, then who would? The Bullingdon Club is basically Young Death Eaters Assoc. (for the record, Draco is the one who’d write the tell-all memoir years later when all his old club chums are in positions of power in the government, Theodore Nott would be the one who rattled a dead pig and then became Prime Minister. I would also like to issue an apology for ever implying that Justin Finch-Fletchley would stoop so low as to shag deceased livestock. he seems like a nice enough chap.)
anyway. Draco Malfoy is these levels of posh, is what I’m saying. Eton-Oxbridge-Westminster posh. Monty Python’s Upper Class Twit of the Year posh. ALSO, all of this + unnaturally blond hair = Draco Malfoy is Magic Boris Johnson. (or maybe Lucius Malfoy is Magic Boris Johnson, in which case Voldemort is Nigel Farage and the war is Brexit. I’m living an AU where Harry decided to stay dead and Voldemort won. ha ha.)
so yes, posh voice like Boris Johnson.
which begs the question: in a film series in which a good 90% of the characters speak Received Pronunciation English with a Definitive Upper Class Lilt regardless of how they should sound according to the book or, like, the laws of school catchment areas, WHY does DRACO MALFOY not sound POSH ENOUGH? HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO DROP THE BALL ON THIS??? why does Hermione Granger, muggleborn daughter of – I assume – middle class dentists, sound like the fourth Crawley sister, while Draco ‘my father bought seven state-of-the-art, outrageously expensive broomsticks just so I, a 12-year-old, would be accepted onto my school house team’ Malfoy sounds like he’s hanging out in the food court of the Croydon Ikea?
don’t get me wrong, I love Tom Felton. Young Me was utterly enamoured by the slicked back hair and the smirking, and he will always have a place in my heart for being so delighted by Drarry and taking the Lauren Lopez thing so fantastically and for reblogging that gay wizard app tweet. BUT DRACO MALFOY ISN’T POSH ENOUGH. NONE OF THE YOUNG SLYTHERIN DEATH EATER SPAWN, I.E. FUTURE BULLINGDON CLUB WANKERS, ARE POSH ENOUGH. IT IS INCENSING. (I have theories about why, and by ‘theories’ I mean one single theory which is absolutely correct, to do with accent and class and stereotyping and blah blah not Harry Potter-related things blah.)
at least they managed it for Lucius. Jason Isaac’s intense, hissy poshness gives me LIFE. every time he says anything CUTTING (or what is considered cutting by these PG films) I’m low key like ‘…yesss.’ there’s no way that a snakes-head-cane-concealing-weapon-wielding, ponytailed, hanging-out-at-Downing-Street-whispering-things-to-the-PM-even-though-I’m-independently-wealthy-and-have-no-business-here MOTHERFUCKER would let his ONLY SON AND HEIR sound like anything less than someone who’d been frogmarched to young adulthood by twelve governesses with a silver spoon lodged firmly in every orifice and given elocution lessons from BIRTH. I mean.
the only person – THE ONLY PERSON – in the Slytherin Squad who doesn’t let me down is THE OG PANSY PARKO in Prisoner of Azkaban. she has one line and she absolutely nails it. the upper-class drawl. the tone of utter boredom. the way she makes ‘Draco’ seem like a perfectly natural name the way few of the other characters manage. I can hear it, in my head, clear as a bell, like she’s right here in my room with me. “Does it hurt terribly, Draco?” incredible. living art. give Genevieve Gaunt and her strangely on-point name fucking Oscar. she is the posh we need to see in Slytherin house! the posh to which all others should aspire!! why wasn’t Genevieve Gaunt and her all-girls-independent-boarding-school-sexy-ambiguously-gay-bully drawl cast as Draco Malfoy?!?!?!
it’s only now that I’ve gotten to the end of this long, Boris Johnson-centric tirade on Draco Malfoy’s poshness that I’ve realised his TRUE Muggle equivalent is Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh: incredibly posh, tactful as a brick, quite racist, which you can blame on upbringing, someone somewhere will eventually start a religious sect believing he’s a divine being. I mean… it’s obvious. Prince Draco. Draco Malfoybatten. it’s all making SENSE!
for the record: Sirius Black also has this accent. carry on.
“Sometimes a hard sacrifice must be made for a future that’s worth having…” –Tom Branson
“It’s doing nothing that’s the enemy.” –Sybil Crawley
Join hands sister suffragettes, as we “rock the political AU” this May! We’ll be celebrating all things political with the Bransons this month, from voting rights for women, to freedom for Ireland, and anything and everything inbetween and beyond! Sexual politics, body politics, domestic politics, international politics–POLITICS! And not just reserved for the time-era on the show, but today as well!
So put your thinking caps, play some inspiring music, and be creative with stories, drabbles, picsets, and fanart as we march together throughout the month of May, ROCKING THE POLITICAL AU!