the corpse of christ

jojo cant be spoiled because the spoilers just make you want to read the manga to try and understand how it can make sense that the president of the united states wants to absorb the corpse of jesus christ to make america great again.

jojo
  • part 1: steroid-filled angel who punches with the power of the sun combats his pasty-ass vampire brother and his army of mutant zombies
  • part 2: the aztec gods of fitness want to be the gods of everything. local brit with a plan for literally everything and his bubble buddy think otherwise
  • part 3: teenager in a perpetual state of grouch and his friends of questionable heterosexuality hospitalize a lot of people to save his dying mom, including a pasty-ass man who can't stay dead
  • part 4: japanese high schooler with the power of friendship and healing must defeat hand-fetishistic serial killer david bowie by kinkshaming him to death
  • part 5: flamboyant white-passing japanese kid joins the italian fashion mafia in order to overthrow their flamboyant boss, to prove that drugs are bad, m'kay?
  • part 6: rag-tag team of prisoners and a little boy must see to it that gay priest does not destroy the universe itself in worship of a pasty-ass man
  • part 7: the president wants the corpse of jesus christ, and only a paraplegic, a man with steel balls, a dinosaur, a nun with a can of meat spray, and a 14yo girl wed to a 52yo man can stop him from getting it
  • part 8: amnesiac sailor with four testicles must solve the mystery behind his four testicles by stealing things
Announcement

Hey guys, I just wanna let yall know that the speed paint is being delayed. I know I said that I’d upload it a few days ago, but somethings came up. The art itself is finished and I have half the commentary recorded, however in the true Tornado Alley Experience, the weather is insane at the moment and I don’t want this loud ass thunder in the background. That being said the speed paint should be uploaded in the late hours tonight. 

Thank you for your patience. 

-Grey

Hades Siblings Mortician AU
  • It’s a mortal AU but all of them see ghosts 
  • Their father is a successful business man who owns a chain of funeral homes
  • He forces them to work at the main location to “build character”
  • Nico works with cleaning up the bodies mostly and he constantly gets harassed by the ghosts because he’s making the corpses too ugly, or using the wrong color or CHRIST KID LEARN HOW TO USE A DAMN KNIFE MESS MY FACE UP AND I’LL HAUNT YOU FOR ALL OF ETERNITY 
  • Bianca works the front end and the coffin show room. Talking with families, listening to the dead loved one shit talk them: “I never liked my son-in-law.” “Tell them I want the one with hydraulics” “IF YOU LET THEM PICK THAT ONE OUT–” “My grandson is your age and single, dear.” “I TOLD MY DAUGHTER NOT TO MARRY HIM. “ “Girl, if you put them on that mailing list I will make SURE you never hear the end of me.”
  • Hazel working with the tombstones/other various decorated objects. Putting in the letters and numbers with her hands or a laser machine. Having to put up with snickering ghosts like,”Put YOLO on it!” or “my brother’s already moved on so draw a penis in the corner of his tombstone AND HE WONT BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I WON’T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT UNTIL YOU DO.” and “Is that anime?” 
  • Diving to Mc Donalds in a hearse 
  • Finding tons of necromancy books just “suddenly” appearing without any explanation 
  • Dealing with their father’s constant poetic waxing of the family business and other morbid shit 
  • Flirting with cute ghosts 
  • Crying when cute ghosts pass on 
  • Protecting each other when negative spirits pass through
  • Working together to honor the family tradition and help souls move on along the way
  • Hades Siblings Mortician AU (◡‿◡) 

Alright, remember when I said I was going to count every panty shot in Musume?

I did.

There are TWO HUNDRED AND EIGHT OF THEM.

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Attention ye all faithful. On Election Day I will post nothing but Funny Valentine because I feel he's a more capable president than any of the people we are voting for. And that fucker is fictional. And has donut hair. And even used the actual and I really mean it, the corpse of Jesus Christ to make America great.

Thank you for your time.

i absolutely fucking hate this mother bitch. this fucking worm mother fucker always fuckin awake lookin @ me n shit, but when he asleep? my fuckin pet too pussy to even try take some of that shit. & when he do its always some fuckin keychain, like we cant already buy that shit for 5 cents when the fuckin holy grail clutched in the dried corpse hand of jesus christ himself is 2 inches to the goddamn right. like even if the fucker wakes up you cant even die, the healing springs open every 30 minutes i cant believe i raised such a little fuckin bitch pet fuck you

You're Alright You. Part Four

• What if … on the day of her release from the mental hospital Rae doesnt see Chloe and the gang on the bikes…

Part one-Here

Part Two-Here

Part Three-Here

……………………………

Part Four.

As soon as we stepped out of the store I felt even more nervous than I had inside. Jesus.

He actually wanted to spend time with me outside of the place they had met.

If I was being honest with myself I was having a little trouble trying to understand why he wanted to actually hang out again in the first place,with the crazy blob he saw sat on the floor moaning about mainstream music.

He doesn’t know your crazy. Yet.

And as soon as he does he’ll be gone and you will be back to being all alone, listening to the sex noises coming from your mum and her toy boy, who is probably only after a visa in the first place.

Stop.

I have to stop thinking like this.

She hadn’t realized that they had walked around the corner and came to a stop on the street, besides a bike. What?

Oh please don’t say he expects me to get on that. No fucking way.

He smiled and grabbed the helmet that had was hanging on the handles “Here, you wear this” he smiled placing it in her hands which where just kind of hanging there.

“I’m not getting on that” I blurted out.

How fucking embarrassing is it going to be if he can’t move it with me on it. Oh my god.

“It’s safe” he insisted and kicked the front tire with his foot. Safe my arse.

“It’ll topple over” And everyone will see and laugh and you’ll finally realize.

“Will it fuck” he laughed “Get on the Bike Rae

She hesitated for a second, so he got on first “Come on, I won’t let anything happen to yah, just put the bloody helmet on”

"And what about you” She didn’t see another one.

“I’ll be fine, I’m a pro” he winked. Oh boy.

“Ok” she finally got on behind him, terrified that her weight was suddenly going to snap the bike in half. Please, please, please don’t.

She was also terrified, not because of the bike that she was sat on, but because she actually believed it when he said he wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

She bloody trusted him and he was pretty much a damn stranger.

Shit.

…………………………………

The ride to his house went by faster than she would of liked.

After her fear at first, that she was going to break the bike or cause an accident, she actually had a good time.

It was fun.

Imagine that Rae Earl, actually having fun. Someone mark the bloody calendar.

Jesus, even his house is kind of sexy. Not Finn sexy, but still.

Just breath and keep calm. Count to ten in your bloody head.

At least the damn sweating has calmed down, a little bit.

He helped me pull off the helmet and smiled as I attempted to smooth my hair out, I bet It looked like one of Mrs Drewhurst’s bushes.

…………………………

“Want a beer?” he asked taking his jacket off and draping it on the banister at the bottom of the stairs.

“Yeah alright” you don’t bloody drink.

“I’ll get some and bring em up” he pointed up the stairs “Third door on the right is mine”

Oh my god, his bloody room.

1,2,3…..

“Okay” she nodded and made her way up the stairs as he went into the kitchen.

4,5,6….

His room was full of vinyls and CD’s, posters almost covered every surface of his walls.

7,8….

She couldn’t help but smile as she noticed they had more then a few the same. Which calmed her nerves.

She also realized that she hadn’t counted all the way to ten. The first time thats bloody happened.

Finn appeared quickly and threw his bag on a chair opposite his bed before throwing a can of beer in her direction. Which she caught. Fuck yes.

“Wanna listen to this?” he asked pulling out the Weezer album he had bought.

“Fuck yes” they both laughed and cracked open their cans.

……………………………………


They where laughing so hard that the both of them had tears streaming down their faces.

“No way, I’m not having it” he told her, waving his hands around “I’m calling fucking bullshit!”

It was something she noticed quickly after they had gotten comfortable.

He talked with his hands.

As soon as she noticed it she couldn’t stop looking at them.

Oh god the things he could do with those hands.

The things she would let him do. Gush. Gush. Gush

“Well your gunn..” she was cut off by the phone on his bedside table ringing.

Finn took a deep breath before rolling onto his side and leaning over to get it.
Oh did I forget to mention? We where lying on his bed. Together. I told you GUSH!

“Yeah” he mumbled “Alright Chop” Chop?

“I dunno” he turned to look at me and rolled his eyes.

“Fucking calm down mate, maybe you do taste like a corpse?” what the fuck “Not fucking likely”

“Alright, jesus christ man calm it down, laters”

He slammed the phone down before turning back to face me.

“Soz ‘bout that”

“Alright” I replied with a small smile and wiped some of the half dried tears from my face.

“Was me mate Chop” what kind of name is Chop? “He’s pretty much in love with this girl who hangs out with us but they have both ‘friendzoned’ each other” he rolled his eyes.

“What a shame” she smirked, which caused him to laugh again.

“Sometimes I just wanna bang their heads together” he shook his head “So fucking annoying”

“So he rings you up for girl advice doe’s he?”

He snorted and even that was fucking sexy “Doe’s he hell, he wants everyone to meet at the pub for some drinks”

“Oh” so this was the end. The end of a pretty much perfect day.

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, with Pulp playing in the background.

He was biting his lip and she was fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

“Wanna go?” he asked making her jump a little as he leant up and knelt beside her “To the pub?”

“Oh I dunno” I replied.

Why would he want me to hang out with his other mates? Who are probably just a fit as him. There gunna wonder what the fuck your doing bringing me along.

“Come on, it will be a laugh, we can annoy the shit outta Chop about Izz” his smile was just so beautiful that she couldn’t do anything but nod her head and mumble “Alright”

Yes“ he quickly moved of the bed leaving her laying alone "Come on, we’re have ta walk, it’s not too far”

She couldn’t lie, utter fear was beginning to fill her up, the bad voices where beginning to seep in. Stop. Don’t let them win.

Just go with him to the pub and have a laugh, he’s alright, more than alright, and he seems to like yah.

Give them a chance. You never know what will happen. They could be just as nice as him, and she more than liked him.

………………………………………

They walked side by side, not really talking. Both where nervous for their own reasons.
Him because he was worried his mates wouldn’t get on with her, and he really fucking wanted them too. And her because she was worried somebody was going to ask why the fuck fit Finn was bringing a girl like her with him to the pub.

They could hear the music as they got closer to the pub.

“Alright?” Finn asked as she started to slow down. Am I Fuck

“Yeah” I nodded trying to not look like I was shitting a brick about going into a pub and being surrounded by a load of people who would be judging her.

They may not say anything, but they would be thinking things.

She could always tell by the look on their faces or the way they glanced at her and then would refuse to let their eyes go anywhere near her again.

He bumped shoulders with her to make her smile “Todays been fun”

She looked at him with her own smile that almost met his “Yeah?”

“Yeah” he mocked her as they finally got to the green doors “Look if you wanna leave just…” he paused trying to think before he grabbed her hand and drew a smiley face on her hand “Ok”

She was stunned for a few seconds as the feeling of fire shot through her veins from the spot he had touched. Jesus fucking christ.

Ok“ he said again and squeezed her hand.

Ok” she sarcastically replied and the two pulled apart as someone opened the door in front of them and stumbled out clutching a half empty glass of wine.

“Come on” Finn walked in first though the door and Rae followed closely behind.

Her senses where all assaulted at once.

The music was loud, and not bad for mainstream, as green day played in the background, the place was full of people in their own little groups.

She was surprised that none of them seemed to take notice of the two of them, all too busy in their own conversations. 

Finn quickly came to a stop at a table, there was only one person sat there. She assumed it was Chop.

“Fucking Finally!” He shouted spotting Finn standing in front of him “Thought no one was bloody coming” He looked friendly enough, he was no Finn to look at, but then not many lads ‘round these parts are.

“Calm down” Finn laughed and turned to Rae.

“Chop this is Rae, Rae this is Chop”

“Alright?” Chop smiled at her with a twinkle in his eyes “What you two having?”

“Snakebite and black for me, Rae?” Finn turned to her.

“Same” she gave a small smile. What the fuck is that?

“Awesome” and with that Chop bounded off to the bar, leaving Finn and her to take seats, next to each other.

………………

A/N- I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who has liked/reblogged this story! It makes my day!