the conspiracy of kings

“No ‘Glory shall be your reward’ for me. Oh, no, for me, it is, 'Stop whining’ and 'Go to bed’.”
― Megan Whalen Turner, The King of Attolia

My entry for @meganwhalenturner ’s Thick as Thieves ARC contest, featuring everyone’s favorite one-handed thief-king, Gen.

If my wild conspiracy theory turns out to be right, if Moriarty hacks into the BBC’s coverage of Trump’s inauguration in order to leak an extra episode of Sherlock where Johnlock becomes canon, I demand to be called “King of the Conspiracy”, “Your Highness”, “My Liege”, “My Lord” or any other pretentious variation of the like because i will never contribute something that crazy to anything ever again, and royal terms of endearment are hilarious.

Incorrect Correct Queen’s Thief Summaries

The Thief: boy is forced to go on a road trip with four people he hates

The Queen of Attolia: strangest courtship in the history of marriage includes cutting off a hand, strategically wearing earrings, and Definitely Not Thinking This Through

The King of Attolia: different boy is forced to spent a lot of time with one person he hates

A Conspiracy of Kings: smol bunny learns that self confidence and smiling is key to wrenching your country from the hands of of wretched foreign invaders

Bts as stereotypical family members

Namjoon: Overworked dad. Tired of the children’s bullshit. “Why don’t y'all go play outside?” *locks the front door*

Jin: Soccer mom. Won’t shut up about how proud she’s of her kids. Secretly counts the days til they all leave to college.

Yoongi: War grandpa. Has a war flashback of everything. Can tell ten stories per hour. “In my times…” Judges outloud every single grandchild.

Hoseok: Middle schooler sister. Keeps a diary under her pillow. Flower pattern wall paper. Still in her horse loving fase.

Jimin: Varsity team brother. Plays every sport in high school but secretly wants to be a dancer. Has ten different girls asking him to prom.

Taehyun: Weird cousin. Watches discovery channel 24/7. Conspiracy theory king. Has an insect collection that loves to show.

Jungkook: The baby. Hates when he is talked down even though he’s like twelve. Likes to pretend he’s tough, cries with Up.

What’s a King to a God?

So the new Pokémon for Pokémon Sun and Moon were announced earlier today, and one of them was this:

Silvally, a normal type Pokémon. Now, there have been past rumors that its previous evolution stage, Type: Null, and even some leaks prior to the announcement of Silvally explained that they both have a connection to this:

Arceus, the Alpha Pokémon, who is also known as the GOD OF ESSENTIALLY EVERYTHING IN THE POKÉMON UNIVERSE. The reason why it’s called that is because of its origin, and the ability to change into any of the 18 types based on the type of plate it’s holding, like so:

Nothing like this has ever been done before, and I can guarantee you all that a majority of people would be using Arceus if it wasn’t an event Pokémon. I would say that, but then you look at Silvally again, whose ability is RKS System. This ability allows it to change its ability based on what type of certain item it has, you know, LIKE ARCEUS:

ALSO, I’D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT BOTH OF THEM HAVE MOVES EXCLUSIVE TO ONLY THEM: JUDGEMENT AND MULTI ATTACK RESPECTIVELY:

In conclusion, I believe that, while it may be small, there might be a connection between Silvally and Arceus. Their connection could be summed up in this question: What’s a King to a God?

“Still caught in my palm after a night in the river was the poor, plain, gray-and white spotted stone–Hamiathes’s Gift… I had meant to make [the magus] wait a little, but he sounded so bleak that without meaning to, I rolled my hand over and opened the fist so that he could see the Gift, resting on my palm.”

Megan Whalen Turner, The Thief.

meganwhalenturner

  • Me: *decides to write intelligent post analyzing the complex romantic and platonic relationships and the nature of trust and forgiveness as discussed in Megan Whalen Turner's Queen's Thief series*
  • Post: I JUST LOVE THESE FUCKIN NERDS SO MUCH
  • Me: nailed it

also, all I could think of while rereading the slave part of ACoK was that this was like a really intense episode of Undercover Boss - except the meme would be like,

Dirnes: I heard the heir of Sounis has an eight-pack. That the heir of Sounis is shredded.

Sophos, sadly: No, the heir of Sounis is a punk-ass bitch.

youtube

King Kong Conspiracy Man made a video about the new Power Rangers movie.

Main Points:
-The lightning bolt in the Power Rangers logo is Satan because Luke 10:18
-Rita Repulsa is Babylon from Revelation and also Isis
-Goldar is Hanuman! (also Satan, because gold equals Satan)
-Angel Grove is a reference to fallen angels
-Zordon is a false god (Eltar = Elohim)
-Satan wants us to think that God is an advanced A.I. supercomputer
-Alpha 5 = the planet Saturn; he is propaganda to make us worship the planet Saturn
-Superpowers are Wicca and refer to the powers of fallen angels (“This is all Fallen Angel Stuff”)
-Morphin’ Time is “Satan’s Attempt to Corrupt Man’s DNA”
-Crosses are “Sun-worshipping pagan symbolism.”
-If you accept Jesus, you will have superpowers in heaven.

On the Election and the Tudors

I don’t really talk about politics on tumblr, but I do talk a lot about history. As many of you know, I’m doing the National Novel-writing month challenge again this year. The story I’ve been working on is based on the early lives of King Henry VIII (you know him, that big dude who killed some of his wives) and his older sister, Margaret (who became Queen of Scotland.) My piece is set in an ‘alternate universe’ of our 21st century.

Margaret and Henry were the younger siblings of the heir presumptive, Prince Arthur of Wales. When he died as a teenager, it shook everything up.

In my story, Margaret, the ambitious and outspoken elder sibling, fully expects to be the heir to the throne and is shocked when the title instead goes to Henry, who has never had much to do with politics before. Nobody thought he would become king. There are a lot of conspiracies and rumors around Margaret, people are generally distrustful of her, and whether supporting her husband’s reign or later taking on her own political responsibility, the parliament is always finding ways to try and block her from power. They even use her husbands’ infidelities against her. Though Margaret usually means well, she tends to come across as cold, power-hungry, and acting on a secret agenda.

My story is based on history, and I never made much of a connection before today to anything going on in our world. But I gotta say, it really hits home to write about such a capable– though flawed– woman being passed over for an inexperienced, volatile guy who regularly engages in lewd behavior and obscene displays of wealth, who has a history of harming and objectifying women, as well as multiple failed marriages and children by three different wives, who has blatant supremacist ideals, who twists religion for his own personal needs, who drastically shakes up the roster of major political and judicial officials, who is well known for aggressively firing his staff, whose views and alliances vacillate wildly, who essentially wages a divisive war on people of other religions, who takes all criticism as a personal attack and distorts the truth into paranoid, baseless accusations.

Writing my story no longer feels escapist.

It’s true that Henry VIII’s reign was a turbulent time that affected his country forever in many ways– some good, some bad– and that that didn’t end when he was gone, not by a long shot. But afterward came the first female rulers of England, Mary I and Elizabeth I, imperfect, divisive, often cruel women who disagreed on almost anything, but women who proved that women could lead. You might have heard of Elizabeth’s Golden Age, the peak Renaissance, a time of Shakespeare, exploration, medical and scientific and artistic and industrial advances. And when her time was up, so was Henry VIII’s lineage. She passed her power on to King James of Scotland– great-grandson of Henry VIII’s sister, Margaret. Every British monarch since the seventeenth century, good or bad, can trace their lineage back to Margaret. In a way, she had the last laugh.

The way I see it, no losses are final in politics. Nowadays, instead of bloodlines and biological successors, we have party lines and ideological successors. History has shown us how things have a way of bouncing back and forth (talk to me about the Wars of the Roses sometime). Hang on tight, everyone. I’m excited for our Renaissance to come. Remember, it flourished under Elizabeth I, but it first bloomed in England during the reign of Henry VIII. Artists, scientists, explorers, writers, inventors, philosophers, theologians, activists, creative and kind people of America, let’s get it started now, regardless of who’s in charge.

  • Me on a date: So what are your thoughts on Attolia Irene?
  • Them: Oh my gosh I hated her
  • Me, shoving breadsticks into my purse: I'm sorry I have to go home right now immediately
  • Them: --until Queen of Attolia revealed who she was on the inside and how much she'd gone through and she turned out to be such an amazing character.
  • Me, slowly returning breadsticks: Wanna talk about her for ten thousand more hours?