the classic that never grows old

Marley Dias is like a lot of 11-year-olds: She loves getting lost in a book.

But the books she was reading at school were starting to get on her nerves. She enjoyed Where The Red Fern Grows and the Shiloh series, but those classics, found in so many elementary school classrooms, “were all about white boys or dogs … or white boys and their dogs,” Marley says.

Black girls, like Marley, were almost never the main character.

Last fall, Marley decided to do something about it. She set a goal of collecting 1,000 books about black girls by the beginning of February, and #1000blackgirlbooks was born.

She has far exceeded her goal, with almost 4,000 books and counting. Now, she wants to set up a black girl book club and pressure school districts to change what books are assigned to students. Morning Edition’s David Greene spoke with Marley about her campaign and how she’s handled her success.

Where’s The Color In Kids’ Lit? Ask The Girl With 1,000 Books (And Counting)

Photo: Andrea Cipriani Mecchi

You guys see this horseshit????

For those of you who aren’t #FakeFans, the so-called “director” of the next Star Wars movie decided to “move” Kylo Ren’s face scar a little to the right, in what is just the latest effort in their ongoing attempt to RUIN EVERYTHING WE FUCKING ENJOY by pissing all over ANOTHER classic Star Wars movie that we grew up loving.

Granted, I was 32 when Force Awakens came out, but I was still technically “growing up.” (We’re all aging all the time, really.) And it was a very formative period of my early-30s-hood.

“They BETTER not move that fucking scar in the next film,” I recall thinking at the time, then screaming it out loud verbatim multiple times at gawking passers-by. I TEARED UP as my six-year-old niece, who’d never seen a Star Wars film, turned to me and said “Someday, I want to be just like Rey, and also Kylo Ren’s scar placement was accurate and should remain consistent in future sequels.” Now you’re gonna RIP THAT AWAY from a whole new generation of fans, and more importantly me?

Why We Should Boycott The New Star Wars Film (It’s The Scar)

YOU NEED TO GO SEE “LOGAN” (and here’s why)

Comic book heroes function, more or less, the same way the old gods do in mythologies around the world. Their stories are told over and over again, changing according to the teller and the times. They may die but they never really die. They’re immortal…until they’re not.

Even gods have their end. They usually meet that end when the society which created them evolves, splits, gets conquered. When the values they represent are no longer the values held by the people who once revered them.

So what do you get when a Canadian superhero must take a young Mexican girl and an English nonagenarian across the breadth of the literal and figurative American landscape? You get an American film which feels as if it has been written yesterday, it so poignantly represents the current struggles of our nation. You get a superhero film in which we mourn the old ways, the old gods, and strive to find new and betters ways. In the fight for their place, we fight along with them to discover - and define - our own.

You see, most of the Americans who appear in this film are the bad guys. They’re powerful: rich, educated, connected, heavily armed and armored. They’re going after old men and children with all their might and who cares about those caught in the crossfire? But we Americans watching want our Canadian and Mexican heroes to prevail, to outfight and outsmart our countrymen because in those characters we recognize who and what we used to stand for. In the enemies we recognize who we have become.

This movie is going to be held up alongside The Dark Knight and Captain America: Winter Soldier as the best of its genre.

Let me explain:
(so many spoilers under the cut. all the spoilers)

Keep reading

Baby Driver

After releasing a film every three years since 2004, director Edgar Wright’s latest effort comes after a four-year gap due to his flirtations with Ant-Man. Baby Driver, an action film about a man named Baby (Ansel Elgort) who is a getaway driver, is perhaps Wright’s most commercially appealing film. With the box office to match and the film shaping up to a box office surprise to many this summer, it seems as though Wright has finally found some mainstream acceptance, at least in America. As with many directors who finally escape niche audiences and finally find themselves receiving applauds from the general public (without having to resort to their work being a “cult classic”), Wright has unfortunately compromised some of the frenetic fun of his early work. Though Baby Driver is nonetheless a quirky, funny, and often times surreal film, it winds up feeling wholly underwhelming with Wright ditching what made his earlier films work so well: characters.

Though Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz were both action comedies, they nonetheless had great central characters. The supporting cast got the same treatment in those action films and this was especially true in his other works, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World and The World’s End. Unfortunately, this latest work gives very little for any character. Baby, a music-loving kid with tinnitus and who is in love with Debora (Lily James), is given very little depth even as the star. Beyond having a black foster dad and dead parents, it is hard to imagine what was supposed to be learned about the kid. He does not really grow and is never really given room to explore any bit of him beyond brief flashbacks to the car crash that gave him tinnitus and killed his parents along with a cassette tape that has a recording of his mom (Sky Ferreira) singing. Too often, Wright seems to rely upon old school musical classics as a shortcut to actually write dialogue between characters or characters’ backstories. It is often excusable when the supporting cast is lightly developed or if a film fails to develop many characters beyond narrative cliches when there is not a single protagonist. Unfortunately, beyond being a good kid with a bad past that has led to him being bound to crime boss Doc (Kevin Spacey) as a getaway driver, Baby gets no depth or nuance. As a result, it is easy to just roll your eyes with how pale he winds up being written.

This same problem is found with the entirety of the supporting cast. His girlfriend, Debora, is shown as being nothing more than idyllic yes man who does whatever Baby tells her to do. Leave work now? Sure. Travel the country right now with a guy you barely know? Sure. Let this guy just follow you home? Of course. She has no ideas of her own. No volition and, crucially, no motivation. Wright, likely, keeps it this way to make it easier to turn her into a stone cold badass at the end with her taking on Buddy (Jon Hamm) and trying to outrun the cops. Neither are convincing moments with how she is set up as nothing more than a young girl trying to make a living at a dead end job. Wright treats her as arm candy, lets her have a moment towards the end, and then reassures the audience she is nothing more than a dream girl from a song and relegates her to being nothing more than cute for trying to save Baby, but let’s let the men handle this one, eh? For Doc, he suffers from the same issue, but in reverse. Though he does seem to always like Baby, his turn from a hard-nosed criminal who will never let go of Baby to a soft and sentimental man who sacrifices himself to save his beloved driver is borderline comical. The film may be an action-comedy, but its absurd and ludicrous suggestion that Debora could go from quiet waitress to being Bonnie and Doc could go from being a true monster to being Sulley from Monsters Inc. carries no water. These two, despite their vital importance to the plot, are woefully underwritten. For bank robbers Buddy, Darling (Eiza Gonzalez), and Bats (Jamie Foxx), they are similarly underwritten. All of them are crazy and impulsive with no depth for any of the trio ever being considered. They are just nuts and cannot be trusted. With them all being treated as villains of Baby by the end, this cast of underwritten villains makes it apparent why Wright wanted to work with Marvel: his lack of knowledge of how to write a capable villain would be welcomed, instead of questioned. The only saving grace with the villain is a good motivation for why they become the villain, but it comes off of the back of too little development until then to really make it click.

Many of the film’s issues regarding character development can be attributed to the film’s issue with action. As an action film, one can only assume Baby Driver will have a lot of action. It is a great action film in this regard, but it winds up being a truly hollow experience due to its absolute, unquestioning devotion to going all-in on action. It never stops to take a break and allow us to really delve into these characters beyond those aforementioned small background items that really add nothing to the characters. Rather, its biggest departures from action come via introducing the relationship between Baby and Debora or rising action as the group plans a new heist. The former is there to just establish stakes for Baby and the latter reveals nothing about the characters. The end result is the film taking the three-step process of a brief scene where it half-heartedly shows some background information, rising action via heist prep, and then a prolonged car chase. It is a film that wishes to speed by and never stops to catch its breathe, leaving the audience huffing and puffing for air by the end. With multiple climaxes in the film, it feels as though each successive climax loses some of the power and weight rendering the film an action flick without a true defining climax. Its final showdown hardly counts with it ending up being a classic comically invincible bad guy ending where the villain dies multiple times before actually being dealt with. The showdown even lacks an effective car chase, instead devolving to nothing more than Wright playing bumper cars in a parking garage. For a film that had wound up feeling rather underwhelming until then - leading to intense self-doubt that it was truly that underwhelming - this cliche, predictable, and impeccably dull final showdown hardly convinced me to overlook the film’s flaws. In fact, it - along with the absolutely horrifically drawn out and pointless epilogue - solidified this one as being Edgar Wright’s worst film yet.

Now, Baby Driver is not all bad. When going against the tide of popular opinion, it is quite easy to get lost in defending one’s feeling instead of offering counter-points and positives for the film. Though the action goes on for far too long and dominates too much of the picture, it is impossible to deny that Edgar Wright did not knock it out of the park. While I would prefer a character-driven action film, Baby Driver nearly convinced me that an action-driven film is not that bad after all. With exquisitely designed car chases with fantastic driving from Baby, intricately designed set pieces, and a sea of moving pieces in each frame, Baby Driver has some of the best car chases ever put to screen. Exploring ever speck of the layout of Atlanta and incorporating a variety of cars, locales, and situations, Wright continuously innovates with the film’s chase sequences. For more classic fans of car chases, he opens with a heart-pumping car chase complete with spin moves, staying on the road, and evading the cops through nifty moves and smartly placed additional getaway cars. Later, for the off-road lovers in the audiences, he includes a scene where Baby and crew must fight off a vigilante with both driving off of one highway and jumping over to the next. Finally, for those who prefer foot chases, Wright even nails that one with an exhilarating foot chase when the getaway does not go completely to plan. Pulse pounding, thrilling, and thoroughly exciting in each of these moments, Baby Driver is a masterpiece of action set pieces.

As always, Wright also manages to make the film quite funny at times. Though every joke does not quite land - such as the exaggerated scene of Ansel Elgort dancing at the beginning of the film that is a bit too much like Tobey Maguire dancing in Spider-Man 3 to work - there are enough witty one-liners to really make the film enjoyable beyond the action. Though this is one Wright’s straightest works and relatively light with jokes, he can barely contain himself when a great joke set-up arises and he can toss in a moment to lighten up the mood. These jokes never distract from proceedings and, instead, flow quite nicely with the already exaggerated world of crime depicted in the film. It is natural comedy that is mostly funny and never intrusive, which is a rarity nowadays.

Though calling the film a “musical” is a bit like calling Captain America: The Winter Soldier a “political thriller”, Wright nonetheless nails the music. While I have never heard of any of the songs on the soundtrack - nor did I particularly enjoy any of them - the film makes perfect use of its soundtrack. It can become a bit distracting at times, but Wright continuously keeps the melody of the song in harmony with the events of the film and makes perfect usage of every song included. In future lists about “songs that were perfectly used in a movie”, Baby Driver will likely have much of its soundtrack included due to how seamlessly Wright was able to weave the songs into the very spirit of the film.

Perhaps one of the more under-valued elements of this film, however, is its old school aesthetic in the portrayal of Baby and Debora’s relationship. Meeting cute in a neon-lit, old school styled diner, Debora is rarely seen in anything but her waitress dress. An outfit that would have been prevalent for car hop girls in old time diners, it is really the defining characteristic of her character. This aesthetic is further defined in a brief flash forward in the middle of the film where Debora awaits Baby’s arrival at the car in black-and-white. Wearing vintage clothing, Debora sees Baby approach in a vintage polo and with his hair combed to the side. Though they bond over iPods and much of the music is quite modern, the relationship the couple embarks upon feels cut straight out of 1950s or 1960s America with a very homely, quaint, and classic feeling to it all.

A pulse pounding, thrilling, and truly exciting film, Baby Driver is Edgar Wright’s worst film yet. Trading in characters for endless action that leaves the audience gasping for air and praying for the film to end, Baby Driver is one of the more disappointing films of 2017 and is wholly unable to live up to the hype. Underwritten to a fault with a useless protagonist and worse supporting characters, Baby Driver ends up relying upon one defining characteristic or event as its character development. As a result, it feels entirely hollow with half-hearted stakes, emotion, and characters, that exist solely to allow for more car chases. Though the car chases are excellent, the film’s utter lack of compelling characters makes it a truly disappointing effort. Though far from a bad film as it is saved by those great car chases, Baby Driver shows that even under the guidance of an auteur, endless action still falls flat.

Okay, but – while we await the arrival of Little Miss Jackson, how about some headcanons:

  • Percy’s little sister looking much more like Paul as she grows up, but the similarities to Sally still make her and Percy unmistakably siblings. 
  • Percy’s little sister being born with clear sight, and realizing from an early age how much her brother does to protect her.
  • Percy’s little sister growing up with the Oracle of Delphi and a satyr for babysitters.
  • Percy’s little sister reading early, excelling at school, becoming a little academic genius the way Percy never could. By middle school, she doesn’t need his help on homework anymore.
  • Still, she wants to try sports like fencing and horseback riding because Percy is so good with swords and horses, just like an old-fashioned knight. (More like a pirate, but, well, little girls and knights and princesses and horses…)
  • Percy’s little sister getting rides on Blackjack and Mrs. O’Leary.
  • Percy’s little sister growing up surrounded by secondhand legends and true myths, and taking the most interest in her history and classics and literature courses to get a peek into her big brother’s world.
  • Percy doing his best to keep the worse stories from her, because while he appreciates that his little sister sees him as a hero, he wants her to think about dramatic sword duels and taking a chariot back from Phobos and Deimos, not… Tartarus. 
  • Percy’s little sister growing up hearing about how awful Percy was in school, and being confused because he seems so smart and brave until she realizes that his hangups were diagnosed learning disorders.
  • Percy’s little sister being written up or even put in detention for standing up against bullies, just like her big brother did. 
  • Percy’s little sister standing up for other kids who have ADHD or dyslexia, because she’s seen how hard it can be for her big brother and his friends to simply comprehend the written world around them.
  • Percy’s little sister always getting shotgun once she’s old enough, because if Frank’s not around then she’s their only hope of reading highway signs correctly on road trips and not missing exits.
  • Percy’s little sister growing up to be every bit the firecracker that Percy is, every but the wise and grounded woman Sally is,and every bit the warm, accepting person that Paul Blofis is.
Into a Better Shape

Prologue

“Hey Gracie?” Alison called from across the house as she sat at her computer. Grace ambled over to the study- a forbidden place since she was one and spit up all over Alison’s papers. “Look what I just found!” The twelve year old leaned over her mom’s shoulder. Short dark hair fell over the little girl’s equally dark eyes that she tucked behind her ears.

Keep reading

Jesse McCree and the Dragon’s Goblet of Fire

Insatiable Dragon

A ficlet series of Hanzo’s kinky ass and Jesse’s adventures with his kinky, erm, partner

Potentially warning tags: Exhibitionism, Slight voyeurism on Angela’s part, Possible mental scarring on Fareeha’s part, definite Harry Potter in this– but not as you’d think.

Jesse remains unsure how he managed to wind himself in this situation.

Keep reading

Good Morning!
Let us speak of happy things today.
Of dimples and freckles and men who fight demons.
Of sunshine and classic rock, angel wings and compelling plots.
Of episodes that never grow old, and words we know by heart.
Of eye crinkles and ripped jeans, of flannel and leather and coffee and whiskey.
Of a world where good men prevail and all is settled in 43 minutes.
Of bravery and fear, right and wrong, lies and truths.
Let us speak of love and family.
Let us speak of Winchesters.

Bad Boy and Princess Au thoughts

So, I decided to do some thinking on the Bad Boy and Princess Au for Star Vs the Forces of Evil. For those who aren’t aware, the AU is predicated on the idea of flipping the personalities of Star and Marco, making him an actual rogue with a heart of gold (rather than a “safe kid” with a skill for combat) and her a prim and proper princess, with the caveat that she’s this way because she arrived at St. O’s before the series began. Now, as always, when I come across an AU I find interesting I must rub my grubby little hands through it until I have ruined everything, so I felt it interesting to think about how I’d do things differently than the “core” AU seems to be set up. Mostly, I think, my big thoughts centered around Star’s story arc, after the cut.

Keep reading

randomness-unicorn  asked:

1-It’s going to be long and angst: SO is pregnant and happy to have a child with her bonefriend, but after some months something seems to go wrong. SO starts to get sick and weak, but the baby is fine. SO wants to continue the pregnancy even if the doctor is really worry for her life. Her soul is vanishing, because the baby eats it.

(((CONTINUED PARTS TO ASK))) 2- SO dies during the childbirth. Something is wrong with the child because he’s evil, for example he kills little animals or hits others children. One day he says that the flavour of her mother’s soul was delicious (but it is seems a kind of joke). The truth is that Chara’s spirit have possessed SO’s baby, they want to revenge.

3- How does the dad react finding out it? If you want you can do a drabble with Tale!Sans, or a normal reaction. Take your time! I know it is really long, you can ignore it if you think it’s so “horror” or bad. I took inspiration from the movie “Rosemary’s baby”. I recommend it!
————————————-
Oh I’m so upset right now because I was almost done and idiotically copied something over the imagine without saving it somewhere else first ;))) dear god help me. Hey though! I seriously loved writing this anyway! It turned out better the second time honestly..

I originally was just going to do a longer headcanon for this, but I kept rereading it to make sure there’s no errors and kept adding to it, it just became a minific because I got carried away. It didn’t start as a minific of course.. good thing this was only specified as Undertale Sans. It helps a lot, thank you. Nevertheless it still took over an hour and a half to write because I became addicted and writing minifics on mobile sucks XD I usually wait till I get on a computer.

AS A WARNING THIS IS EXTREMELY ANGSTY. Depression, murder, insanity, suicide, self harm, death, and the mention of abortion are all included. Excuse me for getting carried away. This is probably the most intense thing I have EVER written in my entire life so enjoy~
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

UNDERTALE MINIFIC

Starring: Sans, Toriel, Undyne, Alphys, Papyrus, Papyrus’ spouse, Frisk, Chara, some Royal Guard members

Classic has always wanted to have kids. He’s wondered what it’s like to be a dad, and how it feels to really raise a child. He’s obviously seen and interacted with kids before, and he protected Papyrus when they were younger, but it’s certainly not the same as having your own child. When you told him you were pregnant, Classic got very excited and hugged you so tight you had to force him to loosen up because it was squishing the life out of you. He giggled and apologized, and you smile and kiss him. Both of you are elated to start a family together because of the fact that you get to do it together.

For the first few months everything is going smoothly- the two of you wonder how they’ll turn out since they’ll be a hybrid, and the ultrasounds don’t determine what they’ll be right away. But when things start to go downhill, Classic manages to stay calm. You’re pretty tough, you’ll pull through… right? When the doctors mention it’s life threatening on your part, THAT’S when Classic starts getting very anxious. He starts having doubts about having the kid but you urge to continue since the child’s rate of survival is extremely high. The doctors then find out it’s because the child is slowly devouring your soul, and Classic actually wants to pull the plug, carefully telling you that at this point, he’s considering abortion. He doesn’t fully know how to handle the situation because he loves you, he wants you to be okay, but he can’t bear to really harm the child either. He loves both of you, so what should he do..? He holds you very close every night (even if his haunting imagination keeps him from sleeping) and he’s always by your side, because he doesn’t know when you’ll lose your life. If you guys are lucky, hopefully you won’t lose your life for a very long time.. yet the chances of that are slim, and both of you know that.

Despite any pain or fear you feel, you proudly carry this child and you die at childbirth. Classic is torn in half because the love of his life just died, but now he has a son of his very own: and they’re human with little skeleton fingers. He’s so upset yet so glad at the same time that it starts messing with his head, and the hospital decides they should care for the kid until Classic can pull himself together. No matter how sorrowful he feels, in a few days he manages to regain his sense of serenity and sanity and brings the child home. All of the close monsters help take care of the kid. Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys and Toriel all play a major part in parenting with him. Classic never knew how he’d be able to father on his own until everyone immediately started pitching in. He names the child Mars for his own personal reasons, and some of yours too.

As Mars continues to grow, he becomes worryingly violent. Even in his toddler ages, he’s surprisingly cruel. He never got along with anyone his age, and he once even managed to capture and murder a baby bunny. Alphys and Undyne, who were caring for him at the time of the event, were literally taken aback, and kept it quiet until a few days later where they could look at it more clearly and tell the others without freaking out. This added to Classic’s anxiety, seeing as how your death clearly wasn’t enough anxiety on him. Papyrus is the one who mainly helps him cope with his tensely wavering depression.

Toriel started to ‘professionally’ educate Mars when he turned 6 years old. So one day, whe Mars was with her and only her, he mentioned something extremely disturbing. “Hehe, mommy’s soul tasted so good… I would eat it all over again…”

She got extremely nervous hearing that, but seeing his innocent expression and then hearing that little giggle, she tried to shove it off. Mars began playing with his letter blocks again, but she was still so amped up over it. Then he tilted his head and looked at her again, “Can I have pie, Auntie Tori? It so yummy!”

Toriel managed to mumble out a weak “Sure” and complied. She gave him a PAPER plate and a PLASTIC fork to eat, and she sat down in the adjacent room to think about what literally just happened. It made her begin to tremble and she quickly ran for the phone to ask Undyne and Classic to come over. It’s not that Toriel can’t protect herself, but she didn’t feel safe being alone with Mars in those moments, especially since she’s lost Asriel and Chara, she wasn’t going to be next. No matter how un-funny that was, Classic told Toriel that he’s just 6 years old and he probably doesn’t even know what he’s talking about. This 6 year old kid can’t do much damage to the ex-queen, and she nods but still mentions her worry for them. She tells Classic they’re turning into something frightening, and he doesn’t know how to take it. At this point, he’s healed over your death and can accept it. He can’t openly talk about it, but he can think about it without bursting into tears. Even if he can handle it, that doesn’t mean there aren’t times where he starts balling his sockets out because of how much he misses you and misses holding you. He still loves you so much, you’ll always be his soulmate. He’ll never fully move on from you, and he visits your grave with fresh flowers every week. They’re your favorite kind.

As Mars continues to grow, at 9 years old, Alphys notices something extremely off. For half a second, she swears that she saw his eyes turn red. This immediately sets Classic off and he feels extremely uncomfortable, he can’t stand being alone anymore, so Papyrus and his new spouse let him move in, him and Mars happily accepted inside. They understand that things have been really hard on him, and even if he’s never been alone this whole time (since he’s had all of them by his side), Classic is still a single parent. He’s a single father trying to care for this seemingly ‘demonic,’ unfriendly child. Everything has been hammering down on him one after another, Mars’ anger and creepiness progressively getting worse and worse after every little incident. Classic thinks it’s his fault and he can’t stop blaming himself. His depression gets worse and he’s caught self harming a few times, he doesn’t eat, he suffers from both insomnia and somniphobia. Nightmares and sleep paralysis are reoccurring and he almost kills himself. Alphys finds him with a rope, knife on the desk with some of his bones oozing bone marrow, mumbling the same question over and over, “Why am I still trying?” With tears streaming down his cheekbones. She carefully removes the knife and the rope from the room and pulls him into a hug.

Her voice is quiet and shaky as she explains, “S-Sans, you have to stay alive.. I I know there’s a-a lot of freaky things going on.. a-and you’re so upset… but please… w-we all need you, you’re important. W-we love you..” Classic bursts into sobs and he clings to her as Alphys tries to comfort him, and he allows her to call Undyne to round up the others and come over. Pappy and his spouse were out with Mars for that day, so they weren’t home. Alphys went to check on him and found him by coincidence, and everyone is so relieved she did. She just saved his life. They heal his angry wounds and cuddle him and love him so much that he doesn’t even know what to do with so much care. Even Mars hugs him, but Chara knows exactly what they’re doing. This is the final step to their plan- lead him on just to destroy him in a single swipe.

Sans finds out it’s Chara when he hears that same laugh leave Mars’ mouth. They tilt their head and giggle, telling him he’s so stupid, that he’s done for and everyone he loves is going to die right after him. They want to treat themselves by seeing his horrified expression first, wanting to hear him plead for the others’ mercy. Chara runs away in Mars’ body before Sans can do anything physically speaking, and he suddenly feels a full split before really processing anything.

Classic feels no remorse, yet the heaviest sympathy. Chara has been possessing Mars this ENTIRE time, and they deserve to burn in hell. On the other hand, though, that means the real Mars has been locked inside his own head throughout his whole young childhood. It breaks Classic’s soul imagining Mars screaming for help but no one hearing him.

When Classic first sprints to everyone warning them, Toriel thinks it’s insulting. How dare he say that about Chara? No one knows what to think yet Papyrus, his spouse, and Alphys all highly support him. Alphys has seen those red eyes (plus, Classic has explained Chara incidents with her and Papyrus ONLY), Pappy’s spouse witnessed a seemingly split personality, and Pappy will always back up his older brother no matter what. Classic tells Toriel the absolute truth and Undyne has to side with Tori on this one, and they all split. Toriel refuses to talk to any of them except Undyne, and Undyne has difficulties with Alphys at this time. They both think completely different things on this, but at least Undyne is more in the middle as to where Toriel is dead on convinced Classic is being an asshole.

Her eyes fill with tears as she screams at Papyrus, “How can you live with him?! Just because he’s had a horrid experience with losing y/n and a rough time raising Mars properly, that DOESN’T give him the excuse to blame my deceased child! Doesn’t he know that’s sensitive? A mother never forgets the pain, you obviously wouldn’t understand. Control him. I don’t want to see any of you unless he’s apologizing for what he said. That’s repulsive.”

To respond, Papyrus tilts his head and gets a little snippy, “I find it amusing how you blame Sans for Mars’ attitude. I blame someone else, and I think you know them.” Everyone is shocked to hear him say this, but he grabs his spouse’s hand and tells them that they should go check on his older brother, he’s been alone in his room for a while, and he’s getting worried, remembering what happened the last time he was alone in his room. The two of them leave and Alphys follows them so Undyne can talk to Toriel in private. Eventually, they agree to go confront Classic and just sort it out.

Since Pappy and his spouse had some sort of pitstop, Alphys, Undyne, and Toriel all catch up. She profusely apologizes and he does too, saying that it was just in the heat of the moment. No matter what’s going on, isn’t it odd that Mars has been gone for so long? No one can find him anywhere. They all quickly hug it out before swiftly heading home, and they all find Sans and Chara fighting a messy fight in the backyard. The Gaster Blasters gave it away.

Classic is afraid to hurt Mars so he’s mostly just been dodging for a large portion of the fight. They all tried to interfere but he looked so threatening, Chara’s smile was so wide, he pointed the blasters at them and they all stumbled back. Toriel and Undyne see him fighting and hear Chara’s laugh, seeing their eyes and listening to their voice, and Toriel’s heart is broken. It really is Chara, but they’re insane. They’re psychotic. The two finally fully believe, but it’s too late. It was either Classic or the kid, and Pappy screamed his name to get Classic to save himself. He ended up killing Mars, and cradled his dead body, crying. Blood stains his clothes and he refuses to let go. Toriel and Undyne try to help him but he starts attacking them because they never believed him, they never fucking believed him when he urged that it was Chara, and Pappy has to hold his brother back. They’re both extremely scared and worried, and Classic shuts them out. He says goodbye and carries Mars away from everyone, and goes to his old house.

Sans is isolated for the next full week. He barely eats, he barely sleeps, he’s constantly holding onto Mars’ now disgusting and decaying body, Sans becoming repulsive himself, physically and mentally. He never answers the door, he’s locked it real tight with way too many magical barriers, and he screams whenever someone tries to come in. He keeps all the curtains closed and goes insane. Sans starts laughing to himself and talking to himself, talking to Chara who’s no longer listening, talking to Mars who’s gone. Talking to Frisk who left the monsters once reaching the surface, they had to find their real family again. He pretends to speak as Papyrus, as you, as everyone. It becomes terrifying. Undyne tried smashing the windows in but a Gaster Blaster greeted her dead in the eyes, right in her face. She tried to look around inside, but it started firing up and she actually became trembly, easily dodging the attack but the suspense of when it would really go off killed her. She risked it and kept hunting for any sign of her best friend, and it kept getting louder and quieter as if he was trying to tempt her. She actually gained a lot of fear from Sans and always gets shaky whenever anyone mentions him, it’s like Undyne gained PTSD from that single moment.

They all actually round up the previous members of the Royal Guard and they help Undyne regain her confidence to go there, and sure enough, the strength of everyone together finally knocks the door open. It smells horrid in the house because of the body, and they slowly step inside, calling for Classic. The one thing that they found that will forever haunt everyone’s dreams is seeing very recognizable bone marrow drip from the ceiling onto Pappy’s spouse’s head. They let out a flat out shriek, and started freaking out like crazy. Pappy tried his best to calm them down but he knows what that means, and he ends up crying with them, both of them clinging to each other. One of the other Royal Guards head up there and finds Classic in a pile of dust and shattered soul pieces next to Mars’ dead body in the attic, bone marrow splattered on the storage boxes and all over the floor. Alphys can’t do anything and Toriel and Undyne fully blame themselves. It’s a traumatizing day, and it effects everyone involved.

The other Royal Guard members become upset because Undyne becomes isolated from everyone including Alphys. Alphys tries to help her but fails so many times, they never officially break up but they’re separate for too long, they practically have to rebuild their relationship because of Undyne’s worsening trauma and Alphys’ own self loathing. Toriel hides herself in a secret place like a Ruins 2.0 because she can’t even look anyone in the eyes anymore. That was her best friend, her family, and she shot him down and made him suicide. Pappy struggles to be optimistic because everyone else gets lost in their own depression and he can’t save any of them, but his spouse helps him recover after a long time. Others hear of his death and they’re all extremely sympathetic and upset over it. They give Classic and Mars a proper memorial, and they force themselves to move on. There’s nothing else they can do.

But then, everything resets. And no one but Sans and Chara remembers.

Chara is off who knows where for this whole timeline, but Classic is so on edge. He’s extremely upset and still a little crazy, and to everyone else, it’s extremely abrupt. Frisk knows what happened through Chara, but they managed to drive them away before they could do anything else. Frisk urges Toriel to leave the ruins and she actually does, and they don’t find Classic at his station. Frisk completely ignores Papyrus when first seeing him, and he has no clue why, but the two continue to reluctantly follow this way-too-determined child. They burst into the skeleton household and he goes to interrupt, but suddenly finds his brother to be very alert. Frisk tackle hugs Classic, tearing up, apologizing over and over for what happened, that they should have stayed so they could control THEM, and he hugs them tightly, beginning to cry. Everyone is extremely confused, and Classic manages to finally explain everything with Frisk by his side, leading the conversation and helping him with talking it out. They had gathered Undyne and Alphys before beginning, and everything was so abrupt that Undyne never even had a thought of harming the kid. This time around, Frisk stays with all of the monsters.

When Classic meets you, he keeps it quiet, but starts having nightmares. He tells you about these nightmares after you guys have been together for a while, moved in with each other and everything. You don’t know that any of this was anything except a fake nightmare, because he explains EVERYTHING as if it were just a dream. He actually gets pulled out of it and he becomes very happy again, and everyone is so relieved to see him so happy. The two of you get married and you’re still that same love of his life, but when you ask if you guys should start a family , Classic’s eye flames and he yells that he never wants to have kids, and if anyone ever changes his mind, the two of you are adopting. You’re extremely upset by this, and Frisk manages to explain to you before anything drastic happens. You have to understand.

There’s nothing else you can do but force yourself to understand.

Labyrinth: Sarah [INFP]

OFFICIAL TYPING by Charity / the mod.

Introverted Feeling (Fi): Sarah is clearly brimming with emotions – about her dad’s remarriage, her new stepmother, and her half-brother, whom she has to babysit… but she never directly references any of these emotions except in her behavior. She has dual natures in her feelings; one side of her is angry and resentful enough to offer up her brother to the goblins (even though she did not believe it would happen) and the other is willing to do anything to get him back. Jareth’s repeated attempts to seduce her away from the moral course she has set for herself meet with failure, because he cannot comprehend her intense internal emotional drive. She has no choice but to get Toby back. To do otherwise is to sacrifice her ethics. She shows warmth and kindness to Hoggle and other creatures in the Labyrinth, and cannot abide the thought of innocent creatures being tortured.

Extroverted Intuition (Ne): She prefers her rich imagination to the real world, and finds it very difficult to let go of her fantasies. Sarah is good at determining puzzles and working her way through them once she can conceptually see the problem; where she figures out how to choose the right door by determining that if one creature lies, the other always tells the truth, is classic evidence of intuitive thinking. She is easily distracted, but unafraid to change course in the labyrinth and choose another path. She is a creative thinker and problem solver, much to Jareth’s misfortune.

Introverted Sensing (Si): Underpinning all of her decisions is a sense of sentimentality; Sarah is nearly pulled off course when shown her old toys and room, out of a desire to return there, to safety and the securities of childhood. She refuses to let go of her imaginary friends even at the end of the story, despite choosing to grow up and put away her childish things. Sarah draws a lot of her imaginative concepts from books she has read and toys in her room; she also struggles to remember details of what she has read (“Oh, why can I never remember?”).

Extroverted Thinking (Te): In stressful situations, Sarah has a classic case of “state the problem.” She points out the logical impossibilities of every situation she finds herself in. She always takes the most direct method of problem solving (stealing Hoggle’s jewel purse to get him to help her, offering him her bracelet for his assistance, leaping to save Toby, smashing Jareth’s ballroom bubble with a chair). She can be frank and assertive when the situation calls for it.

Note: You can really see Jim Henson’s NeSi in this film, with its strange happenings and the fact that the entire story is a metaphor about female adolescence and maturity during a difficult time of life. The meandering narrative, the individual choices, the temptations all representative of deeper things, it’s much more than 80’s camp.

2

Cryptid Profile: The Minnesota Iceman

Throughout the late 1960’s and 70’s, an attraction made its way to shopping malls, carnivals, and state fairs across the United States. The object on display was housed in a large refrigerated container and was frozen solid in a large block of ice. Those lucky enough to see the attraction describe the mystery object in ice as male, human-like, 6ft tall, hairy, with large hands and feet, very dark brown hair about 3 - 4 inches long,and a flattened nose. One of its arms appeared to be broken and one of its eyes appeared to have been knocked out of its socket, allegedly by a bullet that was said to have entered the creature’s head from behind.

The creature became known as The Minnesota Iceman.

The summer of 1967 was the year that Minnesota native Frank Hansen began touring the Iceman. The attraction locations were the normal stopping points for an item of this nature, so for the entire summer, onlookers from all over would make their way to local fairs and carnivals and pay 25 cents to feast their eyes upon the frozen monster. Hansen was describing the creature as a “man left over from the ice age.”

The attraction quickly spread through word of mouth until it reached the ears of two cryptozoologists by the names of Ivan Sanderson and Dr. Bernard Heuvelmans in 1968. Heuvelmans had been staying with Sanderson as a house guest when they began hearing about a large creature that was not fully man yet not fully animal either. Their interest grew even more when they heard it was also incased in a block of ice. Sanderson and Heuvelmans made their way to Hansen’s farm where they were able to view the creature themselves while it was currently being stored for the winter.

Upon arriving at Hansen’s farm, both men made their way into a cramped trailer that housed the refrigerated container that kept the iceman frozen solid. The best possible way for both men to view and examine the frozen man was to hang bright lights over the glass which kept the block of ice contained. At one point (as told by Hansen), one of the men placed one of the hot lights directly on top of the cold glass which caused the entire thing to shatter. Both Sanderson and Heuvelmans were front row when the pungent odor from the rotting flesh of a corpse filled the room. After examining the creature for three days, Heuvelmans declared the iceman as genuine and authentic.

Both Sanderson and Heuvelmans wrote papers on the creature after the examination. Heuvelmans wrote “Preliminary Note on a Specimen Preserved in Ice: Unknown Living Hominid” for The Institute of Natural Sciences in Belgium. Sanderson wrote an article entitled “Living Fossil” for Argosy Magazine.

Eventually, these papers, continued word of mouth, and the asking of Dr. John Napier to examine the creature by Sanderson led to the Smithsonian Institution getting involved. The Smithsonian eventually heard of a theory that the Iceman may be a normal human that was murdered and passed around under the guise of an attraction and asked the FBI to investigate. The agency found no wrong doing upon viewing the creature and Hansen was able to add a sign to his attraction that read “The Near-Man…. Investigated by the FBI” when the Iceman went back on tour.

Many viewers of the creature asked Hansen where the creature came from, he originally told them that the he met a man in early 1967 in Arizona who was in possession of the creature. The man told Hansen that the creature was discovered floating in the ocean by Chinese fishermen while frozen in a giant 6,000lb block of ice. Hansen promptly bought the creature off the man and began to display it. He also told onlookers that the creature was discovered in the vast wilderness of Siberia and was killed out of fear, frozen in ice, and shipped back to the United States. Later in life though, Hansen told the actual true story of how he came upon the creature.

Hansen told the story of how he had been hunting in the upper north woods of Wisconsin when he came upon what he thought was a group of bears in the distance. Frightened when one of the creatures turned in his direction and began to charge towards him, Hansen thought to only do one thing, he took aim and put the beast down with a shot to the head. The other two creatures retreated back into the woods. Upon approaching the fallen trophy, Hansen made the startling discovery that this was no bear, but a large hairy thing that resembled a mix between an ape and a man. Scared of the possibility that he could face jail time for killing this mystery creature, Hansen came up with a story about how it was discovered floating at sea, as well as a story about how it was found in Siberia. He loaded the carcass up and transported it back to Minnesota where it was promptly frozen.

Throughout the years, many people have come forward stating that the Iceman was a hoax. A father and son team from California claimed to have been hired to make a rubber Neanderthal body to be displayed in a cabinet under ice for a business man. A woman also came forward claiming to be the actual hunter who killed the Iceman when it attacked her near Bemidji, Minnesota. She said she killed the creature with a shot through the eye and sold his corpse for cash.

After growing old with the touring circuit, Hansen removed the creature from exhibition and even claimed to have buried it. Others state that Hansen sold it to a private collector for a hefty profit. But Hansen would never go on record stating what officially happened to the Iceman. Every once in a while, a rumor pops up stating the Iceman is currently being shown at local state fairs or museums again, but these have all been proven to be costumes or recreations built to the eyewitness descriptions of the classic creature.

Currently in Texas at the Museum of the Weird, a recreation exhibit of the original Minnesota Iceman (complete with refrigeration case and “authentic” recreation body within) has been put on permanent display for all to enjoy. (Photo of this recreated exhibit is shown below.)

-The Pine Barrens Institute