the christmas bear

BLACK MIRROR TIMELINE:
— 

1. The National Anthem (S01E01)
2. The Waldo Moment (S02E03)
3. Shut Up and Dance (S03E03)
4. Fifteen Million Merits (S01E02)
5. White Bear (S02E02)
6. Playtest (S03E02)
7. Nosedive (S03E01)
8. Hated in the Nation (S03E06)
9. Men Against Fire (S03E05)
10. The Entire History of You (S01E03)
11. San Junipero (S03E04)
12. Be Right Back (S02E01)
13. White Christmas (S02E04)

I went looking for antique silverware today.

I got some, but that’s – shockingly – not the fun part.

At first, I worried I wouldn’t find enough inexplicable thrift store items to warrant a post…

but as soon as I saw Terrifying Foot-Tall Corner Dress Rat, I knew my fate had turned.

After that, I couldn’t stop finding incredible things.

A disturbing coconut head man with “DICK’S LAST RESORT” burned into it.

It’s like if Mr. Potato Head went both tropical and feral!

A glass from a prom titled “Desert Moon” that happened in 1985.

Why’s no one bought this yet? It’s 10 years older than me, it’s an antique!

Everybody’s favorite funtime children’s toy, Demonic Hollow Bear!

This Christmas, let your children live out their veterinary dreams on this organ-free, stretch-mouthed creature of darkness. It yearns for your soul!

The aftermath of a centipede breaking its legs.

Just don’t think about how big it had to be to warrant that size of crutch.

A 2D cutout… semi-colored-in… of a confused-looking cat… sitting on a cushion… with little flowers on it?

I can’t even make a joke, here. There’s no topping the reality of what it is.

And, lastly, my favorite of all…

the extensive art collection.

It’s all extra special, since a very specific chain of events has to occur for the pieces to be there:

#1, whoever owned it had to look at it, and go “yeah, this should get donated, someone will prolly want to buy it”…

…and #2, the store had to look at it, and go “yeah, no, that is totally something we should put a price tag on right this second.”

But they’re wrong. Every single piece is priceless, and if I had the funds I would make a found-in-thrift-stores art gallery for all the world to cherish.

3

IT’SSSSSS CRYPTIDSMAS AGAIN FOLKS. Time for a new batch of cards! Wish I’d gone a little harder on the black placement this time, and that watercolor paper scanned better, but I still had a total blast making these.

If any mutuals want to trade cryptidsmas cards, hit me up! This year, I have had the foresight to not be in the middle of fucking moving, so I can be sure not to accidentally miss anyone this time. Non-mutual followers or passersby are also totally free to inquire about a card trade, but I may have to turn you down due to time restraints.

10

David saying “Hello” and “Night-Night” on CBeebies Bedtime Stories

“Our voices grow tired and we stop talking. We just keep each other company. My breath. His breath. My breath. His breath. I could never tell him, but its true. This is home. The two of us.”
-
Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss