the choding

what is this kingdom hearts nonsense over here

rule #1 of swords: the girthier they are, the less cool they look

the thinner and longer swords are the coolest while the sword equivalent of chodes can go fuck themselves, that’s why katanas and rapiers are the best

i’m glad dave is a true connoisseur 

and no, this isn’t a dick metaphor

oh no, what a shame, a mess, in this immaculate kitchen,,,,

anonymous asked:

Yo you've got 200 updoots on /r/tumblrinaction

holy shit lol

the comments are all so embarrassing

how do people miss a joke so badly holy shit. arent these the kind of ppl who always talk about “taking things too seriously” ??

the signs as (fucking) new year’s resolutions

aries: go to the gym n get fuckin’ ripped also do yoga to calm the nerves a bit, yeah?

taurus: stop drinking, you fucking alcoholic take your little drunk ass to rehab, and no don’t you dare drive, take a nice long walk

gemini: be a “better” person smh and stop destroying your own relationships, ya fuckin’ mess on legs

cancer: pay your fucking rent – YES, on time, and quit crying over people that don’t matter oh my god

leo: don’t be such a bitch like seriously quit stomping all over everybody just because your mental penis is a fucking chode

virgo: save more money, and um???? shut thefuckup??? about literally everything?? eat a god damn slim jim i don’t care if it’s not vegan

libra: stop cheating on your fucking boyfriend and maybe…. don’t…? catch an STD? this year?

scorpio: straighten up your emo little spine and stop blaming the world for your problems, also take a goddamn shower

sagittarius: travel the world and get the fuck away from literally everybody, and maybe eat a fuckin’ ice cream cone while you’re at it

capricorn: get some more friends and stop fucking complaining about every. little. thing. for fuck’s sake

aquarius: literally — you just calm the fuck down.

pisces: stop fuckin’ crying over these fuckboys they don’t care about your heart also learn a new recipe and do your goddamn homework

what y’all call jungkook

yes i’ve been looking at the tags on my post n kept a tally 

so far the most popular names for him are

  • jungkook
  • jk
  • kookie

but some of you have interesting names for him n imma shout a few of my faves

the cute ones 

  • baby boy
  • nochu
  • my little star
  • mi conejito
  • mi bebé 
  • every version of ‘bunny’

the meme ones

  • roach
  • mr thighs
  • brat
  • little shit
  • jungle book
  • junk jingkook
  • a chode
Where there are stone mouths...

Context: I am DMing a one off campaign with a teifling bard, a dragonborn rogue, and a high elf Wizard the party has just finished a difficult fight and are all low on health they have come across a talking door who has been decidedly unhelpful.

Rogue: Ya know what?!? [Bard] if you don’t do something about the door  I swear I’m going to kick it down!

Wizard: I could use mage hand?

Rouge: No! It called me a lizard chode I’m gonna kick it!

Bard OOC: I roll to seduce the door

*nat 1*

DM: You grossly missread the situation and try to mushroom stamp the door, it opens its mouth and you take *rolls* 5 damage

Whole Party: *dying laughing*

Bard OOC: *Still laughing* OHMYGOD the door just killed me!

Rogue: I step over [Bard’s] body and kick down the door.

DM: Roll for it.

*nat 1*

DM: The door opens its mouth and bites your leg *rolls* 3 damage

Rogue OOC: IT KILLED ME TOO!!!

Bard and Rogue OOC: [Wizard] avenge us!!!

Wizard: I turn and leave the dungeon.

Bard and Rogue OOC: WHAT?

Wizard OOC: Well unless you want a door to wipe the party…

i was about to make a post abt how fathering a moth last semester made me more empathetic towards caterpillars cuz i was walking about 100ft from one building to the next and saw six dead ones on the ground & got sad, but

then i found a very big alive one

so i scooped him up and now hes in a solo cup crunching some greens

im fuckin real determined to let caterpillars live to adulthood yall. do you guys know how fucked up their survival rate is in nature

im calling my mom to get her to bring me my butterfly habitat from home so i can house this small turd boy and maybe some other small turd boys i find. ill defend these weird wrinkly chodes w my life. they dont deserve the cruel fate mother nature hath wrought on their kind