the chew of rage

things the zodiac signs do when you're friends with them

Aries: the friend who chews like a dinosaur in jurassic park and talks themselves into a rage once you’ve mentioned something they know a lot about, unintentionally addresses you with wrong names several times a day

Taurus: always buys gifts for you and lends you books and cds and gives you their food without you even asking for it, it’s a bit awkward but endearing

Gemini: accidentally drunk calls you instead of their mom, cries over dog pictures at 2 AM at sleepovers and makes you wonder why you even invited them

Cancer: sends you a ton of snaps of their cat and artsy photos of the water when they’re in the bathtub

Leo: drinks so hasty the drink dribbles down their chin, burps really loud and doesn’t even care you’re staring at them

Virgo: buys truck loads of washi tape (the expensive one) and cardboard with pretty patterns to make birthday and Christmas cards, gives the ugly and screwed up ones to you

Libra: puts their hand on your arm and hits you with their legs under the table when they want your attention, won’t stop until you tell them to

Scorpio: looks like they listen to you but doesn’t, stares at you for an eternity and then says something really weird like “ Did your teeth grow? they look bigger than they were yesterday. ”

Sagittarius: that one who’s so full of energy and in such a good mood everyday it makes you feel like a lifeless sack of meat next to them, the child your parents always wished they had

Capricorn: stays calm in almost every situation, a soft smile resting on their lips, a dreamy sparkle in their eyes when they look at you. it seems like there is nothing that can upset them. but when they get angry with you, oh boy. OH BOY better run

Aquarius: wears clothes no one else would buy and looks gorgeous, will support you in everything you do even if you go through a super edgy emo scene hardcore neon anime xD sOrANdom phase they’ll give you a thumbs up and say “You do you, buddy.”

Pisces: squeals and laughs and talks and argues way too loud in public and doesn’t even care when you tell them to be a bit more quiet they’ll get even louder just because they can and they enjoy embarrassing you

Moving On

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Prompt: ‘it hurt me to realise you didn’t love me anymore, but it hurt even more when I saw you fall in love with her.’

Word Count: 3547

A/N: God I don’t know how this ended up so long, but I hope you enjoy it regardless. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything, but here goes nothing. Pleaaaaseeee if you have any comments let me know, hope you all have a lovely day :)

“Are you sure you want another one of those?”

I squinted my eyes, “you want my money don’t you?” My speech was slightly slurred—even I was taken back. I never got to the point where my speech slurred.

“(Y/N)—“ Dan sighed heavily before swiping my glass from the bar, “you’re not having anymore, I’m cutting you off.” He placed the tumbler into a large plastic tub by the kegs and brought me a glass of water. “And you know I don’t want your money anymore, I haven’t wanted your money for years.” It was true, most nights I didn’t pay for my alcohol—but most nights I wasn’t getting blind drunk to mask my overwhelming sadness.

I gulped down the water, slamming the glass onto the wooden counter as soon as I was done. “I’m so pathetic Dan, look at me.” I could feel my eyes well up, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” the lump in my throat began to rise as I tried to fight back the tears. “He’s getting married tomorrow and I’m here! I’m here getting drunk and the saddest part is for a year and a half—a fucking year and a half I’ve told myself, told everybody! I’ve told anyone who I could that I was fine—But I’m not, I’m not fine, I haven’t been fine since he left me.” I was flailing my arms; the guy beside me was blatantly staring.

“Aren’t you one of those superheroes?” He asked, a hint of disgust in his tone.

“Fuck off.” I flipped him the finger and turned back to Dan.

“Sorry buddy.” He rushed to apologise to the patron, “why don’t I get you another beer?”

“Forget it,” the man declined the offer, instead he got up and grabbed his duffle coat from his chair. “You’re right,” he said looking me in the eye, “you are pathetic.”

I felt the blood rush to my head, the glass beside me shattering without warning. “(Y/N)!” Dan screamed, before grabbing my hand, “control yourself!” I suddenly jolted back to reality.

“And these are the people we trust with our lives?” The man scoffed before scurrying out the door.

“Fucking prick!” I called after him, knowing it would fall on deaf ears.

“Jesus Christ (Y/N) you can’t just pull shit like that!” Dan slammed another glass of water down in front of me. “You know I love you, but I’m going to have to call someone to come get you, you need some rest.”

“I was dead!” I cried out, “I was dead for 9 months, is that enough time to grieve?” whatever I was saying, Dan wasn’t interested—he was far too busy on the phone trying to deal with the mess that I was. “9 months.” I whispered the words to myself again and again.

“Someone’s coming to get you.” Dan returned to me, “are you done with this?” he gestured to the water.

I nodded solemnly, “please don’t tell me you called Tony, he’ll be really mad with me.”

“I didn’t call Tony.” Dan mumbled as he wiped down a glass, “God knows I don’t wanna deal with that asshole again.”

“Why don’t you come back to the team Danny?” I grabbed his hand, “I miss you, I need you back.”

“It’s been five years (Y/N), I’m not coming back.” He whipped his hand away. “I can’t live like that anymore—it fucks me up, my head, you know?” I could see the pain in his eyes; the job had been tearing him down.

“I never was and never will be cut out to be a superhero.”

The sound of the bell above the bar door interrupted me before I could say anything, I didn’t bother to look at who it was—I already knew they were there to collect me, not that I needed collecting.

“(Y/N)” a familiar voice spoke as they placed a hand to my shoulder, “let’s get you home.”

My body went rigid as I stared at Dan in contempt, “how could you?” I muttered. I didn’t even have to look to see whose hand was on my shoulder, I already knew and I’d never felt so betrayed in my life.

“He’s the only one who’ll take care of you properly.” Dan couldn’t meet my eyes; he knew just how badly he’d hurt me. “The only one you ever listen to.”

“Don’t fucking touch me Rogers!” I shook Steve off of me.

“What’s gotten into you?!” He was confused; he had no idea how I felt. I’d pretended to be fine with his new situation—buddy, buddy, like he hadn’t chewed my heart up and spat it out.

 “Nothing!” the rage that had been building up inside me was returning and it was coming back stronger. I could feel my scalp heat up as the hair on my head turned purple.

 “Jesus Christ!” Steve pulled me into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “Stop,” he whispered to me, “stop please.”

All I could think about as he held onto me was, “why is this happening?” Why was he there? Why was he taking care of me when only a year ago he’d tossed me aside like I was no one? “Let go of me Steve.” I pushed him away, the anger refused to subside.

“How much did you give her to drink?!” He directed his frustration towards Dan.

“Don’t blame me Rogers, she’s here because of you!”

Steve opened his mouth to say something but was taken back by the comment, “what?”

Dan rolled his eyes, “you heard me.”

“(Y/N)—“ he grabbed ahold of my hands and looked me in the eyes, “listen to me—I have no idea what’s going on, but I’m gonna get you home and make you a cup of tea, two sugars, no milk—just the way you like it, okay?”

My heart rate began to slow as he recited the way I liked my tea back to me—he still remembered. “You still know.”

“How could I forget?” He quirked an eyebrow.

“I thought—I thought you wouldn’t remember anything anymore, because you stopped loving me.” I was blabbering, but that was a sign I was calming down. My blood stream was going from turbulent to a steady pump and my scalp was cooling—I imagined the purple was slowly fading back to brown.

Steve stared at me for a second, “let’s go home.” He ignored my comment; instead he steadied me on my feet—shaking off his coat, so that he could wrap it around me.

“You’re gonna be cold.” I mumbled, forgetting that he barely felt the seasons.

“I’ll be fine,” he pulled me into his side and walked me towards the door. He didn’t bother to say anything to Dan, but I couldn’t help myself—I had to turn back to look at him, an apologetic look etched on my face. I knew deep down he was just trying to help.

True to his word Steve managed to get me back home in one piece and even stayed to make me tea. I couldn’t help but stare at him as he stood waiting for it to brew. My heart felt like a weight in my chest—a weight heavier than a boulder. Just staring at him made my eyes well up—it was ridiculous, I was an international superpower, there were countries hunting me and nothing scared me more than my love for him. It was so strong and I couldn’t seem to get rid of it, no matter how hard I tried to escape it.

I pulled the blanket he’d draped around me tightly, my knees pressed to my chest as I sat waiting for him to say something.

“What’s wrong with you (Y/N)?” he asked as he placed my mug down in front of me—his eyes fixated on mine. He was searching them for answers, but I wasn’t sure I could tell him. It hurt me to even think about it, how was I supposed to say it out loud and to him of all people.

“You’re getting married tomorrow and not to me.” I averted my eyes to the floor as soon as the words left my mouth. “You expect me to sit there and be happy for you, but how can I? How can I when that was meant to be you and I?”

“(Y/N)—“ he sighed heavily, “I—you were dead, I thought you weren’t coming back. Last time I waited for someone, I waited too long and that ruined me. I thought if I waited again it’d kill me—It’s not easy you know.” There was clear pain on his face “I loved you, I loved you so much and when you came back I didn’t know how to feel—But she, she was there for me when you were gone, she gave me a second chance.” It had always been hard for Steve to love I knew that. Everyone he’d loved either moved on or died—time had not waited for him and fate had not been easy on him.

“I was only gone 9 months Steve.” I couldn’t stop the single tear from rolling down my cheek. “You know it hurt when I realised you didn’t love me anymore, but it hurt ten times more when I saw you fall in love with her.” Being stuck with Stephen Strange meant death wasn’t really death; the whole time he was bringing me back I was able to see everything that was happening back on earth—I was a ghost.

“I still love you, I really do. You were my best friend and god it was hard for me when you died—I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, typical withdrawal you know? I was so damn depressed.”

Hearing him say he still loved me almost killed me inside, but hearing him say he’d been depressed brought me physical pain. I still remembered seeing him struggle and feeling helpless—feeling like it was my entire fault.

“Then why won’t you come back to me?” I couldn’t help myself, the tears started to flow freely and I hated myself for it. I had always tried my best to look strong in front of him and now I was breaking down the perfect façade I’d built.

“It’s not that simple (Y/N),” he reached out to hold my hand. “I thought I—how could I break someone else’s heart like that?”

He was right, but I couldn’t care less. She stole him from me, so why did I deserve the pain and not her? I knew I sounded selfish, but I didn’t care—I deserved to be happy too. “You need to leave Captain.” I set down the cup of tea; “I can’t deal with this anymore. You’ve heard my peace; you know I’m still in love with you. If you still want to marry her, then go ahead—but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

He got up from his seat and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “Why did you wait a year and a half to tell me the truth?”

“Because I care about your happiness more than mine.” I always had and I knew it would never change.

“I would’ve left her, if you had just said something earlier.”

“I just need you to leave right now, I already tried to drink myself to death. God knows what’ll happen if you stay any longer.” Crying in front of him made me feel so small, so weak—he’d never seen me cry before, he’d always been the emotional half of our whole, so having him watch me cry made me angry.

“I’m sorry,” he kneeled down in front of me and wiped away my tears. “I really am.”

“Please go,” I sputtered, “please.”

He nodded, “I won’t see you tomorrow will I?”

I laughed through my tears; he really had the audacity to ask.

“Yeah,” he sighed at my reaction, “that’s what I thought.”

“That doesn’t look like a lovely formal dress to me.” Tony remarked as I shoved a spoonful of cereal into my mouth. He was referring to my bright purple pyjamas.

“Considering I’m not going anywhere today I thought these would be the perfect attire.” I continued to shovel down my cereal—all that drinking had left me with the most unfathomable craving for frosty flakes.

“I’m fairly certain we have a wedding to attend today, or Pepper just shoved this suit on me for no reason.” He tried to shove a spoon into my cereal, but I swatted his hand away. 

Get your own,” I sputtered, my mouth still full 

“Well, I can’t—“ he gestured to the empty box, “you’ve eaten them all.”

I shrugged, “too bad.”

“So wait,” he spoke as he rifled through the cupboards. “You really aren’t coming today?”

“No.” I said monotonously before gulping down some orange juice. “How can I watch the man I love marry someone else?”

He stopped searching for food and slowly turned to look at me. “You still—?”

“Wow I must be really good at masking my feelings.”

“I—wow, just—wow. Count me as not fucking surprised.” He slammed a box of fruit loops down on the counter. “You know for elite crime fighters we really do have an unnecessary amount of sugary treats around.”

“Wait what?” I almost spat out my last beloved mouthful of frosted flakes.

“Well, you’d think that because we were always on the move we’d eat healthier—you know? Have a balanced diet!”

“Tony!” I knew he knew what I was questioning; he was just choosing to avoid it. “I was not talking about the sugary treats.”

“Ah yes, well Rogers is an idiot for not realising that you still love him.” He sat down in front of me, “and marrying her of all people? I’m pretty sure he’s shot her twice, no idea why he’d want to marry her after that.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You know I still remember the day—“ I was cut off by the sound of Pepper shouting for Tony.

“Oh no, she’s going to find me.” He says it like he’s worried, but sits calmly in his place—looking quite unnerved.

“Oh thank god there you are—(Y/N), why aren’t you dressed?” She asks as soon as she sees me. 

“I’m not coming,” I gulp down more juice and trace shapes into the skin of my leg.

“Oh,” her face falls, “understandable.”

“See,” Tony speaks up from his fruit loops, “even Pepper can tell.”

“Well it’s not hard to see.” She marches up to the table and slides the bowl away from Tony “we’re going to be late, hurry up.”

He lets out a heavy sigh but gets up anyway, “see you later kiddo.” His tone is different, somewhat apologetic.

“See you.” I say quietly, before grabbing his bowl—not wanting to let the sugary goodness go to waste.

I was watching the time—I knew the wedding would be over, but I couldn’t bring myself to head back home. I’d made my way over to the park just below the tower—it was the worst decision I’d made all day. Everything there reminded me of Steve. It was the most convenient place for us to go on picnics, or to just relax—he even had a favourite tree. The feeling of being surrounded by all those memories made me sick, but I knew I couldn’t go back home. Knowing that everyone would be there celebrating his new life with someone else was the most horrible feeling in the world. Memories of our past seemed better than having to deal with that.

My phone buzzed from inside my pocket, a message from Wanda illuminating my phone 

‘Where are you? Come back quickly, something’s happened.’

It was a very vague message, but something inside me told me that I needed to suck it up and head back home. I didn’t bother to respond, it would only take me a few minutes to get back to the tower anyway.

As I got up I noticed someone jogging towards me—someone in a suit. Assuming it was someone from home, I picked up the pace. Surely if someone had left the reception then the situation at headquarters was bad.

When I notice exactly who was running towards me I almost threw up. “Steve?” I questioned, my voice shaky.

“(Y/N)—“ he stopped in front of me, barely out of breath. “I didn’t do it.”

I felt my heart pound in my chest like it was trying to escape. “You didn’t do what?” I held my hand out to cradle his face, before averting my eyes to his left hand in search for a ring.

“I didn’t marry her—the whole time, all I was thinking about was you—thinking about how I call your name in my sleep when I have a nightmare, or how I can remember every small detail of your body and end up looking for them on her, thinking about all your small quirks and how I loved every single one of them. The whole time, for the past two years, I’ve been trying to find you in her—and for a second there I had myself convinced, because I thought you didn’t love me—But I know now, I know it’s you.”

“Steve—“

“No—“ he raised a hand to silence me, “don’t try and tell me otherwise.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you,” I squeaked out the words as the lump in my throat began to rise. “I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want to look vulnerable, but I am—I am vulnerable and I need you.”

He pulled me towards his chest and wrapped his arms firmly around me. “You don’t need me (Y/N), you love me and I love you—but don’t ever say you need me, because I know you. I know how strong you are, and no woman as strong as you could ever depend on a man and nor should she have to.”

I wriggled myself out of his grasp and stared at him in awe, “this is why I love you so much.” I was crying again, but this time I wasn’t angry with myself. Because, for once showing emotion got me what I wanted. “You’ve always known the right things to say.”

“Somehow it’s all natural with you,” he grinned before looping his fingers through mine.

“Don’t get cheesy with me Rogers,” I moved towards him so that our faces were only millimetres apart.

“Is this the point where we dramatically reconcile with a kiss.” He raised an eyebrow, a cheeky smirk spread across his face.

“It won’t be if you keep talking.” I whispered, before his free hand made its way to the back of my neck, pulling me towards him—before I knew it our lips were slowly moving against each other. I knew he was smiling even though my eyes were clamped shut—Steve untangled his hand from mine and used it to grab my waist and pull me closer. I hadn’t felt happiness for a year and a half and yet in the space of five minutes I couldn’t think one unhappy thought—everything felt right again. My whole body was buzzing, from my toes to the hair on my head—he was like a drug, my body responded to him automatically—like he’d said before, it was all natural with us.

He pulled himself away from my lips and kissed my neck, a small shiver ran up my spine as his soft breaths hit the sensitive skin. “God—“ he whispered, making me twitch “I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Stop,” I sneered, “or you’ll make me cry again.” I wasn’t lying, if he kept going the way he was going I was bound to end up a puddle.

“I can’t help it,” he pulled away. “It should feel strange to be with you again, I should feel bad, but I don’t I mean—“

“It’s okay to feel bad,” I knew deep down he had an ounce of regret.

“I know it is, but she understood. I think she saw it coming—I think everyone saw it coming.”

“How are we going to go back in there?” I bit my lip as I looked up at the tower, “they’re going to be angry.”

“I don’t think so,” he shook his head. “Sure it might be uncomfortable for a few days, but I’m certain 95 per cent of that room didn’t want me to marry the wrong person today.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely, I mean Natasha and Tony practically ambushed me before the ceremony and asked me if I was sure I wanted to do it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I imagined the two of them just sitting on Steve’s bed, waiting to have an intervention. “Well then Rogers I think we should take this public display of affection and turn it into a private one.”

He re-looped his hand with mine and shot me the biggest grin I’d ever seen. “I think you’re right.”

Critical Role Rewatch, Episode 26!

Bless Critical Role, honestly, for coming up with such a fucking awesome episode when they can’t continue the main storyline because Taliesin couldn’t make it? And for respecting the storyline enough in the first place to want to wait. 

Also: VOX MOOCHINA

  • Fucking Liam O’Brien, one episode post-vampire-bite, wearing a shirt that says, “Keep Calm and Bite Me”. 
  • First sticker on the bottom of Sam’s stein!
  • Those moments when the cast fall into a random accent while they’re trying to find something in their notes or character info, and Matt matches the accent while he looks as well? <3 <3
  • The real questions: did Percy and Lilith bang, or did they not??
    • “If there’s a sock - or a gun - on the doorknob, don’t go in!”
    • Grog, instead of saying “bow chicka wow wow”, says “brown chicken brown cow” LOL
  • Matt again keeping the world realistic, providing actual consequences for you know, looking like they’d straight up attacked two guests of the crown, politically important to boot!
    • And I guess a little bit of an alignment check as well? I love a world with actual consequences for actions haha. 
  • Scanlan: Oh, I’ll keep shitting on things, just not people.”
  • “Seeker Awesome!”
  • Vax looking for Simon the Snake Belt <3
  • When Allura speaks with Vox Machina, lost and confused and unable to understand their actions from the night before, fuck all I want to do is give her the biggest hug <3
  • “Who are these fucks in front of the keep?!?” Grog shouts at the lovely older farming couple. 
    • Old people moment #2 - favoured enemy now?
    • “We are friends of the elderly - obviously -”
    • To Desmond: “You also caught us on a day we’re trying to be nicer to people.” “Just be glad you’re not an old woman.”
  • Jarret!!!
    • Everyone wants to get with Jarett, everyone.
    • “One of the people who might try to kill hiiiimmmmmm [Desmond], would be….Perrrcccyyyyy???”
    • “You think you can take Percy?!?” “Let’s say I think I can at least talk some sense into him.”
    • “This would be well within my own skill set, yes.”
    • “Ah, gnomes!”
    • Jarett and Kash are the Hot Girls ™ of Critical Role lmao
  • Tiberius gets smashed: “Princess Pretty Face!”
  • “I have an itch…for a cowbell.”
    • “You mean you need…more cowbell?”
  • “Here’s my plan - we’re all cows.”
  • “So Keyleth is obviously a cow - I mean, I don’t, I - I!”
    • “Oh it’s ok, what Vax said [reference to Kiki killing a kid] was way worse!”
  • This whole fucking episode, tears of laughter, just constant what-the-fuckery!
  • “It’s cowmaflage!” “I…have to give you experience for that.”
    • Also, if you look closely - I think Matt actually gave Scanlan experience for the cow pun? BLESS
  • “Boy, if Uriel could see us now!”
  • Keyleth vs. Cows
    • “Where?” *Cow looks up at the sky*
    • “Can you tell me what it looks like?” “It’s big and it has wings.”
    • “Does it come at a certain time of night?” “The dark time.”
  • “I for once - and it’s not weird! - shit on the floor!”
  • “My cow is going stealth.” “Ok, roll for cow stealth.”
  • “I make myself look…available?”
  • “I go into a cow rage and start chewing faster.”
  • “Please imagine: Vex-as-a-cow, shotting an arrow at a giant bird.
    • A tiny cow dimension-doors on top of said bird. 
    • “Scanlan? What the shit?”
  • “A squadron of weirdly shaped flying cows, lit by the moon, chasing after a giant bird - I love Dungeons and Dragons!”
  • “Out of thematic reasons I also turn him into a cow.”
  • “This is udder-ly ridiculous!”
  • “I bow deeply - and the cow bell around my neck rings.”
  • AKA, the episode where most of Vox Machina realise they should pretty much always let Scanlan lead in situations requiring persuasion and deception lol!
Smoke Part 12

Story Summary: You knew Bucky and Steve back when you were kids. When they both disappeared in the war, you let Peggy experiment on you with the serum. It had a different effect on you than it had on Steve, and you’ve spent your life in hiding. What will happen when you finally make yourself known?
Word Count: 1,941
Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions/insinuations of rape, lots and lots of tears, PLEASE DON’T HATE ME.
A/N: please please please don’t hate me. 😩

Waking up the next morning was strange. You went to stretch, expecting to find a warm body beside you, but only found a cold, empty space. You sat up quickly, examining my surroundings. The blanket beside you was messy, as if someone had slept there, but that was the only sign that he had ever been with you last night. You ran your hand through your hair, cursing yourself silently. How could you have let yourself believe him? You should have known something was up, when he so easily accepted your feelings, and his own. You should have been able to catch him in his lies. Why didn’t you see it?

You threw your legs over the side of the bed, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt from your bag, before walking over to the door, wanting to go find Steve. Only, when you went to turn the doorknob, it was locked. You jiggled it a few more times, to be sure, but it was definitely locked. You knocked on it loudly. “Bucky! Steve!” You called through the wood, but no answer. Your stomach began to feel uneasy as you thought through last nights events. Why would they lock you in this room?

You heard loud footsteps approaching the door, and you took a few steps back, assuming that Steve had heard you and had come to let you out. The door opened slowly, and the relieved smile that you had been wearing faded away almost instantly. The man that stood in the doorway, you’d never seen before. He was dressed in all black, with a small patch on his arm with the Hydra logo. “Did you have sweet dreams?” He asked with a thick German accent. You wrapped your arms around yourself tightly, feeling suddenly exposed. “W-Where’s Bucky?” You whispered, taking a few steps away from him. He laughed, “He was never here, my dear. You see.. When you’re really craving something, it’s much easier to manipulate your thoughts.” You bit into your lip, staring at the floor in embarrassment. You should have known something was up with Bucky. You should have known that it wasn’t him. “What do you want from me?” You whispered, and he laughed again. “Oh, I don’t need anything from you, dear. Just you being here is enough to lure the Soldier home. He’ll come for you. And when he does, we will be ready.” A lump formed in your throat and you shook your head. “They won’t fall for that.” You told him, trying to convince yourself of it, too. “Oh, my dear, they already have.” Your head shot up in his direction, fear evident in your eyes. “You’re a liar.” You whispered, and he shook his head. “Our sources tell us they’re already on their way here.. but by the time they get here..” He paused, walking towards you and running his fingers through the ends of your hair, “I’m afraid you’ll already be.. ruined”. With his words, several men came through the door, out of their combat gear, sick smiles on their faces.

You gulped, shaking your head vigorously. “N-no, please.” You whimpered, stepping out of his reach. He chuckled, “I doubt you’ll even put up a fight, will you, doll? You’ll probably even like it.” He spat Bucky’s nickname for you like it was some sort of disease on his tongue. You felt yourself begin to hyperventilate as the men stepped towards you, their grins spreading across their faces. You backed away until you were against a wall, lower lip quivering. “Please..” You whispered, and that was the last thing you remembered, before you blacked out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

When you woke up, your body ached all over and you were so tired that you couldn’t even open up your eyes. You were laying on something soft, comfortable, even, but it didn’t help with the pain you were feeling. You took in a shaky breath, letting a tear escape from your hooded eyes as you began to remember what had happened. “Y/N?“ You heard a voice ask softly, but you didn’t respond. Another tear fell, and you felt a hand on yours. “It’s me, Steve.” He said, squeezing your hand gently. “How can I be sure this isn’t some sort of Hydra mindgame?” You whispered hoarsely. You hadn’t even noticed how badly your throat hurt until now. “Open your eyes.” He told you, and you shook your head slowly, despite your pain. “That won’t prove anything. They did it before.. with Bucky.” You told him, and you heard him let out a sigh. “They used your feelings for him… against you.” He whispered, and you nodded. “What can I do to prove to you that this is real?” You let out a shaky breath, opening your eyes slowly. Steve stood there, a few cuts on his face, looking more tired than you had ever seen him look. He looked absolutely distraught, and his eyes were rimmed red. “What did they do to me, Steve?” You whispered, and he pressed his lips into a thin line, not answering you. “Oh god.. did they… is that why it hurts so much?” You asked, your eyes pooling with tears. He still didn’t say anything, his eyes focused on your intertwined hands. “He said.. that by the time you got there.. I’d already be ruined..” You breathed, and he chewed on his lip, his face turning red with rage. “Did.. did they get Bucky?” You whispered, and Steve shook his head slowly. “No.. but the second he saw you.. If I wouldn’t have stopped him, he would have killed every single man and woman in that building.” He told you, squeezing your hand tightly, “I almost let him..”

“Is.. Is he mad at me?” You whispered, chewing on your lip. Steve’s eyes found yours, and his face had pity written all over it. “Nobody is mad at you, Y/N, you have to know that.” His hand left yours, finding your cheek softly. “Nobody is mad at you.. this wasn’t your fault.” You nodded slowly, closing your eyes. “I think I’d like to sleep now.” You told him softly, and he nodded, slowly removing his hand from your face. “I’ll be back in a few hours, to check on you.”

As soon as he was out of the room, and the door was shut, you realized that you were back in your apartment, in your own bed. Everything had been cleaned and fixed from the fight that had happened before. It was almost as if it never even happened.. But the pain searing through your body told you differently. You brought your legs over the edge of the bed, standing up slowly, and immediately regretted it when the pain in your lower half got two times worse. You hissed, forcing yourself to walk out of your room and towards the bathroom. Someone must have changed your clothes, because you were wearing a t-shirt that was 3 sizes too big for you. When you reached the bathroom door, you heard someone clear their throat, and you noticed that you weren’t alone in the apartment. You looked towards the dining room, seeing Steve, Nat, Tony, Sam and Bucky sitting around the table. They all looked at you, except for Bucky. You moved into the bathroom quickly, not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment.

You turned the shower on as hot as it would go, stripping yourself of your clothes before you stepped in, sliding to the bottom of the shower with your knees against your chest. You rested your forehead against the top of your knees, breathing in deeply as you thought about what had happened.. You were somewhat happy that you couldn’t remember what the men did to you, but it also made things worse.. You couldn’t remember it, but you had all the proof written on your body. Your arms and legs were covered in bruises, even your insides hurt.. Your imagination was running wild with the thoughts of what might have happened, and you started sobbing. They had done all of this just to get to Bucky.. but what they didn’t know is that he didn’t remember you… he didn’t remember his feelings for you. He probably felt nothing, knowing what had happened to you. He probably only cared because he knew that you meant something to Steve.

You must have been crying pretty loud, because a soft knock came at the bathroom door. You didn’t answer, just tried to muffle your cries against your leg. You heard the door open and close softly, and saw the shadow of someone through the curtain. “Please, just leave..” You whimpered, but they didn’t comply. A hand reached into the shower, turning off the water. You stayed where you were, sniffling. “I want to be alone.” You said, more firmly this time. “That’s not going to happen anytime soon.” It was Nat who spoke. She pulled the shower curtain back, holding a towel out to you. “Come on. You’re just going to make yourself sick. Let’s get you dried off and get some food in you.” she told you softly. You reluctantly stood up, taking the towel from her and drying off. You noticed that she had brought you a change of clothes, which were sitting on the sink. She adverted her eyes as you changed, chewing on her lip. “I.. I’m sorry.” She whispered, and you looked over at her, your eyes wide. “I.. I should’ve come here when Bucky left to go to the tower.. If I would have, none of this would have happened.” She admitted softly. You shook your head at her, resting your hand on her shoulder. “Nat.. This is nobody’s fault but Hydra’s, okay? They thought they were being smart, hurting me to hurt Bucky.. But they don’t realize that it doesn’t work that way.. He doesn’t care about me like they think.” Her eyes snapped to your face, “You really think he doesn’t care about you?” She whispered. You shrugged, letting your hand fall off her shoulder. “He doesn’t remember me, Nat.. He can’t care about me like they think he does.” She shook her head slowly, opening the bathroom door so you both could leave. “I don’t think you realize how wrong you are.”

You followed her out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, where you felt several pairs of eyes following your every move. Nat pulled a few things out of the fridge, before turning around to look at you. “Go sit at the table. I’m sure you’re probably tired.. I’ll bring stuff to you.” You nodded slowly, chewing on your lip, before walking into the dining room, taking a seat next to Steve. Nobody said anything for awhile, it was just an awkward silence. You went to open your mouth to speak, but Bucky interrupted you. "Can I talk to you? Alone?” He asked, staring straight at you. You nodded, stiffly, standing back up from the table slowly. “Sure.” You whispered, and he stood up, too, heading towards your spare room. You followed him silently, looking over your shoulder at Steve, who had a strange look on his face that you couldn’t quite place.

Originally posted by hardcaramelsoldier

Originally posted by bruciare-al-suolo


TAGS: @maximoff-owned @writemeatale @julynineteenninetyseven @stephanieluvspie @i-want-to-fuck-that-dorito-man @learisa @fab-notfat @yellowtheremarvelfan @quicksilverfield @ren-in–wonderland @themanwiththemetalarm @traeshthetic-400 @dellabellas @pickylittlebitch @buckysmusculararm @lulubell13 @bellamouse16 @heismyhunter @loganmac02
I just wanted to say… I’m sorry, we were kids. I’m sorry, I had nothing to live for. I’m sorry, I got swept away by the jade, igniting sea, by the flutterflash of his eyelashes under the apologetic sun. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I always fall for the swan instead of the hawk. I still melt into him like wet clay, like a heat wave, like a shuddering star, strumming his ribs like the strings of a guitar, the wild expanse of his rosefield stomach, how semblence slips away when his tongue blankets mine. Our love is a deathmatch, at the banks of Tartarus, with a hooded creature and a cyclops. I’m sorry I only seem to look at the world with one eye, but a blind man’s vision is bound to be gifted and some say spirits swarm me, that chaos wrecks my skies. The first day, his bare, blooming feet, the sandy blisters on his heels, how he raced against time like Hercules cutting through clouds with his sword, all his hair in his face, gold fountains like magma, those eyes carved by conch shells; floating within them; sea angels. The first kiss, I’m thirteen, my heart’s half-chewed up, he engulfs me like a raging tsunami and spits out what’s left of the dead beating thing. Look, my love, you are all that I lived for. You are the pyramids and the seven bleeding oceans, you are my fatal flaw, my waning moon. Close your eyes. There’s too much blood, and remember that to me, you’ll always be that five-year-old boy with two missing teeth and firebird wings, tipping me over like an iceberg, drowning me in your sugar-sweet disposition. To me, you are forever the innocent flower, the boy who answered some petulant, tantrum-throwing god’s call, won eternal prosperity and lost a part of his soul in the bargain. Oh, dear, light-blessed boy, there are squalls in your veins. Oh Achillies, your enchanted plumes are summer-thick and twice as strong. Oh, Achillies I grant you everything, I fall to your feet now in rapture and not in pain. Oh, Achillies, I grant you a thousand lifetimes worth of joy & peace & wishes performed. Oh, Achillies, may we meet again, somewhere in the cold heart of sky, somewhere at the bottom of your mother’s saltwater empire, somewhere, in a moonblue field where I can fall asleep to your lyre and your cosmic touch. Oh, Achillies. Close your eyes. There’s too much blood.
—  Requiem For An Angel / A Saga / Patroclus’ Parting Words // j.r

                                        ❝     next time you do something     THAT     idiotic     ———-     i’ll let hekabe use you as her new chew toy .              raging she beast of a dog , held tight at the feet of the magi .               serves you right ,     RUSHING     through in such a fury .     

@mssgings  ‘d

Eight Nights of Light

From: @missmudpie

Happy Holidays, Victoria @sarahreesemd !  I hope you have a relaxing holiday break and that uni takes it easy on you in the new year.

A/N: While not Jewish, I did do research on Hanukkah customs.  If anything is inaccurate, please let me know, and I will make corrections.

The First Night

December 17, 2071

“Mom?  Mom?”

Felicity jerks, tearing her eyes away from Oliver playing dreidel with their youngest grandkids to look at her daughter. 

“You okay?” Ada asks.  “You were in your own little world for a minute there.”

“I’m fine,” Felicity answers, trying to brush away her concerns before he notices.  But of course he notices.  Oliver’s physical reflexes might have dulled over the years and decades, but his senses remain as sharp as ever.  She watches as he talks to the kids – whatever he tells them makes them giggle – before meeting her eyes.

“Come help me with something?” he says, which has been their code for Let’s talk about this in private since Tommy was three.

The kitchen still smells like apples and fried food; the oil still sits in the pan where they’d made the latkes earlier that evening.  Tommy’s youngest had listened intently as Oliver gave him instructions on how to flip them.  It reminded her of when Oliver had tried – in vain – to teach Ada the same thing, only for grease to splatter everywhere.

She’s been doing that all evening – remembering, reliving moments from the past, holding onto them tight least they slip away, as if –

“You have to stop looking at me like that,” Oliver says.

As if he’s already gone.

“I told you I feel fine.  You know the rule – no one in the hospital during Hanukkah.”

Keep reading

I’m so excited about so many of my oldest Tumbs friends getting into CritRole, I love hearing their thoughts as they go through each ep ;w;

I’m just waiting, waiting for some things they react to like

  • Hearing K’Varn’s voice for the first time and being afraid of Mercer’s voice acting skills, as we all should be
  • Gilmore!!!!! 
  • The guest stars!!
  • “I go into a Cow-Rage and start chewing faster” and that whole episode
  • the mother. fucking. Sun Tree.
  • the Scanbo incident
  • episode fucking 40
  • episode fucking 44
  • goddamn guys I’m so excited okay I love CritRole
Temporary Bliss (Ashton Irwin Imagine) Part 1

So before you read this, I highly suggest you listen to/look at the lyrics to ‘Temporary Bliss’ by The Cab, if you haven’t already heard it. I based this entire imagine on the song, even referencing it throughout so if ya want, you should check out the song.

This will have 3 parts btw, two of which will have smut LOL

Rated: R (smut yaaaass)

Not Requested

 

“Ashton, what is it? It’s two in the morning.” You groaned. Your phone had rung you out of your deep sleep at an unholy hour of the night, your best friend being the one to call you awake. You had an idea of what he’d wanted but you were too tired to even bother keeping your eyes open, so you weren’t sure.

“Come over, I’m lonely.” And then you knew exactly what he wanted.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” You almost spat, trying to control your temper, though the word girlfriend just felt like a bad taste in your mouth that you were itching to spit out.

Keep reading

What keeps us alive,
sometimes,
is ironically,
what we do not want,
people ask me,
what keeps me alive,
and the only answer,
I have,
is anger,
because even when nothing makes me smile anymore,
yet nothing upsets me too,
anger is like a trigger,
it makes me known,
it makes me feel,
even with rage streaming within,
and anger chewing on what’s left,
I am some how grateful,
because at least I can feel,
something,
and let alone,
if it’s anger,
then let it be,
don’t you think so?
—  K, “I crave anger and I crave to feel”

Prompt 69 for @unidentified-flying-outrage - Why are you bleeding? 

actual awful but we wanted Jeremy carrying around cute lil kid band aids and being team dad and patching everyone up, and I wanted to knock out another prompt. trigger warnings for (unintentional?) self-harm, mentions of past abuse, thoughts of murder (is that a trigger?? idk??), mental breakdowns, the usual ones for angsty Jean fic tbh. But it has a… pretty… happy… ending??

-

Living with Jean is… awful. There’s really no other word for it. Jeremy suspects it would be easier if he could hate the other man, or if he cared less about everyone all of the time, because it hurts to watch someone fall apart so frequently and be so useless to do anything about it. It was almost easier in the beginning, when Jean looked through him like he didn’t matter and answered in one word answers, monotone, always bored and dismissive. Jeremy thought things would get easier when Jean relaxed enough to open up, but he should have known better.

The sustained trauma of years of abuse is catching up with Jean now that his brain senses that it’s safe enough to cope with it, and Jeremy’s never hated anything in his life, but now he hates. A constant rage burns in his chest, chewing at his focus and his patience, peaking as a blinding, white-hot hatred that’s so violent it leaves him shaking. He’s never felt this strongly before, this negatively. He’s the captain of the Trojans for a reason, and he’s glad they won’t face the Ravens on the court for a handful of months more, because he wouldn’t stop at a red card. He’d probably kill the first Raven that even looked at Jean.

More exhausting than the rage that his body wasn’t made to feel is keeping a handle on it at all times. He can’t let Jean see what he’s feeling, because his new teammate won’t be able to distinguish anger for his sake as different from anger aimed at him. The trust between them is shaky at best, but shattering it would be devastating for Jean’s recovery and Jeremy will not be the reason for that. He won’t.

He’s just so tired.

So when he gets out of class with enough time to nap before dinner and practice, he’s desperately relieved. Less so when he walks through the door to their suite and can feel that something is off. Looking around to see what’s caught his attention, he finds the TV remote discarded on the floor, not the coffee table or arm of the couch, and there’s a mostly-eaten sandwich on a paper plate on the table instead. No Jean anywhere in sight, and he never once has left anything out of place. Jeremy’s stomach sinks even as his veins tingle with that constant fire and he sets out to search for Jean.

He’s easy enough to find—the light in their bathroom is on, the door not completely shut, and Jeremy knocks and waits for a moment. Getting no answer, he pushes inside, and there’s the anger right on cue. He stuffs it down in his chest, swallowing it like bile, and crosses the floor to kneel across from Jean. Jean’s curled up in a corner against the edge of the shower, strands of his hair tugged out and looped around his fingers, which are now digging into his cheeks as his frame shakes with silent sobs.

“Jean.” He doesn’t look up, doesn’t make any indication that he’s heard Jeremy. It’s not surprising but it’s also not good, because Jeremy can’t touch him to bring him back. Instead, he goes to the kitchen and pours a class of orange juice, stops and grabs his backpack and brings it all back into the bathroom. Settling down on the cold linoleum, back against the cupboards, he puts the juice down next to Jean. He’ll see it if he opens his eyes and he’ll smell it if he takes a deep enough breath, and maybe it’ll ground him a little. Until then, he pulls out his current book for lit class and starts reading it out loud, pausing to add in his comments when the characters do anything particularly stupid or centuries dead authors use unnecessarily complicated sentences to get their point across, and watches Jean slowly relax over time. It’s not until Jean looks up, eyes blinking repeatedly like that haven’t focused back on his actual surroundings quite yet, that Jeremy actually notices the blood on his face. “Why are you bleeding?”

Jean swipes at his cheek and stares down at the blood on the back of his hand. He jerks his shoulders up in a shrug. Gestures with the bloody hand at his right cheek. “Wanted it gone.” Even the three words look like they cost him effort. He carefully picks up the glass, hands too shaky to properly hold it, but he gets most of the juice in his mouth and carelessly wipes off his chin with his shirt.

On days like this, Jeremy actually wishes Riko wasn’t already dead, because Jeremy would like to kill Riko himself. He doesn’t know anything specific, because Jean doesn’t talk after breakdowns and doesn’t talk about anything important any other time, and Kevin tells him through omission more than honesty what went on in their shared past. Jeremy doesn’t need to know details. This is enough to make him want to kill.

But Jean needs gentleness after a life full of violence, even if violence is probably easier for him to process and handle, and Jeremy will force himself to be strong for as long as it takes. He reaches up to run the tap and wet a cloth, gesturing at Jeremy’s face. “Can you clean off the blood, or do you want me to do it?”

After a few moments, Jean jerks his chin at Jeremy in one quick nod, an offer. Jeremy is careful, hesitant to cause more pain, but Jean doesn’t look like he even feels it. He only blinks back to something resembling life when Jeremy is done, pulling his collection of band aids in a gallon size plastic bag out of the side pocket of his bag. “Hello Kitty or Spongebob?”

“What?”

Jeremy shrugs. “Hello Kitty goes better with your complexion,” he decides inanely. Peeling a few out of the wrappers, he dabs them with Neosporin just in case there was any dirt under Jean’s fingernails and smooths them across Jean’s face. The pink band aids neatly cover the tattoo, and Jeremy smiles a bit. It’s not the right way to go about things, but maybe band aids can be a temporary fix for a permanent problem. He pulls out his phone and snaps a picture rather than making Jean stand to look in the mirror. “See?”

Jean looks down at the phone for a long time, long enough that his hands stop shaking and his breathing returns to normal. When he hands the phone back, he’s his usual self again, the self-assured asshole that the Trojans know too well. Only the band aids and puffy pink around his eyes show that anything is different from any other day. “Merci,” he says quietly. Then he pushes himself to his feet, picking up the glass and leaving Jeremy behind on the bathroom floor.

The anger in his veins has quieted to an ache rather than a scorching heat. Jeremy can make a difference; he isn’t useless. And in a few months, they’ll trounce the Ravens on the court no matter what it takes, hurting them in the only way they can be hurt. When Jeremy leads their team to first place this year, he won’t be doing it for the right reasons, for the love of them game and a shared victory. He’ll be doing it to avenge one person—but that’s another kind of love, after all. It’s nothing more than a band aid to briefly cover up all that Jean has suffered, but Jeremy has loads of band aids and loads of time.

there’s a monster in my stomach
whom i feed all my dissatisfaction
he likes to gnaw on my insecurities
and chew on my disappointments

i name him raging bull
because i have to ride his waves
two handed
i swear i’m not an amateur
it’s just that it’s not like i had planned this

it’s the feeling that really gets to me
like panic had a seaside date with molasses
sweat dripping down my spine all slow
the water never still against its rocks like lashes

the water is red, these rocks bone white
this nausea in my stomach has my fists clenched tight
had always blamed my weight on a fast digestion
now i know he eats me whole,
and swallows me without question

—  A N X I E T Y // S.M.