*Harry and Ron are caught by McGonagall in the corridors and Harry lies telling her they were on their were to see Hermione*
Lily: How very much like you, using his sick friend to get out of a tight spot.
James:What? I’m offended
Lily: Oh bite me. How many times you got out of trouble saying you were gonna go see Remus in the hospital wing.
James: It’s maybe like *counting on his fingers* 5– 6– no wait 7– oh that time with Sirius, so 8– aah the Easter prank, Merlin that was g– *Lily stares* Alright alright I get it. I’m a horrible person, are you happy Evans?
Lily: Not very much, but I was right so a little.
*Harry finds the crumpled paper in Hermione’s hand, they learn that the creature hidden in the Chamber of Secrets is a basilisk*
Lily:Oh it’s a basilisk, what a relief
James: Hermione is the Remus of their small gang, she solved the whole thing by herself.
Lily: What’s wrong now?
James: We’ll find out soon enough.
Lily: Isn’t it a bit dramatic to write on walls with blood?
James:*with disgust on his face* Slyhterins. Their minds work different, don’t ask me.
Lily: Oh god, it took someone
James: Not just someone Lils, it’s the red head. Ron’s sister.
Lily:*rubbing her eyes* He’s gonna go after it. I know it. He’s going to die for sure this time. Why did it have to be someone Harry knew?
James: Ugh, that git Lockhart, how do they even trust him with something as important? Do you remember how he used to swoon over Sirius all the time? Remus almost beat the shit out of him.
Lily: *shocked* He did WHAT?
James: I said almost, calm down. *grinning* Peter might have tripped him once but that’s all. No harm done.
*Harry and Ron go up to Lockhart’s class to tell him everything they know about the heir of Slytherin but he’s getting ready to go away*
James: That fucking prat. All those books, they are lies. I never understood why he was in Ravenclaw.
Lily: Well he always wanted fame and he got it. *Lockhart reaches for his wand to put a memory charm on Harry and Ron* Harry your wand! YES! That’s my baby.
*Lockhart, Harry and Ron go to Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom*
James: Ah Myrtle.. she was a lovely ghost.
Lily: What do you mean lovely? She hated my guts and I was always nice to her.
James: She loved us, Sirius was her favourite. *oblivious* Was Sirius that good-looking to attract any type of creature and human in Hogwarts?
Lily: Umm.. Well, he was. I can’t lie. He’s very good-looking, I mean with the high cheekbones and the grey eyes and the whole I’m coo–
James: Alright, I get it.
Lily:*rolling her eyes* You asked and I replied. Don’t tell me you are jealous of Sirius?
James:*offended* Of course not.
Lily:Good, because we have a problem, they are going to the Chamber of Secrets.
*They go down to Chamber of Secrets and Lockhart takes Ron’s wand and since it’s broken it malfunctions while he tries to do a memory charm on Ron*
James: That son of a bitch. They are children, he could have killed them.
Lily: Forget about Lockhart, Harry’s into the chamber, alone.
James: Why would Salazar Slytherin built a room designed to look like a torture chamber in a school?
Lily: He had his reasons but the basilisk is ridiculous.
James: Who’s that? That boy?
Lily: I have no clue.
James: I hate people who act all mysterious. Get to the point.
Lily: Oh god he has his wand. How can someone preserve himself in a diary for fifty years?
James: I have an idea but it’s too extreme. I saw it in one of the books from Restricted Section while looking for information on animagi.
Lily: How extreme?
James: I think that might be a horcrux.
Lily:A what, now?
James: Something you hide a piece of your soul in so you don’t die, very dark magic and very hard to do.
*Tom Riddle is explaining how he opened the Chamber of Secrets using Ginny. He tells Harry that he’s his new target*
Lily: James? Can that be Voldemort?
James: How can it be? He has a nose.
Lily: *madly* James! This is serious.
James: Technically, yes.
Lily: Well, isn’t that fucking great?
James: It might not be Lils, I’m just making assumptions.
Lily: It’s a very spot on one James, I hate the fact that you’re so smart sometimes.
James: Was that a compliment or an insult?
*Tom Riddle reveals that he’s in fact Voldemort’s sixteen year old version, Fawkes arrives and a while later Basilisk comes out*
James: How’s the sorting hat and a phoenix will help him battle a bloody basilisk and Voldemort?
Lily: Harry turn around!
James: Okay I take my words back that bird is bloody brilliant. It took that thing’s eyes out. Harry, what are you– now is not the time to try the Sorting Hat on buddy.
Lily: He’s trying to do something, wait a second is that– is that a sword?
*Harry fights the basilisk and kills it with the sword but gets a fang to his arm*
James: HE’S GOING TO DIE, AGAIN.
Lily: No he’s not.
James: He was bitten by a fucKING BASILISK. How are you so calm?
Lily: For heaven’s sake James, do you know anything about phoenixes?
James: Care of Magical Creatures was not a favourite subject of mine.
Lily: But you got an Outstanding regardless, right?
James: Of course I did.
Lily: Ugh, I hate you. Phoenix tears have healing powers you dumbass.
James:That’s why you are so calm.
Lily:*sarcastically* Well, yes.
James: Let’s hope Tom Riddle doesn’t kill him now that we got over the basilisk.
Lily: *confused* Is he going to stab the diary?
James: No but that’s genius, assuming that’s a horcrux he can destroy it and kill Voldemort for good.
Lily: Look Ginny is waking up.
James: Harry James Potter saved the day again.
Lily: I don’t think my heart can handle any more of these heroisms.
James: It’s not like they are going to have a problem at Hogwarts each year.
I'm re-reading all of HP for the first time since discovering the joys of Drarry and it's so crazy how focused they are on each other from the very beginning! I had forgotten that scene in Borgin and Burkes in ChamberofSecrets when Harry is hiding in the cabinet listening to Draco complain about him to Lucius only to have Lucius say that Draco had told him the same story at least a dozen times. It's so bittersweet thinking of Draco obsessing, maybe without knowing why, about Harry all summer.
That sounds so fun! And I agree, it never fails to delight me that this exchange:
“…everyone thinks he’s so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick-”
“You have told me this at least a dozen times already,” said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son (CoS, chapter 4)
is canon. And Draco isn’t even insulting him, he’s just prattling on about Harry’s virtues. Could you be any more obsessed with him, Draco?
I keep picturing Draco following Lucius around the manor all summer, jabbering about Harry and his ridiculous hair (doesn’t he have a comb?) and his ghastly clothes and his terrible choices in friends, all while Lucius rubs his temples and grumbles under his breath, wondering why he knows so much about Harry fucking Potter’s life, habits, and favorite foods and praying that Draco will finally stop talking
Lily: This year is going to be awesome. First the house elf and now they are going to miss the train.
James: Maybe they’ll get through it’s not el– Nope it’s gone.
Lily: Have you ever gotten to the school without the train?
James: I haven’t but Moony has. Don’t worry there are other ways. I’m sure Molly and Arthur will figure something out. I’m pretty sure they can use the Floo Network if Dumbledore permits it.
Lily: Where are they going? Why aren’t they waiting for Molly and Arthur?
James:Calm down, they’ll probably wait by the car. Hedwig attracts too much unwanted attention.
*Harry and Ron reach the car*
Lily: James, why is Ronald on the driver seat? Why is he staRTING THE CAR? HARRY JAMES POTTER IF YOU GET IN THAT CAR–
*Harry and Ron fly the car*
James: This boy is even more reckless than Padfoot, incredible. All those Muggles are seeing a flying car Harry, are you kidding me?
Lily: Did he– What the– What is this mess? Will they fly that thing to Hogwarts?
James: Apparently. Molly’s going to finish Ron.
Lily: She better or else I will.
*Harry and Ron fly to Hogwarts safely except for the last bit because the car starts to have problems*
Lily: That’s what you get for flying a fucking car all the way from King’s Cross to Hogwarts. They are going to crash into the lake and get eaten by the giant squid.
James:*shocked* Whoa Evans, giant squid has never eaten a student before, I’m guessing it has digestion issues. Besides I’m sure Ron will land it on the ground it’s not that far aw– LOOK OUT FOR THE WHOMPING WILLOW!
James: Well, I thought we were a menace to Hogwarts but we never crashed into Whomping Willow with an illegally enchanted Ford Anglia.
Lily: Of course you haven’t because at least you guys thought before you acted. This child is giving me anxiety and I’m not even alive.
James: I haven’t seen the Whomping Willow that angry since Peter pushed the wrong knot.
Lily: They are lucky they don’t have at least five different bones broken.
*Harry and Ron make their way to Great Hall talking about Snape and they run into him*
James: Why does it have to be Snivellus?
Lily: Ssh. Harry deserves this.
James: No one deserves *gesturing Snape as a whole*that.
Lily: Shut it
James: Snappy Lily is my least favourite Lily.
*Snape gets McGonagall and Dumbledore comes, too*
James:*under his breath* Oh this is going to be good, the whole gang is here.
Lily:*looks at James Like she’s going to kill him* They are going to get expelled.
James: No, they are not. If Sirius and I finished that bloody school, the boy who lived certainly can.
*Harry and Ron talk to McGonagall and Dumbledore*
Lily: Thank heavens, they won’t expel them.
James:*laughing* Look at Snape’s face, he looks like someone told him to go wash his hair.
Lily:When will you stop making fun of important situations?
James: When they are life or death matters.
Lily:*angry* They could have died.
James: But they didn’t. I am sorry I did not panic as much as you want me to but a part of you knows that he won’t, can’t be expelled from Hogwarts, too. They are alright, Lils. That’s what matters, yeah?
Lily: Yeah I guess so. It doesn’t change the fact that Harry and Ron are somehow more dangerous than you and Sirius.
James:*a little offended* I highly doubt that.
Lily: Well, we’ll see that, won’t we?
James:*talking to himself* You don’t know half the things we pulled off.