the cats pyjamas

Why Bill is the coolest Weasley brother

Here are just some of the ways Bill Weasley shows he is the absolute cat’s pyjamas. Which, in case you were wondering, is far better than the ghoul’s pyjamas…

“Bill was – there was no other word for it – cool.”
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

He’s a curse-breaker for Gringotts

The job title alone sounds pretty awesome. Not only does Bill have goblins for colleagues – notoriously tricky customers – but he also gets to do the majority of his work amid the pyramids of Egypt. He’s pretty much the closest the wizarding world has to Indiana Jones.

He showed us that it’s cool to be clever

Obviously we already have Hermione flying the flag for bookworms everywhere, but Bill is a very smart fellow too. He also seemed a little more cavalier about his intellect than Hermione, who has a Boggart that tells her she’s failed all of her exams and literally turns back time to make all of her lessons count.

Meanwhile, Bill has O.W.L.s coming out of his ears and a Head Boy badge under his belt with seemingly no stress whatsoever. No big deal.

He has style to boot

Mrs Weasley may be in a constant battle with her eldest son regarding his aesthetic choices, but when Harry first claps eyes on Bill’s long ponytail, fanged earring and dragon-hide boots, he deems that his clothes ‘would not have looked out of place at a rock concert’.

Just imagine, for a moment, being Bill Weasley’s rock concert companion; you’d score so many cool points just by being near him. Imagine the inevitable crowdsurfing.

He mocks Percy’s cauldron bottoms

Only Percy Weasley could discuss the topic of cauldron bottoms with such regularity and still manage to keep a straight face.

Naturally Fred and George can be counted on to relentlessly mock Percy and his stiff-collared approach to his new Ministry job, but it is in fact the eldest Weasley brother we can thank for first mocking Percy’s cauldron bottom report – and he even manages to do so while having a mid-air table battle of epic proportions. Classic Bill.

He’s patient with Mrs Weasley’s fussing

We all know how annoying it is to be fussed over by your family, and Mrs Weasley’s niggling of Bill for his appearance must get irksome. That’s if you’re the sort to be irked though, which Bill clearly isn’t.

During one such conversation with his mother, when Molly protests that Bill’s earring isn’t appropriate for work, he puts paid to her argument with a simple, ‘Mum, no one at the bank gives a damn how I dress as long as I bring home plenty of treasure.’ Bill one, Molly nil.

He knows when it’s time to spring into action

Though he’s Mr Laidback the majority of the time, Bill still knows when it’s time to act. When the Death Eaters make an appearance at the Quidditch World Cup, Bill is immediately ready to aid in opposing them.

In the aftermath, although injured, his arm bleeding ‘profusely,’ Bill’s only concern is if the person who conjured the Dark Mark was caught. That’s our guy.

Even Rita Skeeter doesn’t get to him

Some of our toughest cookies have taken the cruel words of Rita Skeeter and her poisonous quill to heart. Hermione, who rarely takes notice of what idle gossips say about her, was reduced to tears by Rita’s slander; Hagrid, the man who befriends bloodthirsty beasts of all shapes and sizes, resorted to hiding out in his hut thanks to her unkind words.

But Bill? Please. He brushes aside being branded a ‘long-haired pillock’ with the greatest of ease.

His wife is amazing too

Almost every other guy in the series had fawned haplessly over the beautiful Beauxbatons student and Triwizard champion Fleur Delacour, but the second she sees Bill Weasley, it’s game over.

As Fleur is ‘eyeing Bill with great interest,’ is he all a dither? Of course not. By playing it far too cool for school, Bill gets the girl effortlessly. Well played, Weasley, well played.

He’s calm in the face of adversity

When Voldemort returns and everyone is, understandably, going to pieces just a tad, even Dumbledore doesn’t seem as brimming with joy as usual.

While Dumbledore enlists people with their duties, worried about the logistics of getting word to Arthur, Bill cuts the Headmaster short with a simple, ‘Leave it to me,’ followed swiftly by a clap of the hand on Harry’s shoulder, a kiss on his mother’s cheek, a swish of his cloak and an admirable striding exit. Now that’s how it’s done.

He took a brutal werewolf attack in his stride like an absolute champ

When Bill is mauled by Fenrir Greyback, he’s scarred for life. This would be enough trauma to drastically alter even the strongest of people.

However, while paying visits to the recovering Bill, Harry observes that ‘in personality he seemed just the same as ever. All that appeared to have changed was that he now had a great liking for very rare steaks.’ Fenrir who?