the cat's stuff

“Everyone lies: ‘Oh, getting old is terrible.’ What the fuck are they talking about? It’s so great! Let me count the ways. It takes until you’re 40 for you to have enough money to buy anything—like a bunch of weird chairs, that thing for my cat, the stuff for the web comic. You can’t afford a comic made of tiny things when you’re in your 20s. You need to get to a point in your life when you’ve made connections in your community, and you can do fun artistic projects, and you can buy a couple of movie chairs and have them sent to your apartment. That’s what it means to be 40. You just do whatever the hell you want. It’s awesome!

People say, ‘Oh, being in your 20s is the best.’ Is it? Because I found it very anxiety producing, and sad, and kind of lonely. I feel none of those things now. Life is awesome. And then they say, ‘Oh, you know, you’ll be wrinkled and ugly.’ Wrinkled? Maybe. Ugly? Are you kidding me? I’ve never looked this good. Look at my hair. I just had it done. Ask me how much that cost. I couldn’t spend that much on my hair even in my thirties. Look at this thing. It’s a shirt from a museum. I’m going to get all my clothes from museums. I couldn’t get any clothes from museums when I was in my 20s. Also, I know so much more now. I’m like a genius—just from life. I have all sorts of knowledge.

I feel like we’ve all been lied to by society—that youth is where it’s at. Not really. Youth kind of sucks. It’s thrilling, but it’s also terrifying. I’m not scared of anything now.

Oh, that’s the other thing. It’s the biggest thing. When I turned 30, a friend of mine wrote to me and said, ‘Tell me what you’ve learned. Give me your wisdom at 30.’ I remember reading that and thinking, ‘I have no idea.’ But I thought about it for a couple of days and I wrote back to him. ‘You now? I do have an answer for this: I feel more confident now. And I care a little bit less about what other people think.’ Now, at this age, I don’t give a fuck what people think.

This is how this translates to me. I’ve never attempted to be popular by any definition, which is good, because I certainly haven’t been. But it always killed me to disappoint people. I feel that less now.

You can’t hang anything over my head emotionally because I just don’t care. I don’t feel that I have to impress anyone anymore. It’s awesome!”

Cambridge, MA

youtube

Nara met face to face with the street cat that lives in the neighbour’s garden and she wasn’t pleased.

(the body suit thingy is because she likes to sleep on the balcony in sunny days so she wears it sometimes so she doesn’t jump and attack any animal that comes by (and because she kept escaping all the harnesses I bought -_-))

Thoughts at 2pm...

I slept for 5 hrs… not straight, i woke up a bunch of times, but it was something.

and it helped.

I bought a nighttime sleep-aid my doctor recommended and took it at 8pm… by 4am it still hadn’t kicked in.

I took some benadryl… and nothing.

I finally drank an entire bottle of jamesons (750ml) and mixed some vodka with bloody mary mix in a 32oz mug for breakfast, and then I finally felt drowsy around 9am.

Now it’s 2pm, and I’m wide awake, feel fine (like stomach/alcohol wise), and Marina will be here to help me clean out my room :( No more stuffed animals, no more cat toys, no more cat stuff, no more this no more that. It’s gonna be hard on both of us … I may need to get another bottle of whiskey.

But no lie, that sleep did help… there’s a feeling one gets when everything hits, the grief, the exhaustion, the stress, and you still have to function… every little thing was too much, every sound, every light, every movement. I noticed it most when I was pacing, when I was simply not in control of my thoughts or actions, I just had to keep moving because I could NOT be there, and I could NOT be here, and the sound of the TV grated on me, the sound of the wind made my entire body tense, I just wanted  everything to STOP.

It got worse and worse the more tired I felt, and when I woke up the first time in a panic because I reached out beside me and mystic wasn’t there, and I bolted awake and fell off the couch… well… as bad as that was… I realized I felt better just having had a couple of hours of sleep.

It’s all part of the process, i’m mad that I had to use alcohol but, I had to use something, and I don’t plan on making it a regular part of my day/night. Lord knows I didn’t feel drunk at all … but it did push me over the edge to sleepytown.

2

would you like to save your game? ♡

Phichit’s a Manx! So he’s got a little stub tail <3

Yuri has lots of play dates with Phichit. They’re very soft play dates. Victor cries from the intense cuteness while also feeling incomprehensibly envious

Yura has playdates with Otabek, but they’re more like “Yura disappears for hours and is spotted 16 blocks away at the motorshop Otabek lives in”

3

                                          me!
                                          books! and cleverness!
                                          there are more important things
                                          friendship
                                          and bravery.


                                         AESTHETIC MEME | eight characters
                                         ┖ hermione granger (4)