the carts are coming

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you

7)      FAKE DATING HOLY SHIT I LIVE FOR THIS

i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

Why yes, we should ring up every item.

I used to be a front end manager for a large hardware chain in the Midwest. It was early in the day (around 9 am or so) and my head cashier had called in sick so I was already behind in a lot of ways. Luckily I had a girl scheduled who was a former head cashier who had left the company and came back as a full time cashier. We’ll call her Jenny. Jenny was smart and worked hard, she was always professional and was quick with a joke. I liked when she was scheduled to work with me.

Jenny was around 7 months pregnant (and had the most awful things said to her because she didn’t have a ring on her left hand, but that’s another story) and I had given her the phone while I was trying to accomplish various tasks to set up my day.

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A bumbling bard, and the surprisingly smart thug

so i joined a homebrew D&D campaign where we play as fe fates characters. i play a bard ophelia, travelling with niles and takumi. shortly into the session, we run into a couple of thugs while on our way to the woods of the forlorn.

DM: “alright, they haven’t noticed you. what do you do?”

me: “ophelia is gonna try to make her way behind the cart there to hide.”

dm: “roll a stealth check.”

> nat 1

me: “ummm….”

dm: “haha, okay. so… ophelia trips, tumbles into the cart, and knocks out all of the logs and everything in it. also, the thugs hear you.”

me: “damn nat 1’s.”

> my next turn rolls around

me: “OKAY! i’m going to, in typical ophelia fashion, hop up onto the cart. behold, thugs! the chosen heroine comes to stop you! i cast dissonant whispers!”

dm: “okay…. alright, they’ve gotta make a wisdom check. wisdom is not these guys strong suit, so i’m not expecting much.”

> they roll a 19 against my 13

dm: “…”

dm: “SO THIS THUG IS APPARENTLY /REALLY/ SMART-”

me: “fucking hell…”

Fairgrounds and Ferris Wheels

Originally posted by loptrlaufey

Pairing: Loki x Reader

Content/Warnings: 1st person POV, lots of fluffy fluffy Loki

Words: 2289

Prompt:  ‘I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck’ Changed it a little but you get the idea! 

Not sure how I feel about 1st person…What do you guys prefer? 1st or 3rd POV? 


“Can we get cotton candy?” I asked, words slightly slurred from the toffee sticking my mouth together. Jane shook her head ahead of us and pulled herself tighter into Thor’s side, this was her idea really. Her and Thor had worked things out after their break up and were taking things slow again, they still weren’t quite there with being comfortable with each other again so Jane suggested that instead of a solo date, we make it a group thing. Enter me, Darcy and Loki.

The funfair was in town so 4 votes against Loki’s one meant that here I was, two scientists, two gods and me. “Okay who want’s to go into the haunted house?” I squealed in excitement as I bounced over to the entrance, “Come on Jane!” A smile broke out on her face as she held her hands up in defeat. “I’m not going in there Y/N.” Pouting I looked over to where Loki and Darcy were standing, something had caught Darcy’s attention but Loki stepped forward with a small mischievous smirk on his face.

“Sorry Y/N, Loki’s gonna win me a stuffed dog!” Darcy called over her shoulder as she pulled an unwilling Loki over to a stall. I crossed my arms over my chest as my heart dropped into my stomach. “I’ll go on my own then.” I huffed before handing the guy a dollar bill, pushing the fake spider webs out of the way.

“Lady Y/N wait,” I heard Thor behind me as an old corpse bride sprang from a fake grave to the left. “You didn’t have to come with me Thor I’m fine by myself.” He fell into step next to me as we turned a corner to darkness, save for glow in the dark murals. 

I bit my lip at his silence, “You could have waited outside with Jane, it’s lame in here anyway.” I mumbled as a skeleton fell from the ceiling in front of us. “You should go and win her a stuffed animal.” Thor turned to face me again with a small smile on his face.

“What’s the significance of a stuffed animal?” He asked as we came to a stop in front of a mirror maze. I looked at our difference in height and huffed, “Nothing. It’s just what couples do is all.” Fiddling with my scarf I walked into the maze with Thor behind. “It’s just one of those stupid things people in love do.”

“Then why are you upset?” I sighed as I heard him stop behind me. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head. “I’m not.” I lied.

“I’m sure Darcy just wants a stuffed toy Y/N,”

“I don’t care Thor, it’s nothing to do with me anyway.” Stomping off I made for the exit in an even worse mood than I was already in when I entered the stupid haunted house. Darcy and Jane were stood sharing the responsibility of keeping a giant stuffed dog off of the muddy ground they were standing on. To the right of them was a very bored looking Loki.

“Y/N look what we won!” Darcy cheered. I didn’t want to but I couldn’t help but smile at her childish joy from a stuffed dog. “He’s a bit small isn’t he?” I bit out, ignoring the pang of jealously I felt. 

“She wanted the big one.” Loki drawled from behind, walking over with Thor in hushed conversation. “I can see.” You whispered, following the two girls off to the next ride.

Thor and Loki were hanging back slightly looking like they were talking very intensely. The two brothers had arrived back on earth a few months ago and had been a part of daily life ever since, Loki especially. There was no real way of describing the relationship the two of you had, it started with hot chocolates that you would indulge yourselves with at your nightly 3am meetings when the two of you couldn’t sleep. You knew he had nightmares and you just couldn’t bear to leave him alone with them, so you started to set your alarm for 2:50am each night in order to meet the god dead on 3am.

“I’m going on the ferris wheel, I’ll catch up!” I shouted to the girls who had already began to make their way over to a hot dog stand. There wasn’t much of a que, mainly young couples who were waiting for a chance to have a seat and a snog. “Sorry, only two to a cart.” The operator coughed as I got to the front. “One of you will have to wait.”

Looking behind me I saw Loki and Thor had qued up too, Loki quickly glanced between me and his brother. “I’d better go and see if Jane is alright.” He spoke cheerfully as he clasped Loki on the back and turned away.

I turned to Loki who gestured for me to step in ahead of him. The carts were small with no step to rest your feet on, just a simple cushioned bench with a safety bar across it. There wasn’t much room once I’d squashed my hand bag into the side of the seat to prevent it falling out, this left me squashed arm to arm with the god of mischief.

“Sorry,” I mumbled as the operator pulled the bar down across us, struggling to secure it with Loki’s long legs. He shot me a questioning look. “You’re sorry?”

I nodded, “Yeah. You didn’t have to come on here with me you know, I can do things alone I don’t mind.” 

The cart started to move. “You’re independent to a fault but I don’t think even that would convince the old coot that you could ride in a cart alone.” I smirked, oddly proud that he thought I was independent.

“True.” Silence fell over the two of us as we climbed higher and higher. Loki shifted in his seat, his legs dangled and bumped into mine lightly. “Are you alright?” My breath hitched slightly as I realised just how close I was to the god. He nodded and wriggled his arms forwards over the bars, “Fine it’s just very compromising.”

I couldn’t help the giggle that rose at the sight of it. He turned to me with a quirked eyebrow, “Sorry, you’re just so tall really aren’t you?” Two hands rose to cover my mouth as I tried to hide the giggles as he fidgeted again only to lift his arms up into the air and place them over the back of the cart.

Suddenly the cold winter air had gotten much thicker. 

“Are you cold?” Loki asked just as the cart jolted to a stop. We were right at the top, peering out over the edge we could see our friends and the old man who owned the ride walk over to the generator.

“Did he just…” I mumbled as I squinted my eyes. “Kick the ride?” I turned to Loki in mild horror, “Did he just kick the ride? Why aren’t we moving?” He shrugged and relaxed back into his seat.

“I’m calling the fire brigade!” A voice yelled from the ground. I glanced at Loki who was already watching me with a curious look on his face. “Looks like we’re stuck here for a while.” I mumbled as a cold wind blew, making the cart rock a little too much. Instinctively I grabbed onto Loki as the cart continued to rock in the wind.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…” I mumbled with my eyes squeezed shut. Loki hummed beside me and wrapped a hand around my shoulder. “This is the most fun I’ve had all night.” He chuckled from beside me.

Opening one eye I peeked up at him from underneath my lashes, “Seriously? You get dragged along on a ‘group event’ and the most fun you have is getting stuck in a cart at the top of a ferris wheel with your brothers girlfriends best friend?” I lightly teased, still tense next to him from the wind. 

He hummed and pulled me closer into him, “Yes I suppose.”

Struggling to manoeuvre my bag from the seat beside me I pulled out a hat and looked at Loki. “Are you cold?”

He shook his head slowly, “Frost giant’s don’t really mind the cold.”

Feeling more than a little embarrassed at forgetting Loki’s heritage I quickly stuffed the hat back where it belonged and stared out at the skyline. “Are you cold?” Loki asked into the silence, tilting my head I looked up at him staring out at the skyline too.

“You already asked me that,” I reminded him with a smile, “I’m alright. Though if we stay up here forever then my toes might slowly start to drop off.” He didn’t laugh with me, instead he kept watching the world go by. “You don’t have to worry about that you know.” I spoke quietly, eyeing my hands in my lap.

I felt his gaze fall to me without looking. “Making me cold I mean, I know Darcy and Jane always comment on it but it’s never really bothered me…” Mentioning Darcy again made the jealous pang return to my chest. “Is Darcy even ok with you being up here? With me I mean?”

His head snapped down to mine with scrunched brows. “I - I don’t follow,” He paused and glanced at the ground. “Why would Darcy care where I go?”

I snorted, “Aren’t you two…You know?” I clasped my hands together and motioned for him to get the idea. Instead he just stared at my hands blankly and shrugged. “No I don’t follow,”

“Together?” I laughed bitterly, “She’s been dragging you off on rides or to stalls at every chance she’s gotten tonight so I just assumed -”

Are you jealous?” He smirked, turning his body as much as he could towards mine. I could feel my cheeks heating up under his gaze. “No.” I choked out, “No I was just curious is all.” 

We both stared at the other for a moment longer before looking back out at the world surrounding us. “I was rather hoping you’d be jealous.” He commented quietly.

I stilled under his arm as the world seemed to stop revolving. What did he mean by that? Was there a hidden meaning or was he just being his usual teasing Loki? I mean, yes there had been those nights where the two of you flirted a little but it had always been playful and nothing had ever come from it. And yes you two may have fallen asleep on the sofa in Jane’s apartment one too many times but you always slept better when you were tucked under the lanky god’s legs and -

“Y/N?” He squeezed my shoulder with a nervous laugh, “Did I accidentally charm you into a coma?” He teased lightly as he pulled me closer into him and away from my thoughts.

“Quite possibly. You do always like a good flirt.” As quickly as the moment had come it was gone again. Do you ever flirt like this with Darcy? 

Loki seemed to sense the shift in atmosphere. “Perhaps if I were to flirt with Darcy she wouldn’t be as dense as you.” He huffed quietly.

I whipped my head up to see him smirking down at me once again, “Did you just call me dense?” I seethed, sitting up further in my seat. “I am not dense Loki! I -”

He cut me off my placing his lips on mine with a quiet urgency that was only too quickly returned. I tried to turn my body towards his but was confined by the safety bar, instead I pulled his neck further down and wound my fingers ever so slightly in his long hair. In return his hand pressed into my back, pulling me as close into him as possible. His lips were softer than I’d imagined and cool like the rest of him which only added to the rush that we both felt. His other hand grabbed at my waist eagerly as we both explored the other with teeth and tongue, time seemed to have stopped completely just for a moment.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind us caused the two of us to break apart quickly.

Thor stood holding the cart still with a stupid grin plastered on his rosy face. “If you two are quite finished, I think the other passengers would like to get off.” Fumbling with the safety bar Loki helped guide us both with shaking legs back onto solid ground. 

Looking around for Jane and Darcy I opened my mouth and looked up at a beaming Thor, though he seemed preoccupied by staring at his brother. “Uh, Thor?” His beaming face shot to yours, “Where’s Jane and Darcy?” Looking around again I made sure I hadn’t missed them.

Thor began walking and we followed, Loki’s hand burning on my waist the entire time. “They got bored so carried on,” I glanced up at Loki and smiled feeling suddenly very shy around the tall god. “ - I think they may have made their way to the dodgems?” 

Loki chuckled beside me and squeezed me lightly, “I’m not sure I’ll be able to kiss you as much as I’d like too on that.” He whispered huskily, low enough for me to hear. I blushed and thought quickly.

“Thor!” I called as I pulled a confused Loki to a stop beside me, “I’m just going to show Loki that scary haunted house we went in earlier!” Pulling Loki behind me in a run I caught the knowing gaze he sent our way.

“About damn time.” Thor smiled to himself, making his way towards the next ride.

the losers club aesthetics

bill denbrough : the smell of fresh cut grass; papercuts; the feeling you get when you chug a glass of ice cold water after a run; sloppy handwriting; bitten nails; being afraid, yet thrilled, about getting lost; sprinting across an empty football field; burning your tongue on hot drinks; photobooths; pushing friends in a cart in the store

stan uris : the first inhale after coming up from swimming; clotheslines; baby blue; freashly clipped nails; cold lips kissing warm hands; tracing shapes on a lovers back; violin music; gasping between kisses; fruit infused water; tears on your best friend’s sweater; calling friends swear words while grinning; the shuffling sound of a deck of cards

richie tozier : jumping into an autumn leaf pile; the feeling of a big drop on a roller coaster; hands caressing a lover’s cheeks; long eyelashes; thin blankets; hickeys; screaming at the top of your lungs; headrushes; throwing a punch at someone; writing on a chalkboard; washing dishes alongside a loved one, humming, and kissing each other’s cheeks; party tricks and hidden talents; 

beverly marsh : french braids; lighthearted debates that turn into yelling matches; ice cream melting on your fingers; fish tacos; button up shirts with dainty underwear; caffeine addiction; long nails tapping on a desk; a sharp inhale when making out; feeling light-headed after a sleep in; winning a stuffed bear at the fair; giving someone a thirty dollar tip; warm coffee going cold; 

ben hanscom : whistling; finding an onion ring in your fries; picking up bits and pieces of languages while traveling; waking up ten minutes early; a collection of partially filled notebooks; the crack of a baseball hitting a bat; the sound of shes against loud wood floors; studying on the green; wearing someone else’s jacket; writing with your non dominant hand; 

eddie kaspbrak : blushing from ears to chest; lightning bugs on your hand; aching fingers and wrists; cursing when spilling coffee over your notes; running your hands over tall grass; doodling on a lover’s skin; your lips and fingers turning red from berries; resting your head in someone’s lap; sloppy handwritten love letters; sneaking into an open window; the moment before you get picked up for a first date

mike hanlon : tilting your face towards the sun; jumping as high as possible on a trampoline; tapping toes to the beat of a song; apple cider; the scent of an extinguished match; broken cinnamon sticks; the smell of sharpened pencils; dancing in the rain; random bloody noses; eating all of the chocolate in an advent calendar at once; 

(So the party has just come across a highway through the woods, after escaping from an angry mob and being mauled by wolves. I’m DMing and I have a few players including an absurdly buff Druid and a Bard who always says exactly what comes to his mind. )

Druid: I’d like to stop the next cart that passes.

Me(DM): Alright- after a few minutes, a cart laden with assorted products comes rambling by, with a few people riding on it.

Druid: I’d like to pull out my bloody axe, and turn to them with a haggard look, and say “We REALLY need your cart.”

Me(DM): The peddler is unimpressed, saying “I have a wife, and children at home to feed! I can’t afford to just give random strangers my cart!” And he gestures to the person to his right- clearly the mentioned wife.

Bard: That is a man.

Me(DM): I use the term wife loosely.

A Newfound Love for Grocery Shopping

“Wow,” Draco said reverently. His eyes lit up in awe. “What is this place?”

Harry chuckled. “Tesco.”

“Tesco,” Draco repeated, his tone thoughtful. “What is language is that? Croatian? Bosnian, maybe.”

Harry laughed again. He grabbed his boyfriend’s hand and kissed it affectionately.  “I don’t think it’s a real word, babe. Are you ready to do some shopping?”

Draco nodded eagerly, then noticed the cart Harry had snagged while Draco was admiring the fluorescent lighting and dozens of aisles. “What’s that for?” he asked.

“It’s what we put our groceries in,” Harry explained.

“Interesting,” Draco commented. “Well then, what’s first?”

“Cat food for Leo,” Harry said, reading off the list that Draco insisted for Harry to make. Usually when he went grocery shopping, Harry would just wander around the store picking up anything he noticed they needed. But when he invited Draco to come along, the blond immediately decided that Harry’s system was far too cavalier. Harry glanced at Draco now as he led the way to the pets section, again thinking how odd it was that this was the first time he ever brought Draco grocery shopping with him, especially considering that they’d been living together for six months now. Draco was currently staring at all the Muggle products around him in an awestruck manner. Harry smiled lovingly at his boyfriend.

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Why English is Weird

A series of poems, sentences, and other works that describe the oddity of the English language. Have fun reading these out loud!

Pronunciation

I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.
Well done! And now you wish perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead, it’s said like bed, not bead-
for goodness’ sake don’t call it ‘deed’!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth, or brother,
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there’s doze and rose and lose-
Just look them up- and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart-
Come, I’ve hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I’d learned to speak it when I was five!
And yet to write it, the more I sigh,
I’ll not learn how ‘til the day I die.

~

Verbs: The Past Tense

The teacher claimed it was so plain,
I only had to use my brain
She said the past of throw was threw.
The past of grow -of course- was grew,
So flew must be the past of fly,
And now, my boy, your turn to try.
But when I trew,
I had no clue, if mow was mew -
Like know and knew
Or was it knowed
Like snow and snowed

The teacher frowned at me and said
The past of feed was - plainly - fed.
Fed up, I knew then what I ned:
I took a break, and out I snoke.

She shook and quook (or quaked or quoke?)
With raging anger out she broke:
“Your ignorance you want to hide?
Tell me the past form of collide!”
But how on earth should I decide
If it’s collid (Like hide and hid)
Or else - from all that I surmose,
The past of rise was simple rose,
And that of ride was surely rode
So of collide must be collode?

Oh damn these English verbs, I thought
The whole thing absolutely stought !
Of English I have had enough.
These verbs of yours are far too tough.
Bolt upright in my chair I sat,
And said to her “That’s that. I quat!”.

~

Homophones

  • The bandage was wound around the wound.
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The rubbish dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  • A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object.
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it.
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  • To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail
  • After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

~

General Weirdness 

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!). Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you Can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why don’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up and down at the same time and, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And while we’re at it, why doesn’t “Buick” rhyme with “quick”?

I could never forgive myself // Montgomery de la Cruz

Warnings: mention of rape

A/N: I never wanted to romanticize rape. That´s one of the worst things that can happen to a person, but I got carried away with this one. And I´m really bad with titles. So sorry.


You sat on your bed, rereading your favorite book, enjoying your alone time. Reading was always a valve for you, a way to escape the reality. A knock on your window tear you from your thoughts. When you looked up you saw someone sitting in front of your window, waiting patiently to be let in. You stand up from your bed and when you opened it you were greeted by Montgomery, your boyfriend of six months. “Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you wanted to hang out with the others at Bryce´s?” You asked smiling, letting him in. Monty embraced you in a tight hug the moment he stepped inside, burying his head in your neck. “What happened?” you asked, normally your boyfriend was carefree around you. Whenever he steps through your window or door he would make a cheeky remark, but he was never like this and it concerned you. You could feel his breath against your neck, tickling your skin. Your hands rubbed up and down his back and you could feel him relax under your touch. “I will never leave you alone around Bryce again.” He mumbled and hugging you even tighter. “What do you mean, Monty?” you asked confused. He breaks the hug and walked toward your bed, sitting down and rubbed his hands over his face. “Monty. What do you mean?” You were standing in front of him, your hands resting on his shoulders playing with the hair at the base of his neck. “We were chilling at Bryce´s; I was playing videos games, while Jess, Bryce and Zach played carts, until Justin walked in. He wanted Jess to come with him, but she refused and I think she wanted to provoke Justin so she sat down on Bryce´s lap. Justin snapped and dragged her outside. We followed; you know to not miss the drama. She asked him why he wanted her to leave and asked why he even care. And then Justin said that Bryce raped her.” Monty paused and your hand practically flew to your mouth gasping and you felt tears starting to well up at the corner of your eyes. “He said that Bryce fucking raped Jessica. I don’t know if it´s true or not, but the idea he do or did the same to you made me so sick. I could never forgive myself if something like this happened to you. So that’s why I´m here, to make sure you are ok and to ask you something.” He finally looked up and you saw the worry written over his face. You couldn´t get a word out, the feeling that you need to vomit burning at the end of your throat. Monty stands up, taking your hands into his. “Did he ever do anything to you? I mean, did he ever touch you?” He looked you deep in the eyes, probably to know if you were lying. You shook your head no, stepping away from him and leaned against your desk. “Are you sure?” He asked sounding concerned, this time you nodded. “Thanks god.” He exhaled, walking to you and pulled you into a hug. Your forehead leaned against his collarbone, while your hands played with the hem of his shirt. “You okay?” He whispered after a while, pulling away a bit to look at you. “Mon, you just told me that Bryce raped someone, one of my friends. I mean… I don’t think… You know… What I want to say is that I don’t know what to say.” You mumbled looked at your hands, still playing with his shirt. He just nodded and pulled you back into the hug, his grip on you tight. Your arms sneak around his torso and you seek comfort in his touch. You never liked Bryce, he was so full of himself and he always made you feel uncomfortable, but he was Monty´s “friend”, if you can call him so. You never understood why Monty was friends with him in the first place. Behind his façade he was a really sweet and loving boy, but guys like Bryce always turned him back into the asshole. “Do you want me to go?” Monty suddenly asked and tears you from your thoughts. “No, don’t leave me alone.” You whispered hugging him tighter. “Do you want to watch a movie?” he asked again and you just shrugged your shoulders.


You lay in your bed; your cheek was pressed against Monty´s chest, listening to his heartbeat. He was watching the movie while drawing indefinable patters on your back. You lift your head lightly to look at your boyfriend. When you first saw him you were instantly attracted to him, maybe it were the freckles or that smirk that made you crush on him. Maybe it was the way he walked like nothing could shake him or that one time when you collide with him. He instantly grabbed your arms to make sure you wouldn’t fall and helped you pick up your stuff, shooting you an apologizing smile.
You first noticed that you have fallen for him when you were at a party playing spin the bottle. It was his turn and the bottle landed on you, you still know how nervous you were and you still remember that little smile on his face, almost as if he was shy. When he kissed you, you didn’t want it to end and at that moment you knew that you had fallen for Montgomery de la Cruz.
“Baby, stop to stare, it´s distracting.” He mumbled, smirking down at you. You hadn´t even noticed that he turned his head to look at you and you felt a blush creep up your cheeks. You whispered a short ´sorry` and laid your head back on his chest. Monty pressed a kiss to your forehead, before turning back to the TV.
You moved yourself so you sat on his lap. He looked at you surprised but smiled when you pressed a kiss on his lips. “What was that for?” He asked smiling, after breaking away. “Because you care about me.” You whispered, shooting him a short smile. Monty moved himself so his upper body leaned against your headboard. “Of course I care about you, baby.” He pulled you into another sweet kiss. You always loved moments like this with him, when they were just innocent and sweet. He breaks the kiss and you buried your head in his neck, snuggling closer.
“I love you.” He mumbled and you shot up again, looking at him surprised. Neither of you had said these words before, you knew that you love him and thought you would be the first one to say it, once you got the courage to tell him. “When Justin told Jessica that Bryce raped her and I began to imagine him doing the same to you, my heart began to ache and I felt so sick like I needed to throw up and that’s when I realize, it´s because I love you.” He explained smiling shyly at you. “I think I already knew that I love you, but didn’t want to admit it. I never loved anyone like I love you and I didn´t want to mess up. I´m not exactly the easiest person and I can be glad that you put up with my bullshit. I just didn’t want to scare you away. I mean you probably don-“you silenced him by pulling him into a deep kiss. He pulled you as close as possible, returning the kiss. When you break away from him you smiled at his flushed face. “I love you too.” You mumbled placing another kiss on his lips, this time a small and sweet one. “Thanks god, it would be really embarrassing if you didn’t feel the same.” He said letting out a relieved laugh. “I need to mark this day in my calendar.” You whispered, kissing him one more time before getting up. You walked to the calendar that hangs on the wall next to your desk. “Why? Because I told you, that I love you?” He asked, clearly amused by your behavior. “No because that’s the first time I made you blush.” You countered and laughed to yourself, when you heard him groan. “I take it back, I don’t love you.” You laughed even harder and made your way back towards him, after marking the day in your calendar. “No, you love me. Come on, say it again.” You said smirking, while he pulled you on his lap. “No, you don’t deserve it.” He pouted crossing his arms over his chest. You smiled at his childish behavior and leaned into another kiss. “Fine. I love you. I love you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. I love you, baby. I love you, sweetheart. I love you, honey. I just love you.” He flipped you over, placing himself between your legs and began to kiss your neck. For the rest of the night he repeated these three words like his life depends on and for that night everything was perfect.

Whipped...friends?? Or...

Whipped…friends?? (Part One)

Flashbacks*



Harry doesn’t bother going back to the living room to join the boys. In fact, he’s stood frozen in place for the past ten minutes, staring at the door Y/N’s walked out through with the excuse of being late for a date she had never once mentioned before. Harry didn’t even think she was dating, let alone actually seeing someone already.

It’s all come as a bit of a shock to him if he’s being honest. He likes to think they had something special going on, but maybe it was just all in his head. Or maybe he should’ve said something to her, proper admitted his feelings and all. But what if she didn’t like him back? Harry’s always been a sort of risk taker when it came to getting what he wanted. But he always thought risking their friendship was too much. If she liked him…that would be amazing. But…what if she didn’t.  

If he told her how he’s stayed awake more times than he can count thinking of her. How he’s watched her sleep next to him and wanted to kiss away the frown she gets when she’s having a bad dream. He wants to jokingly tell her how the boys tease him for being so whipped, and have her laugh because they both know it’s true. He wants to tell her that he loves that she gets along with Gemma and his mum. That they adore her because she’s everything they want for him. He wants to tell her she’s everything he wants for him. He just wants to explain to her, or at least try to because it’s very hard to find the words for it, how she makes him feel…whole. How he misses her when she’s not with him, and only falls harder when she is. 

So no, Harry doesn’t bother going back to the living room. Walks up the stairs of his home instead, body slumped and heart wrenching. He thinks he’s lucky that he’s made it down the hallway and to his bedroom with out breaking down. Managed to somehow drag his feet and supported his heavy body…heavy heart, through his bedroom doors and to the bed. He stares at it for a short minute, thinking about how he’s going to have to sleep on his own tonight. How he’s going to be denied of Y/N’s warmth. He’s not going to have anyone to wrap his arms around, to breathe their scent, to smile into their hair when he wakes up in the middle of the night reminded that he’s not alone. And he sits on the edge of his too big a bed, feet firm on the carpeted floor, the heels of his hands digging at his eyes because surely this is all a dream..a nightmare. Thinking about it, he doesn’t remember ever being this…this…gutted? Jealous? Empty? Broken? All of the above, and more.

***

Walking down the streets of anywhere hasn’t been much of a hassle for him since the band’s break. He’s able to walk through roads and into shops with no problem. The paps have been nice enough to keep a distance when taking photos, and he’s grateful for that. So in all honesty, now he’s only ever just a tad tense when Y/N’s with him. But it’s not a bad thing, no, he loves having someone to go around town with, rather just feels the need to protect her a bit more on their outings. 

So he keeps an arm around her shoulder, body tucked close to his, guiding her as they walk down the busy street, pulling her closer when he thinks someone passing by might bump into her. And she doesn’t complain. Tonight’s temperature’s dropped rather low, and the heat emitting from Harry’s body keeps her warmer than she thinks her own coat does. Y/N thinks it’s nice. Loves when Harry’s close to her. Loves the fact that his scent will linger on her clothes for days until she finally brings herself to put them in the washer.

They come to a stop by a hot dog cart, tummies grumbling because they hadn’t eaten anything since brunch, and even then Y/N hadn’t felt well enough to eat more than half of what was on her plate. So as per usual when that happened, Harry had to finish her meal, too, not that he had complained.

Now he’s standing in front of her, hands rubbing at her arms to heat her up as he offers to buy her a hotdog because “ye’ need t’ eat somethin’, kitten. Can’t have ye’ gettin’ sick, now.”

So she nods her head yes and tells him she’ll be waiting for him inside of the bakery they’re stood in front because “s'too cold outside. And I caught a whiff of the goodies! Gonna head in and get us a table.” Harry can’t help but smile down at her, and before he’s able to say anything, she leans up to whisper in his ear, “I know…you used to be a baker.” The sound of her giggle tickles at his ear, his smile only stretching more, and now he understands what the boys meant. He gives a light chuckle, kissing the top of her head before whispering a low, “I’ll jus’ be a minute.”

Y/N never needed to tell Harry how she liked her food, it’s fair to say they know each other well enough not to get the other’s order wrong. And as simple as that thought might be, it makes them both happier than the other will ever know to know that type of stuff. 

Harry never thought he’d feel such happiness looking at someone either. When his mum used to give him talks about girls and how important it is to treat them like princesses, Harry would wave the comments away. He was old enough to know that yes, his mother did raise him to be a proper gentleman. But he never thought, or at least not at the time because he was so young, that he’d have someone making him feel the way Y/N does. Only ever wished.

But now he’s looking at a beautiful woman standing in a bakery. Her eyes fixed on the displays because he knows she’s got a sweet tooth.

“Tell me wha’ ye’ wan’ and I’ll get it for ye’.”

Harry’s whispered words have Y/N turning around swiftly, smiling up at him because Harry’s never short on getting her anything and everything. Not that she ever asked for much. 

He thinks he’s got more money than he knows what to do with, so he’s always more than willing to get Y/N anything she pleased. But that’s the thing about her, she doesn’t ask for much. Give her cuddles and your time and she’s more than happy. That’s how Harry knows she’s meant for him. She’s simple, and Harry loves simple. Harry loves her. 

***

Harry can’t quite recall at around what time he’s been falling asleep at nights. After that first night, he only knows he’s been falling asleep to memories of Y/N.  

During the days he stares at the TV mindlessly, jumping at the sound of his phone in hopes it would be Y/N. And he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed to see it was Louis, or Niall, or Liam. On occasion his mum who by some reason or another knew what was going on. Don’t get him wrong, he loves talking to his mum, he just rather wishes it were Y/N.

“Harry, sweetheart-” and he could hear the hurt in her voice. That tone a mother gets when they know nothing they say or do can help a suffering child. “-don’ give up, baby. You fight for her, you hear me.” And Harry will pinch at his lower lip in an attempt to keep his voice steady before assuring his mother that “I won’t mum. I love her." 

The boys come around as often as they did before. And after asking why Y/N wasn’t around anymore, Harry told them. "She’s apparently datin’ some bloke. I’ve not heard from her. Won’t return m'calls.”

He’s tried to reach out to her plenty of times. He’s called, texted, stopped by her place, all to no avail. 

And Louis doesn’t remember seeing Harry this gutted over a girl. “Tha’s shit, mate. She spends every wakin’ moment with ye’ and somehow still meets someone? Reckon ye’ would’ve taken notice, ehh?" 

"Cheryl thinks there’s something else going on,” Liam adds, “says a woman knows when a friend has feelings for a guy. And she says Y/N never quiet looked at you as just a friend.”

Harry would much rather believe this than keep thinking about Y/N doing what she did with Harry with someone else. But he pushes the thought to the back of his mind, because if by any chance she did like him, she wouldn’t have left him.
And it’s awful knowing he doesn’t know when he’ll see her again. All he knows, is that he’s not giving up.

***

After sulking around for what feels like an eternity, Harry’s gathered up enough strength to pull himself out of where he was staying and into the busy city that is NYC. 

He’s arrived here only a few days ago for business, hasn’t even told Y/N seeing as she won’t answer his calls.

So he pushes thoughts of her to the back of his mind, or at least tries to. And thankfully, the fans he’s just recently met did a good job of distracting him. But only for a moment while he was interacting and taking photos with them.  

And it’s times like these that he doesn’t take for granted. He loves making his fans happy. Loves getting to thank them personally. And though he’s able to keep all thoughts focused on who he’s talking with, the second he walks away to get on with his night and readjusts the scarf she gifted him two Christmas’ ago, is the moment he feels his eyebrows knit in focus, recalling another memory.

***

If there’s ever any situation for Harry to be protective, it’s now. He doesn’t know how he’s ended up at the park near Y/N’s. Doesn’t remember if he walked or drove. All he knows is that he was lying about in his room when he got a call from her. And hearing her frantic voice going on about how she thought she was being followed had him running out the door before she could tell him where she was.

“Just please, Harry. Stay on the phone with me.” She was whispering and stuttering and her voice was shaky and Harry. Was. Scared. 

Like hell he was gonna just stay put.

So now here he is, phone still to his ear whispering words of comfort. “Where are ye’?” “S'okay, poppet, you’re g'na be okay.” “I promise.”

And then suddenly the worst thing that could happen. He’s got no idea what’s going on, but the rush has him forgetting he’s wearing nothing but sweats and a thin tee in below freezing weather.

He tucks his phone into his pocket.There’s no point, their phone call got cut and all he heard before it did was a man’s voice and her muffled one.

He’s running. Where to, he’s got no clue.

It’s not until he hears a cut scream that he knows exactly where she is. Now. He’s angry.

“Get the fook of a'her!" 

The guy doesn’t even get a chance to turn around and look at him before Harry’s big hands collide with the stranger’s back, gripping at his shirt and yanking him back and to the ground.

He looks at Y/N only for a second, still tucked into the corner the bloke had her in, eyes full of fright.

And honest Harry doesn’t train for these type of situations, but he must admit the boxing sessions are useful in this precise moment. All it took was a right hook to the guy’s face. That was enough to have him falling to the ground again, this time a mouth full of blood. And Harry knows. Y/N knows. He’s gonna have the outline of Harry’s rings imprinted on the side of his face for a while. 

Within seconds Harry’s attention was back on Y/N. Fingers ghosting over her face because he doesn’t know if she’s hurt. But she wraps her arms around his torso and clenches at the fabric of his shirt, face tucked into his neck. Harry exhales into her hair and wraps his arms around her shoulders, holding her against his body as he closes his eyes. 

"M'here. I’ll always be here.” He whispers. 

And Harry knows he can’t ever let this happen again. He won’t. 

But how can he protect her when she won’t let him? 

How can he, when the first time he sees her since that night is by the hand of someone else. 

And…what is she doing in New York?



Whipped…friends?? Or…not anymore??(Part Three)

fetronic  asked:

Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x Scout x The Payload. ;) Hope you like it as much as I do <3

No, I don’t like it.  I love it. 

yoongi scenario | ticket home

Originally posted by jeonbase

prompt: We fell asleep on the couch train seat together on accident

pairing: yoongi x reader

➸ requested by anon | 800 words | fluff


It’s been a long day.

Fighting your way through crowds of shoppers and tourists, catching ten minute breaks in cafes, getting lost down side streets that all look the same, and the only thing keeping you right being Yoongi’s hand threaded through yours, you are reminded exactly why you hate the city centre. It’s a relief to finally flop down on the train seat, the city lights receding behind you, and home speeding closer by the minute.

Beside you, Yoongi is warm and comforting. The train ride may be an hour, but you don’t mind the long wait to get back to familiarity, because he’s your own slice of happiness right here, in the middle of the bustling train, keeping you calm despite the child kicking the seat behind yours, the ticket inspector mumbling and the food cart coming around, vender repeatedly asking if anyone wants snacks for half price.

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