the breakfast scrub


ok so I decided to hit up Ult@ again today to pick up a UD palette for my friend and can someone pls tell me wtf these LM Tags are, as soon as i picked up the palette the tag went off and someone had to come reset it
she said they just got them last month when one of the newer stores upgraded their tags and gave this store the old ones
they have the tags on most of their palettes and fragrances and like their so sensitive and yo this sucks
but here’s everything else I got today

♠️ Soap & Glory Flake Away Body Polish | 14$
♠️ Soap & Glory Breakfast Scrub | 14$
♠️ Nutella | 3.50$
♠️ Yes to Cucumber 30 Count Makeup Remover Wipes | 5.70$
♠️ Yes to Miracle Oil Primrose Oil Mud Mask | 2.50$

♠️ BudLight Straw-ber-rita 25 oz (2x) | 3$ each
♠️ Vitamin Water | 2$
♠️ Push Pop | probably 1$ idk yo

♠️ Sharpie ElectroPop Set | 13$
♠️ Gelly Roll Metallic 10 pack | 15$
♠️ Washi Tape 3 pack | 5$

♠️ Mango Dragonfruit Candle | 22.50$
♠️ Moonlight Blue Citrus Room-spray | 6$

♠️ Too Faced Papa Don’t Peach | 30$
♠️ Stila Smudge Pot | 20$
♠️ Too Faced Melted Matte (Drop Dead Red) | 21$

TOTAL = 181$

james potter did NOT steal my knickers

Confession: half of this fic was written while I was- not drunk but also definitely not sober and then the other half is me going with the flow so this is just behind the crack fic boundary. Only just.

Also, I think the title sums it up nicely but in case you want an actual summary, here:  In which James doesn’t really steal her knickers but everyone believes he does.

Featuring TWO url references which I’m very proud of because I’m proud of the weirdest things.

read on ao3 here

James isn’t actively trying to get Lily Evans to hate him, okay? He’s finally gotten her to move past unimpressed dislike to somewhere around vague amusement with a 60% chance of drunken induced fondness, and he’d like to either stay there or move up the friendship scale with her.

However, he forgets to take into consideration that he’s essentially a git with a lack of tact and piss poor timing which is why he has a red faced Evans staring at him, completely horrified, while Snape glares at him from the couch.

‘I’ll just, ah, leave this here then,’ he mumbles, gently resting the Tupperware of pastry Sirius sent and then practically flinging her knickers in her general direction before hightailing out of there as fast as he could. He’s banking on the fact that she’s in shock right now and won’t be able to follow him just so she could murder him for doing something that stupid.

(He’s also banking on the fact that she’s considerably shorter than him so if he legs it as quick as possible there’s a good chance he can outrun her to the safety of his apartment and die on his own terms.)

It’s not like he- Lily is just a notoriously unorganised person who leaves her crap anywhere and everywhere. That’s all. James does not set out to find them, but he does and just holds onto it until he sees her again.

She stays over in the flat he shares with Sirius, sometimes because she’s too drunk to function and likes sprawling across their couch, but mostly because she’s usually too tired to go home to her own and have to do actual adult things, like making dinner and doing laundry.

Lily Evans is an actual human disaster. She hides it fairly well behind her neat little office job and closet full of pencil skirts and work shirts that he tries to never think about. It’s a pretty well kept secret if he’s being honest with himself. For some reason it makes him even more endeared towards her.

(Sirius says it’s because he has a complex about mothering everyone to death and, well, he’s not exactly wrong. He keeps spare jumpers in his car, always has Peter’s allergy medication and Remus’ inhaler on hand, and remembers to iron the collars of Sirius’ shirts. Not to mention he actually knows how to use fabric softener unlike some people he could mention.)

Even though she spends most of her time drooling on their throw pillows and wheedling food out of them (except not really; both he and Sirius have a problem with serving sizes and always end up with more food than anticipated. Plus Sirius bakes when he’s bored. Or stressed. He generally spends roughly 50% of the time puttering around their kitchen making pastries.), she never really leaves her clothes over, other than a spare sweatshirt and a pair of flip flops.

So James is understandably shocked when he finds a scrap of lace behind the dryer when he’s looking for a missing sock. Very shocked. It’s obvious that it belongs to Lily, because she’s the only girl they have in the apartment on a regular basis. He does not need to know that Evans wears black lacy underwear beneath her too tight pencil skirts and shirts with one button too many unbuttoned. Does not. It’s not helping him the slightest with this little crush he has going on.

He hastily shoves them in his pocket before resuming the search for his sock and tries his best not to think about it. It works for the most part, until Sirius ends up baking far too many cherry tarts and asks him to carry some over for her and Mary. And that’s how they come to a full circle.

Keep reading

Connor unconsciously checked over his shoulder as he slid his key into the lock. The hallway was bare, just as had it had been when he entered from the stairway, but with Philip recording videos unseen, Connor edged into paranoia. Once inside, he locked the door behind him, his shoulders sagging in relief. 

Hanging up his bag, he checked the mail on the breakfast bar. Scrubbing at the back of his neck, he sighed. Junk mail, per usual. Connor tore up some credit card offers before tossing the pieces into recycling, too lazy to use their paper shredder. Curious as to the lack of greeting from Oliver, he walked into their bedroom where Oliver was intently looking at his laptop. 

“What’s got you so preoccupied?” Connor asked as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Oliver’s lips.

Keep reading

After breakfast,
I scrubbed three dishes
before realizing there were
ants collected on the sponge.
Spreading death over something
and calling it clean.
How American of me.
—  For The Ants, Lora Mathis

godlingcaptainchristina  asked:

If you're still taking prompts, I would love to see Steve using Tony's shower for the first time and finding a pumice stone and being like, 'wtf is this? Why does he have a rock in his shower?' And just going around trying to figure out what the fuck his bf could possibly be using a rock in the shower for?

Steve clasped Sam on the back in the threshold to his apartment. “Thanks for coming,” he told Sam. Throwing a thumb over his shoulder, Steve said: “Let me grab my keys and phone and we can get going.”

Sam nodded, hands in his pockets as he waited just in the doorway. “No problem. Not like you’ve had thirty minutes to be ready for me.”

Steve snorted as he tucked his wallet into one pocket and his phone in the other. His keys jangled in his hand as he headed to the door. “What are the kids saying? ‘Bite me’.”

“Maybe the kids in nineteen ninety-five. Nowadays it’s probably 'blow me.’”

Fighting hard to keep a straight face, Steve pointed out: “I think Tony’s called monopoly on that one.”

Sam laughed hard at that. As they started down the stairs of Steve’s brownstone Sam prodded: “So where we going? You just said 'errands’: you got anything more specific in mind?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Just the grocery store, general store, and…” Steve stuck his tongue out as he fished for his phone, determined to get this right. “And some place called 'Bath and Body Works. Does that make sense? That’s a place, right?”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, it’s a place. What, run out of rose-scented soaps? Don’t you wash your hair with hand soap?”

“I don’t see any reason why that doesn’t make sense,” Steve grumbled good-naturedly at the old argument. “And it’s for Tony. I snapped some pictures of the stuff he uses in his bathroom. I thought maybe it was time I stocked up on that stuff, for when he stays over.”

Sam wolf-whistled as they bustled down the street. “Buying bubble bath for the boyfriend? Things are getting serious, huh?”

Steve fought down a blush as they jogged down the subway steps. “Seems like common courtesy, is all. He does spend the night here often enough, and. You know.”

Sam snorted as they settled onto the subway. “Looks like chivalry isn’t dead. Though I guess the morality action groups wouldn’t be too interested in holding this particular case up as an example.”

“Well they can…” Glancing around for innocent ears, Steve leaned in and lowered his voice: “'blow me.’”

Sam’s roaring laughter was swept away with the train.


Steve fiddled with his phone as they stepped into this Bath and Body store. He had a whole list of photos to go through–he just hoped they had most of the stuff he needed here. He had gotten a hit on the Google when he searched for the name brand on the side of one of Tony’s lotions, but some of the products in his shower didn’t have labels on them. Not to mention some of them Steve wasn’t sure if they were bath products at all.

“Excuse me, Miss?” Steve got the attention of a young lady stacking bottles of… something. She looked back at him and smiled big, though it didn’t seem to be a smile of recognition–thank goodness. It was nice to stay anonymous sometimes. “I need a little help finding some things. I have pictures and was wondering…” He held his phone out to her with a smile.

“Of course! What’s the first thing?”

“You took pictures?” Sam mumbled behind him. “Stalker…”

Steve rolled his eyes. He smiled reassuringly at the young woman. “It’s for my boyfriend. He has a lot of products I don’t use and I wanted to do something nice.”

The woman’s nose wrinkled in a cute little smile at this. “Oh, sure! Let me see.” She thumbed at the first photo. “That’s a sugar scrub. We have a whole line right here against the wall. Do you know what scent he likes?”

The next ten minutes were a blur of scent-testing and piles of plastic bottles and cups being hoisted into Steve’s–and then Sam’s–arms. As Steve reached the end of his photo list he grew more nervous. He had saved something he wasn’t sure of for last, mostly because… Well. It had all the hallmarks of a future thing. Something he just didn’t get because he was still a stranger to this world.

Steve fiddled with his phone for a long moment as he stared at the last item. The salesclerk waited patiently, smiling encouragingly at him. “Is there something else?” she finally asked.

Steve smiled and rubbed the back of his head. “I’m not sure,” he admitted before holding out the phone to her. “It’s a… Well. It’s a rock. That my boyfriend keeps in the shower. I’m not sure if it’s for decoration or an actual… showering… tool? It might even be for cleaning the shower but I don’t think so, Ton- my boyfriend isn’t exactly the cleaning type, you know?” The thought had crossed Steve’s mind that the little oval rock in Tony’s bathroom might be a sex toy, but Tony had introduced him to most of those already–at least, so it seemed to Steve. Not to mention that the rock was much too rough to be sensual. Probably.

The woman’s expression stayed pleasantly bland as she looked at the photo and nodded, but from behind Steve came raucous laughter.

“Is it a pumice stone? Are you asking the poor lady’s about a pumice stone?”

Steve frowned and glanced back at Sam. “I don’t know. It’s a rough rock Tony keeps in the shower. I figured since I was coming here for all that other stuff anyways I’d ask the expert…”

Sam groaned to himself as he fumbled for his phone. “Oh man, why wasn’t I filming this? YouTube would have died. Captain America confounded by a pumice stone.”

Steve turned back to the woman with an apologetic smile. She was staring at him wide-eyed now, but fighting valiantly to stay professional. “Is it? A, uh: 'pumice stone’?”

She smiled and handed him back his phone. “It is. And we have some! It’s for scraping away the rough dead skin on the bottoms of your feet. If you wanted to know.”

As the woman led them to the selection of pumice stones, Sam shifted his share of the bags over to Steve’s arms. “Hang on: I want you to pose with the stone. If I can’t YouTube it, I can at least Instagram it.”

Steve sighed but stuck the stone next to his head and smiled. “Wait to post that though, would you? I don’t want to spoil the surprise for Tony and he 'follows’ you on the instant grams.”

“Sometimes I think you do the folksy talk just to get your way,” Sam grumbled, but he held his phone to his chest. “And yes, I solemnly swear to wait a week before sharing this nugget with the world. After you share that nugget with Tony.”


Two nights later, Tony rolled off a still sweaty and dozing Steve and padded off to the shower. Steve perked up as the water rushed on, lifting his head toward his bathroom. A minute later he was rewarded when Tony called out “Hey! You got stuff for me!”

Sticking his head through the bathroom door Steve smiled gamely. “Yeah, just for. You know. Days like today.”

“Seriously, I should have just brought my own stuff, this can get expensive.” Steve watched as Tony picked up the pumice stone and proceeded to scrub the underside of his feet with it. The future sure was amazing, sometimes.

The next morning when Tony stuck Sam’s Instagram page in Steve’s face and howled with laughter, Steve grumbled as he scrubbed his breakfast dishes. And sometimes the future was amazingly irksome, too.