the boy who saved the world once and the angel with too much heart

“you are not taking sam winchester. i won’t let you.”

“the answer is still no, because sam is my friend”

“anna, we’ve been through much together, but you come near sam winchester and i will kill you”

“anna won’t stop until sam is dead, so we kill her first”

“sam. it’s so good to see you alive”

“i’m the one that raised you from perdition”

“i am so sorry i ever did this to you”

“i was lost until i took on your pain”

:-)

au where sam’s the general counsel at a hospital and cas is a pediatric doctor, and they both have hopeless crushes on each other but are both too shy to really make it known

and they work different hours but see each other occasionally as sam gets off the elevator on his way into work and cas boards it, ready to go home

and sam gets to his office and there’s always a hot coffee waiting for him in the lounge that just says “sam” on it with a smiley face

and it could be anyone who leaves it, really, all the nurses have a crush on the new lawyer with the broad shoulders and the dimples, but sam has a distinct feeling that his daily coffees are from castiel

sam acts on his hunch one day at the end of his shift by waiting outside of the door that says “castiel novak, md” on it, hot coffee in hand, smiling at castiel’s surprised face when he walks down the hallway

“thought i’d return the favor,” sam says, and castiel blushes all the way up to his ears

and they have their first kiss with sam’s back against the inside of cas’ office door, coffee still in hand and cas’ lips soft against his, cas’ hand on his waist

and from then on, sam’s coffees are addressed to “sam”, with a heart where the smiley face used to be

i really want high school au sastiel

where cas transfers to sam and dean’s school and as punishment for pulling some sort of dumbass prank, dean has to serve as cas’ guide for his first week of school

(sam and dean would be only a year apart i’m gonna say? like dean’s a senior and sam’s a junior and cas is a senior as well)

and at the end of castiel’s first day, dean guides him to an impala in the parking lot, where sam’s leaning up against it with his backpack slung over one shoulder

and sam starts to complain, “what took you so long, dean? I’ve been out here for twenty minutes and if I don’t get my application to the post officenow- oh” and he cuts off, because this kid trailing a few feet behind dean kind of makes sam’s jaw drop open a little bit

he’s tall, all sinewy muscle and tan skin and has dark hair and eyes that make sam want to write girly poems that dean would make fun of him for and sam kind of chokes on his tongue when he realizes he totally just gave this kid a once-over

and dean just gives sam a weird look, pats sam on the back when he gets over to the car and, “christ, sammy, speak much?”

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castiel baptizing sam though

sam asks him to do it in the dark of the night, when he’s burrowed into castiel’s side, and the only light is the pale moon shining in through the window, sam can only see the shadows of castiel’s face, the way castiel purses his lips as he thinks about the request

“sam,” castiel says. “you’re saved, i promise you. everything you’ve done for this world, heaven can’t ignore that–”

and sam cuts him off with a sharp shake of the head, insisting, “i know, cas, i know, i just- please. it can’t hurt to have a contingency plan, can it?” and he laughs a little to let cas know he’s joking, even if it’s not entirely true. cas agrees, reluctantly

it’s a quiet little back-waters lake that cas takes sam out to, produces baptismal robes for sam to don and they wade out into the water holding hands. they reach knee-depth and sam clasps his hands, closes his eyes. cas keeps a hand on sam’s back, one raised in the air as he speaks loudly, clearly, words in enochian that seem to materialize in the air, wrap around sam’s body like a blanket, and when castiel dips sam backwards into the water, it’s not cold - it’s warm and it’s light and it's everything

when sam surfaces, castiel presses a kiss to his forehead, dry lips on damp skin and he whispers, “you are saved, sam,” and sam could cry, castiel pressing another careful kiss to his lips this time. “you are saved.”

i just- domestic sassy is a thing i have a lotta love for

like when sam stresses himself out to no end, sitting in front of the computer desk in the living room of their apartment and cas is idly flipping through tv channels, waiting for sam to go to bed with him, hearing sam sigh in frustration every now and again until cas flips the tv off and gets up and walks over to sam, places his hands on sam’s shoulders and digs his fingers in, thumbs over where the back of his neck, works the kinks out of it 

and sam sighs and relaxes back into him for a second, throws his head back to see cas and give him a small smile before saying, “i have to study”

and cas just purses his lips and shakes his head, reaches over sam before he can protest and cas shuts the computer monitor off, drenching them in complete darkness, except for the slight cast of the moon in the far corner of the room where the window’s open, curtains moving in the breeze

and cas says, “oh, look, the computer’s broken, let’s go to bed”

and sam breathes out a laugh, brings a hand up to cover cas’ on his shoulder and turns his head to meet cas’ lips in a quick kiss, “cute, babe, but i really have to-”

and cas cuts him off by leaning down further to kiss sam’s neck, sucks a pink-red bruise onto his skin until sam whimpers, squeezes the fingers of cas’ hands and whines, “cas, shit, come on, i got- i got stuff to do” but he doesn’t make any effort to move, just arches his neck to the side so cas has more skin to mouth at

and cas breaks off for just a moment, long enough to slide his hand under the collar of sam’s shirt, feel at his chest while whispering, “you have been studying for three hours, sam. anything you read now, you’ll forget by morning” and he slides his hand down further, hooks a finger under the waistband of sam’s pajama pants, mumbles, “i love you”

and sam makes a small noise in his throat as cas moves his hand lower, “i- love you, too”

and cas smiles into sam’s neck before pulling his hand away, standing up and placing both hands back where they were on sam’s shoulders, “then come on, to bed we go, i think i can feel your headache” and he laughs when sam whines and pulls at cas’ hand, places it back in the center of his chest

“that was a dirty, rotten trick,” sam complains, but he stands up anyway, pinches the bridge of his nose – cas is right, he does have a tension headache aching between his eyes 

and cas just pulls sam’s hand, pulls him through the dark toward their bedroom and they fall into bed on top of the covers, sam lays on his side, curled up toward cas, with his face in cas’ chest

and cas runs his hand down sam’s back, fingers bumping over the nodes of his spine 

and sam feels all his stress melt away for the time being, falls asleep listening to the sound of cas breathing

and idk where i was going with this moral of the story is domestic sastiel is a good sastiel

i just- sassy cuddles

because castiel doesn’t understand sleep, he gets the process and the function but he can’t fathom how someone can let their guard down so completely, surrender themselves so completely to unconsciousness, to willingly make themselves so vulnerable 

and it fascinates him, especially dreaming - castiel has infiltrated other’s dreams, but has never had a dream himself

and castiel finds that he wants to dream

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fucking sastiel size difference though

and cas would love it, the way he can stand on his tip toes and fit his chin in the crook where sam’s shoulder meets his neck and sam presses a kiss to the top of castiel’s head, breath ruffling his hair

and cas locks his arms around sam’s waist, holds him there for a long time

and sam rubs the back of his fingers up and down cas’ back, whispering muffled “i love you"s into his hair

and also i have this feeling that sam wouldn’t just accept that cas loves him very readily, can’t believe that someone, something as ethereal and purely good as castiel could ever love him like that

and he says things like "cas, you- you can’t know if you love me, the only first-hand knowledge you have on humans is from dean and i, and we’re not the best examples of humans. nor do we have the most healthy definition of the word ‘love’”

and cas is having none of it, pulls sam down and kisses him slow and dry and “i love you

and sam sighs and turns his head, “i’m all you have”

and castiel chases his lips with his own and tells him, “you’re all i want

Dean polished off their last three beers within 2 hours of Cas being back. Sam will deal with that later, because right now Cas is sitting opposite him at the table and Sam’s swallowing down a lump in his throat so big that it threatens to choke him.

“Sam,” Cas says, and Sam never thought he’d hear that voice again. Sam looks up, and Cas is peering at him, concerned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, Cas,” Sam says, and his voice is shaking. He does that stupid girly thing he’s seen Dean do a thousand times, look up at the ceiling and try to blink away the tears, but it doesn’t work. They spill from his eyes, down his cheeks. “I’m just… I’m really glad you’re back.”

More concerned by the tears, Cas stands up. He steps toward Sam, places a hand on his shoulder. “Sam? Look at me,” he says. Sam does, and Castiel gives him a small smile. “What’s wrong?”

Sam’s gaze shifts from Cas’ hand on his shoulder to Cas’ eyes, and back again. His chest swells with something so much like love that it leaves Sam breathless, and he stands up quickly, pulling Castiel into a hug.

Castiel stiffens at first, taken aback, but then he relaxes, melts into Sam. He smells like dirt and sweat and Cas and it’s the most beautiful thing Sam’s ever experienced. He pulls Cas in tight, and Cas clutches onto Sam’s shirt, fists his fingers in it.

“I missed you, Sam,” Castiel says, voice muffled by Sam’s shirt. Sam just kisses the top of his head, doubting his ability to speak right now.

Cas pulls back just a little, leaving one hand balled up tight in Sam’s shirt, like he’s afraid to let go. He uses his other hand to reach up and cup Sam’s cheek, brush the tears away with his thumb. He smiles at Sam, and it takes Sam’s breath away. 

“I’m real, Sam,” Castiel says, like he’s reading Sam’s mind. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Sam huffs out a small laugh and covers Castiel’s hand with his own, curls their fingers together. “You say that like I’d even let you.”

Castiel tastes like dirt and sweat and ozone, and Sam has never tasted anything sweeter.

The size difference in Sastiel really fucking gets me and just- wall sex???

Sam hitching one of Castiel’s legs up over his thigh, one huge hand digging harshly into the swell of his ass, helping support him, and Cas’ back dragging harshly up the wall with each piston of Sam’s hips, Cas’ mouth parted in a shiny ‘O’, little “ah, ah, ah"s escaping his lips as Sam thrusts up into him, a wet, hot drag around his cock and his hair is sweat-matted to his forehead, him leaning forward to bite at the place where Cas’ neck meets his shoulder as his hips stutter and he comes deep inside Cas 

so the whole year dean and cas were in purgatory, sam prayed

at first, he was so consumed by grief, so upset, he and dean and cas had risked their lives, risked everything for the world and this is what they got? dean and cas were dead, bobby was dead, and sam was alone, truly alone and he had no idea what to fucking do

and he tried to be angry, tried to take a tip from dean and drown himself in booze and women but it never worked, he just ended up with a hangover and the scent of some random broad’s perfume lingering on his body

he wants his brother back, he wants cas back, and he knows, he knows there might be a way out there if he tried - but the thought makes him even angrier with himself because dean was miserable, cas was broken, death is probably more peaceful for them at this point and sam can’t drag them back into this shithole of an earth because he’s too weak to live without them

so he deals, and he tries to keep the thoughts of eating one of their -not their, no their, there’s no them, it’s just sam, just sam, just his- guns to a minimum

and i can just see him sinking down to the floor of a motel room, up against the bathroom door and breaking down, staring at the bed -one bed, singular, not two, there’s no dean snoring in the bed over at night, and sam keeps waking up in a cold sweat, expecting to see the comforting mass of his brother beside him, but no, he’s gone, dean’s gone, gone forever this time- and he doesn’t even try to control himself or wipe the tears from his face

he just lets the sobs wrack his body almost painfully, heart wrenching in his chest

and when he’s done, maybe it’s five minutes or maybe it’s two hours later, and sam can’t cry anymore, his throat hurts and his chest aches and his head is pounding

he stares at his hand and remembers an angel in a trench coat shaking it years ago

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i just- 

can’t stop thinking about sam being plagued with thoughts of cas, dead or stuck in purgatory, wherever - all he knows is that cas isn’t there with him and that just kills him inside

and he tries to talk to dean about it a few more times, but dean just shuts down and refuses to answer questions and sam is just hurt, “he was my- he was my friend, too, dean. i think i deserve some answers if you have them”

and dean will stare off into space, obviously remembering something, maybe replaying castiel’s death in his head and sam can’t fucking deal with this, gets up and scrubs his hands down his face, paces the floor of their motel room, “i can’t do this, dean. i- just can’t”

and dean gets defensive, stands up and puts his hands on his hips and “you think I can, sam? you think this is easy for me? you’ve lost friends before, grow some balls and get the fuck over it. we have a job to do.”

and sam asks dean with all the venom he can manage, “is that what you’re going to do? just get the fuck over whatever happened this past year?" 

and dean looks like he’s going to shoot something just as nasty back, but he sits back down on the edge of the motel bed in something like resignation, pinches the bridge of his nose. "cas is gone, sam. we’re not. we need to keep going.”

and sam sits down, too, regrets starting this fight again and says quietly, “i just.. he meant a lot to me. don’t get me wrong, i’m so glad you’re okay –well, okay as you can be– but…”

and dean narrows his eyes at sam, “was there something going on between you two? before… you know? before the epic shit storm of 2012 happened?”

and sam laughs bitterly, “yeah, dean,” and sam thinks of all the late nights spent touching, slow kisses, sharing motel beds and throwing the sheets up over their faces and trying not to wake dean up with their giggles, burying his nose in castiel’s hair and regretting the moments he had to come up for air, “there was something going on.”

sort of college au where cas works part-time as a librarian and one day, sam wanders in, all smiles and broad shoulders and oh god he has dimples, cas is so fucked already, and he’s looking for a particular book that library on stanford’s campus apparently doesn’t have and neither does cas’ library, but cas promises to order it in for him

sam leaves his number so cas can call him when it comes in, and for the next two days, cas stares at the sticky note with sam’s number on it (signed sam :)!, and fuck if cas doesn’t think that even his handwriting is cute )

and sam comes in again on the third day, brushing off cas’ “i promised to call you when it came in” with an “i was in the neighborhood, thought i’d drop by and check anyway” and then they talk, and they talk, and they talk, until sam realizes he’s been there for two hours

the next day, sam comes in again, and they talk about anything and everything (they both love walt whitman and jack kerouac and JD Salinger, though cas’s favorite book of his is the catcher in the rye while sam’s is franny and zooey) — and the next, and so on for the 4 days, the fourth day on which he walks in and pulls a chair up to cas’ desk like he’s been doing, declaring with a smile that wherever cas ordered his book from sucks

and cas sheepishly admits that the book had come in 4 days ago, and he’s surprised when sam responds by saying that he knows

but sam just shrugs and says, “i saw you shoving it into your desk when i came in the other day,” and he smiles, dimples flashing, “by the way, you totally owe me gas money for the past few days” 

and cas’s “how about i just buy you dinner instead?” is out before he can stop it, and he feels warmth creep into his cheeks that only intensifies when sam blushes himself, ducking his head and looking up at cas through a curtain of hair

“might have to be a few dinners, because gas is sort of a bitch, you know?” sam says, a hopeful lilt to his voice and a smile on his face, a smile that cas can’t help but get a rush at knowing he’s the cause of and he resolves right then and there to make sam smile like that as often as possible

and he does

okay but sam and cas holding hands

because sam takes cas’ hand in his out of the blue one day, cas is visibly upset and sam is dying not being able to do anything about it so he just reaches out and takes cas’ hand in his

and he smooths his fingers over cas’ knuckles and cas’ hand fits so perfectly in his, sam’s hand encompasses it completely

and it’s a small gesture, not a kiss or a hug or anything like that, but cas feels loved when sam holds his hand

and cas is so used to being nothing more than an ally, a weapon, to the people he considers his friends

and while sam sure appreciates having someone of cas’ capacity on his side, he likes cas

likes his dry wit that’s not unlike sam’s own, likes how cas fucks with dean and sam in subtle little ways -like that time when dean woke up wearing women’s panties for a week and was convinced he had been cursed by a witch or something until sam saw the corner of cas’ mouth twitch when dean threw away a handful of thongs one morning; likes how cas will pretend to be oblivious because it makes dean’s face break out in a smug smile when he gets to explain something to an angel, it makes him feel important; sam just likes cas as a whole

and cas really appreciates that, really appreciates being appreciated

and when they’re driving down a seemingly endless stretch of highway, he snakes his hand between the door of the car and the passenger seat until his hand finds sam’s and cas likes keeping his thumb on the inside of sam’s wrist, feeling his pulse, reminding him that sam is tangible and human and there and his

and he meets sam’s gaze in the rearview mirror and they smile at each other with their eyes

until dean notices and concedes that he’s surrounded by homosexuals

but dean really doesn’t mind - nobody has ever made sammy smile like that except for dean, which means sam hasn’t smiled like that in a long time

sam wakes up in stages.

the first thing he does is hear. birds chirping outside their motel room window, the soft hum of the heat turned on in the room (sam hates the cold since lucifer, since hell). he hears the sound of his own breathing, and it’s a comfort that they’ve made it through to another day.

then he feels. the scratchy motel sheet on his bare skin, and under, castiel’s legs tangled with his, warm skin all over. when he blinks the sleep from his eyes and sees castiel, eyes shut but not sleeping, sam feels a warmth spread through his chest, a warm feeling so full of safety and love that it would might be overwhelming if it wasn’t so perfect.

castiel opens his eyes, too, clear blue and so deep sam swears he can see infinity in them, and those eyes crinkle around the edges in the smallest, most genuine of smiles when he sees sam’s face.

“sam,” castiel breathes, and he says sam’s name every morning like it’s a surprise, like castiel can’t believe he’s that. like castiel can’t believe he has him.

“good morning, babe,” sam says, and their lips are dry and their mouths are stale but their kiss is sweet. castiel rolls over when they part, pillows his head on sam’s chest. sam smiles down at him. “has dean been up yet?”

castiel kisses sam’s collarbone, drags his lips down sam’s chest, skin catching on skin. “no,” he mumbles. “he won’t be up for hours.”

sam doesn’t ask how castiel knows that or if castiel has anything to do with that, he just grins and runs his hands through castiel’s hair, tugs him up for a kiss that he loses himself in, and he thanks god that they’ve all made it here.

just imagine sam and cas snuggling on the couch while they watch tv ◕ ‿ ◕

  • how cas would lay against the arm of the couch and sam between the v of his legs, head pillowed on cas’ chest 
  • watching a marathon of christmas movies and it’s on home alone
  • and cas goes to ask sam if humans commonly forget their own kin
  • but sam doesn’t answer and cas realizes that his breathing has evened out, and sam’s fallen asleep
  • and a small, fond smile blooms on his face and he cards his fingers loosely through sam’s hair as he sleeps ◕ ‿ ◕

you know sam’s been noticing how cas has been spacing out (he was the one to be like “hey, cas, you alright there?” in the last episode too) and ugh i just concerned sammy

sam going up to cas and putting a hand on his shoulder, squeezing comfortingly, “cas? you alright? you’ve been acting… weird lately. i know you just got back from purgatory and all, but…,” and sam sighs, looking cas in the eyes, searching for any sign of trouble or sickness, “i’m worried about you, man”

and cas knows something’s going on with him, knows something is wrong, but he just can’t remember, and he looks at sam’s face -worried, concerned, empathetic- and he decides that he can’t put his friend through any more trouble, and he musters up the best smile he can, says, “i’m okay, sam. just getting used to being back on earth.” and he reaches out a hand to clasp sam’s shoulder, mirroring what sam did to him, but the gesture is awkward and jerky rather than reassuring

sam smiles when he takes cas’ hand off his shoulder, giving it is a quick squeeze before letting it drop, “if you say so. if you ever wanna talk about it, you know i’m here for you - and i’ll help you, whatever it is, cas. no matter what. you don’t have to deal with it on your own. okay?”

cas looks up at sam, at his friend, at this boy, who knows everything castiel has done and who got the brunt of castiel’s mistakes but still looks at castiel with as much reverence and care as the day he met him, who looks at cas like he hung the moon, and tells sam, “i know, sam. thank you.”

demolition lovers by my chemical romance and sassy though

“Hand in mine, into your icy blues /And then I’d say to you we could take to the highway / With this trunk of ammunition too / I’d end my days with you in a hail of bullets

I’m trying, I’m trying /To let you know just how much you mean to me / And after all the things we put each other through 

I would drive on to the end with you / A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full / And I feel like there’s nothing left to do / But prove myself to you and we’ll keep it running

i just- 

upset about it