the boy who became a monster

I worked at a craft store the summer before college.  Here are my best (and the best of the worst) moments:

- A man bought 190 mason jars with lids.  I asked him if this was for a wedding, or if he was making jam.  He was doing neither.  He did not have plans for mason jars.  He just thought they were a really good sale.

- A woman bought her brother and his fiance a giant rainbow bow for their wedding present.  She whispered that they had been married before, but that the fiance had dressed as a woman and they wanted to make it real now that it was legal.  She shouted that rainbows are gay.  Her style is unusual.

- A little girl left finger-painted handprints on the inside of the back pockets of the pants I was wearing.  It was the most terrible case of “mistaken mother” I have ever experienced.

- A little girl came in looking for SWAPS for Girl Scout camp (pins you trade with other scouts at camp).  She asked me if I could help her even though I am too old to be a Girl Scout.  I showed her my lifetime membership card and the SWAPS on my keyring.  She told me I am her best friend, and came back two weeks later with a SWAP she had saved for me from camp.

- A woman came through with wedding supplies for her granddaughter and a very nervous outlook on the price.  I asked her what my name was, pretending to forget about my nametag, and when she got it right, pronounced her my good friend and gave her my friends-and-family discount.  She cried.  I might have too.

- A father bought his little boy a doll set.  The boy told me that the last set had been for his friend, but he had liked it much more than she did, so he was getting his own.  His baby sister was chewing on a monster truck.  I liked this family.

- I became known as the cashier who would give you the discounts under my register if you were nice.  The little old ladies who came in every yarn sale loved me.  My coupons and I were their heroes.

- The substitute teacher who had bullied me came through my line and smugly told me that her total was wrong.  I smiled politely and informed her that I had already given her the educator’s discount, but would happily take it off.  She was much less smug after that, as her daughter laughed her out of the store.

- A large woman with a 5 o'clock shadow came through my line.  I told her I liked her skirt.  She responded with the biggest smile I have ever seen.

- And finally, my favorite one:  a nine-year-old girl came up to my register with a stack of t-shirts and told me she had folded them for me, but could not reach where they belonged.  I told her most people would have left them on the floor.  She informed me that I was the cashier who helped her Girl Scout troop mate, and I quote:  "dang it, you do good things for good people!  I want to be a good people like you!“  and skipped out the door, before remembering her mother was still shopping and skipping right back in.

Sometimes, I love retail.


Independent Animated Films From ~The Previous Year

Phantom Boy. This is the story of a New York boy who has an illness, but becomes a hero. The boy escapes his hospital-bound body to go check on his family, but soon he uses his ability to solve crimes. It’s another detective story by the makers of A Cat in Paris and it uses the same animation style.

The Boy and the Beast. This is the most recent movie made by the famous anime director who made Summer Wars, Wolf Children and The Girl Who Lept Through Time. This film is about a boy who ventures into the realm of monsters and grows up under the guidance of a beast. Later he reconnects with humanity.

Big Fish & Begonia. This movie was funded in part thanks to social media and became a surprise box-office sensation.

Long Way North. Before working on this film, the director worked on the animation of The Secret of Kells and The Painting. His style here consists of contourless shapes in gorgeous pastel colors. The story is about a teenage girl who goes to the Arctic to look for a lost boat in late 19th century Russia.

Miss Hokusai. This is an episodic anime film about a female artist in Edo Japan who has to deal with work, her eccentric father and a sick sister. It’s based on the life of the daughter of Hokusai, the artist who drew the famous big wave with mount Fuji in the background. The film showcases some of his artwork.

My Life as a Zucchini.  This is the Oscar-nominated stop-motion French film. It’s an adaptation of a semi-autobiographical novel about a boy who goes to live in an orphanage. It’s realistically somber, but it’s also full of charm and even hope. The children’s performances are phenomenal. The Blu-ray comes out in May.

The Red Turtle. This is the Oscar-nominated French film co-produced by Studio Ghibli. It’s a beautiful and quietly contemplative fable about the stages of life. I would say avoid the trailer if you haven’t seen it and intend to watch it because it’s a mini version of the whole film. The Blu-ray comes out in May.

Louise by the Shore. From the director of The Painting and it’s even more beautiful. It’s a deliberately slow and introspective story about an elderly woman who is left alone in a seaside town vacated during the winter.

See full list here.

  • It is not BTS FM if they are not being savage, so they start by blaming rapmon for wearing yellow (Eggmon)
  • JK wearing glasses (too much overwatch man …)
  • They had to make a wish before blowing the candle, BTS being BTS they forgot. (4 years of beings dorks)
  • They finally taste the cake on camera !!!
  • They achieved ALL the goals they wished for last year (Hard work never fails you - Aren’t you all proud ARMY)
  • Jk blowing kisses (Jin’s virus got to him) then Rapmon too (that virus is no joke)
  • What seemed like a joke and expressed as a dream became reality (Little did they know they will win an award at the BBMAs and be the talk of the night too)
  •  Jimin who used to not want to share jungkook is now offering us his artwork (We really came a long way)
  • There is a probability of them doing a guerilla date or something similar in korea to thank ARMYs (again international ARMYs will never relate)
  • BTS the saints are planning busking now
  • Jin’s choregraphy debut getting all the praise it deserves
  • Jhope and Jimin reading fans comment (FROM NOW ON gotta comment on every post religiously)
  • BTS complaining about other members bad habits and ending it everytime by a song so no one gets mad
  • Jin defending his dad jokes by saying it is his personal talent. Savage Jimin coming at him all day “You need to stop winking”
  • Jhope “sorry” Jk “ok” = End of argument
  • Jungkook ONLY bought a gift for Jimin. BTS asked for the reason behind it, Jk kept looking at the floor and gave them NONE (Yes Jikook shippers are at the club celebrating) 
  • Jin and Rapmon are still in the honey moon phase after 4 yaers: blowing kisses to one another, sitting next to one another in flights and Jin even taking care of RM’s luggage.
  • V gets ride of old stuff by giving it to Jin
  • Rapmon give JK the clothes that are too big for him (the irony of this)
  • BTS telepathy game is sooo strong. Bying the same gifts to one another (RM and JH)
  • BTS always resolves their problems by getting together and talking it out (Take notes from them, that’s how you keep EVERY relationship going)
  • BTS feets under the table are so distracting (Hobi stroking Jimin’s shoes with his bare feets is a new concept)
  • BTS holding hands when facing a conflict and singing “we love bts/eachother”
  • BTS shaking hands every 2  seconds (Maybe it is a new habit?)
  • Spending good time thanking ARMYs from the bottom of their hearts.
bts jungkook soulmate au// bedsheets and house keys

Series: Jin | Namjoon | Yoongi | Hobi | Taehyung | Jimin | Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader

Description: The only place a person can see their soulmate is in their dreams. Depending on where each person lives in the world, the dream becomes clearer when both people become closer to each other.

Originally posted by nnochu

  • Ever since you were a little kid you dreamed of traveling, your mom would always say things like “every time you travel brings you closer to your soulmate”. 
  • Hence, most of your memories as a child were abroad- the pyramids in Egypt, cafes in Paris etc. 
  • No matter where you went, your dreams of your soulmate were always fuzzy. It was as if someone put a sheet over the camera lens.  
  • That was until you took a gap year after you finished high school. 
  • Always being interested in the culture, you decided to spend ten months Seoul, South Korea. 
  • In a jet lagged trance was when the sheet was finally lifted. 
  • A scene of an abandoned playground came into sight, with one little boy swinging alone. 
  • As if sensing your presence, the boy stopped, looked into the lens, and smiled. 
  • You awoke from the dream, your hand outstretched as if the boy was still right in front of you. 
  • Every night after that, a scene would play with the same boy, and each dream the boy became older and older. 
  • After nine months of dreams, the once young boy was now a handsome man, around the same age as you. 
  • You became obsessed with the silent boy. 
  • Your bedroom was covered in drawings and notes- anything to help you discover who your soulmate was. 
  • You would post the drawings all over social media and “soul search” websites, hoping for a clue or a response. 
  • When your ten months in Seoul was coming to a close, you decided it was hopeless in finding your soulmate.  
  • In a fit of rage, you took down all the drawings and notes, and ripped them to shreds. 
  • The once comforting smile of your soulmate now became something that only brought you anger and sadness. 
  • You refused to go to sleep that last night in Seoul, for fearing that you would dream of him. 
  • Instead, you wandered the streets of Seoul. You might as well enjoy the city while you can. 
  • As you wandered the streets, you felt an ominous aura- someone was following you. 
  • You glanced behind to see a hooded man about fifty meters back. 
  • Assessing the situation, you began to walk towards sources of population, something that was hard to find at two in the morning. 
  • The steps behind you became louder, and with that you began to ran. 
  • Out of breath, you ran into a late night convenience store, the man close on your tracks. 
  • Realizing the man went into the store behind you, you screamed and pointed your keys. 
  • The only thing you didn’t account for was that the hooded figure was not as scary as he seemed, he actually had always been in your dreams. 
  • Jutting a key at his throat, was your one and only soulmate. 
  • Frozen, you both stood like deer in the headlight. 
  • That was until the convenience store clerk started to whisper, “911 I would like to report an emergency”. 
  • Quickly you explained to the clerk in your broken Korean that calling the authorities was not necessary. 
  • Playing it off as some prank, you laughed and grabbed onto the young boy’s hand and said how that was enough games for tonight. 
  • Fleeing the convenient store as quickly as possible, outside you peppered him with questions. 
  • “Is there a reason why you were following me for an hour at two in the morning?” “Who are you” “Why here? Why now?” 
  • Stuttering, the young boy explained why it was that he made his presense unknown for so long, but you didn’t hear a word- all you could focus on was the way crinkles appeared when he spoke, how the street light reflected just right onto his light brown hair, and how his hand was still holding yours. 
  • Stopping whatever sentence he was in, all he said was “i’m jeon jungkook, and I’ve been looking for you for nineteen years, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
  • After introducing yourself, you two went to a park and just talked for hours and hours. 
  • When daylight broke, Jungkook offered to walk you home, so you let him. 
  • Once reaching your apartment, you decided you might as well invite him in for some breakfast. 
  • But you neglected to remember how you tore apart your apartment last night in a fit of rage.
  • Frozen once more, you stood in your doorway trying to find what was once your kitchen floor.
  • Jungkook walked into your apartment and gently began to pick the papers up. 
  • “Are these all of me?” 
  • Sheepishly you tried to come up with a response that didn’t make you sound like some crazy stalker, but Jungkook stopped you. 
  • Out of his back pocket he pulled a little notebook, inside were sketches of you, messy notes, and drawings of places you thought no one knew.
  • “I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one” he whispered
  • Smiling, you two began to pick up your shambled apartment. 
  • He gave you his sketchbook, you gave him (the now crumpled) drawings. 
  • You began to build your relationships over burnt pancakes, swinging on playgrounds, playing video games at internet cafes, and listening to music. 
  • Not long after you two met, he introuduced you to his friend group, who you quickly became friends with.
  • Which was the beginning of realization that you would have to tell people about how you and jungkook met- almost stabbing him in a 7/11 at 2am  (true love). 

-xoxo zoeo

I have been a babysitter in a Christian community for over ten years now. Before I say what I’m about to, just know that I love all the families I babysit for and have nothing against Christianity. I actually have my BA in Religion, so I totally understand the pitfalls and high points. 

Over the years, I have seen some pretty terrible things that parents tell their children to protect them from the outside world. I get that parents should do that, but when you start hurting your child’s emotional state because you think your religion says that these things are wrong, something needs to be said. 

There’s this little girl who loves to draw and talk about horses. As an artist, I would always teach her to draw horses when I came by and that would be our thing. With the new Pokemon Go game becoming so popular, I didn’t think anything of it when she asked to see my horse Pokemon. Her mother ripped my phone from that little girl’s hands so fast I thought I was about to have a broken phone. She told me that her daughter cannot play that game because it has monsters and monsters are Satanic. 

Another family who have four kids, three girls and a boy, are a little more relaxed than the previous family. However, I noticed that the oldest girl acts very different, like she’s uncomfortable when I say her name. She told me that she wants to be called Edward, so I started calling her by the name she wanted. She likes to play as Ken, the Prince, the Dad. Her younger siblings started calling her Edward too and she became so happy and relaxed. When the parents came home, everyone was told to stop calling her that. 

This last family, also has four kiddos who greet me with smiling faces and big hugs every time. The problem is that this family is much like the first. They tell their kids certain things are demonic, and these kids are ages 4-10. I’ve been gasped at for things like saying I do yoga, drawing a peace sign, or letting the four year old boy play barbies with us. 

I see first hand what this kind of brainwashing does to children. Yes, brainwashing. Kids don’t have a sense of gender until you teach it. They don’t have a sense of “evil” or “demons” until you teach it. That first girl refuses to draw horses now, afraid that she will get in trouble if she gives it a fire mane and tail. Edward is going to hide how she really feels from her parents which will eventually tear that bond. And the last four kids will be confused as they grow up and see that these things are not demonic and have nothing to do with right or wrong. 

This isn’t fair and I can’t do anything about it.

Originally posted by nuooage

[TRANS] BTS Japan Official Fanclub Magazine - Suga’s Biography

A mischievous kid growing up into a boy who enjoys reading 

I was born in Daegu in the South, the third biggest city of Korean, and grew up there until I came up to Seoul. When I was young, I was pretty much an ordinary kid. I loved playing around so my kindergarten teacher didn’t seem to like me. (laughs) I remember being scolded “It’s dangerous!” a lot. I also loved sports and was good at running, to the point of being picked as a relay runner from elementary school all the way up to high school. When it comes to studying, I’m slightly above average. 

I used to love playing outside with friends back then, but I changed as I grew up. Even when we went outside, it wasn’t like we did anything, we just gathered at the park. I wasn’t fond of that so many times I just stayed at home on weekends. My mother told me to go outside and meet my friends sometimes. (laughs) 

I had a thing for collecting, so I collected a lot of books when I was young. It was a time when I wanted to be a cultured man, wanted to pretend I know things too. Mature stuffs that didn’t suit my age or novels, poetry books, essays, newspapers,… I read everything regardless of genre. I don’t know why but up till middle school, I had the habit of reading books from the back page. I still read books sometimes now. My reading speed gets faster by reading multiple sentences at a time. 

Memories of first love from elementary school… I really don’t have any. Unlike Seoul, the provinces are conservative, and my school didn’t have that kind of atmosphere in which boys and girls talk to each other. If I was with a girl, I would become really shy and wouldn’t even say a word. 

The encounter with hip hop
Started composing in middle school 

I started to be interested in music in 5th year of elementary school, while watching the performance of “Stony Skunk”, Korean artists, on TV. It was the prime of ballad back then so if 18 teams perform on a music program, 10 would sing ballads, 5 would be idols and the other 3 would be other genres. They were one of those 3 teams. It was so cool how they were different from other singers. Up until then, I didn’t have any interest in music, but with Stony Skunk, I started listening to hip hop and reggae music, and was influenced by Epik High as well. MP3 player was starting to come out at that time, but I bought a Panasonic CD player and listened with that. 

Along with listening to music, I also started writing music at the same time. It wasn’t like someone told me to do it, I just had the thought of having to do so. I started writing rap lyrics in elementary school and started composing after I went to middle school. Back then, no one around me liked hiphop… It became extremely popular in Korea now but when I first started listening to it, hip hop was a genre once popular a long time ago. I think there probably wasn’t anyone on the streets who raps, except for me. If I rap at the karaoke room, it would just become some kind of sound to my friends. You know the moving hand gestures that are hip hop’s specialty? I was picked on for that too. 

Despite that, I still kept liking hip hop and in my 2nd year of middle school, I went on the stage for the first time at a festival. I performed Dynamic Duo’s “Go Back” with a friend. I didn’t like standing in front of people, but at that time, I only felt like I have to do it. I showed the rap that I practice too, although it wasn’t anything great. (laughs) 

 Actually in middle school, I wanted to go to an arts high school so I composed classical music. But the tuition was too expensive so I ended up just going to a regular high school. I told my father “I have done enough music now so I’ll study hard in high school” and went to that school, but of course I didn’t. (laughs) 

Full-fledged activities as a rapper after joining a crew in town 

Middle school years was when I composed music to satisfy myself only, on a hobby level. It was after I changed the MIDI software that I started full-fledgedly making music. In 1st year of high school, I showed my song to a person that was like a mentor to me, and he liked it a lot. I was introduced to a hip hop crew called “D-town” and joined. That song had the feeling of new-age music but had hip hop beats similar to Nujabes. For your information, the mentor that acknowledged me studied at Berklee College of Music and is currently working as a movie music director.

I think I started rapping properly after joining the crew. I have been rapping since elementary school, but since there wasn’t anyone who raps around me, I thought I was the best. (laughs) 

After that, I came to the Daegu underground scene, and from then, I also got to know that you can’t make a living out of music in the underground scene. Most of the hyungs who made music with me that time was about 10 years older than me, there were also people over 30. They worked part-time jobs and made music at the same time, but it seemed very hard. Even when performing live, it was already a huge deal to have 100 audiences, and I hated that fact. I thought “If I success, could I be the liaison of the underground scene?”. There are plenty of people who make good music in the underground scene, so I thought when I become famous, I want to create a better environment for them, I want to show their music to the world. 

Just then, I knew Big Hit was holding an audition in Daegu. I came there knowing nothing but that it was a company formed by composer Bang Shihyuk, but I was told that I was accepted the next day. I heard it later that when he saw me, he immediately thought of letting me pass. Even though I wasn’t good at rapping that time. (laughs) 

Coming up to Seoul after becoming a trainee
Different from first thought…!? 

I came to Seoul on November 7th, 2010, when I was in 2nd year of high school. I still remember it now. 

I joined to company not to rap, but to become a composer. So I thought I didn’t need to dance, and let people who are good at rapping rap, I just needed to follow the producer path. But it became a totally different thing. (laughs) At that time, rather than idols, the company was planning to create a group consisting of rappers, but that changed. The members were Rap Monster, J-hope and me. There were also Supreme Boy, i11even-hyung who is now active in the underground scene and Iron-hyung who made it to the finals of Show Me The Money 3. I think if we debut like that, despite being good at rapping, we would fail. (laughs) 

Rapper & producer
The future Suga thinks of as a goal 

My 4-year-older brother plays a very big role in letting me be able to walk on the music path like this. He started liking hip hop under my influence, but when I came to the audition, everyone in my family opposed it except for my brother. They didn’t view music activities nicely, even my relatives told me “What music for you, go study.” So I only showed my songs to him. He was the first person I informed that I passed the audition too. Our relationship is so good that we’re like friends. I basically don’t drink alcohol, but I drink it with him only. 

My family all support me now, of course. Even the relatives that told me to study ask for my signatures. (laughs) 

These days, I have thoughts about wanting to also be active as a producer. I have no greed of being in the center, I just want to make music. I don’t have interest towards the entertainment world too, everyone says they want to act, or to go on variety shows, but I don’t want to do those. (laughs) But still, the first thing is to make BTS get 1st place in Korea as well as Japan. And myself too, I want to be the best rapper, the best producer. I don’t know if it would take time, but I have to try.

JPN - KRN © mondomizel1

|bts au| Japanese Mythology

  • Namjoon as Ungaikyou

Ungaikyou (雲外鏡) — is a yōkai also known as “the purple mirror”.Originally a mirror used to drive off yōkai , it gradually built up yōkai energy until it became a yōkai itself. This yōkai can transfer itself between mirrors, allowing it to answer people who ask questions to the mirror or show them distant scenery. Especially powerful Ungaikyou are said to have the ability to connect to mirrors in the future.  

Do not edit or repost without my permission!


My Top Ten True Crime Movies

Honorable Mentions: Henry: Portrait of a Killer (1990) based on Henry Lee Lucas, An American Crime (2007) based on the murder of Sylvia Likens, Perfect Sisters (2014) based on the murder of Linda Andersen, and From Hell (2001) based on Jack the Ripper.

10. The Frozen Ground (2013)

“An Alaska State Trooper partners with a young woman who escaped the clutches of serial killer Robert Hansen to bring the murderer to justice. Based on actual events.“

9. Dahmer (2002)

“A man turns his darkest fantasies into a horrifying reality.“

8. Boys Don’t Cry (1999)

“Female born, Teena Brandon adopts his male identity of Brandon Teena and attempts to find himself and love in Nebraska.“

7. Wolf Creek (2005)

Based on serial killer Ivan Milat. Known as the Backpacker Murders.

“Stranded backpackers in remote Australia fall prey to a murderous bushman who offers to fix their car, then takes them captive.“

6. The Girl Next Door (2007)

Based on the abuse and murder of Sylvia Likens.

“Follows the unspeakable torture and abuses committed on a teenage girl in the care of her aunt…and the boys who witness and fail to report the crime.“

5. Monster (2003)

“Based on the life of Aileen Wuornos, a Daytona Beach prostitute who became a serial killer.“

4. Zodiac (2007)

“A San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac killer.“

3. Bully (2001)

Based on the murder of Bobby Kent.

“A pack of naïve teenagers conspire to murder a mutual friend, whose aggressive demeanor has proved too much.“

2. Karla (2006)

“Based on real events, Paul Bernardo and his wife, Karla Homolka, kidnap, sexually abuse, and murder three young girls.“

1. The Snowtown Murders (2011)

Based on Australian serial killer John Bunting.

“Based on true events, 16 year-old Jamie falls in with his mother’s new boyfriend and his crowd of self-appointed neighborhood watchmen, a relationship that leads to a spree of torture and murder.“

darkstreet-nostalgia  asked:

I love the PJO au! What are Pidge's and Hunk's backstories?

Me too! I’m surprised i got a lot of asks for it after that one tbh! XD I know you’re not asking for Lance, but I’m adding him anyway just because. There’s a Shiro backstory ask so he’ll be next soon. (Keith’s Backstory)

The Backstories: Pidge, Hunk and Lance Edition (PJO AU)

Pidge is the daughter of the famous Sam Holt, an engineer and the current Administrator of NASA. She has a brother named Matt who went missing for 10 years. Ever since her brother went missing, she became a lil obsessed finding him, thinking aliens got him and all that, she however had fascination with Greek mythology for some reason. 

She was on their rooftop when she spotted her first monster: one of the Furies and boy did she scream so loud when it clutched its claws to her shoulders, taking her off the ground. She tried her best not to panic because GODS DAMMIT WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON. Using all her strength, she swung her body forward until she was practically riding the monster. “Is this what Hiccup felt like when he rode Toothless because I swear to god this is goddamn awful and exhilarating at the same time.” It startled the monster and it shrieked, “What are you saying?! And what are you doing there?” “Oh! You could talk! Welp. Bye, bye. Sorry in advance.” Then Pidge stabbed the monster’s eyes with the pen from her tablet that she was holding and twisted its neck until she heard it crack. The monster shrieked louder in pain and suddenly it started to disintegrate. She was way up high in the sky, above their rooftop, then she started to fall. “Oh gods. This is how I die after I just killed one of the Furies. A heroic act at that and no one was even there to see it. Story of my life.” She accepted her fate and closed her eyes, doing a salute towards the moon. 

Next thing she knew, she was in the arms of her Dad, who caught her just in time because apparently he heard some noise from the rooftop and went to check. “I got you. And you just killed that monster.” Her Dad gasped. She had never hugged her Dad so tight in her life. “You have so much explaining to do, old man.” That was how she got to Camp Half Blood, she had the chillest arrival because her Dad simply drove her there because their car was protected with material that warded off monsters. Hunk was her first friend along with Lance and they formed a bond. She found out that her brother was in the Roman Camp: safe and sound.

Hunk is the son of a gourmet chef. His mom owned a famous restaurant and he always made sure to help her. He got all the skills from her and he was trained to be the next head chef until The Incident happened. Hunk was a nerd so the second he saw the thing, he knew it was the Khalkotauroi. He didn’t know how it appeared in the restaurant, he was just trying to prepare a dish when suddenly there were screams and he went out and saw the chaos the automaton caused. It breathed fire EVERYWHERE. Panic came over him when he saw his Mom being cornered by the bull and suddenly his feet started to move and he was in front of the bull, grabbing its horns, his body covering his mom.

“Get out of here, Ma!” Hunk screamed. Before his Mom could protest, the bull was preparing for another blow. The next thing Hunk heard was his Mom screaming out for him. He thought he was dead but he opened his eyes and he was still in one piece. He had no idea how that was even possible but he stared into the bull’s eyes and suddenly his hands were on fire. “Oh gods. No. It’s too early,” Hunk’s mom gasped. “I have no idea what’s happening so you better fill me up later, Ma. Fight fire with fire and—” Before he could finish his sentence, the bull stepped back and charged his mother and burned her.

Hunk screamed so loud and his whole body was covered with flames. “You did not just do that. Now, I’m really angry.” Hunk grabbed the nearest knives and charged, throwing knives into the bull’s mouth as it recharged for another blow. The bull burst into millions of pieces, leaving Hunk in tears holding his Mom’s dead body. Hephaestus came for him and informed him he needed to go to camp.

Lance is the son of a nurse. His family was big (mom remarried to his stepdad and now he had many siblings) and he wanted to make everyone proud of him. So he got into the swim team because if there was another thing he loved more than his family, it was swimming. He was in school and the swimming club was his second family, so during practice that was when he realized that he was probably more special than he thought he was.

The ceiling of the school’s indoor swimming pool got destroyed into pieces when a manticore decided to greet them. “Holy shit, what is that!?” Lance screamed. “MANTICORE!!” some geek screamed and the club members screamed as they got out of the pool. Lance was sorta hyponotized because there was no way a manticore could really exist—his thoughts got disrupted when the monster grabbed his leg by its mouth. “IT’S REAL OH GODS ITS REAL!!!” His friends started screaming at him and boy he screamed with them too because WHAT THE HELL THERE IS JUST NO WAY THIS WAS HAPPENING TO HIM. He wanted a chill swim NOT THIS! 


And that was when suddenly all the water in the pool went upwards and it appeared to be facing each of Lance’s balled up fist, waiting for his command. “Holy shit.” Lance was so shocked. The manticore roared and out of panic, Lance threw his hands up and then towards the manticore. The water obeyed and attacked the monster, temporarily drowning it. As soon as the monster can breathe, Lance shrieked because it looked so pissed, so he did the next best thing he could think of from all his gaming with Hunk: he froze the water into icicles and started stabbing the beast again and again until it disintegrated. His Mom told him later that day that his Dad was Poseidon and the next thing was, he was at camp with Hunk. When Lance arrived with Hunk, everyone bowed down to him when Poseidon claimed him and boy did he like to brag about being a Big Three kid.

The Other Side

The other side

The bruises didn’t hurt anymore. The pain didn’t linger after the initial blow. He had hit me so many times I knew what to expect, I knew how to try and protect myself. No the bruises didn’t hurt anymore. The only thing still sore after I got away from Tomas was my pride. Everyone told me he wasn’t the one, he wasn’t even worth my time. But I had to prove them right by dating him. I had to make my own mistakes.

And I had to damage myself by letting him hurt me.

The bruise on my cheek caused people to stare. When I got on the boat, people’s eyes followed me as I walked past them. If only they could see the faded bruises, the scars he left in his wake as he dug his nails into my skin. I had to have stitches along my hip last year because of a rusty nail he stabbed me with.

The physical scars lined my body. But they would never be as painful as the scars he left on my soul. He tore me down. He made me believe I wasn’t even good enough for myself. I had been so broken and abused I had to leave in the middle of the night. I fled with nothing more than a bag full of clothing. I left everything else behind.

This boat was my shot at freedom. This was my new beginning.

I had no idea where I was going. But I was getting away from him. I leaned against the railing, inhaling the sharp scent of sea water. The wind ripped through my hair, pushing it into my eyes. My fingers held tightly to the railing, but the sun made it easier to breathe. On the other side of this water was freedom. On the other side of the pain there was life.

He was asleep when I packed my bags. Tomas was usually a light sleeper, but somehow someone was watching over me. Maybe it was my mom, or maybe it was just dumb luck. Either way he didn’t wake when I dropped my bag, hurrying to shove as many things into it as I could. He didn’t even flinch when I grabbed the money out of his wallet and the rest I had stashed under the floorboard in the kitchen.

I avoided the last step, it was always the one that creaked and flew out the front door. I couldn’t take the car, or anything material other than my clothing. I couldn’t leave a trail. I had been saving for months, every penny he gave me went into my freedom fund. I had to get out before it was too late. I had to get out before he killed me.

He had taken away everyone in my life. He isolated me from my sisters, the few friends I had he cut them off. I had no one but him. And in the beginning I thought that was okay. In the beginning I thought he was the only one I would ever need. The only one I could ever want.

Now I realized that was his game. Make me have no one but him in my life. Make my only ally the man who was slowly killing me and I would never be able to break free.

The wind touched my cheeks as the boat started to move. The weight on my chest got lighter when I realized he couldn’t follow me now. I was setting off on my own journey, I was finding my own way. He would never know where I went, or who I would become.

The only saving grace I had was that I never married him. He never asked, more content with me as his toy, his girlfriend to parade around. He knew he controlled me, he knew I wouldn’t leave him. So he didn’t ask me to marry him. I’m not sure if I had the strength to say no. After all I was the coward who left in the middle of the night. I’m the one who ran away because I couldn’t face him.

Then again leaving was probably the bravest thing I had ever done.

I let out a slow breath and with it I tried to let go of my fears. A shadow crossed in front of me. I turned and looked at the stranger who had suddenly appeared. He was massive, broad and muscled. His hair hung close to his shoulders, a tattoo peeked out of his sleeve. His hand was dangerously close to him as he stood there, looking out at the water.

“Thinking about jumping?” His deep voice made something in my bruised heart sputter.

I shook my head, “no. Just thinking.”

“Well this is a beautiful view to be thinking in front of.”

He smiled, it reached his eyes and turned the brown golden. In that moment brown became one of the most beautiful colors I had ever seen. I thought Tomas had changed me. I thought the boy who had turned into a monster took away my ability, my desire to feel anything except pain. But this handsome stranger made my heart beat faster as we stood there together.

“Cassian,” he said quietly as his eyes met mine. He offered me his hand, but let it drop when I didn’t take it. He still wore that crooked smile, “I saw you come on the boat and I’ve been trying to get the nerve to talk to you.”

“Yeah. Right. I’m not interesting. I’m sure you probably just want to ask about my face.”

He cleared his throat, “actually no. But I hope you’ll tell me you ran into something. Or that the other guy looks worse. Because I don’t know you, but it burns my blood to think that someone hurt you.”

He held the railing tighter as he looked back at the water.

“They’re the reason I left,” I whispered before I could stop myself. I wanted to be free, to find a new life. But I knew that wasn’t possible unless I found a way out of the darkness that followed me. Out of the darkness Tomas had created.

“Where are you going?” He asked quietly.

“Where he can’t find me.”

We stood in silence, the water rushing around the boat. We didn’t say anything for a little while, both caught up in our own heads. I would give anything to know what he was thinking, if he was thinking about me. Something about this man, Cassian, made me feel safe. It was like I had known him for my entire life. Like we were two halves of a whole. Maybe the world created one heart and then spilt it into two pieces. Giving one to the person you’re meant to find as you walk this earth.

Or maybe I was going crazy.

“Nesta,” I finally said turning to face him, “I’m Nesta.”

He took my hand, his fingers were warm as they wrapped around mine. He gave me that crooked smile, “I know we just met, Nesta. But if you need somewhere to stay, I know someone who can help.”

Cassian’s friend Amren was the perfect roommate. She was quiet and minded her own business. She helped me find a job and never complained if I couldn’t give her my part of the rent on time. She didn’t care, apparently she had a trust fund and was fine fronting the bill as long as I cleaned up after myself.

His friend Mor, who he called his cousin because he was close friends with her actual cousin, was the one who forced me to talk. She had been through something similar, by the hands of her former fiancé, under her father’s command. She cried with me when I told her about Tomas. She held me as I recalled the first time it happened, when he promised it would never ever happen again.

In a way Mor was the only who truly understood what happened to me. She dried my tears and she told me I couldn’t let him win. I could cry now but I had to pull myself together. If I let the darkness pull me under then Tomas would win. Even if he never found me, he would win by destroying the girl I had been before we met.

I never did thank Cassian for bringing me here. I wasn’t sure I would’ve survive without him in this new place.

The only people I kept in contact with on the other side of the water were my sisters. Elain and Feyre had been devastated when Tomas told them he couldn’t find me. But when I called and told them what had happened, they promised they would tell him where I had ended up. They promised I would be safe on this side of the world.

Cassian came by everyday. At first it was cute, but it was slowly becoming annoying. He was arrogant, he was cocky. He knew exactly how to push my buttons. He was loyal and he was sweet. He was the only person in this new life that could make me laugh. Maybe that’s why he kept coming around. Because he wanted me to feel again. Because he wanted me to laugh more.

Once on a really bad day he came by and I was in a mood. The pain was unbearable and he was in my path. So when he asked me to get him water, something he could’ve done himself, I grabbed a glass and filled it with ice. I slammed it down in front of him and glared.

“This isn’t water.”

I shrugged, “wait.”

That was the first time he saw the Nesta I had been before. The broken down and angry Nesta. The girl who was still trying to heal herself. I hated how hard she was, how I wasn’t able to push past her and be the girl I had been before. Softer and trusting. Someone who wasn’t so afraid of the people who wanted to be in her life.

That day didn’t scare Cassian away though. He smiled, raising his eyebrows at me and laughing as I sat down beside him. He didn’t go to fill the glass himself. He waited for the ice to melted and then looked at me when he took the first sip. And just like that I laughed, the dark cloud that had been following me that day snapped.

Once again Cassian had proved to me how good he was. How sweet and loyal he was.

Usually he stopped by on his way to work to make sure I got out of bed. In the beginning that had been the hardest part. Then he started showing up in the evenings, after work. Claiming he had to see Amren or he had nothing else to do.

Then he started to cook me dinner every other night and promised me it meant nothing more than him seeing me eat. He said I was too thin, I needed to trust him. He said he just wanted me to know he was my friend. Friends help each other. He wanted me to feel safe. At least that’s what he kept saying.

But then one day something changed. He looked at me and I realized I was safe here, but not because I was in a new place. I was safe with him; because of him.

That night I made dinner. I had been living with Amren for almost 2 months. Cassian still came over every night to see us. He told me about the gym, he told me about his friends. I listened and laughed at his stupid jokes. I even met the two men he called his brothers and they were just as kind as him. I knew Feyre would be taken with the violet eyed one. Elain would lean towards the quiet dark one.

So one night I cooked him his favorite, the easiest meal I could make. I knew it wasn’t perfect, there were a few burnt edges to the pasta. But I had done something I never tried before. Something Tomas would’ve laughed at. I set out two plates and I wore a new dress I found on sale. I even lit a few candles.

When he showed up, fresh out of the shower after working at the gym he ran with his two best friends, he seemed surprised. Amren had found somewhere else to be and well it was just the two of us. My hands were shaking when I heard his truck pull up. I was nervous, I hadn’t been nervous to see a man in a long time. Since before Tomas and I had fallen down that dark hole.

But I was nervous because this was Cassian. My friend. This was Cassian, the man who had somehow seen me through the barbed wired I had built around my heart.

“Nes?” He asked quietly as I met him at the door.

His brown eyes turned that golden shade again as they met mine. He was beautiful, his hair damp and clinging to his neck. His shirt tight against his arms, his smile lighting up his face. When we first met I knew he was handsome. I just didn’t realize he was beautiful. Inside and out this man was a rare breed. Or maybe I had just been looking in all the wrong places for someone like him.

I could’ve stood there all day and looked into his eyes. It was like seeing his soul. It was like seeing myself for the very first time. He didn’t see me as weak or broken. He never saw me as a girl who needed to be saved. He saw me as Nesta, the girl he met on a Sunday staring at the water.

The girl he now called his very best friend.

I smiled, a real smile, and took his hand in mine, “I made you dinner to thank you. For being so kind to me when I didn’t know anyone, when I could’ve faltered and ran back to that horrible excuse of a man. Thank you Cass. You are the light guiding me out of the darkness even when I didn’t want you to be.”

His hand moved to my cheek, cupping it as his thumb brushed lightly over my skin, “Nesta.”

I shook my head and leaned in, afraid more words would ruin this moment. So I stood up on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his, sealing the rest of my life. In that moment when his lips met mine, I felt everything right itself in my world. The bruises that lined my soul, the aches inside my heart, they all healed in that moment. I closed my eyes and I saw the stars, I saw our happiness, I heard my own laughter.

It was that kiss that broke the hold on me. The darkness was gone, the light had broken through. I pulled on his shirt, bringing him closer to me. I could feel his heart hammering inside his chest. It was beating as erratically as mine. His fingers dug into my waist as he kissed me like I was the air he needed to fill his lungs. Like he was drowning and I was the only thing that could bring him back.

“Nesta,” he leaned his forehead against mine and then pressed another soft kiss against my lips, “gods above I’ve wanted to kiss you for the last two months.”

I giggled. My eyes met his and I held his gaze. I could only hope he saw the truth reflected in my gaze, “you gave me time to heal. I didn’t realize what was happening until you showed up in my heart.”

He laced his fingers through mine, “he never deserved you.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me, “no. But he brought me to you. Even after the hell he put me through I will be forever grateful for that.”

“Did you do all this for me?” He asked softly as he held me in his arms.

I laughed, “for us. As our first date.”

Cassian shook his head, “no. This isn’t our first date. Why do you think I cooked you so many meals these last two months?”

I leaned into him, “okay. Our first official date as boyfriend and girlfriend.”

He smiled as he kissed me again. God I didn’t know what I did to deserve this man. But I would never ever let myself lose him. He held me as if he was making me that promise to. He would never hurt me. He would never falter. He would always be there and he would always be mine.

And in that moment nothing mattered more than that unspoken promise we made each other. To fall slowly, to help each other heal. To be each other’s best friend and greatest love.

My bruises that had lined my skin were finally healed, they were faded now. Cassian had been there for all the pain. He helped me heal, he watched them turn yellow and disappear. A few nights he had sat beside me and traced his fingers over one of the worst ones on my arm. And I realized as his eyes stared at that angry bruise, he never once told me I wasn’t beautiful. He never made me feel as if this had been all my fault.

Cassian was my savior. My warrior in disguise.

“So what do you say?” I asked quietly, our faces still pressed close together, “can I tell everyone you’re mine?”

He laughed, his big hand wrapping around my neck and holding me there, our breath mixing together, “you don’t have to. I told them already, the day I brought you home.”

Maybe Tomas had broke me. Maybe he had given me scars and told me I would never be worthy of a male except for him. But if that was true, then so was this. Cassian had resurrected me. He put those broken pieces back together and proved to me that even in the darkest moments there was light to be found.

I wasn’t broken anymore, because of my brown eyed boy. I wasn’t scared or hurting, because he took the chance and gave me a home.

I giggled, brushing my nose with his before kissing him again. I wrapped myself around him as he pulled me up into his arms and carried me towards my bedroom. Dinner was long forgotten as he laid me down against the mattress. When he whispered more sweet promises into my skin, I knew I had finally made it to the other side and found my own beautiful piece of life.


(one of my first attempts to write feels, enjoy!)

I Failed To Protect You - [my fic in]

Sometimes it hurt and he can ignore it. But other times it hurt too much and it became harder to ignore it—but he had to, because there were more important things. Things that could end with permanent consequences if he didn’t give it his all. Death-T, Duelist Kingdom, Dark Bakura, Marik’s Ghouls, and now Dartz and the Orichalcos. He had to shove them away, he had to hide it—bury it deep within him. Cover his pain with walls as hard and cold like the labyrinth in the Puzzle.

He had no time for distractions.

But he knew he couldn’t keep it in forever, he knew it would come back to haunt him. Burying something so deep for so long tended to end badly, to bite him back in the ass. He had witnessed it firsthand with Kaiba, a boy who had buried all his pain and insecurities to be strong for his brother—and later buried everything else to survive the upbringing he had with his foster father. It was like a seed, bury it and let it germinate. Let it grow, mature, and mutate into something he couldn’t control himself. Into an obsession he realized too late. For Kaiba, it was his obsession to be the strongest in Duel Monsters—a childhood dream that became corrupt. He lost his true cause for being strong, and ended up hurting the very reason he wanted to be strong for in the first place.

For him, it was his obsession to always win. No matter the cost, no matter the consequences. He should have seen it before, he had done it once in Duelist Kingdom. When Kaiba had threatened to kill himself if he won (and he would have won the duel if it weren’t for Yuugi, he would have killed Kaiba if it weren’t for Yuugi).Winning games was… winning duels was… winning was the only use he had.

He had used his powers and it only led to pain and fear. It had led to Death-T, for Kaiba wanted revenge after he had humiliated him in a shadow game. It led to Yuugi being absolutely terrified of him, a spirit who possessed his body without his knowledge and hurt people (he had burned one man alive and made Kaiba experience death, for gods’ sakes). It had led to Yuugi’s grandfather being taken, for Pegasus had discovered the Puzzle because of Death-T. His powers were useless, they didn’t help anybody, so he stopped using them.

All that was left then, was his skill in games.

And it stopped being useful when Yuugi was forcibly ripped from him. He closed his eyes at the memory, hands pushing him out of the way and the sinking feeling in his gut (and denial) as he saw his partner in the seal. It should have been him, it should have been him, it should have been him.

He let out a shaky breath. Sometimes it hurt and he could deal with it—but most of the time he was on the verge of breaking. He looked down at the endless black void in front of him. Once upon a time, he had taunted another Item wielder about the horrors of his labyrinth. He had stood before Shadi’s fingers, looking down at him as he dangled at the broken edge of the floor. He had smirked and mocked him, telling him if he fell then his soul would be doomed to be lost in the dark abyss.

He had laughed at Shadi’s fear (and it was no wonder Yuugi had feared him), wondered out loud if he should leave him to fall and rot.

(Gods, he was just like the spirit of the Ring)

If he didn’t exist, maybe life for everyone would be better. If it weren’t for him, his partner would still be here. Dartz wanted him, and was willing to hurt Yuugi’s friends, who were only high school students, to reach him. If it weren’t for his stupidity, his bull-headedness, his gods-be-damned fickle pride—then Yuugi Mutou would still be here in his rightful body. But he wasn’t.

Instead it was an ancient dead spirit with no memories, who was only useful in games and torture (and he was good at it, he remembered the time that he reveled in the screams of Ushio, Sozoji, and countless others before he found some semblance of sanity).

He tilted his head and leaned forward, teetering a little more towards the void. He marveled at the endless black, light seemingly stopping in the void. He remembered the cruel words he told Shadi and wondered.

If he fell… would he disappear?

This was his soul room, and the void was still part of his soul (and what did that say about him, to have a vast dark hole in a mental representation of his very essence?). At best, he would continuously fall until some external force stopped him. At worst, he would forever be lost within his own mind. A soulless soul, if that was possible. He would disappear into nothingness, fade away, and never be a bother to anyone else anymore.

That seemed nice.

Who would miss him? The people who truly knew him were (mostly) long dead, buried under the sand for thousands of years. He wouldn’t be surprised if some of them were displayed in a museum somewhere. Jounouchi? He would move on. Anzu? She would get over him, always her love for Yuugi would be stronger than the whatever-it-was she had for him (it was something he admired from her, because she truly loved Yuugi as a friend, sister, and—given time—something more). Honda? They weren’t that close, he wasn’t close with any of Yuugi’s friends. Not really. Ryou? He suspected that the white haired boy was a bit wary around him, perhaps reminding him of another ancient Egyptian spirit.

Yuugi? Yes, he would probably miss him. But he had friends, he had his family, and he had always been the stronger between them. He had lived most of his life without him, and he could do it again—especially now that he had more people who would care for him. What would he need from someone who was still insane? Who still felt a little pleasure in seeing the pain of duelists as they were defeated, who still felt tempted to call his power and bring forth terrifying illusions as retribution?

Who used that gods’ forsaken card despite knowing what it could do, what would Yuugi need from someone like that?

Yuugi was strong and he was weak. He couldn’t concentrate without the comforting presence of Yuugi’s soul, couldn’t summon up the will to fight without his words of encouragement.

It would be so easy to jump, or even just lean forward a bit more. Nobody needed him, nobody should want him, who would miss him?

“I would, my prince.”

He jerked at the voice and turned. Behind him was a tall man, garbed in dark violet robes and armor, and looking at him with sad blue eyes. He looked away.

“You shouldn’t, I treated you horribly,” he said, feeling bile in his throat as he remembered the callous way he treated all his monsters. Hadn’t he once told Pandora that he should treat his cards with respect and dignity? That they were more than just tools? What a self-righteous hypocrite he was. “I hurt you.”

“I will heal.”

“I hurt her,” he emphasized, remembering the betrayed look the man’s beloved student gave him as he forced her to sacrifice herself. “I promised—I goddamn promised her, and yet I-”

He deserved to lose… he did.

But Yuugi didn’t deserve to take that penalty, it should have been him.

“She will heal.”

“She shouldn’t have to!” he snarled, looking back at Dark Magician—his most loyal Duel Monster (and whywhywhy did he deserve such loyalty from a powerful and dignified being like him?). He remembered the pure hurt shining in those green eyes, glistening with tears threatening to pour out. And if he had been less prideful, less blind, then he would have listened to the tugs pulling in his heart. Because Dark Magician Girl was far more suited for happiness, not crying, and he should have made sure that—

(“Hey now, don’t cry,” he soothes the sobbing girl. “I sucked out all the poison, the snake won’t bother him. No more tears, okay?”)

“You shouldn’t have to either! What kind of… what kind of—I don’t know what I am to you!” he cried. “I don’t know what I was to you, but I sure as hell know I shouldn’t be hurting you!”

Shouldn’t make one of them cry (I’m so sorry).

He wasn’t clueless, he wasn’t stupid, he wouldn’t be half as good in games if he didn’t have the ability to connect the dots. Ishizu had shown them the tablet, and it had the Dark Magician carved on it. That spoke volumes in itself. He knew the spellcaster was connected to his forgotten past, and he suspected that they had been something. Friends perhaps (dare he hope, after what he did?). Dark Magician had always been far more alive in duels than what seemed expected from the holographic technology, even before Kaiba’s advanced duel disks. Smiling, wagging his finger, doing twirls with his staff before he attacked, and sometimes looking back at him worriedly when he thought he wasn’t paying attention.

And the duel with Pandora, that time where he activated an effect all on his own, standing in front of him so his life points wouldn’t go to zero. Monsters shouldn’t be able to do that, not without any indication from their duelists or the duel disks. Dark Magician was self-aware enough to act on his own volition.

He had appointed himself guardian of his soul room (and how did Duel Monsters get into his soul so easily?), often nudging Yuugi away from tablets and rooms when the teen felt like exploring. The one time Shadi tried to venture the labyrinth again in Duelist Kingdom, the Egyptian man nearly got disintegrated on the spot by an irate magician when he tried to touch the tablets. If it weren’t for Yuugi intervening, Shadi would have been a smear on the floor.

He knew him, he cared about him.

And look what he does to that person, he treated him as a mere tool.

Another person he hurt because of his pride, one who stood by him longer than anybody he knew. Despite that, despite committing the most damnable failure he’d ever committed, the man was still determined to protect him, even from himself.

“Why? Why do you go through such lengths to protect me?” he asked, wringing his hands. It baffled him. He was a powerful spirit, he could defend himself. He was dead and couldn’t remember his own name, there wasn’t much left to protect—body and mind. And if he thought about it, he only used Dark Magician as a soldier in battle. Even before the tribute summon rule in dueling, the spellcaster has gone through so many deaths it was a wonder he still had the energy to go through his typical sass. Why would he put up with that? “I don’t remember you, I don’t know you.”

He saw the quick flash of pain in the blue eyes, the raw hurt at that admission. So he had been right then, he and Dark Magician (and most likely Dark Magician Girl) knew each other, once upon a time. It must hurt, to see a loved one (maybe?) completely forget about you, to see them look at you with no recognition. He turned away, he had already been hurting Dark Magician without trying. By looking at him, not remembering him.

“Gods, I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you,” he said bitterly, laughing at himself. “I’m nothing, the only worth I seem to have is that I was pharaoh, and what good is that?”

Dark Magician flinched, as if physically struck by his words, but he plowed on regardless. Too engrossed at his thoughts to care, these feelings had been festering for a while now, and they were itching to burst.

“What good is a pharaoh who can’t even remember his own name? What good is a pharaoh who’s dead, whose body is a shriveled up corpse somewhere?” he laughed, shaking his head. “Hell, what good is a pharaoh in this day and age?”

He laughed again, like he had found a funny joke—and really, he did: it was called his life. He was an ancient spirit with amnesia, who possessed a Japanese teenage boy via a golden puzzle and was apparently Egyptian once upon a time. His talents were winning games, recently card games, and his skills consist of making people crazy. His life was a joke, his death was a joke.

“Your worth isn’t because of your title.”

“Oh? And what is it then?”

“It’s because you are you,” Dark Magician replied softly, walking closer to him and placing his (warm warm warm) hands on his shoulders. The spellcaster gently pulled him away from the edge. He didn’t fight back, didn’t shrug off the hands. It wasn’t the first time he thought about ending his un-life (un-death?) and looking at the dark void contemplatively, just the first time he had finally voiced his thoughts out loud. Always, Dark Magician was there to pull him away. “Do you think I would stay for thousands of years just because you were king?”

From the Egyptian people he had met before, it was obvious that they weren’t the sanest or most logical bunch. But he restrained himself from saying that. “Whoever I was before, I’m certainly not him now.”

Memories were the basis of personality after all, and he barely had any.

“You’d be surprised with how little you’ve changed,” the man refuted, wrapping his arms around his waist and dragging him down the floor. He flailed, surprised at the change of position. He was seated between the spellcaster’s legs, who placed himself in a cross-legged sit, not letting go of him. “You are still the intelligent and kind man I knew, one who always protects his friends.”

“I’m doing a horrible job at it,” he muttered, feeling awkward at being hugged. Nobody had ever given him soft and affectionate touches like this. He knew he was viewed as someone intimidating, untouchable and powerful. The closest he experienced was Jounouchi’s hug tackles and noogies. Most would give him a pat on the shoulder.

“You are doing the best you can with the limited resources you have,” Dark Magician corrected, removing his arms from the small spirit to take off his armor. First the pauldrons, then his helmet. He blinked, staring at the long violet hair that fell over the man’s shoulders. His hands twitched, wanting to comb through the locks and see if it was as silky as it looked.

Without the armor, Dark Magician looked less threatening. Softer, gentler.


(White robes, tan skin, long brown hair, and gray eyes shining with amusement)

He was pulled out of his musings when Dark Magician hugged him again, this time a little closer. With the armor out of the way, he could feel the man’s steady heartbeat. Could smell his comforting scent; lavender, incense, and other spices. He fidgeted, unsure on what to do in this (surprisingly comfortable) position.

“I forget that you are so human,” Dark Magician murmured, combing through his spikes. “That you are confused and unsure of yourself, that you hurt near constantly, that you need companionship as much as you need protection. I thought I have gone past that, seeing you as something infallible and god-like.”

“I’m not god-anything,” he protested. God forsaken, perhaps. But god-like? That was ridiculous, there was nothing godly about him.

“Once upon a time, I thought you were,” Dark Magician sighed, still stroking his hair. It was so calming, he cuddled a bit closer. Eyes drooping as he listened. “The person I was in the past would have been horrified with my actions now, would think it beneath his status, to be so casual with the king.”

“Statuses are stupid,” he mumbled, remembering the arrogant people he had encountered when he was freed. It was always status of something for them—wealth, beauty, popularity, and other silly things. “We both have the same color of blood, don’t we? Neither of us should be beneath or above each other.”

He felt rumbling from the other’s chest, and the arms around him tightened. “You truly haven’t changed—matured and grown perhaps, but what made you remarkable to me is still there.”

“There’s nothing remarkable with treating you horribly.”

“Your opponent manipulated you, used your self-doubt against you,” Dark Magician said. “Dartz has ten thousand years’ worth of experience to know what could break you, I’m sure he told his follower how.”


“I should have intervened, said something—the rules of the game never held strongly to me,” he continued. “I should have reassured you, instead of watching you doubt yourself more and more—what kind of friend am I? To do nothing while you were hurting?”

Friend, he called him a friend.

He sobbed brokenly, because he had met a lot of things related to his unknown past. Enemies like Dark Bakura and Pegasus, unfortunate slaves like the Ishtars, and tentative allies like Shadi. But never a friend, never any indication that he had bonds with anyone. Yes, the tablet was a symbol of friendship created by one of his high priests, but this was also the same person who had created the clan of grave keepers doomed to never see sunlight. He had a friend, a person he cared about and cared for him as well. He had a friend, and surely that meant he wasn’t that horrible of a person before, right?

“Oh, my prince, you were never horrible,” Dark Magician replied sadly. Had he said that out loud? “Forceful and prideful, but never cruel and cold-hearted. You shouldn’t believe the words of Raphael.”

“S'hard,” he sniffled, trying in vain to stop the tears. It was hard to ignore the duelist’s words when it was true. How could he be sure that he was a good person before? He had been cruel and cold-hearted the first months of being released, he had been horrible and terrifying. And when he thought he was getting better, becoming good, he reverted back to being a cruel spirit who loved seeing people lose. Just for the sake of winning a stupid card game. He had broken a promise, he had ignored Yuugi, he had treated all of his cards like crap. He had treated his friend like crap. “M'sorry, ’m so sorry.”

“I know.”

He wished he wasn’t hugged like this, he wished he was punched like how Jounouchi reacted. He wished there was disappointment and grief in those blue eyes, like in Anzu’s when she discovered the news. He wished the man would scream at him, like Rebecca had. He wished all of this was just one big nightmare and Yuugi was there, smiling at him and asking him to look at their deck again.

“M'so tired, Dark Magician,” he mumbled. “I wan’ t'sleep for a long time.”

And never wake up, was the unsaid thought.

He sighed as he felt fingers combing his hair again, he let his eyes slid close and his body relax into a boneless heap. Surrendering himself to the feeling of safety and comfort from the man (no matter how undeserving he was of having it).

“Then sleep,” Dark Magician said softly. “I will wake you up when it’s needed.”

He was so tired.

“… ‘Kay,” he breathed. “G'night, Mahad.”

A twitch, the arms around him held him tight.

“Pleasant dreams, my prince.”

Sleep was nice.


By Indiana

Characters:  Jonathan Crane

Synopsis:  Evil is a choice.


There was once a boy with a monster beneath his bed.

The monster was cold, and dark, and he knew not its intentions; he knew only it had appeared one night when he arrived at home and it had not left.

He feared it, as he feared all things, and so he made no motions against it.  He slept o'ertop of it and it slept below him, and it came to be nearly comforting, as is a nightmare one has seen so many times one knows it through from beginning to end.

The boy climbed into bed one night and his eyes were awash with tears; from its cold and ebony corner the monster asked in a gentle and cloying whisper, “Child, why do you cry?”

The boy startled and pressed his trembling back against the post, and his lips spread open but he did not speak.

“Tell me, child,” the monster said, more gently and more cloying than before, “why do you cry?”

The boy was a-feared and shook his head, and his knees were drawn by clasping fingers to his thin chest.  And again he did not answer.

“Fear me not,” the monster said, “for I wish only to help.  Tell me, child: why do you cry?”

Well, this did not change much, for none had offered to aid this boy before and so he was distrustful.  But he sniffled and ran his fingers beneath his eyes and answered, “I cry because the children at school tease me.”

“That is unkind,” the monster said.  “What have you done to deserve as such, my child?”

“I have done nothing,” the boy answered.  “They tease because my limbs are too thin and too long and too clumsy.”

“Ah, but they are wrong to tease,” the monster said to him, “for do you know what your future holds?”

“I do not,” the boy answered, and he did not want to know but he was too afraid of not knowing.

“Your limbs are thin so that you may move with ease, my child.  And they are long so that when you are older you may look down upon all those who belong below you.  And you shall learn grace, when the time comes, ah, they will speak of your firm steps and your raised head!”

That all sounded wonderful to the boy, and he released his knees and leaned forward, and his hand trembled against the crumpled blanket.  His voice was small and craven as he asked, “Can that be true?”

“It can be,” the monster soothed, “if you wish it.”


Every night when the boy came home, the monster rested patiently; sometimes it spoke and sometimes it did not.  Upon a night when he lay crumpled beneath the blanket and his mind would not come to rest, he whispered, “Are you there?”

“I am always here,” the monster soothed.  “What is it, child?”

“The children tease again,” the boy said, his voice timorous and hesitant, “and I can see no better future in it.”

“In what, my child?” the monster asked.

“They tell me I am ugly,” the boy answered, and his fingers clutched tight the blanket and his toes curled into each other.  “There can be nothing good in the future about that!”

“Oh, but there is,” the monster said assuredly.  “You shall know their true intentions without deceit, my child.  Others who are more sightly than you shall fall victim to those who care only for their looks, but you! you are luckier than you know, for idle flattery will never beguile you.  Your face does not hide what you are within, as so many do, and you may know now that a pretty face serves only to hide the ugliness behind it.  Beauty is a trap that shall not befall you.”

The words were reassuring, and settled his spirits, and the boy closed his eyes and slept.


There came a night when he was a little older, and he sat at a desk of splinters with his stained textbook lit by a bulb muted beneath a spotted shade.  The words before him held no meaning, for his mind was troubled.  And as always he did at such times, he asked, “Are you there?”

“Indeed I am,” the monster said.  “What is it?”

“I have no one to call my friend,” the boy answered.  “I have no one to do projects with, or with whom to trade notes, or to laugh and talk with.”

“Oh, how lucky you are!” the monster said.  “For there is little use in friends, my child.  A friend is only a person who sees in you what they lack in themselves, and if you were to have one it would be you who was lacking.  No, you need not friends, my child, for you are more than enough for yourself.  What you cannot yet do you shall soon learn.”

The boy folded together his hands and regarded the shadows on the wall, and he felt the truth of it.  And when he looked again at the page in front of him, it promised he could continue on unaided.


When he was a little older there came an eve where he returned home dejected, and his bag thudded to the floor as he set onto his bed with his face behind his hands.  And he felt the cold touch of the monster beneath him, and it asked,

“What is it, my child?”

“There was something at school I wished to attend,” the boy answered.  “I asked a fair lady if she would accompany me.  She agreed to do so, but when we arrived I discovered it was all in deceit! for when we arrived there she abandoned me and left me to find only teasing and ridicule.  I cannot go back.  I cannot face any of it again.”

“You can!” the monster snapped, and for the first time since he was very young the boy was a-feared of it.  He drew forth his face from his hands and asked,


“You shall do as I’ve told you.  You shall return with your head high to look down upon them, for they are below you.  You shall walk firmly and with grace, and you will do no such foolish thing again.  A woman is worse than a friend could ever be, for a woman will try to mold you as her own.  She will never take you as you are, and she will say you are not good enough, but know this: you need heed the words of no one.  You are greater than any woman could ever cause you to be.”

“But will I not be lonely, with no one to share my life with?” the boy asked. 

“People try only to cause change,” the monster said.  “You will find you have shared too much of yourself before too long, given too much to them in return for too little, and you will know where you misstepped but you will be unable to go back.”

This was an answer of which he was unsure, but he knew not how to verify.  And yet he did not like the thought of fracturing himself, piece by piece, for the sake of some other.  No, he would find comfort in his own company.  Better that he had the advantage rather than any other.


He grew older, and needed the advice of the monster less and less, for he was coming to know the answers to any questions he may have had.  Still it stayed with him when he moved into a new room in a new state, where he set upon the beginnings of his adult life.  He returned to his room upon the conclusion of class and sat upon his bed, and his fingers were woven together and his eyes pensive.  Finally, he ventured, “Are you there?”

“What is it, my child?” the monster asked.

“I fear I will be unable to complete my degree,” the boy said, “for I cannot find a professor willing to work with me.  When I show my work to them they ridicule me and call me a fool.”

“Then you must make them,” the monster said. 

“And how am I to do so?”

“Think back to your youth,” the monster advised.  “When someone aimed to direct your actions, what would they do?”

“They would inspire fear in me,” the boy answered.  “Am I to make a professor work with me out of fear?”

The monster needed not answer, for he had already risen to regard some manner of papers on his desk: his work, consisting of many countless hours of research on that emotion which had plagued his youth.  All to whom he had shown this had scorned him, had waved him off and said there was no practical application with which his formulae to induce fear could be used… but it seemed there was.


The years wound on and the boy became a man, fully, and there came a night when he returned home with his spirits asunder.  He set upon the chair before his desk, and he thought and he thought.  Finally, he said, “Are you there?”

“What is it, my child?” the monster asked, and the man wove his fingers together and said,

“I have taken action upon some who have wronged me.   I had had enough of their ridicule and their whispers and their disrespect, and as they did not seem to know the truth of me I showed it to them.”

“As you should have,” the monster soothed.

“I came upon something I did not expect,” the man continued, and his shoulders were hunched together and his knees pressed against each other.  “You see, in revealing to them the truth of me I realised it was the first time I had seen it myself.”

“And what did you see?” the monster asked.

“I saw that I am more than I allow myself to be,” the man answered.  “You see, continuing my work will always be a struggle, a battle against those who do not understand it.  I may spend my life fighting a great deal and end up with very little.”

“And what will you do?”

“I will become something others are afraid to be, and I will admit a truth others are afraid to speak of themselves,” the man said.  “I will become the force God or nature intended me to be.  I shall not hide from it anymore.”

“Then go forth,” the monster said, “and show yourself who you are.”

And the man nodded to himself and stood.



There came an evening when the man stood in front of a pane of glass, adjusting his clothes as he put them on for the first time.  The dusky reflection of his visage showed no expression, and he was glad, for he preferred when none could read his face.  One could not prevent what they could not see.

He fingered the limp and roughened brim of a hat woven of straw, and as always there was that coldness that had come when he was a boy and had never left.  Indeed, as the long years had gone by it had only grown, had only enveloped, had only settled, and he had come to welcome it.  Sometimes it filled the emptiness he knew not otherwise how to fill.

“It has been a great many long years,” the man said, and his voice was now calm and level and wise.  “You are a presence I have known without fail, and yet you stand always behind me, within my shadow.  I need not your advice anymore, for I know now how to care for myself, and yet I have one further question to ask of you.”

“Ask you may,” the monster said, “though you have become clever and I believe the answer already known to you.”

“Perhaps,” the man said.  “But I am a man of science, and such men must hear their answers in full for theories are easily quashed.”

The hat he now laid aside for a bundle of rough cloth that bristled against his skin when he touched it, and upon it he ran one questing thumb, back and forth and back and forth.  It was nothing just now, but once he took it up the way he meant to, it would become his face.  If not that it already was.

“Tell me,” the man said. “I have taken heed of your whisper for lo these years, and know as well as your voice I do the feel of you.  But I have not yet looked upon your face.  Why should that be?”

“Ah, but you look upon it now,” the monster purred.  “I am there now, in the slant of your brow.  I am in the downward curl of your mouth, and in the pointedness of your tongue, and in the cunning always present in your eye.  I have been there always.  You have seen me always.”

The man nodded slowly, for the answer was as he had expected.  The divide between them was not so great, and he had known for some time now.  There came no thought to turn back; he had interest now only in moving further down the path he had chosen.

“Once you don the shroud,” the monster whispered, “you shall breathe me in.”

He looked down at it, and the ragged face he had torn upon it, and he knew that the monster lived there too, inside of that dark interior.  And he did not mind.  That was as it should be.

And it was as it should have been, too, as he pulled it down over his hair and it pressed against his face, and when he had become accustomed to the feel of it he took up the hat in one scarred hand and set off down the road.



Author’s note

This is not about Jonathan having a split personality from Scarecrow.  This is about the times when we are wronged and we make the wrong choice because it feels better for now.  And in the future we discover the choice was wrong and we then have to decide whether to continue on as such or to learn better.  You can’t fight evil with evil without being evil yourself.  And when we do bad things, sometimes we blame them on others, or extenuating circumstances, but in the end one day we have to ask what the cause of those decisions really was and the only true answer is that we decided to act that way.  And so the monster Jonathan was listening to was all along himself.  The monster was his shadow self, the true self he let linger behind him as he pretended to be like everyone else, and when he accepts what he is he becomes his own shadow.

2017′s TaiYama Week ★ Day 7. Headcanons
  • Yamato is secretly proud of riding his scooter to school, every now and then when their schedules allow it he will offer Taichi a ride. Taichi usually refuses, he enjoys to exercise and use the bike even at times he would have liked to take the offer. I can see this developing into a form of code: if Yamato gets impatient and insists, Taichi knows something is wrong and that Yamato needs to talk. Even more rarely, if it’s Taichi asking, Yamato may as well retort “what happened?” right away.
  • I like to think after the first incident with Diaboromon, Taichi and Yamato’s Omegamon became a rumoured urban legend online. I think Taichi enjoyed the backlash at first. He would carelessly make random remarks about “digimon” not bothering if his classmates understood him or not. But Yamato would give him such warning looks Taichi would tone it down because of him. lol At age 12 Yamato wouldn’t want anymore attention than necessary.
  • I still regard the fourth movie “Diaboromon’s Revenge” as part of the story’s continuity. So I believe the levels of Odaiba’s awareness for the Digimon spiked abruptly starting from there. I think Taichi and Yamato became the source of casual looks from random strangers. People who remember both incidents and connect the boys right to those monsters, even at school. Remember the two kids in Reunion Yamato nearly snapped at? Before Taichi stopped him? I believe they actually recognised Taichi and Yamato’s faces there. It would add an extra layer of meaning to their abrupt silent anger.
  • I stick to the conviction Taichi has never given up on the effort of making people acknowledge the Digimon no matter how dense Yamato is to notice it. In believe in Taichi’s mind the best way to persuade people is to show them those monsters don’t always resort to violence - nor the Chosen Children for that matter. Taichi loves Yamato but he seriously thinks the boy would do well in understand this. Yamato is way too fond of throwing the first punch when things don’t play out as he wants.
  • Which brings me to my next headcanon: I really think Taichi’s patience with Yamato is nothing short of that of a saint. (LOL) Say all you want, but Taichi is the one who makes this relationship work. It owes a lot to Taichi’s understanding skills and that ability of his to see beyond appearances. How else would he manage to get along with Yamato? As frustrating as he seems to be, Taichi knows who Yamato really is. And I believe the other boy is so obviously forever thankful of Taichi for this! One way or another Yamato sees him as the one who never gave up on him, not in the Dark Masters Arc, and - he hopes - not anytime in the future!
  • In my head, Yamato accuses him of running away but I think Yamato is the one who is scared to death of losing sight of Taichi. The mere thought of losing connection with him seems to drive him insane, like he can’t think straight before his actions. lol 
  • For Yamato, it’s always why Omegamon broke up, not how well they handled the situation. For Taichi, it’s always how bad they handled the situation, not why Omegamon broke up. Unlike Yamato, Taichi never seems to question the bond itself. Agumon so far hasn’t had trouble doing the fusion when he tried. Omegamon only started to defuse in Reunion the exact moment Taichi was looking ahead and thinking of all the trouble the massive destruction will get everybody into. Any responsible person who learnt the consequences of rushed decisions the hard way would try to avoid that.
  • In short and people can say all they want, in my mind it’s because of their different mindsets that Taichi and Yamato keep completing each other, like two sides of a coin. It feels like Yamato is learning the importance of calming down and how to be more gentle with those who disagree with him, while Taichi is learning to re-evaluate the importance of quick and spontaneous decisions in times of crisis. They’re still a fine team. :D
Cursed Child was dumb and here are some reasons why

(warning: spoilers. this probably won’t make sense unless you’ve read the script. far be it from me to recommend this kneazle-vomit of a play, though, so if you haven’t read it, good)

  • the plot is messy, strange, and childish. there’s only one time-turner left!! how will the characters cope when said time-turner is lost? oh lol they’ll just use this other convenient time-turner. for convenient plot points, see also: harry can suddenly speak parseltongue again, because well he just kind of needs to be able to do that
  • Harry cursing “oh dumbledore” without a hint of irony. like really? really
  • the characterisation was a pile of dragon dung and we all freaking know it. let’s break it down into individual characters here because fuck if I can stop at one bullet point for this
  • Hermione: the brightest witch of her age, the constant crusader for the unloved and the unrepresented, whose successful career and capacity for kindness apparently rest in the hands of her romance with Ron Weasley. oh… but wait. it sounds a little familiar, this story. hear me out. let’s see now, a highly intelligent person who falls in love but doesn’t have that love reciprocated, and who then becomes a really fucking mean teacher at Hogwarts through bitterness. sound like anyone we know? fam, they tried to parallel Hermione and Snape. Hermione and Snape. this being the same Snape who sneered in Hermione’s face when she’d been visibly hexed, and made her cry; the same Snape who bullied Neville Longbottom for years, while Hermione muttered instructions under her breath to help him. if you want to tell me that Hermione would ever allow herself to become a Snape parallel then I will kindly invite you to shove a dirigible plum where there’s no lumos solem
  • Harry: when Harry was at his angriest in OOTP, and he’s yelling at Ron and Hermione, there’s one thing we notice. everything he yells is true. he means it. he’s bitter about it and he’s loud and furious, but he doesn’t have the kind of anger that just says anything to cause hurt, that speaks without thinking, not even at this crisis point in his life. are you really going to tell me that the boy who knows down to his bones what it’s like to feel rejected, and misunderstood, and alone, would ever say - even in anger - that he wishes Albus wasn’t his son? I am going to snap wands over this
  • Cedric. and this one burns. because Cedric was brave and he was true, and he had a sense of justice that led him to telling Harry about the way the golden egg worked, and led him to sharing the winning of the triwizard tournament with Harry. he died, he was murdered at the age of seventeen, embodying a sense of justice so strong, an innocence, a goodness. Cedric Diggory - the boy who believed in fairness with an integrity that is astounding - becoming party to the indiscriminate killing and casual torture of the Death Eaters just because he had his head engorged one time… is about as likely as Hagrid stomping on a dragon egg. it’s an insult to who he was and I am going to engorge the entire bodies of the writers of this fucking play so that hopefully they’ll just float away too, with all the grace and likeability of Aunt Marge
  • Voldemort: can we all agree now that Voldemort would not father a child. the idea of him experiencing lust seems out of character; the idea of him giving into a base urge seems more so. it’s too human, too vulgar, too physical; it would associate him with the common and the mainstream in a way that I contend he would find repulsive. Tom Riddle Sr. was trapped by Merope into sex and romance; to have sex would be to bring himself closer to his parents, down to the level of a Muggle and a witch who lacked power and craved love, two things Voldemort could never, ever stand. no. he wouldn’t have sex just because he wanted to; he’d be repelled by the idea. what other reason could there be for him to do the nasty with Bellatrix? to ensure the continuation of his line? that makes even less sense. achieving immortality for Voldemort was always a question of magic, a personal quest. he wouldn’t go for a messy, physical back-up plan. he always thought that he would win. if anything, he would see a child as a future threat, not a security. another being in the world with the promise of his power? he wouldn’t risk it.
  • what the fuck was that trolley witch scene though
  • “for voldemort and valour” are you serious. is there a Gryffindor spy in the Voldemort camp laughing their ass off because they actually managed to get that one through. and are they ten years old
  • overall, the message of the play infuriated me. Delphi was the child of Voldemort, so she was evil. Albus was the child of Harry, so he was good. Scorpius was the son of Draco, so he should have been evil, but Draco’s actually kind of good now and his mother was nice, so he can be good too. where is the complexity? was five hours of drama not enough to find some shades of morality? where is the hope, where is the resonance, in a story that says that good begets good and evil begets evil, and nothing can really change? the Harry Potter book series was about a boy who grew up with something inside him that was utterly evil, and who rejected it, fought against it, changed the path that fate seemed to wish him to walk. not slytherin, not slytherin. we had Regulus Black and Sirius Black, who rejected their pasts, whose heritage and whose House stood for nothing against their principles, their eventual and separate forms of bravery. we had Remus Lupin, who transformed into a monster but never became one, not even after years of rejection and pain. we had the word mudblood, and we watched Hermione fight it, we knew it was ridiculous to label someone based on their blood. and now… we have the Cursed Child. a play which is flat, and stupid, and tells us that your parentage inevitably dictates your character - and that how you’re treated is how you’ll treat others. dear writers, in the words of Albus Dumbledore, you fail to recognise that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be. you fucks.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there lived a nameless monster.

The monster was dying to have a name.

So the monster made up his mind, and set out on a journey to look for one.

But the world was such a very large place.

The monster split in two, and went on separate journeys.

One went east.

The other headed west.

The one who went east came upon a village.

There was a blacksmith who lived at the village’s entrance.

“Mr. Blacksmith, please give me your name!” said the monster.

“I can’t give you my name!” replied the blacksmith.

‘If you give me your name, I’ll go inside you and make you strong,“ said the monster.

"Really?” said the blacksmith, “If you make me stronger, I’ll give you my name.”

The monster went into the blacksmith.

And so, the monster became Otto the blacksmith.

Otto was the strongest man in town.

But then one day he said, “Look at me! Look at me! The monster inside of me is getting bigger!”

Munch munch, chomp chomp, gobble gobble, gulp.

The hungry monster ate up Otto from the inside out.

Once again, he was a monster without a name.

Next, he went into Hans the shoemaker.


Munch munch, chomp chomp, gobble gobble, gulp.

Once again, he went back to being a monster without a name.

Then, he became Thomas the hunter.

But soon…

Munch munch, chomp chomp, gobble gobble, gulp.

Back he went to being a monster without a name.

The monster next went to a castle to look for a nice name.

He came upon a very sick boy who lived in that castle.

“If you give me your name, I’ll make you strong,” said the monster.

The boy replied, “If you can make me healthy and strong, I will give you my name!”

So the monster jumped right into the boy.

And the boy became full of vigor.

The king was overjoyed.

He announced, “The prince is healthy! The prince is strong!”

The monster became quite fond of the boy’s name.

He was also quite pleased with his royal life in the castle.

So he controlled himself no matter how ravenous his appetite became.

Day after day, despite his growing hunger, the monster stayed put inside the boy.

But finally, the hunger just became too great…

“Look at me! Look at me!” said the boy, “The monster inside of me has gotten this big!”

The boy devoured the king and all his servants.

Munch munch, chomp chomp, gobble gobble, gulp.

The castle was lonely now with everyone gone, so the boy left on a journey.

He walked and walked for days.

And then one day, the boy came upon the monster who had gone west.

“I have a name!” said the boy, “And it’s such a wonderful one at that!”

But the monster who went west replied, “Who needs a name? I’m perfectly happy without one. After all, that’s what we are - nameless monsters.”

The boy ate up the monster who went west.

At last he had found a name, but there was no longer anyone to call him by it.

Such a shame, because Johan was such a wonderful name.

—  The Nameless Monster, from Naoki Urasawa’s Monster
demigod jin

Originally posted by rapdaegu

  • i wasn’t gonna start this au yet but y’all know i’ve been having a rough day and i should probably be taking more me time but i wanna write so i figured if i was gonna write well maybe i should do something i really excited about…
  • for everyone who has never read percy jackson, first of all, i demand that you read it because that series did a lot for me and it’s still one of my favorite book series and my happy places??
  • and secondly lemme help with the main idea
  • basically one of your parents is one of the greek gods, being a child of zeus, poseidon, or hades is really rare, monsters hunt you because you’re a half-blood, and lastly camp half-blood is a place where all the greek half-bloods can go and be protected from the monsters and all??     
  • so believe it or not, for this au, that’s right, you’re a demigod surprise!! i’m not gonna say who your godly parent is because that’s no fun, but here’s a list if you wanna read up on them and decide! tell me who it is when you come to a decision omg
  • anyway,,,
  • jin,,, i hate to be stereotypical but jin is the son of aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty
  • ever since jin was a small boy he was dripping with good looks and people became constantly enamored with how good looking he was
  • his dad was a well known fashion designer back home, and so from a young age, jin was also dressed in the most popular and stylish of fashions
  • like imagine baby jin rocking some like scarves and suspenders and beanies and baby converse omg
  • and as a toddler he had the fake glasses and all??
  • because jin’s father is a well known fashion designer, aphrodite was immediately attracted to him
  • a lot of the gods have flings and they’re like wow you’re attractive, but as soon as the kid is born they kinda roll
  • partly from necessity too but like
  • aphrodite really really truly loved jin’s father and she wanted to settle down with baby jin and his father but zeus was like oh no you don’t you’re leaving that mortal right away if we can’t be with those we love, then neither can you
  • and so she tried her best to stay and visit when she could but by the time jin was like two, she was completely out of his life
  • jin’s dad did his best to raise his baby boy, he did, but he was always so overwhelmed and caught up in his work that most of the time, jin was cared for by his dad’s secretaries
  • and when he got old enough, jin really kept to himself
  • everyone was always intimidated by jin because wow the face of a god from such a young age, and child of the famous designer
  • that not many people, especially people his age, ever really took the time to talk to jin or get to know him for who he really was
  • all people seemed to care about was that jin was a pretty face
  • so a lot of people got the impression that jin was self absorbed and conceited but he really learned from an early age that the only thing people seemed to care about was his looks
  • okay but jin gets to camp half blood pretty late
  • i think the average age was around like twelve for rolling up in the camp but jin was fourteen
  • one of his dad’s older secretaries was actually one of aphrodite’s handmaidens and she always worked behind the scenes to make sure that no monsters harmed jin
  • but one day as jin was walking home from his preppy elite rich person school, some crazy demented hag monster lady came at him with a cane that looked much more like a sword when jin took the time to look and soon he was running for it down the streets of new york city
  • luckily the secretary was on her way to pick him up and she packed jin into her car and sped off
  • she had to quickly explain to jin what a half-blood was and what was chasing them and the entire world of the greek gods and goddesses was real and thriving
  • jin handled it pretty calmly at first??
  • he seemed pretty collected as the drove towards camp, because after a bit the monster stopped chasing them
  • when they finally reached the border of camp, jin hugged the secretary and kissed her head
  • “you know i always considered you my mom”
  • and she’s cheering up because she loved jin like her son but this is what’s best for him and she hugs him really tight before ushering him off
  • another key part of camp half blood is getting claimed by your godly parent
  • i read the books in fourth grade and so i might forget some of the details but from what i remember your parent claims you by flashing their emblem above your head or something?
  • it takes jin under a week to get claimed because his mom is like omg my fave son is here!!
  • she makes it really dramatic too because who would aphrodite be if she wasn’t a drama queen?
  • like it’s the friday night capture the flag game…
  • jin is standing with all the hermes kids because that’s where all the unclaimed kdis stay??
  • and chiron (the centaur dude who runs the camp) is dividing up the teams
  • and he’s about to call out aphrodite when there’s this flashing light
  • jin is just kinda standing there obliviously because capture the flag isn’t really his thing, he doesn’t like running around with his dagger and trying to slash people?? he much rather help some of the apollo kids tend to wounds and all??
  • so he doesn’t even realize the light is coming from above his head and everyone is staring at him
  • and he kinda defense mechanism “look i know i’m pretty but-”
  • “spoken like a true son of aphrodite”
  • and he’s like wait wha- OH OH OH
  • and he gets all blushy and everyone is cheering at the aphrodite cabin swarms him and pulls him into a group hug
  • fast forward a few years now
  • jin is the head of the aphrodite cabin
  • he’s like super blessed by aphrodite like not only is he super beautiful, but he’s realized he has the gift of charmspeak, which is basically like his voice is so potent that just by speaking, he can get people to do whatever he wants
  • his charmspeak isn’t the most powerful in the world, but he can still get yoongi, hoseok, namjoon, jimin, and tae to do whatever he wants
  • only jungkook is invincible to his power
  • jin is like a camp legend tbh
  • so obviously you know about him
  • but you’ve never really talked to him, not really
  • all of that changes
  • aphrodite is the goddess of love, need i remind you, and she’s gonna set jin up with you no matter what it takes
  • it’s the friday capture the game
  • finally jin found a part he can play
  • he stands in the buffer zone of the playing arena which is like basically the forest and he helps fix and adjust armor for people who need it
  • you’ve been running around in enemy territory and someone done bludgeoned you with the butt of their sword and your breastplate is dented and it actually hurts quite a bit
  • before the moron can hurt you again, you race off to the neutral zone, hoping someone can help you out
  • wow guess who’s standing there, it’s jin!!
  • you hurry over to him and start trying to pull the breast plate off but something hurts, badly
  • you wince and examine your arm only to realize there’s a pretty nasty gash and you’re like when did this-
  • jin clucks like a mother hen and without thinking grabs your arm to examine the wound
  • you try to jerk away but he gives you this look “there there, it’s okay, you’re not gonna be problematic are you?”
  • you kinda freeze and stare at him and it seems like suddenly you’re in a fog and you can’t get out of it?? like you’re in this dreamlike state and you don’t know where it came from but you feel like you’re out of body
  • but then you snap out of it and kinda-
  • “that stuff doesn’t work on me pretty boy”
  • jin’s eyebrows furrow and he purses his lips and you think he might be mad??
  • but then he starts with the wind shield wiper laugh and soon you’re giggling too??
  • it takes him like seven hours to catch his breath but when he does he introduces himself and you repeat the gesture and you kinda,,, kinda don’t wanna go back into the game now??
  • jin won’t let you either because he thinks you’re cute and he doesn’t wanna miss up in this,,, completely random,,, not staged by his mother,,, chance to meet you,,,
  • so he’s like yah i think you should sit out for a little bit these wounds look really serious
  • he knows that the apollo kids are supposed to handle this kind of thing but he needs an excuse-
  • he grabs some gauze and he dabs your wound with like his shirt or something because he’s dumb,,,
  • and then he wraps your wound but he does such a crappy job of it that the bandages are like five feet thick?? like it’s like there is a balloon on your arm or something…
  • and when he gets your breast plate off he doesn’t actually know what to do about it so he kinda just awkwardly sets it down on the ground
  • it’s my own headcanon that there are some old rusty high school bleachers in the middle of the woods for spectators and people who don’t wanna play and jin just kinda invites you over
  • you two chill on the bottom bleachers and you don’t ever go back into the game because jin is telling you some quality greek puns and you’re in hysterics over them
  • and even after the game ends you two decide that it’ll be fun to hang out
  • there’s like a wild camp bonfire after the game and instead of hanging with your cabin you plop down next to jin
  • the apollo kids are leading with some music and you kinda notice jin humming along and you realize like he has a really really pretty singing voice?
  • you find yourself tuning everyone out and just listening to him instead…
  • but then some of his friends stumble over and they look at you and they get these wicked smirks and they’re like ;)))
  • and jin snaps out of his trance and he starts stammering because yoongi and jungkook are very much interested in who you are
  • because jin never really talks to people outside bangtan or his cabin so they’re like wiggling their eyebrows
  • and jin is like omg nO stOp leaVE
  • and you’re all embarrassed too because maybe they walked over when you were casually leaning against jin’s shoulder…
  • you kinda excuse yourself and you’re like my cabin is calling my nAME
  • but the next day
  • you see jin at the dining hall and you wave and he waves back and after that he shyly comes over and asks if you wanna go to the arts and crafts cabin after breakfast
  • which you do
  • the crafts cabin never has a lot of people in it because everyone rather by climbing the lava rock wall or sparring but nah, jin likes the crafts cabin
  • he brings you in and he’s like
  • “see that huge tapestry?”
  • you nod
  • it really is huge
  • it’s a dark purple with gold embroidery around the edges and the picture on the  tapestry looks like a goddess up near the top holding a long red string in her hands…
  • down below is a boy sewn in holding one end of the string but the rest isn’t finished…
  • jin kinda gets all shy “that’s mine”
  • and you’re like !!!
  • because it’s usually the athena kids that make tapestries but this is probably one of the most intricate and detailed ones you’ve ever seen
  • you go over to inspect it and you’re like wow what aren’t you good at??
  • you two stay in the crafts cabin and he teaches you how to use the loom and you have to share the stool and he has to guide your hands with his hands and you can feel his breath on the back of your neck… amazing
  • the next day you suggest you guys hang out again but you’re like i get to pick what we do…
  • you take jin down to the sparring area and he’s like have you seen me,,, i don’t know how to hold my dagger, let alone use it
  • and you’re like nah it’ll be fine
  • you’re wrong
  • jin has a lot of potential, because he’s broad-shouldered and definitely built for defense
  • but boy lacks confidence and training because people always assume aphrodite kids don’t want to fight at all
  • so you’re like lemme help
  • so you show him how to set his shoulders and how to stand and where to put his weight
  • you teach him how to jab and slice and block and all of those things i learned from wind waker…
  • he’s really clumsy you realize??
  • like when he walks and talks he’s so graceful and godly and poised
  • but seeing him fight he’s like a chicken with its head cut off and you think it’s so so funny like honey…
  • he gets all defensive and red in the face and he tries to show you some rad moves and he ends up tripping and falling and scuffing his knees up and you’re like baby omg what it this
  • you have to go up to the infirmary cabin after that and hoseok is there, being his smiley son of apollo self…
  • he fixes jins knees up while making really exaggerated winks and smiles at you two
  • jin is like hoseok please
  • and hoseok is like hoseok yes
  • you kinda smile but you’re all blushy and shy and you kinda just give him a look but jin is too busy scolding hoseok to notice
  • you two do get a lot closer from that and you try your hardest to bring him out of his comfort zone and all the boys note that he’s so much more smiley and confident in his entire self, not just his looks
  • he i forget what i was gonna say
  • he gets much better at fighting though and you’re like so proud because you made this happen??
  • all the aphrodite kids ship you so so hard and whenever any of them see you they’re like hey honorary sister/brother in law and you’re like nO WAIT WHAT
  • and jin is like haha
  • i dont know what theyre talking about
  • haha
  • hahahaha
  • and he gets all red and his hands get all clammy and he’s like s/o to my mom for making me fall heads over heels in love,,,
  • and you’re like what was that jin
  • and he gets all !! nothing
  • and you’re kinda suspicious but whatever
  • you two flirt and get close and all but neither of you wanna convince because demigod things you know…
  • one day you’re chilling in your cabin and chiron is like yo i need you for a bit
  • and he drags you to the main cabin and he takes you upstairs and whatever and that’s where the oracle is??
  • and basically you get this long drawn out prophecy about appeasing hera’s wrath or something??
  • and you’re kinda in a daze or whatever
  • because you have never been on a quest before?? it’s always been a low key dream of yours? but you were like nah i would never ever be chosen because i am a small insignificant bean but-
  • but nah you’re being chosen?? right here right now??
  • you can;t focus for the rest of the day?/ all you can think about is packing for your quest and who to bring on your-
  • one answer is obvious to you and you’re like oh
  • oh
  • jin
  • jin is the only one you can think about bringing
  • usually a quest is three but it could be two…
  • and you’re all flustered and shy and your heart is racing because you can’t even begin to think about facing the dangers of the mortal world with jin
  • gotta protect him from ugly monsters
  • wouldn’t that be the dream?
  • you don’t wanna tell him right away though because you know he loves being at camp… and you don’t want him to risk his life for your dream
  • but the entire camp gets wind of your quest
  • and jungkook is the one to break it to jin and he’s like pal… buddy… guess what, guess who’s going on a quest
  • and jin is like omg my lill bean congrats!!
  • and jungkook is like lmao um no
  • it’s your loVER
  • and jin just pales and he takes a deep breath because that’s dangerous and risky and you will be unsafe and he will not have this??
  • without thinking about it twice, he runs to your cabin and barges in even though that’s not really allowed
  • you’re packing a small bag of everything you might need and jin just kinda stands there awkwardly
  • “were you gonna tell me?”
  • you stare up at him and you nod a bit and you open your mouth to speak but jin is rambling now
  • “look i know i’m not the best fighter and i’m not that tough or brave or resourceful or talented or whatever!but i’m going to protect you no  matter what, so you don’t have a say, you’re going to take me!!”
  • you smile and inhale sharply
  • you run into his arms and bury your face in his chest “that stuff doesn’t work on me pretty boy… remember??”
  • you two hug super tight and it’s really gentle and sweet and then someone walks in and suddenly it’s a lil awkward…
  • but yes, jin does go on your quest with yoU!! the two of you go together
  • and yes, he’s there to protect you every step of the way
  • from spiders, angry killer dandelions, furies, and crazy goddesses too!!
  • and if you ever get hurt, he’s there to kiss your boo boos better because he loves you
  • tbh from olympus, aphrodite is collecting bets because you two got together on your own…

anonymous asked:

TALK PREDATOR TO ME MATTY! Tell me how they will move on now because Oliver is clearly tranferring his guilt on Felicity and she's innocent. It's disturbing but will it be better? Will she leave? I know a lot of people feel she should but... and how will he react? I don't think they can just fuck now can they? They need more. I NEED MORE. TALK PREDATOR TO ME AND SAVE ME I AM DROWNING

This is so very similar to the amazing long review @bindy417 left me on AO3. 

(I’m posting the same long ass reply here)

I completely agree with what you said about Oliver transferring his emotions and directing that at Felicity. The thing is he was JUST A BOY. He was just a boy with a good heart, worried about his sister’s disappearance and his disintegrating family. He was just a boy who liked to read people in his world, who was faced with an impossible choice. He couldn’t have walked away from that tiny toddler even if he wanted to. AND HE DIDN’T WANT TO because he knew what was happening was wrong. Did he mean to kill his father? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But he did. In saving her, he ripped his family apart. He killed the man who’d taught him so much. He killed the love his mother had for him. He killed himself and became a monster in his own eyes.

Could a little boy have survived under the weight of that guilt, that blame, that self-loathing? Maybe. But he wasn’t given any time at all. He was thrust under the tutelage of the meanest mob bosses the world had ever seen because he’d been ruthless. The chapter may have ended there, but his story didn’t. Oliver Queen was treated badly. By the mob family, he was treated like an outsider. His training was harder. His torture was more brutal.

And he was just a boy. With absolutely nothing. He had nothing to live for. Nobody who cared if he was hurting or bleeding or murdering or getting scars that would never heal.

Fixating on Felicity gave him one thing he didn’t have - a will to live. 

Keep reading

New BTS Member - Reaction

Request - “Hi, boo❤ I’m in love with your blog and all your work ✨ thanks for always bringing us this kind of cool stuff🌈 Oh, btw, Can i request a BTS reaction where bighit adds you as a new member dancer / singer and you are Latin American and the new maknae? I’m sorry for asking for something so complicated and sorry for my grammar, my English is not good at all 💔”          - Anon

(a/n you’re welcome omg I love you thanks - I’m sorry I sorta forgot to put in the latin american thing - I’m also sorry because i thought i posted this hours ago whoOPS)

   The managers were all unsure of how this would go down, having said before that they wouldn’t accept a new member. But this was different - in the light of an American debut BTS had decided to recruit a new American member - someone who could give the group a whole new direction. And so Y/n officially became the new member for all American performances and songs of ‘Beyond The Scene’. 

 She was already well known in the sates though her singing and dancing - often being called a superstar in the making - and having her decide to join BTS in their American adventures was the perfect idea for publicity of both Y/n and the popular boy group.

Originally posted by hogays

Rap monster

 At first Namjoon was scared about how the fans would react to this new member - especially considering the new member was a girl. 

But when audiences seemed to love her, all his doubts disappeared and he started to really enjoy having you around. 

Originally posted by jiminahhh


 Close to having become equal hottest with the new girl he was almost scared at the fact he felt he was close to being written off completely to the new girl. 

But when he actually met you and in performances you did all you could to bring attention to him he was beyond happy that the new member was you. 

Originally posted by bwiseoks


He wasn’t able to imagine someone else being part of the group, surely they wouldn’t blend into the group - even if it was just for their American performances and appearances. 

 But somehow you did, you just fit in so easily and the fans just loved you. Of course Bangtan had an unbreakable bond, but you didn’t need to break it for all the American appearances to go better than ever imagined. He was so proud to have worked with you (in Bangtan and on his new mixtape whoops).

Originally posted by nnochu


 Talk of the new member scared Hobi more than one might think. The thought of the hate you might get and the thought of you intruding on what Bangtan already was really got to him. 

But when he met you and started to understand the scenario the dark clouds of worry parted to show clear blue skies and sunshine that he let out for everyone to see. 

Originally posted by sosjimin


Jimin had never even entertained the idea of another member, permanent or temporary and didn’t take the news of you very well. He felt a little distraught and was scared of what it meant for the group. 

But even his shyness was swept aside when he met you, your smile easing the headache he’d given himself with all the thinking. He honestly didn’t want to go when it was time to bid farewell. 

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


You had gotten a lot of attention for your abilities and Tae could sense himself being pushed back, reminding him of before he debuted. Scared of being replaced he started to try to always bring the attention to himself, making people annoyed.

 But when you started to promote with them his attitude changed and he felt himself becoming much closer to you then he expected, not worried about being put in the corner because he was always the centre of attention with you. 

Originally posted by nnochu


 Jungkook was the one who really felt replaced, a new maknae - one more well known and probably more talented than him. Even when he met you he was scared of what you’ll be like. 

But he never felt contested by you, starting to warm to you after a little while. Eventually he felt no bad feelings towards you, who could? He began to really enjoy his time with you and hung out with you heaps once the promotions where over.

Analysis || Shinji and Misato, the New Century Oedipus and Electra :||

To celebrate the milestone of 1000 followers for this blog, we’re offering you a detailed analysis post about the similarities two of the most loved main characters of Neon Genesis Evangelion, Shinji Ikari and Misato Katsuragi, share with two tragic, old and yet immortal dramatic characters, two protagonists of many plays and famous books, symbols of both modern philosophy and ancient Greek theater productions: Electra and Oedipus.

We can’t talk about them, though, if we don’t know what their story is about before - their legend, often matter of school studies too.  Let’s start with maybe the most complex character, that shares great analogies with out favorite insecure pilot: Oedipus, often considered one of the most famous (or maybe infamous) protagonists of Greek mythology.


The loved king and queen of Thebes, Laius and Jocasta, were good and right rulers. One day, the king asked the oracle of Delphi (a sort of fortune-teller gifted by the Sun God Apollo) if the queen would have soon given him a heir - and unfortunately the oracle had a very clear answer for him: the magician reccomanded the king not to have a baby with the queen, since the child would have grown up to be a calamity for the city of Thebes and its people. As if it wasn’t enough: the oracle also predicted that the boy would have killed his own father and sexually joined his mother.
Laius never forgot the horrible prophecy and - after some time - when the queen Jocasta gave birth to a boy, he took the newborn baby and abandoned him on a hill, thinkiing animals or criminals would have done the rest; before leaving him though, Jocasta pierced the soles of the baby’s feet with two nails.

However, a shepherd named Forba - allerted by the cry - found the baby and took it to another city, Corinth. The king of Corinth, Polybus, couldn’t have children with his wife and Forba happily offered him the infant. There, Polybus gave him the name Oedipus - which literally means “swollen feet”.

Years passed and Oedipus grew strong and vigorous, surrounded by so much love. But one day, during a banquet, a young prince mentioned how Oedipus was a foundling welcomed into the king’s palace. At those words Oedipus decided ask the oracle of Delphi to know the truth of his origins. The only thing he got to know was that his return to Thebes would have been a tragedy of some sort. 
Angry and outraged, the boy didn’t return to the palace and started travelling the world, seeking for a place to stay. 
On the way, Oedipus came to a place where three roads crossed each others. There he encountered a chariot driven by his birth-father, Laius. They fought over who had the right to go first and Oedipus killed Laius when the charioteer tried to run him over. 

Bad luck wanted that he reached the doors of Thebes, one day; there he met a monster, sent by Hera, a goddess: a sphinx that killed and ate all the men who wanted to enter Thebes but that couldn’t answer her riddle -  “What walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?”. Oedipus knew the answer and replied with “A man” - killing the monster and saving the city. 
He became the hero of Thebes and Jocasta, the just widowed queen, fell in love with the boy. They married and had four children, fullfilling the ancient prophecy. After the marriage though, a great plague started decimating the population of the city. The oracle was questioned again and confirmed that the pestilence would have stopped when the killer of Laius had left the city and exiled.. Panicked, Oedipus called another very old magician to his palace that finally explained him the truth about his origins and parents; the boy also understands he killed his father, Laius, on his way to Thebes.

Jocasta tried to convince the magician that her baby had died years and years ago. But, as she saw the soles of Oedipus’s feet - still with the signs of having been pierced - she fell into despair and shame. The queen of Thebes killed herself and Oedipus escaped the city and its anger.


Sigmund Freud often mentioned these words when referring to very young male children. It’s not unusual to see small boys being overly attached to their mothers, after all - but what does a baby boy thinks of his mother? And what about the father? This led to the formulation of the so-called “Oedipus Complex”.

The Oedipus complex occurs during the phallic stage of someone’s psychosexual development (3-6 years old) and it’s later repressed into the unconscious of the boy. It also seems to lead into the formation of both Ego and Libido - so it seems to be pretty a crucial step for children’s minds. The irrational competition with the father for the possession of the mother, the awareness of their own bodies, the understending of the differences between male and female bodies and the curiosity that leads them to often undress for fun… all these (and many more) features and sensations seem to occur around the phallic stage of a child. It’s being said that the love for a mother is even more complicated to explain, because it actually begins right after a baby is born, with the oral stage - where the baby finds pleasure by drinking milk from his mother’s breasts.

The mother remains the parent who primarily gratifies the male child’s desires, Freud said, as a first source of libidinal energy for a little boy. This leads the child to be jealous, most of the time, of his father; that would explain why little boys often wish to sleep together - innocently - with their mother, or to follow them into the bathroom. Moreover, to facilitate the desired exclusive union with the mother, the boy’s Id ( uncoordinated instinctual trends ) wants to kill his own father.
At the same time, though, the boy fears the adult male presence of his father. The Ego ( rational thoughts ) of the child prevents him from practically killing the hated parent; he knows that the father is the stronger of the two males competing to possess the woman.  Nonetheless, the boy remains ambivalent about his father’s place in the family, and often manifests the so-called fear of castration by the physically greater father; the fear is an irrational, subconscious manifestation of the infantile Id.

The resolution of the Oedipus complex is important for development of the the male infantile Super-ego: by identifying with a parent, the boy internalizes Morality, choosing to comply with societal rules, rather than reflexively complying in fear of punishment.


Some critics have recognised how much Evangelion’s story can resemble the famous Oedipus myth. It’s easy to find various analogies with the series.
Shinji - just like Oedipus, can be called a “son of a prophecy”. If the Secret Dead Sea Scrolls had predicted the Third Impact and the arrival of the Angels, then, they also predicted the arrival of Shinji too, in some way. Or at least, his destiny was programmed even when he was too young to understand it: Yui knew, after all, how much her son would have suffered for a greater good.

It’s easy to understand how Oedipus is similar to Shinji by looking a the different paternal figures the two boys had. King Laius, who thought abandoning his only son and leaving him to die would have gone against the fullfillment of the propechy, was killed by his own son for a quirk of fate. Oedipus didn’t know the man he killed on the road was his biological father. 
Shinji, on the other hand, is well aware of who his father is. From the moment he abandoned him as a child, Shinji started feeling like an unwanted human being and the anger and hate he feels for Gendo are indeed some of the results of Gendo leaving his son growing up with a teacher/his uncles in the manga. But there’smore… as Shinji soon starts “competing” for Rei’s attentions, going against his own father: from the moment he notices Rei talking and smiling to Gendo in private, he starts trying to get the girl’s attention; of couse, we know who Rei Ayanami really is and we clearly remember the famouse episode…

SHINJI:  Oh, when we were cleaning room today, you were wringing the floorcloth… to me you looked like a mother.
REI:  A mother?
SHINJI:  Yeah, that was just like the mother’s way of wringing. I bet you’ll become a housewife.

Shinji couldn’t have known, at that time, how painfully true his words were being. In fact, he only discovers the truth about his mother and Rei during the last scene of episode 23, and that only leaves him more angry and confused than ever. Let’s remember though that Shinji never felt true sexual attraction for Rei Ayanami, rappresentation of the non-carnal pure “maternal” love, the Eros (with Asuka being the sexual impulse of both love and death, Thanatos) for Shinji’s heart and mind.

Yet, that still remains a sort and form of attraction. And it doesn’t stop Shinji from hating his father even more. Both Gendo and his son, competing for the love of the “woman”… a clear yet insane example of the famous “Complex”.
In Shinji’s mind, while Yui appears as an angelic being caressing his cheeks - with very fair and long hair and a perfect body - Gendo is often depicted as a disproportionately tall man, with flashing angry eyes and sometimes skin of different innatural colors.

Is the the fear of castration - Freud often mentioned - present in Shinji? Well, he isn’t a baby anymore but in the series he is, without any doubt, a teenager stuck into the “oral stage” he never truly resolved, because of the trauma of Yui’s death when he was barely 3. Still, the desire of killing the hated father has often taken adavantage of Shinji’s mind and thoughts. These primal impulses are very common in our protagonist - and often destructive too: from the time he tried to escape Tokyo-3 alone, to the moment he chose to masturbate in front of the comatose Asuka (and still, this wan’t a real impulse… he had the time to lock the door, probably doing something to the camera and then dress her up again).
Some examples: after Toji was injuried, Shinji tried to destroy the pyramid of the Geofront, in the manga he also tried punching Gendo after being hospitalized and being called to his office… always in the manga, in a nightmare, he even manages to kill his father. And finally Gendo himself confesses to Shinji how much he came to hate his son for the love of Yui. Is Gendo another kind of “Oedipus”? Well, we can’t consider his words fully honest, if we look at the last chapters of Sadamoto’s work anyway.

In conclusion: the desire to kill the father for the love of the mother is very present in Shinji’s case… sometimes it appears as a latent feeling, sometimes not. The sort of Oedipus Complex Shinji has for Rei is not entirely real or wrong, considering he doesn’t feel sexual attraction for the blue-haired pilot. Yet, he is seen associating Rei to his mother and that’s what brings him to enter the “competition” for her attention.


You remember the tale of Troy, no? Well, princess Electra was the daughter of queen Clytemnestra and king Agamemnon, the one who actually fought the Trojan War. Their palace was located in the city of Mycenae, where Electra and her brother Orestes grew up along with their mother - waiting for Agamemnon to return from war.

As we know, the Greek forces won over Troy and that meant the king of Mycenae could have finally returned to his kingdom, after ten years of absence. But meanwhile Clytemnestra, the queen, had fallen in love with her own cousin Aegisthus, after having being seduced by the man - and forgetting the love she felt for her rightful husband.
So when the king returned home safe and sound, the queen and Aegisthus began plotting his death; some versions of the myth also say that Clytemnestra still couldn’t forgive her husband for another crime: Agamemnon had sacrificed their eldest daughter Iphigenia to the gods to assure himself a good war and fortune. First the queen and her lover killed Cassandra, the war prize the king had bought with him (a fortune-teller that had already given birth to two bastard twins), and then managed to assassinate the King with poison.

The city fell into panic and despair and Orestes and Electra, both barely teenagers, were sent to Athens to live in the house of a distant relative of theirs. The siblings never parted and stayed there for a couple of years. After some time, the sister convinced the brother to return to Mycenae to visit the tomb of their father.
The two secretly entered the city and arrived to the resting place of Agamemnon. It’s being said the poor girl’s desperate cry were so loud and painful to hear ( an ancient greek tradition says that, at a funeral, the girls would have cried, screamed, pulled off their hair and scratched their cheeks - moistened by tears ) that even Orested was brought into tears. Desperate for the death of the loved and awaited father, Electra convinced Orestes to plot against their own mother, and their stepfather.

Clytemnestra - who had no problems admitting of having killed her husband and that was now ruling the kingdom with his lover - recognised the two siblings who came to avenge their father’s death. Electra killed their mother, Orestes their stepfather. Before dying though, the queen cursed both of her sons; Orestes, in particular, would have been forever tormented by Furies, whose duty it is to punish any violation of the ties of family piety while Electra lived ther rest of her life in misery with a shepherd.


As explained for the male counterpart of the Complex, a child who grows up in a family with both a mother and a father, should feel greater attachment to the parent of the opposite sex. Freud and Jung explained that even little girls behave like Electra, by loving the father way more than the mother. The resoultion of the complex happens when the child identifies him/herself with the parent of the same gender.

Just like the Oedipus one, the Electra complex occurs in the third—phallic stage (ages 3–6) of the psychosexual development stages. Of course Freud explains how castration anxiety is absent in the girl, that actually feels what is called the “penis envy” once she starts understanding the differences between the male and female bodies.
He says that to form a discrete sexual identity (Ego) a girl’s decisive psychosexual experience is in fact the daughter–mother competition for possession of the father; when a little girl’s initial attachment to her mother ensd with the discovering that she has a body similar to hers; she then transfers her “libidinal desires” and attachment to her father, increasing what it’s supposed to be the so-called “sexual competition” with her mother.  


Misato doesn’t like talking about her father too much and the audience is led to think, by her first sentences, that the girl actually hates him. This is not entirely correct: as we enter Misato’s deepest and most private thoughts in the last two episode of the series or in the End of Evangelion, we can understand how much she - especially as a little girl - seemed to both love and hate his father.

Misato blames him of loving too much his work, of having abandoned her mother (”who always cries”) and of having never understood his own daughter. Still, she can’t forget how that man, so obsessed with his work, that 13th September 2000, chose to sacrifice himself to protect and save from certain death Misato. The sign, the silver cross he gives her before being erased from the world, a testimony… a proof of strenght and paternal love in this case - that Misato is always seen wearing and often clutching againt her chest in some dramatic moments…
The loss of her paternal figure soon leads the girl to years of mutism and catatonic state, from which she seems to recover before completing her studies and entering university. Did Misato avenged her father? Ritsuko knew well that Misato’s enthusiasm in fighting Angels can be considered her “revenge”, even though Misato firmly denies such motives.

Misato fell in love only with only one man: Ryouji Kagi, a boy she met in her univeristy years. This relationship lasted some years, the two really were in love. Until…

MISATO: I am sorry that I insisted to separate at that time. I told you that I had another one to love, yet it was a lie. Did you find that?
MISATO:  I found that you had something that resembled to my father. I was looking for the appearence of my father. When I found that, I feared. I feared everything. I feared to be with you. I feared to be a woman. I feared everything. Although I’d hated my father, I happened to love a man looking like my father. To forget everything, I joined NERV, which, however, was an institute at that my father had been. I have been illuding myself to revenge him fighting the Angels. I tried to escape… to escape my father’s curse! I’m a coward!

We never get to see Dr. Katsuragi’s face. In some scenes and flashbacks he appears as a tall man with long dark hair tied in a little ponytail - exactly how the adult Kaji is seen thoughout the series by Shinji and the others. If Misato’s words are true, then the spy really resembled her deceased father and that was - for her - one of the reasons why she actually fell in love with him years before the story takes place, during their college years. Also, the shame of recognizing of being attracted to a man who resembled her father that much is what brought Misato to end her relationship with the boy.

But what about her “revenge”? What role Kaji has in her plan against the Angels?
Can Kaji’s character be associated with Agamemnon, the father figure?
For Misato, probably not. 
In a play about Electra and her tragic story, a scene very similar to the one we see at the end of episode 21 takes place: the princess Electra receives a message informing her of her beloved brother Orestes’ death. The girl starts crying and sobbing without control in front of a handmaiden and a young servant before the ashes of Orestes are given to her; at that confirmation, Electra faints, falling on the ground. We can assume Orestes resembled Agamemnon (being his only male son) and that Electra really loved him as a sister: not only he helped Electra having her revenge against the queen, but he was now the only family she had… her only brother. 
Kaji must have had a similar role, for Misato. Her mother was totally absent in her life and only with Kaji she probably felt like being with her father/family again. Can Ryouji’s character be associated with Orestes in the Greek tragic myth? Probably. As Orestes did for her sister, the spy also helped Misato a lot by leaving her all of his data e informations about the Impacts, Lilith, the arrival of solidiers inside Nerv, the last Angel and Seele’s plans. Plus… in the play, after Electra finally had become conscious of Orestes’ fate, she promises to return home to claim the throne as rightful queen, the same decision we can feel and see in Misato’s eyes. He let her and helped her “get closer to the truth”.

MISATO:  I ain’t irritated anymore by the telephone that does not ring, since I now understand what you wanted me to know.

In conclusion: the anger and shame for having loved for years a man who looked a lot like her father is still present inside Misato’s memories and thoughts, as the last two episodes also confirm, till the very end of the original series. Is this a real, clear, example of the Electra Complex? Not quite, since Misato doesn’t take her place in the mother-daughter competition – supposedly because the sacrifice of her father happened when she was already a teenager, not a child. It can be related to the Complex for other reasons… of course, we can’t know that for sure, but it is unlikely that the mere good appearance of Kaji was the only reason she loved him and became his girlfriend. 

A human’s mind is way more complicated to understand than that – than all of this, no matter what.