You should have died. This was the fourth time in your life that you should’ve died. Every time, just before it happens a scythe-wielding figure in a black cloak saves you, always whispering “Not today…”
a comprehensive list of every harry potter character i want to know more about
hannah abbott - is she doing okay? how’s her and neville’s relationship going? do they have any kids? does she make like the best butterbeer ever? i want to know
bathsheda babbling - apparently she was the ancient runes teacher at hogwarts and truly i just want to know more about her because look at that fucking name
katie bell - how’s my girl katie doing? hopefully not too affected by that whole dark curse thing she had to deal with? also i just want to know more about her like how’d she get into quidditch what were her stats like when did her and oliver wood get married
phineas negillus black - truly it’s tragic that whenever i picture him in my mind i see phineas from phineas and ferb with black hair and a very large black wizarding cloak on but like besides that how was he as a headmaster? what was he like? does he take joy in being a little dick head? i truly want to know
susan bones - how is she after her aunt’s death? what’s she doing with her life? susan bones sounds like the type of girl who’d be really really good at braiding hair. is she really really good at braiding hair?
lavender brown - i hope she’s doing okay and that she’s learning to live with the scars greyback gave her and hopefully she’s not a werewolf and listen she just liked ron is that really such a crime jk rowling did her so dirty!!! also i want to know everything about her and parvati’s relationship “friendship” and all the crazy make-outs shenanigans they got into
charity burbage - how’d she get into teaching muggle studies? was she scared those last few moments of her life? was she a good teacher? why the hell did jk rowling never let us witness a muggle studies class
alecto & amycus carrow - damn tell me everything about these two what was their childhood how’d they get into the dark arts literally how far were they willing to go because like torturing children is just fucking evil
the cattermoles - did they actually grab their family and get out of britain?? i sure hope so
penelope clearwater - how’s she doing??? did she get like fucking awesome grades?? how’d she react when percy was being a Dick? important questions
dennis creevey - legit how many times did collin write to him about harry? i bet dennis was like “jesus fuck mate shut up”. is he doing okay? i sure hope so. i hope he got into photography too
fleur delacour - listen i just want to know MORE what kind of student was she??? how many friends did she have??? i want more elaboration on her relationship with her sister. i want a whole god damn book just about fleur’s life. god damn it
dedalus diggle - how did anyone let him become an auror with a name like that
the dumbledores - please, for the love of god, i’d die if jk rowling gave us a book on the dumbledores. think about all that information. wow.
arabella figg - how did a squib get in contact with dumbledore? how was her life growing up being a squib? what were all her cat’s names? did she go play bridge every night with her friends? these are questions i need answers to
seamus finnigan - “me mam” oh you sweet boy how i love you. when was the first time he and dean kissed and was it as magical as he thought?? i won’t rest until i am answered
mundungnus fletcher - so like did he become like he is because of his name or did he change his name to reflect the fact that he was an utter piece of shit
filius flitwick - how’d he get into charms!!! what were his favorite teaching methods!!! favorite students!!! literally anything!!!
florean fortescue - i want to know every single damn flavor of ice cream he had in his shop. also, did he ever reopen it??
astoria greengrass - how’d she and draco meet? what are her political views?? her family life??? what kind of mother was she to scorpius?? i bet she was a damn elegant one
rubeus hagrid - like i want DETAILS about his life at hogwarts. every damn one. and about his life afterwards. i want a tour of his cottage. transcripts of every date he went on with madame maxime or whatever. a list of every single pet he ever owned. i want stories about him going to romania and visiting charlie. i want EVERYTHING
angelina johnson - my BITCH how’s she doing???? how’s life after hogwarts for her?? is she kicking ass and taking names?? i sure hope so. is she playing quidditch? or maybe she’s like a wizarding lawyer or something like stone cold bitch!!!! love that girl. what kind of mother is she? when did she and george fall in love?? does she still meet up with alicia spinnet and katie bell every once in a while for tea and biscuits and a chat?
lee jordan - IS HE A PROFESSIONAL COMMENTATOR. THAT’S ALL I WANT TO KNOW
bellatrix lestrange - i honestly just want to know everything about her. how was she growing up? her relationship with her sisters? when did she like fall in love or infatuation or lust or whatever with voldemort??? is like the no nose thing a kink? when’d she lose her mind? important questions
frank and alice longbottom - how’d they meet? how’d they fall in love? how’d they get married? they deserved better
ernie macmillan - did he ever stop being such a little bitch?
minerva mcgonagall - LEGITIMATELY EVERYTHING I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING i want a 1000 page essay detailing her time at hogwarts
cormac mclaggen - did he ever stop being such a big dick?
the patil sisters - listen tell me about like hinduism and magic and indian culture and hindu mythology and magic and also just everything about these sisters and their sisterly bond and how they were both underestimated and taken for giggling girls even though they were smart as fuck i love them
kingsley shacklebolt - okay i wanna hear how awesome he was at school and about how everyone loved him and i wanna hear about his adventures in the ministry and him talking to the muggle prime minister and basically how fucking awesome he was
dean thomas - his love for soccer!!!! tell me all about it!!!! his love for seamus!!!!! tell me all about it!!!!
ted tonks - how did he and andromeda fall in love??? did he try to convince her he was worth it???? was he Smooth As Fuck??? important questions
the weasleys - like i KNOW we know a ton about them but i just want MORE. i want more charlie and bill and bill and ginny’s relationship and all the siblings hanging out and i just want MORE of the dynamic
“none of us is hiding sirius black under our cloaks,” remus said when professor mcgonagall stopped him and peter in the hall after a dung bomb incident, struggling to keep a straight face while james was hiding himself and sirius under his invisibility cloak just feet away from them.
“none of us is hiding sirius black under our cloaks,” remus said when the dementor came gliding into the compartment, struggling to keep a straight face while the ghost of sirius’ muffled giggles rang through his head and james potter’s son was sat just feet away from him.
endgame Taako becomes Kravitz’s partner in hunting down souls for the Raven Queen and Kravitz approaches an undead being and is all skeletal with his black cloak draped around him and he’s like on fire with black mist surrounding everything and a huge scythe and in a horrifying booming voice goes “YOUR TIME HAS COME, MORTAL!” and then Taako appears from a portal behind him in all pastel and sheer and lace with striped thigh-highs and lacey boots and a ribbon on his big hat and says “sorry I’m late honey!” and the whole intimidation thing is ruined.
Hi my name is Aragorn son of Arathorn heir of Isildur descendent of Numenor King Elessar of the house Telcontar and I have long ebony black hair (almost as long as my name) and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Beren (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m a man but I live for over 100 years. I have pale white skin. I’m also a Dunedain ranger, and I go to the Prancing Pony Inn in Bree where I brood in the corner (I’m eighty-seven). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. For example today I was wearing a black cloak with black trim and black boots and black clothes and smoking a black pipe. I was brooding in my corner in the Prancing Pony. It was night-time and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A group of hobbits stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.