New laws to protect religious freedom in Arkansas & Indiana
- No rainbow jimmies (sprinkles) allowed in either state. Only red, white, and blue jimmies allowed.
- Everyone must attend church every morning and every night, unless you are having your moon time or for the first 3 hours after giving birth.
- Non-Christians must wear a brightly colored star emblem on the left breast or upper arm of all outermost attire.
- “God” must now be pronounced “G*d.” Figure it out.
- Stop signs now require a ten minute wait period and only apply to people who didn’t vote for Romney.
- Every child must carry that photo of Ronald Reagan in the cowboy hat at all times and must kiss it every hour, on the hour.
- Baseball diamonds must now be referred to as “Lopsided Freedom Squares.”
- Tacos and other sexually-suggestive food items are banned from consumption by the biological sex of the person whose genitals resemble the food (no donuts for women, no hot dogs for men; hot dogs ok for women, donuts ok for men).
- Newborns must have an American flag tattooed on the bottom of both feet; The Declaration of Independence must be tattooed on the backs of all children within 24 hours following their 16th birthday.
- Organic and fair-trade products are illegal.
- Smartcars and other mid-size sedans (electric or otherwise) are not allowed within 500 miles of either state.
- Anyone platonically complimenting a person of the same sex will be sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.
- Mullets are now the official state bird for both states.
- Any female under the age of 17 who becomes pregnant will be denied all healthcare services and will be sentenced to death immediately following the birth of her child.
- The Beatles are illegal.
- Eating or making any pasta salads and pesto is now a form of terrorism.
- Living rooms must feature at least seventeen differently styled crosses no less than 3’ tall.
- Any man found near or with butterflies, Sex & The City, and/or skinny jeans will be sent to Guantanamo Bay.
- Happiness and logic are hereby abolished. All classes must be taught by hate-mongering geese.
A Day In The Life - 18th October 1957: Paul McCartney’s debut with the Quarrymen.
Liverpudlian promoter Charlie ‘Mac’ McBain held regular skiffle and rock events at his venues. On Friday 18 October he runs one such event, at the New Clubmoor Hall in Norris Green, Liverpool. It is the first show in which Paul McCartney appears onstage with the Quarrymen.
Paul, suffering from a case of the stage jitters, flubs his guitar solo on the song “Guitar Boogie.” Upset with his playing, Paul tries to make amends by showing John a song he had written, “I Lost My Little Girl”. John then shows Paul some songs that he has composed. The two start writing songs together from that moment, which marks the birth of the Lennon-McCartney songwriting partnership.
I have been in love with the Beatles since my childhood. My sisters and I were raised on music from the fab four and spent hours dancing and singing along in our living room. In fact, in elementary school (4th, 5th, and 6th grade) I was rewarded with a Beatles album of my choice if I got honor roll! The Beatles have been with me through every phase of my life and their songs can change meaning as my perspective in life changes. I walked down the isle to “There are Places” when I married your father. Years after that I labored and gave birth to Madden while listening to the Beatles. Unfortunately little miss Monroe, you were a three minute birth and I didn’t even have the option or thought to put music on during your delivery.