the biggest i've ever seen

Some idiot who votes no: oh I just got a message saying I should vote yes for marriage equality. They shouldn’t do that. They shouldn’t send you any sort of message saying what you should vote.

Also no voters: send out pamphlets telling you to vote no and advertise on gigantic fucking billboards saying it’s okay to vote no (which may not be the same wording but we know it’s an implied ‘vote no’ message)

Random things my friends have said (starters)
  • "You're a trash can full of light."
  • "*FINGER GUNS THE HECK OUTTA YOU*"
  • "Look at my legs!!"
  • "Nothing says good friends more than murder."
  • "I love you, bitch."
  • "Sorry, I was really drunk last night."
  • "FIGHT ME."
  • "You know what would make me happy...iF YOU WENT TO FUCKING SLEEP."
  • "I love making people cry."
  • "Do it For the Sex."
  • "Come here, I'll brush your hair."
  • "I have no idea what I'm doing."
  • "That's Gay™."
  • "You look like a fish."
  • "This is bullying!!"
  • "Mosquitoes should have abortions."
  • "I'll sleep when I'm dead."
  • "I can be sexy AND sad."
  • "*does taxes at A L P H A S P E E D*"
  • "(deep voice) JUICY."
  • "You're the biggest nerd I've ever seen."
  • "My socks are better than yours."

anonymous asked:

I'm married and have been cheating with our neighbor's kid. He's 17 but he has the biggest dick I've ever seen. He's fucked me all over our house and my husband has no idea. One time I went over to his house while my husband was mowing the yard, and he fucked me from behind while we looked out the window and laughed at my husband. It got me so hot. We've never used a condom and I have to admit it turns me on to think of him getting me pregnant. Sometimes he texts me to come suck his huge dick.

x

the asoiaf penis headcanon masterlist. if you have requests, let me know and i'll update this post. and yes, before you ask, i run a very classy establishment whatever gave you the impression that i didn't?
  • gendry: very large dick. hangs to the left.
  • baelish, petyr: yeah--that's what littlefinger means.
  • baratheon, renly: has the nicest peen of his brothers. good in length, good in girth.
  • baraheon, robert: actually a relatively small dick. like pretty thick, but short. perversely, gendry got his dick-length from his ~mother's side of the familyyyyyyyy~
  • baratheon, stannis: longer dick than robert's. thinner tho.
  • blackwood, tytos: his wood is very large and well rooted.
  • bolton, domeric: fairly large dick. long like roose’s but thicker
  • bolton, ramsay: his peen, like his eyes, is literally identical to his daddy's.
  • bolton, roose: above average, but fairly thin.
  • clegane, gregor: micropeen.
  • clegane, sandor: has a massive cock. like thick and veiny and everything.
  • dayne, edric: largeish dick, fills you up nicely. not a zomg this is the biggest fuckin' dick i've ever seen dick, but more of a yoooo nice dick dick. you know?
  • dayne, gerold: on the small end.
  • khal drogo: hung like a horse, lbr here.
  • frey, walder: average sized peen. he thinks it's small, but it's not actually that small?
  • greyjoy, euron: pretty big. like not quite sandor sized, but big. maybe davos sized?
  • greyjoy, theon: like jon, has an average-to-large lengthed peen. also decent in girth. lol everyone has a bigger dick than robb??
  • greyjoy, victarion: mini. that's canon lol.
  • hardyng, harrold: alas, his family name is not "hard-on." maybe if it were, he'd had a bigger dick. pretty non-descript tbh.
  • h'ghar, jaqen: can stay hard as long as he likes/needs. he combs his pubes tho their color situation is a mystery to us all. he is uncircumcised.
  • lannister, jaime: not huge, but above average. all in all quite classy, i'd say. with a golden mane lolololololoool
  • lannister, tyrion: hast thou forgotten? we have a canon description of his peen. it's pretty thick, to hear his lady wife describe it.
  • lannister, tywin: fairly unremarkable. average in length, average in girth. he feels annoyed because aerys' longer, but it's thinner because targs.
  • martell, doran: a little shorter than oberyn's but still quite girthy.
  • martell, oberyn: quite girthy and of average length. like probably one of the thicker peens of westeros?
  • mormont, jorah: good thick dick. actually if you put his dick in a line-up with davos' you might not be able to tell the difference? (awkward?)
  • naharis, daario: average but oh man does he know how to use it. also the carpet matches the drapes ;-)
  • payne, podrick: LOL THE NICKNAME TRIPOD EXISTS WITH GOOD REASON.
  • reed, howland: i'd say proportionally speaking, his dick is decently sized, but he's a small dude so it's like not actually that big. that said since he's small it is aesthetically pleasing when you look at it in conjunction to the rest of the body.
  • rivers, brynden: long and very thin, pale and veiny, like the root of a tree.
  • seaworth, davos: good girthy 8 inch cock right there.
  • snow, jon: has a bigger dick than robb. not massive like gendry or sandor, but like, not to shabby fills you up nicely. does know where to put it. also likes oral so size matters less, tho his size is def on the nice side.
  • stark, benjen: has the biggest dick of his brothers. like above average length and thicker.
  • stark, brandon (not bran): similar to ned's, but a little thicker tbh.
  • stark, robb: pretty average sized. like not on the small or large end of average. just average.
  • stark, ned: pretty average sized dick. decently thick. nothing shabby but nothing like zomg dat peen you know?
  • targaryens, generally: peens on the thinner end. decently long, just not so much with the girth.
  • targaryen, aegon vi: has a thicker peen. (thank you, elia's side of the family)
  • targaryen, aerion "brightflame": thin and not very long. actually really quite a tiny peen.
  • targaryen, aerys ii: long, thin, feels inferior because tywin's is girthier. (yes, friends, there was a lot of penis envy going on during that era)
  • targaryen, baelor "breakspear": oh man his peen was like a gift to targ peens. it was both long as targ peens are, but thick. like his was the peen that was promised, but unfortunately his line died.
  • targaryen, rhaegar: his peen was just plain underwhelming. it just was. like not very long, not very thick. also his balls were pretty small. he had a lovely tenor voice that seduced everyone, but his peen was nothing to write home about.
  • tarly, samwell: "fat pink mast". oh sam, you should have more confidence about your peen because everyone knows it's the girth not the length that matters. that said, length is quite nice.
  • the tall, duncan: his dong is quite like sandor's: tremendous and thick. (it's 'cause they're related.)
  • tully, brynden: on the upside of average.
  • tully, edmure: his "floppy fish" is a fairly average sized one.
  • tully, hoster: slightly bigger than brynden's.
  • tyrell, garlan: idk it's pretty average. i think he knows how to use it tho.
  • tyrell, loras: longish dick. not as thick, but he's actually pretty cocksure and has no trouble with it whatsoever.
  • tyrell, mace: has an average sized peen that's more on the small size. also sleeps in the buff. also has vanilla sex with his wife frequently bc he just happens to be naked. i didn't ask for these headcanons.
  • tyrell, willas: average sized; smaller than garlan's.