that “you said you would come with me” from watson hit me really hard and i haven’t been able to put it aside for quite a few days now. here is joan watson for all her life internalising her feelings, repressing her emotions and putting aside her grief all to help others. she’s been through so much shit, SO MUCH, but every time she decided to pick herself up, to start afresh, to put these feelings aside until later on. along came shinwell, and she saw something in him, like she could do something right again. shinwell wanted to change, wanted to help and that beautiful, beautiful and golden heart of joan’s wanted to guide him along the way with sherlock, her best friend, her partner, the person she trusts and loves the most. eventually, shinwell decided to do something that he knew would disappoint her, but she hung on because despite the “lesser evil” part, she still believed in what he was doing and why he was doing it. he wasn’t getting away with anything. they both knew that. she might’ve not trusted shinwell anymore, but she sure as hell supported him. and then, he got killed and she was the one to lay her two fingers to find a pulse that wasn’t there. she was the one who had to see his lifeless body being covered by a bag and wheeled away. she was the one who had to fight for what he was doing, to finish what he had started and the internalised feelings and emotions were finally being sent up to the surface. it was finally starting to overwhelm and drown her, pulling her back in, so she asked sherlock to just be there. mind you, she had probably never really asked someone to just stay like this; just to be there beside her, someone she could hold onto. she trusted sherlock and she would always trust him so she knew that he would be there for her. but still, she asked will you go with me with such a heartbreaking vulnerability, and looked at him like he was the light that would bring her back in from the storm that had surrounded her. she still had that longing hope that she would get justice for shinwell and sherlock would still be here despite all the issues they were having, next to her and they would be okay and everything else and everyone else would be okay. but he didn’t come and she was so fucking hurt because she thought that he abandoned her all because shinwell hurt him a few months ago and he wasn’t able to get over it, DESPITE the fact that she quietly asked him to go. and then tyus wilcox dropped it on her that shinwell died because of her, because her name was in his contacts. another name got added on the list of people that died because of her. gerald castoro, andrew mittal, emil kurtz with two innocent civilians and now shinwell johnson. but she sat in front of all those monitors listening to carmen, listening to her screams and yells and pleads and that shot itself was so fucking heart-wrenching I had to pause for a moment to continue on. she still gave him a chance to answer the question when he came to the room but the words I forgot, from a man WHO NEVER FORGETS was full of such betrayal and absolute agony, she had to get up and walk away from him. that absolute pang of hurt on her face was there because she now knew that sherlock never wanted to come and took pity on her when he said of course and was using an excuse of all things to get out of a situation that shouldn’t have been created in the first place. and then he tried to berate shinwell thinking it would solve the problem, a man who was dead because of her and a man who at least tried to do something right. she literally had no one left at that moment in time, she really believed that. joan watson believed she was alone and that she was now back to square one. something so sacred and intimate between them had been broken and there was no going back and sherlock was too confused to even stop her from heading out and closing the door on him. god, the writers could’ve done so much with this, so much with joan and everything she’s been through. the imagining dead people trope would’ve worked so well on her. i’m so sad. this is the saddest, and the most heartbreaking finale I have seen. bring on all the angst fics. let’s give joan watson and the partnership between sherlock and joan what it deserves, SOMETHING EQUAL, because the writers sure as hell won’t.
I had to back out of the last non-private commissions I did because of a Brain Crisis (read: i started antidepressants and they suplexed the hell out of my entire creative drive) but I’m feeling ostensibly energetic and driven enough to open up maybe two slots for full bodies (like this one) because i could use the dosh
absolutely nothing i have said here is encouraging from a buyer’s perspective and i’m conducting myself with the professionalism of a socially inept 13-year-old who just discovered deviantart points but i have to get back into this hot tub at some point SO uh if you are a patient sort and don’t mind being a guinea pig sometime in the much later evening i will probably be opening up a commission form and picking two from it
being that this will be a Test Run i will not accept payment until i’ve presented a sketch, and will not withdraw it until i’ve finished the piece
Little Pisca ended up borrowing someone else’s clothes aboard Black Eddys ship, but pure haaaated looking like a boy. It makes no difference if she’s only got one arm she will NOT be seen out of a dress! >:C
Our main desires are food and water, sleep, and intimacy. Ramadan limits that so we can see how thankful we are and how we react without it. Its a time of self realization, connection with Allah SWT, and doing the one thing we were created for; worship.
May Allah SWT let us live to experience the full blessings of Ramadan.
Okay but I can’t stop laughing at the amount of Quakerider on my dash today because remember how goddamn bitter we all were about Ghost Rider during the Great S4 Promo Drought of 2016? No-one wanted Robbie Reyes to even be here, and now we’re all like ‘I’m so sorry I was so mean can we please keep him forever’
Why is my 3yr old so freaking cute?! The kid is driving me absolutely CRAZY today with not listening to any directions and whenever I tell him he’s gonna get a timeout he’s like ‘oh! So sorry about that mommy! I’ll hug you instead’ and like latches onto me. But then he goes right back to doing whatever he wants and I am already exhausted. Not to mention he’s been boycotting naps since his dad has been out of town
I can’t believe we’ve had nine shining years with SHINee already. They are seriously the most important thing in my life, because no matter how much shit I’ve gone through, SHINee has always been there. I feel like I’ve grown up with them, like we’ve matured together. I was fourteen when I became a fan of SHINee, and now I’m almost twenty-one. They’ve really just always been there, and even though they’ll never know it, I love them so much and they inspire me every day. I’m so lucky I got to see them when they had their SHINee World Concert in LA, and I’m so proud of them for everything that they’ve accomplished.