the best rpg ever


Are you ready for the end of the best game ever made?? My 14 Year Old RPG - THE MARK OF OXIN PART 2

Nature check to see if it's a natural Raven

Context is im a druid who’s looking for a pet at a big city. I asked the guy if he had ravens and he said he had many types and when I asked what kind he said “two headed ones, three eyed ones” and I asked to see the two headed one

Me: I’d like to make a nature check to see if it’s a natural Raven
DM: really?
Me: what?
DM: it has two heads and red eyes, you don’t need proficiency in nature to know it’s not a natural Raven
Me: well it could be magical or monstrous or it could be a mutation
DM: red. Eyes. It’s a monstrosity.

I bought it btw. One head was named Frank the other Joe but I asked it (using talk with animals) if i could rename it and they said only if they could rename me. They called me douchsnozzle, I thought only I could understand them when they said it. Turns out they can mimic and now they call me douchsnozzle when they want my attention. I renamed them huggin and munnin and they renamed me douchesnozzle. Best 75 gold I ever spent


“…Now that I get a good look… Ya don’t look like yer old man at all. You’re a better man, hundred percent.”

“…See ya, Russell…”

The Uniting Power of Love Triangles! Midlife Dance Crisis!

(So in this party, the male human rogue, the female fetchling mage, and the elf princess are slowly dancing the romantic “will they/won’t they?”. All three are charming, high charisma characters. the mage has been trying to fight years of repression to figure out what her orientation is, the rogue likes the mage but is willing to bow out and play wingman if she decides she’s not into him, the princess is a friendly lass whose natural stoicism makes her hard to read, and both the rogue and mage are wondering if they have a chance with her. This has actually solved more problems than its caused.

Example: The party decided to attend a village dance. The rogue had his dance with the mage, where they both admitted they didn’t know how to dance. Then the princess grabs the mage and hits the dance floor. While the rogue’s taking a break, an incredibly handsome man walks up to him…)

Stranger: Are those two lovely ladies free?

Rogue: …I think they’re taken with each other, if you get my meaning.

Stranger: Well, I’ve been looking for a wife, and the desire for prosperity will change that, I think.

Rogue (Squicked out): …Oh really?

Stranger (Too proud for his own good): I’m the Marquis. I can provide a dowry of 10,000 gold.

Rogue: …Who do you think I am, their dad?

(After he has his fun playing Prince Charming (and getting an admittedly impressive diplomacy check) He eventually backs off.)

Marquis: It would be a blessing to see you again. (leaves)

Mage: Well, I’m going to get a drink.

Princess: [Rogue], would you care to dance?

Rogue: I’d love to. Did you get a look at that mozzarella cheeseball?

Princess: He seemed nice.

Rogue: Yeah, less nice considering he came to me offering a dowry of 10,000 gold.

Princess: Oh you’re joking, I’m not worth that much.

Rogue: Clearly you have a poor estimate of your worth, but seriously, do I look old enough to be your dad?

Princess: Ha! You’re barely old enough to be my baby brother.

Rogue: Heh. Well, (overdramatic bow) “T'was a blessing to share this dance with thee, milady.” (kisses her hand)

Princess: You know he’s gone, right?

Rogue: Eh. *shrug*

(The mage said he looked more like a roguish gentleman than her dad. Jury’s still out on what ship will sail, if any. But all agree that the standoffish paladin dancing with the lustful halfling thief by swinging her around like nunchucks was the best 300 gold ever spent.)

*doing homework*

*suddenly thinks about how paper mario the thousand year door was one of the best and most original rpgs ever made and that we’ll never see anything like it ever again*

The not so sneaky rogue

So I was playing my first game of D&D 5E with a few older friends, and we’re doing the Mines of Phandelver. We’re a quite nice little party - a human wizard, an elf ranger, and me, a halfling rogue.

We’re down in a cellar complex which is huge and mazelike, and we’re treading very carefully, searching every tunnel, every corridor, every room twice for traps and hidden enemies. We’ve survived so far, and we’re actually beginning to feel like we could do this, that we really could save the world, or whatever.

And we come to a corridor which stops in the middle of nowhere, no door, nothing, just a wall. So we do a check to see if there’s anything fishy about this corridor and sure as hell, there is.

Me, being the extremely calculating, calm and smart rogue (obviously not.) decide to sprint and tackle through the wall. My friends look at me like I’m stupid but I proceed to do it anyway. This is my moment.

So I rush forward and break through the dirt wall and fall headfirst….

…into a room with four quite strong enemies who jump at the sight of me, drawing their swords. I realize that this was quite frankly not a good idea. I know that I have to do something, or else we’ll have to deal with a battle where the odds are totally against our favour.

So I roll for a bluff. I mean, can’t get worse than this, can it?

“Hey guys, I was just looking for the bathroom!” I blurt out as I stand up and brush some dust off myself.

I roll a 19.

“Oh,” they answer, the tension sinking along with any fears I had before. “It’s just down there, to your left.”

With that, they leave the room. My friends and I cheer like idiots. I feel like I’m the best friggin rogue ever.

GM: “Okay, roll your Mechanics check to cut the feed.”
Mechanic: “15.”
GM: “Not good enough- it’ll take another round.”
Mechanic: “Crap. I need a distraction, you guys!”
Professor: “Okay, I’m in Mission Control, I’ll stand up and… Uh…”
GM: “Time is ticking down, what are you going to do?”
Professor: “I, uh… I sing The Banana Boat song!”
GM: “I’m sorry, you what?”
Professor: “You know, Day O?”
GM: “…fine, fuck it, roll Perform (Sing).”
Professor: “Oh, excellent, I put ranks in that.”
GM: “Of course you did…”

I swear, Legends of Tomorrow is the best RPG group as a TV show ever.

Hey this is just a little heads up that LISA: The Painful RPG is one of the best games I’ve ever played.

If you can stand some body distortion, pixelated blood, phallic imagery, and mentions of rape and CSA (not outright, but heavily implied) then I think you’ll enjoy one of the most unique and compelling games ever made

In LISA you play as Brad Armstrong, a man living in an apocalyptic world in which all women disappeared one day with no explanation, who one day finds an abandoned newborn girl and takes her in to raise as his own.

I’m going to stop the synopsis there because I don’t want to spoil any more than that but trust me stuff gets crazy and its amazing.

This game sorta flew under the radar because it’s a weird pixel-based rpg that came out less than a year before another popular indie rpg which overshadowed it quite heavily. (COUGH COUGH)

The game deals with some very dark themes, but has just as much wit and absurdity to not make the game feel overly-depressing (at least, on the surface)

Also if you like Death Grips at all you’ll love the music in this game.

In short; go play LISA so i can have someone to talk to about it ;_;

anonymous asked:

I had a dream where you were a waterbender and I was a fire bender, and for some reason we were making our way through a video game like dungeon with puzzles that relied on our bending? Anyway, I just really want this game to exist so I can play it now. Thanks for making a cameo in it lmao.

ive been saying this from the start but an rpg game in the avatar world would be the best thing ever js