I was reading drarry smut in the bus (it starts with a spin by Maxine. It was at a smutty scene) and this guy is sitting beside me. He looks about 19-21. And I kid you not I could feel his gaze while I was reading. And every time I would lift my head to check the station, I would see his head turn quickly. I caught him looking from the corner of my eye. The best part though was that when it was a really smutty scene, I got off from my spot cuz it was my stop and he was BLUSHING. He moved his head but I saw a light pink blush on his face. We made eye contact and his reaction to getting caught was priceless. Best part of my day.
can you guess what my favorite color is? my prints and rug from urban outfitters came in so I finished up the bathroom. my counters are already a mess, disregard that please, and the shopping bags. i needed my fave lotions and perfumes from VS UK and they sent me some for free because I’m an affiliate. i have a LOVE PINK athletic wear shoot with them coming soon! anywho, loving my little bathroom, what do you all think?
This is why I left:
I saw a life with you. Not in a romantic way, but the way where when I looked at the future I saw you sitting at my dining table, confessing your worries for the 1,800th time. I saw you meeting the love of my life and introducing me to yours. I saw you loving my kids like they were your own and I saw us loving each other - platonically, simply.
But through our late night conversations about the world and about our futures - mere kids aspiring to be something great in a city that was always so poor - you spoke more about the way my smile lit your world up instead of what you’d do to create your own. You stopped fantasizing about meeting the love of your life and insisted that I was already in it, despite the fact that I said it wasn’t what I wanted. That this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
I caught the lingering stares and the subtle comments. More than anything, I noticed how we changed; how you tried to force something on me that I didn’t want, and how you kept getting hurt in the process - silently blaming me for not reciprocating feelings that I didn’t harbor in the first place.
Three years later and I feel the hatred steam off of you when you see me on the corner of my block. I ripped you off of me like a dying limb because I knew that if I held on to you, you’d cling for dear life - never looking forward to another version of your own future again. I left because I’d rather hurt you now and have you move on in due time, as opposed to not at all. I didn’t want you meeting the love of my life with a cold smile and tension wrapped around your first handshake. I didn’t want you to go home at night with no one beside you. I didn’t want you to look at my kids and wish they were ours. I didn’t want you to look backwards. I needed you to look forward.
I broke your heart for your own good. But believe me when I say that you broke mine, too.