the benefits of green tea

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  • sleep
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  • green tea actually all tea
  • trey songz face

Benefits of Green Tea for Boosting Antiviral Immune Function

Unlike most antiviral drugs, green tea appears to work by boosting the immune system to combat diseases such as genital warts (caused by HPV) and the flu (caused by the influenza virus).


Okay, Internet. You and I are going to have what we call, in my neck of the woods, a come-to-Jesus meetin’.

I just spent four hours making the disgusting slop you see in the first picture because someone, somewhere, has written a blog post about how matcha+water is good for you and everyone should order it all the time forever, LIKE OH MY GOD.

I’m sure that would be true, if our matcha was real matcha.

If you look at the packaging, it says the following.

“Sugar, green tea powder.”


That means that there is more sugar than green tea. You are literally ordering diabetes water that looks like pond scum and tastes disgusting. You’d get more benefit from drinking the iced green tea, which has no sugar, or better yet, the ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL Emperor’s Clouds and Mist hot tea, which is just dried whole green tea leaves.

But it’s so cheap, cries the Internet!

I have a solution for that, too.

See that delicious drink in the second picture? It tastes of sunshine and baby laughter, has a sugar count of almost nil (the sugars in it are from fruit, and even then there aren’t that many) and only costs about .60 cents more than your cup of diabeetus algae. I drink it every day.

Here is how you acquire it:

1. Enter your local Starbucks. Greet the Barista with a smile. Her job is hard. The chances that she has cried today are high.
2. Explain that you need a Trenta cup of water with one scoop each of berries, limes, and oranges, shaken. These cost .50 each, plus tax.
3. Thank her. Thank the barista at the bar, too. If everybody loves each other our jobs are all much easier.
4. Add sweetener at the condiment bar, if needed.
5. Drink your sunshine water. You are welcome for the health benefits.

(If you’re feeling fancy, you can add the fruit to actual green iced tea for more antioxidants, but remember to ask nicely.)

(Also if you are a Starbucks big wig and for some reason this post makes you angry, then consider that maybe stuff like matcha and coconut milk shouldn’t have so much added sugar. )