WELL, HERE WE ARE. A month ago (exactly) I decided to revamp my original character Kaey, & today I hit my first 100 followers, which is pretty impressive if I do say so myself. I have high hopes for this revamp, & I do know I have felt a lot better since distancing myself from his fandom ties. Either way, I’m here to celebrate my first month + first milestone.
Hopefully things will begin to resolve themselves within my real life, & Kaey will really get the kickstart he deserves. For now, I present a few individuals who have made this blog possible with their unrelenting support, patience, & enabling. But, to all: thank you for following me.
– MY CREW
@dalishflame // Viv is literally the light of my life ??? I love her & Atreion so much, she is one of the very good reasons I decided to stay on tumblr like… I owe so much to Viv & Atreion ?? I love our ship, & our friendship, & Viv is such a trooper she tolerates my bs & anxiety & is still such a loving & supportive person. I love u Viv, & Kaey loves u Atreion. <3
@needlcd // Rain is the reason I want to watch Game of Thrones. She writes so beautifully & Arya is just so perfect, I love her as a little sister/daughter to Kaey, & I love all of their aus & the little things we’ve developed for them. So! Worth! It! Rain you are so nice & so eloquent & if there were awards for rpc like the golden globes or something you’d have them all, no joke; you are literally so nice & fun & you try so hard to keep a neutral stance & I respect you so much.
@hittcr & @maestrodarte // Hana is basically my & Kaey’s best friend? I love you so much you don’t even know? I love Eliot & Leo & we have developed so many wonderful things together & it is literally a pleasure every day to talk & write with Hana. ilu bb.
@iimperatriice & @beliiiever // Carleigh! Is! The! Literal! Best! Her Emily is perfect & I haven’t had the chance to write with her Diana yet but she just makes me so happy all the time. You are the real MVP. You are the chilliest & greatiest friend I could ask for online. You are incredibly patient & understanding & so fucking selfless idek how you manage to do it. But I seriously love writing with you across all of our accounts, I love talking & chatting with you, & I am so psyched for our future interactions because I know they will be great! Stay amazing friendo!
@aclassikrem // Krem is love, Krem is life. I adore Raven so much, I love our ship & all the time & development we’ve been able to put into it. I am so blessed to have a friend like Raven, I literally do not know how I came to deserve such a wonderful rp partner. ilu !!!!
I'm not on Tumblr much right now, but I have read the last few asks you've responded to. I know you had a truly optimistic outlook on S7 over the hiatus (and still one as far as the show pre-odd turn over the last episodes.) So... I was wondering... how are you doing? Really (and not sarcastically or trolly). Once has been a part of my life since the beginning. So how are you doing- head space-wise, heart-wise- with the reality of the show?
Hi anon! This is actually a really sweet message.
I wouldn’t say my outlook was optimistic going into Season 7 … I think it was more “wait and see” … I don’t like to pre-judge something before I see it.
I’ve watched this show since the beginning, too and it really consumed my life after Season 3 … but during Season 6 I started to feel like spending sooo much time thinking about the show was becoming a burden. So in a way, I was relieved that many of my faves left because it gave me a sense of freedom. I don’t hunt for spoilers or spend much time speculating anymore.
I am aware of what’s happening in Season 7 but I don’t watch it. I tried but my heart isn’t in it. But it doesn’t change the love I have for the previous 6 seasons. This season is pretty much a joke to me. Regina is so one note … Rumple’s story was ruined for me, and Wish Hook and all his dilemmas are not real according to canon so I just can’t bring myself to care. I’m just amused at what a mess the writing is.
35 Powerful Affirmations That Can Change Your Life
Life extends from the thoughts and emotions that you experience. This means that employing affirmations of positive words can have a powerful effect on how you feel and help boost you to new levels of achievement.
Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains. Much like exercise, they raise the level of feel-good hormones and push our brains to form new clusters of “positive thought” neurons. In the sequence of thought-speech-action, affirmations play an integral role by breaking patterns of negative thoughts, negative speech, and, in turn, negative actions.
Repeat the below aloud and with conviction in the morning and after a few days you will notice the shift in your mood, perception, and interpretation of any given situation.
1.) I am the architect of my life; I build its foundation and choose its contents.
2.) Today, I am brimming with energy and overflowing with joy.
3.) My body is healthy; my mind is brilliant; my soul is tranquil.
4.) I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions.
5.) I have been given endless talents which I begin to utilize today.
6.) I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacefully detach from them.
7.) A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love.
8.) I am guided in my every step by Spirit who leads me towards what I must know and do.
9.) (If you’re married) My marriage is becoming stronger, deeper, and more stable each day.
10.) I possess the qualities needed to be extremely successful.
11.) (For business owners) My business is growing, expanding, and thriving.
12.) Creative energy surges through me and leads me to new and brilliant ideas.
13.) Happiness is a choice. I base my happiness on my own accomplishments and the blessings I’ve been given.
14.) My ability to conquer my challenges is limitless; my potential to succeed is infinite.
15.) (For those who are unemployed) I deserve to be employed and paid well for my time, efforts, and ideas. Each day, I am closer to finding the perfect job for me.
16.) I am courageous and I stand up for myself.
17.) My thoughts are filled with positivity and my life is plentiful with prosperity.
18.) Today, I abandon my old habits and take up new, more positive ones.
19.) Many people look up to me and recognize my worth; I am admired.
20.) I am blessed with an incredible family and wonderful friends.
21.) I acknowledge my own self-worth; my confidence is soaring.
22.) Everything that is happening now is happening for my ultimate good.
23.) I am a powerhouse; I am indestructible.
24.) Though these times are difficult, they are only a short phase of life.
25.) My future is an ideal projection of what I envision now.
26.) My efforts are being supported by the universe; my dreams manifest into reality before my eyes.
27.) (For those who are single) The perfect partner for me is coming into my life sooner than I expect.
28.) I radiate beauty, charm, and grace.
29.) I am conquering my illness; I am defeating it steadily each day.
30.) My obstacles are moving out of my way; my path is carved towards greatness.
31.) I wake up today with strength in my heart and clarity in my mind.
32.) My fears of tomorrow are simply melting away.
33.) I am at peace with all that has happened, is happening, and will happen.
okay so where do I begin…WOW.
okay so… on Monday October 3rd at 10:25pm, I was sitting on my phone in my room listening to holy ground and I was on twitter and BOOM. “TAYLOR NATION SENT YOU A DIRECT MESSAGE” I STARTED SHAKING AND CRYING WHEN I READ THE CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE I WAS SO CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN FOLLOW ME (yes I’m still trying to work out technology ok) AND I FLIPPED OUT AND I RAN INTO MY MOMS ROOM SOBBING AND I TRIPPED OVER THE HOOVER BUT ITS OKAY. MY MOM WAS SAYING ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE SOMEONE MAY HAVE HACKED INTO TAYLOR NATIONS ACCOUNT (?????? idk). Anyway I died and my mind was a mess and I couldn’t control myself at all, I had knew what it usually meant when people got these messages and I explained everything to my mom ( she is genuinely worst-case-scenario-Christine ) and she started crying with happiness for me. THAT DAY WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.
The next day October 4th at 5:27pm, I was (trying) to study when BOOM. I RECEIVED THE CALL. Ali phoned and told me about a special secret event on Friday the 13th of October and I was shaking so so much and could barely even talk but she was honestly the nicest ever (I noticed she said “wonderful” about a million times and I’m now so in love with that word). Side note: My mom still wasn’t really convinced this wasn’t a set up to get me kid napped but SHE FINALLY CALMED DOWN A LITTLE AND MEANWHILE I WAS SHAKING, CRYING AND BASICALLY DEAD.
Okay so then it was the waiting game…the days DRAGGED in as I found out a whole 10 DAYS before the event and I saw Taylor lurk people on tumblr/Instagram AND she liked the post about me and my best friend Eve. PEOPLE WERE ALSO TALKING ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON THE 13TH AND I WAS JUST SITTING THERE LIKE HELP ME WHATS GON HAPPEN.
Fast forward to Friday…so because I live in Glasgow I had to fly to London… I COULDNT SLEEP AT ALL AND I ONLY GOT 4 HOURS SLEEP LOL BECAUSE I GOT UP AT 4AM. We went to the airport and I was genuinely so nervous and excited about what could possibly be happening. We then got a bus and then a tube and wandered about Covent Garden and EVERYTHING kept reminding me of Taylor. We then got a tube and another bus ( NUMBER 13 ) to our hotel. I got really stressed out because I opened up my case and there was makeup spilt on my dress BUT MY MOM CAME TO THE RESCUE AND FIXED IT FOR ME. I curled my hair and fixed myself up then I went to out to the secret meeting point and recognized so many people from tumblr/twitter etc and it was SO surreal. ALSO A FEW PEOPLE CAME UP TO ME AND WERE LIKE OMG ABBIE I KNOW YOU AND THAT MADE ME FEEL SO SO SPECIAL SO I LOVE YOU FOR THAT IF THAT WAS YOU. We checked in and got really cool wristbands saying United Kingdom (IN THE REPUTATION FONT) I WAS ALREADY DEAD.
We went to drop off our bags and me and I met 2 beautiful, amazing girls called Emma ( @taylorsmusic ) and Flora ( @spoookyswift ) and we were FREAKING OUT TOGETHER. We just couldn’t comprehend that we could potentially meet our idol. We talked about everything and I genuinely think I have 2 new best friends for life. I LOVE YOU GUYS. We were on the last bus to leave so we waited foreverrrr and my nerves were building up so much and I was FULL ON ALL OVER SHOOK.
Everyone on the bus was SO EXCITED and we were all dying together. It was such a combination of nerves and excitement like I can’t even describe it. So we FINALLY arrived at our secret destination and were escorted to the entrance to be searched etc (there was a big box of socks for some reason and it made us laugh so just thought I’d add that in and also a few half finished smart water bottles👀).
Okay so then we went through to TAYLORS HOUSE. It was beautiful and there was so much food laid out and I had a REPUTATION COOKIE and CUSTOMIZED REPUTATION M&MS and CHICKEN TENDERS. Taylors playlist of the songs she loves was playing in the background and we were LOVING LIFE. (Side note: my mom loved the olives you put out taylor so thanks for that) So basically me, Emma and Flora were chilling together (we were not chill at all tho) and everything was fine THEN Flora goes “oh my god, that’s Scott” AND IM LIKE WTF AND WE ALL LOOK OVER AND DIE LIKE WHAT WAS HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES THE KING OF GUITAR PICS WAS HERE. We went and spoke to more amazing people and life was good…THEN TREE COMES THROUGH AND IM LIKE WHATATSTSS THATS A LEGEND THEN NOT LONG AFTER THAT WE SEE ANDREA AND WE ALL DIED. I CRIED WHEN I SEEN ANDREA IDK WHY IT JUST GOT TOO MUCH AND SHES MY QUEEN. IT GENUINELY FELT LIKE A DREAM LIKE SURELY THIS WAS NOT REAL.
Finally, after a while, we went through to THE LIVING ROOM. YES. A CHAIR. A SPEAKER. WE ALL KNEW WHAT THIS WAS. ME, EMMA AND FLORA HAD A LITTLE SUPPORT NETWORK GOING ON BECAUSE WE WERE ALL HOLDING HANDS BECAUSE WE WERE NOT PREPARED AT ALL. I cried - yeah she wasn’t even here yet and I cried. So anyway THEN I’m like I can’t even do this and my heart is beating abnormally fast. And that’s when she appeared…
I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. MY ANGEL. MY EVERYTHING. GENUINELY LIKE A METER AWAY. NO WAY. Okay so then I SOBBED even more and I was uncontrollable (I finally did calm down but omg it was so hard I couldn’t stop crying) - thank you Emma and Flora for helping me LOL. Side note: her hair was so curly and pretty and she wore this camo dress thing and SNAKE BOOOOOOTS and a snake ring and yeah I was like GO GURLLL. IN THAT MOMENT I DIED IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.
On to the album, obviously you guys understand I can’t say much at all BUT REPUTATION IS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM BY FARRRRR. Like it’s genuinely so different but so genius - it’s incredible. She’s so talented and you can tell she’s worked so super hard for it and I can tell she’s happier than ever through the way she talks and she just seems so content with life and it makes me so proud and happy of how far she’s came. It’s so emotionally complex and THE LYRICS (she’s a genius okay). But there was one song that made me full on SOB and everyone in that room felt something…ANYWAY Taylor herself, during the whole of the session, she was so funny and she’s just so genuine…it was unreal. UNREAL. Some highlights that stand out to me include when during one of the songs she looked right at me for about 20 seconds or so and we just danced and smiled at each other. IVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED IN MY LIFE. To say I’m proud of her for this album is an understatement.
okay so then….IT WAS MEET AND GREET TIME. We were all sitting reading the magazines and talking to each other and it was adorable and even though I was a nervous wreck, everyone was so nice and amazing towards me. When it was time for the picture I was at the waiting point I can’t tell you how I felt. It was indescribable. I seen the 2 girls before me hug Taylor goodbye and it was my turn. I ran up to her and hugged her so hard and she looked at me and went “ITS ABBIE ISNT IT?” AND I WAS NODDING AND I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS ME and she was like “NO WAY I CHOSE YOU LIKE A YEAH AGO LIKE SOOOO LONG AGO” and I was like NO WAY and then I was like “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOUVE HELPED ME THROUGH, YOU’VE HONESTLY GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH” and she was listening so intently and she smiled at me and hugged me and we held hands for a few seconds which was BEAUTIFUL and she was like “you are SO beautiful like SO beautiful and you are SO funny like you’re posts are hilarious” and I started shaking and I told her she was like a big sister to me and then we got a really cute huggy picture and then we got one with my mom which was cute and THEN (THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT) the camera guy said to my mom “do you want a pic alone with her” and my mom was like “oh it’s okay I’m just her mom” and TAYLOR WAS LIKE" OH WELL THANKS" IT WAS SO FUNNY. THEN I told her I loved her and she was like I LOVE YOU BUDDY and I gave her one final hug before I left which was MAGICAL (I swear we hugged about 27468273 times).
As soon as I left the room, I BURST INTO TEARS I COULDN’T BELIEVE I HAD JUST MET MY IDOL AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS OF LOVING HER AND FANGIRLING OVER HER. My mom went to talk to mama swift and she said to her “thank you so much for making a beautiful, amazing role model for my daughter” and mama swift was like AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH THEN MY MOM GAVE HER A HUG AND THEN I GAVE HER A HUGE HUG AND MAMA SWIFT WAS LIKE THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING HER AND DOING THE CRAZY THINGS SHE MAKES YOU DO AND I CRIED MORE.
WE THEN WENT TO GET OUR MERCH AND GET ON THE BUS AND I WAS GENUINELY STARSTRUCK AND ME AND EMMA JUST KEPT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND BEING LIKE DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!?!?!
Thank you so so so much for inviting me to your London Secret Session - it was an HONOR to be there. I can’t believe I was given such a beautiful, amazing opportunity and I meant everything I said to you in there and it truly came from the heart. I love you so much and I can’t wait to hopefully see you on tour. You mean the world to me and I can’t wait to hear reputation again and DIE ANOTHER MILLION DEATHS.
I love you so much girl.
I have no objections with people liking Nesta but I don't understand why people would ever want Cassian to get with a woman like Nesta. He deserves someone better than anyone that is set on demeaning him. He is lighthearted and a good person. He deserves better.
Sigh…you got me in quite a mood dear anon so deep breath and rant ahead.
You have been warned.
So…I never understood the concept of love being a reward for someone’s ‘good’ form, character or behavior. And I am not even going to get into the whole glamorization of love as an emotion and the concept that is something solely good and pure and only ‘good’ people and certain ‘characters’ and ‘snowflakes’ experience it or should experience it.
I will stand on something different though.
People are not objects and trophies and prizes that one should get for being good and for deserving ‘better’ (and BTW, I will get to that too in a while).
Relationships are not about deserving and about perfection and about what works on paper. Relationships can come in many forms and bonds and it is about people that find something in someone else and then they work through their shit (and in this case both Nesta and Cassian have a lot shit to work through) because they care enough to make their relationship work. Because you get to fall in love for many reasons and you get to love the flaws and the imperfections. You get to like a person because you are attracted to them for whatever reason logical or illogical. Because they intrigue you. Because of lust or intense emotion. Because they take you by surprise. Because romance usually is about personal conflict and growth and collision. Because in fiction this brings drama and it is interesting for many people especially when it includes complicated characters with many layers and depth that help each other’s characterization progress and development in many ways.
But hey. I get not liking a character or a ship. It is your prerogative. You might not like the chemistry of two characters. You might not get it. You might be allergic to it. You might not care for it. You might not understand it. You might hate it. You might not be able to tolerate the story or a character or a concept. It is your right. I am not here to dictate to you what to like and what not to like. Something is not your cup or tea and your personal taste is different from that of another person. Different strokes for different folks and all that.
But here you are in my ask box. I get not liking a ship but why would you come to the blog of someone that likes it with such comments? What do you gain? Stick to your lane and ship and let others ship.
Also…seriously…I am in awe.
You are here to tell me that the half a millennia winged Illyrian Fae warrior who is basically a LORD OF FREAKING WAR that is leaving mountains of corpses in the battlefields and has been shedding blood for centuries is not deserving of a 20-22 year old woman with limited experience that she is just start beginning to understand what life is after leading a very restricted and limited one. This is what you are telling me right? That the man that brings horror and is capable and able to bring nations to their knees and is known by the freaking Bone Carver as the Lord of Bloodshed is not deserving of a …young girl while he is the winning prize in the lottery for Nesta. Am I getting this right?
The superficial way people view certain characters astonishes me.
Cassian is not a ray of sunshine and not an innocent lighthearted and most of all balanced person. Cassian is one of my most favorite characters in the acotar series (Top Five easily). But he, as many characters of the book, is a grey character that can often be amoral. You don’t get to become THE General of the Night Court and the commander of the Illyrian forces and part of the Inner Circle by being solely moral and good and …nice.
Cassian is dangerous. Like Alpha Male dangerous. He is an experienced man. An experienced OLD man. The fact that he looks hot and young and is energetic with a six pack does not change his age or his position in life or who he is. And if you put that in contrast with a young girl with Nesta’s history that has not even traveled the world yet -while this was her dream- then who ‘deserves’ who can become a very long argument.
Cassian is indeed a good man but he is carrying a load of crap and baggage on his shoulders. He is over half a millennia old. He is a FREAKING GENERAL from crying out loud. The fact that he cracks jokes and is supportive of his family and friends does not take away all the blood he had shed or the scars that has left on him (and he will bring those scars to whatever relationship he enters). It does not take away that the bone carver called him the Lord of Bloodshed. Cassian is a killer. A professional one at that. No matter how noble he is (and he is) that does not change that it takes a certain kind of bloodthirsty savageness and mindset to rise to where he is now. Cassian views fighting and cutting through people as if it is an art. He walks hand in hand with death. He commands the Illyrian forces of the Night Court.
For centuries he is mixed to a dysfunctional emotional triangle with both of his best friends in a way that hurts one of his two brothers -because this is what Azriel is for him- and he is in a complicated mess with Morrigan. He has codependency issues with Morrigan, Rhysand and Azriel. He has shown to have suicidal tendencies (add homicidal to that too). He is not all sunshine and charm and jokes. He goes to the battlefield to kill and to count the dead and inform their families. It takes a certain kind of heart and soul and violence to wage war. To kill people. To do that for half a millennia. He is feared and terrifies his enemies. He has self esteem issues and even depression signs (as surprise surprise so does Nesta). He is haunted by ghosts of the past. He is afraid of commitment. He is menacing. He has sent monsters into the prison of the Night Court. He is ready to cut through his enemies like butter or condemn them to an eternity of imprisonment.
He has lived lifetimes. He has experience both on the light side of life and the dark side of life.
Say what you like about Nesta and her behavior but in the end she is just a..girl. She is not experienced with life or men for that matter. She has been sexually assaulted and sheltered. She wanted to travel but did not got a chance. She is very young and thrown in a life and nature she had not wanted. How old is she really? 20-22? And for you a 22 year old -tops- girl with limited life experience does not deserve a 500+ years old man because that man is somehow an optimist and an extrovert and so good? You are seriously going with that right now?
Because Cassian needs to be coddled and a bitch like Nesta is not a good fit for …him? Because a man needs …deserves…as sweet woman as a reward right? Because a woman has to apologize for everything in her character and become less so to fit the needs of a man because of what he deserves and if not then…she does not deserve him. (My mind’s wires are short cutting right now I kid you not).
If anything it would be more healthy for Nesta to not get involved with a man like Cassian until she has some decades at least on her back and a lot more experience.
Many people say that Nesta is mean with Cassian. And she has bitter outbursts with him that is for sure true up to an extent but no one ever pointed out how Cassian when he first met Nesta had already formed an opinion over her as if he had the right to do so only because his new friend (which he barely really knew) told him (mostly alluded) some things that did not involve him in any way. From the very start Cassian had judged Nesta and played judge and jury with her and had condemned her without even exchanging a word with her. Not even Rhysand that was Feyre’s mate did that.
Nesta was right to tell him that “You know nothing about who I am, and what I’ve done and what I want.“
Why wouldn’t Nesta be hostile with him? The guy has boundaries issues. And was quick to judge her. He is a centuries years old persistent (borderline obsessed) Fae male that …can’t stay away. Romance aside let us not start glamorizing certain people and acting as if Cassian is perfect. He is not. He has flaws. There are no saints and sinners in this equation. Nesta has not treated Cassian right all the time but Cassian has not always treated Nesta right either. And if we take their character traits into account this was bound to happen.
Yes Nesta is an asshole. But guess what? Cassian is an asshole too. He taunts, he mocks, he insults, he provokes, he uses his sexual experience as a weapon of choice, he intimidates, his uses his body as a way to make others step back, he throws tantrums, he hides behind jokes, he is reckless, he is hard. In the first sign of true intimacy he backs down and alienates people. He has been all those things with Nesta. He originally was surprised and even took offense because Nesta ignored his good looks for crying out loud.
Cassian even in Wings and Embers tried to intimidate her while he barely knew her. A human 22
year old girl that could crash with his little finger while he could
tell that she had no experience in physical combat or men. He used his
nature, his body, his words to make Nesta less of who she was. To make her feel uncomfortable. His game was less than honorable back then. And when
that did not work his infatuation started to run deeper and they both entered a game of push and pull and love-anger/hate and bickering and…understanding.
That does not make him a bad person. He is a good man. A messed up mortally grey good man with honor. In the same way Nesta is also a good woman. A messed up angry woman with a moral code that for getting to see you need to watch past the surface. A woman that got inspired by Feyre’s and Cassian’s honor and made Cassian proud. A proud woman that has made mistakes but is learning from them and tries to better herself with actions. Something that Cassian sees and respects and maybe even has also done in his long life because everyone starts from somewhere and faces difficulties and trauma in different ways and learns and grows and moves on.
Nesta grew up with the same superstitions Feyre grew up when it came to Fae people. Do you remember how Feyre herself acted with the Fae at the very beginning before she grew to know them? And yet Nesta allowed Fae men to get into her home. Nesta’s interest when it came to Cassian himself surpassed her prejudices before she was even thrown to the Cauldron and turned to High Fae herself.
Nesta was traumatized after been thrown in the Cauldron. And so was Cassian when he had his wings shredded… but he could not stay away from Nesta despite the boundaries she was trying to put between them. It was his choice to go over to her over and over again despite being rejected. No one from the fandom ever speaks of the trauma Nesta had been subjected too and how Cassian’s needs should not surpass her needs over this. But sure.. Nesta is mean so Cassian’s needs must go first. But just maybe this is not about romance or about what a man deserves. This is not about Cassian getting to feel better. And yet somehow this is what it all ends up too.
Introvert vs Extrovert. Young age vs Old age. Man vs Woman.
A man that has lived his life to the fullest vs a woman that has not yet lived.
Who deserves who.
Does Cassian deserve Nesta? Does Nesta deserve Cassian?
In my opinion who deserves who is a bullshit argument to make for this sort of subject. I can give you a dissertation of why Cassian does not deserve Nesta too. Or why he does deserve her. And vice versa for the other way around.
Truth is that in my opinion they complete each other. It is not just opposites attract. Cassian found an equal in Nesta despite their differences (that are many). Mentally and intellectually they are equal and similar even.
Blade and fire made flesh. Death made flesh. They fit each other.
Cassian is a killing machine and Nesta now holds death in her fingertips. While Cassian always walked in death. But more so aside those parallels that mirror each other they also click as characters.
Cassian shares the same values with Nesta. The same need to protect others. Nesta kept saying how she wanted to help families and children. Cassian has the same view point with her. It is in his very core the need to protect others and this was in the end what Nesta was ready to sacrifice herself for.
Nesta that is so cold on the outside because she feels everything more intense than any other in the inside. Cassian that is so easy going on the outside because he is broken in the inside. Nesta that uses cruel words as a shield. Cassian that uses jokes as an armor. Nesta that hides her emotions and vulnerabilities. Cassian that does the same in different ways. Nesta that is afraid to let others in. Cassian that observes everything both in the battlefield and outside of it. Nesta that scares people. Cassian that is not and could never be afraid of her. Cassian that intimidates people. Nesta that refuses to be intimidated by him. Nesta that throws insults. Cassian that throws tantrums. Cassian that turns his pain to playfulness and his weakness to anger and battle. Nesta that does not allow anyone to see her as weak and turns her rage to ice and her pain to faux indifference and hostility. Cassian that gets his power from his warrior nature and training. Nesta that wants to be empowered and get agency in different ways. Cassian that leans to order and anarchy. Nesta that leans to order and freedom. Nesta that is now the emissary of the Night court. The bridge of the human world with the Fae world trying to balance an understanding between two worlds. Cassian that is always trying to create an understanding between the Illyrians and the rest of High Fae and the man that becomes a bridge when he has a death count in paper and has to inform all the families of the lost. Nesta that her power is now connected with death. Cassian that has been walking in death. Nesta that is too serious. Cassian that is too aloof. Nesta that is too proud and disdainful and willful. Cassian that is arrogant and cocky and prideful. Nesta that is all about manners and propriety. Cassian that is insolent and all about wrecking buildings. Cassian that is serious when needs to be and Nesta that needs to relax and laugh more. Nesta that prefers a book and solitude and Cassian that in silent moments shows a more grounded version of himself. Cassian that people overlook his intelligence. Nesta that people overlook her humanity. Cassian born in a world that does not value bastards. Nesta born in a world that does not value women. Nesta that does not let others in. Cassian that is not making any serious commitments and relationships. Nesta that is so afraid of what she feels for Cassian that prefers to keep him in arm’s lengths using insults and distance and Cassian that is so terrified of what he feels for Nesta that gets completely out of sync when she shows him tenderness and interest. Cassian, the Prince of Bastards, that wanted to find his place in the world and be a man with value despite his heritage and Nesta, the terrible Queen, that after loss and building emotional walls wanted to go out to the world and see what a woman could so and leave her mark in the world. Nesta and Cassian that both dream of a better more equal world for bastards, children and women. The same coin from different sides.
And really this is not about a competition. You do not fall in love with someone that is perfect for you in theory. You get to fall in love with …people. With imperfect people. You get to love them exactly due to those imperfections that make then unique. I cannot stress enough that this is not a matter of what someone ‘deserves’. It is about what someone feels. It is about what makes a heart tick. It could be the most weird combination. It could be insane. And volatile. And easy going or difficult until it aches. In the end it is all about understanding and Nesta and Cassian can understand each in a deep level that is mostly instinctual at this point. It is lust and attraction and sexual tension (like …seriously!) and struggle (because nothing that is worth it comes easy in life) and it is understanding and feeling and silent communication and attraction in all levels.
And guess what… Cassian deserves this. He deserves a person that won’t use him as a sexual object so to get out of predicament and then use him as a shield against his best friend and create conflict in him and in the relationships that define him. Cassian deserves a person that won’t be afraid to stand up against him and with him. That won’t be charmed by his superficial sexiness and distractions. That will be an equal to him. That will shout to him miles away to get him out of danger and he will hear that voice calling him to safety. Cassian deserves a touch. Deserves to fall in love. To have a person that can see when he is hurt. Cassian deserves to get a chance with the woman he is choosing to fight with him and die with him and the woman that he is ready to search to the other life just so to have a chance with her and not regret not spending time with her. The woman that when he in bleeding and unconscious he will try to defend till his last breath. The woman that has a name that he keeps hearing in the wind. Cassian deserves a person that can see beyond his facade. Nesta that understands how dangerous and how noble Cassian is because he sees what others don’t. Because he sees beyond the surface. Because he sees who truly Nesta is. And who Nesta is is someone that Cassian not only wants but would be damn lucky to have. A woman that will stand up next to him and won’t allow anyone to offend him and she won’t judge him for his past. A woman that will surprise him. A woman that will shield him with her body against death itself. A woman that will try to carry him away from danger. And if she can’t help him she will stay with him till the end. She won’t run. She won’t lie. She won’t be dishonest. She won’t see him as a charity case. She will stay for the good and the bad and for hell itself. Cassian has been a bastard that had found family to the inner circle of the Night Court and friends and family but something has always been missing. A sense of true belonging. To have someone stay with him as the world burns and protect him as he protects others. To have someone truly understand him and use honest actions instead of words. Yes Nesta and Cassian are in a clash of wills but also in a clash of hearts.
But sure thing. Cassian surely does not deserve this and I do not get why people like Nesta and Cassian as a ship either.