No makeup, my gown looks like it has a clown collar.. but I don’t care.
I am feeling fantastic :)
As I mentioned earlier, there have been some very rough patches due to pain medication alterations and today the issue all morning was fairly severe abdominal pain. The laxatives finally worked though and I feel a lot better now this evening. I did feel overwhelmed today and cried for about 10 minutes. That feels like it was kind of the turning point though. I even told my mom I think I needed a good cry. As far as the big changes to my body, I am happy with what I can see so far. I would still most definitely do it all again despite the bad moments of pain and the discomfort from bowel issues. The stomach issues showed up even though I was taking medication to prevent them. It’s in the past now though!
The turn around today was kind of amazing. I went on two walks on my own in addition to the scheduled physical therapy time. I was able to shower, hence the reemergence of my curls. It doesn’t look as nice because it air dried while I laid in bed. That did not stop the nursing staff from showering me with hair compliments though. They are all great here. At times they are very busy, but I can feel how much they do care.
One of the nurses commented to me in the hallway with a smile.. “my, you are tall.” I later thought with a giggle.. “yeah, but I lost a few inches last week!” -Ari
One of my highschool flings messaged me the other day telling me that he was in love with me … not cool lol.
Anyways after telling me he was in love with me he tells me that he’s sorry for being a jerk all this time. So i asked him why? He said “you’re a bigger girl and while i think you’re beautiful I️ didn’t know what my friends would say”
And you guys i cried so hard. Not Just for me but for all of the other beautiful amazing women who are done the same way because of how someone else’s opinion matters.
It began to become very clear to me. It does not matter how nice and kind and how damn good of a woman i am. Someone will always dislike me or judge me.
It hurts, of course. We strive for perfection as women and humans. Something so subjective and unattainable.
I’ve come to realize that i can be a big girl and kind and smart and whatever else I want and that’s all i can be. No one can take that away from me.
So I’m proud of all my curves, long legs, and big shoulders and arms. My long legs and strong arms take care of people and that’s what matters.
Do what matters.