Nine months pass since you’ve left the Imperial Theatre. The Balaga Egg collects dust on your shelf. You were gentle with it; you didn’t shake it too hard or too quickly or too much. It’s been resting for a while. Suddenly you hear it’s sandy shaking sound, and the sound of a crisp, faint tearing. The eggshell begins to fall open. The Newborn Balaga is hatching. He’s young, rather small, only a few inches, but his his glorious beard is already grown thick upon his face. From the new hatchling you hear a peal of manic laughter. He dashes off your shelf, flying mad and fast. You never catch him.
As much as I preferred Jack and Ashi to remain platonic, the fan outburst is a roller coaster and I just wish it was more of a treasure trove of memes and hilarious suffering than long paragraphs of why jashi is shit and vice versa.
welcome all! make sure to thank @jen–ne–sais–quoi for the existence of these posts because the poor thing asked to know about ryan and now she probably knows more than she ever wanted to!
here in our final chapter, we shall see what ryan has been up to from where we left off in 2015 to as current as we can be as of today (feb 26, 2017) this is mostly links and pictures because he didn’t actually do a whole lot
alright, early 2015. pretty much all ryan ross does is spend time with friends, mostly dan keyes and ryland blackinton. he goes to coachella and looks lovely in his hawaiian shirt.
he also posted some teasers about making music on instagram, but we saw no new music.
the most important thing about 2015 is ryan’s beard.
look at it. it’s glorious.
in february/march of 2015 zayn has left one direction (this is a ryan ross post, why is she talking about one direction??? it’s relevant, i promise.) someone thought it would be funny to edit the 1d wikipedia page to day that ryan ross had joined the band. 1d fangirls lost their minds. ryan tweeted “
You guys got it all wrong, the four remaining members of One Direction are joining MY band”
if you look at his twitter throughout 2015, some of the tweets are vastly different than others. it could’ve been him on drugs, it could’ve been shane morris. personally, i think it was more shane, but the other is a possibility. also in june 2015, he got super fucked up and crashed a PHASES show. there are pictures of it out there, but i don’t think it’s really appropriate to share them. i also vaguely remember someone (z maybe?) asking for them to not be shared because ryan was really embarrassed and upset about it. about the incident he said “Def was having too much fun at the Phases show tonight, I promise I’ll never do it again again” so there’s that.
then in july ryro got a girlfriend! he began dating model helena vestergaard and it seemed really good for him. it was certainly good for all of us fans because he posted so much while they were together. she also posted a lot about him. there were so many ryan pictures. it was glorious. here are some pics
then the next most important thing of 2015 happened.
ryan and helena got the cutest puppy in the world
from then on his instagram is pretty much dottie, but none of us mind because she’s precious.
don’t forget that this era of ryan likes hockey and baseball. he watches both and plays hockey too.
halloween 2015. the fucking party. so. you thought we were done talking about brendon urie. we’re not. by 2015, he and ryan are not talking, at all. brendon usually avoids talking about ryan at all. then adam levine (yes, that one) has a halloween party. ryan’s invited because he’s best friends with mickey madden. he goes as a gremlin. well, a mogwai because he’s fuzzy and not scaly, but yeah.
brendon, dressed as a skeleton and with sarah, was also there. as far as i’m aware, they basically didn’t even talk. brendon goes on to mention it a million times.
btw, by this point ryan doesn’t use his twitter anymore, it’s all just instagram links. there were some tweets earlier in the year that i’ll be talking about in my shane morris companion piece, but basically, shane likes to troll ryan’s fans by tweeting things or posting things on facebook then quickly deleting them.
also in 2015, ryan posts a picture of what seem to be song titles along with promises for making new music (the “shut the fuck up” was in response to someone telling him to go to bed btw)
we’re now at the end of 2015. it seems like this is when ryan finally disconnects his twitter from his instagram because (except for one) his tweets stop and his instagram continues. he has also dropped shane morris as his manager (thank god)
near the beginning of 2016, ryan tells us that he has written a song for a band called agelast (sadly, that is pronounced ah-gel-ist, not age-last) he posted on both twitter and facebook about this. i’m inclined to believe both posts were actually him, not shane, but who knows. there was this comment on the facebook page that would be nice if it was from him.
then, also early 2016, he and helena broke up. he was all set to fly to visit her in australia on a long term modeling job, and maybe he did, but that was that on helena vestergaard. she deleted all traces of him from her social media. he continued to play hockey and post pictures of dottie.
he also bought 5 pounds of sour patch kids, causing all of us to fear for his health. then he starts to become a bit of a recluse. he posts a lot less frequently and it’s usually dottie pictures.
then he goes to a renaissance fair and saves lives with his look
easily the most important part of 2016 was when ryan did a surprise performance with dan keyes’ band cologne at emo nite la. it’s everything. EVERYTHING. watch it now. it felt like a nice comeback and he looked GOOD
we also got another tiny song clip. more pictures and videos of dottie. he also modeled some new PHASES merch with Z and Langley
he went to the beach and we were blessed with this glorious image
then he turned 30! and jeremy burke & alison harvard threw him a mini party at midnight with pizza!
also sometime in august, his demo ep was deleted from soundcloud (his whole soundcloud was deleted) along with his site going down and his facebook page being deleted. the only thing we know is actually ryan is his instagram.
then came halloween. with costumes in the past like et, a sloth, and a gremlin, we knew he would not disappoint. he was link from legend of zelda and he spent a good amount of the party (adam levine’s again, bden was not there) with victoria asher and gabe saporta from cobra starship. have some pics.
throughout 2016, a director named dan adams (glitterworldinc on insta) had been tagging ryan in a lot of pictures. i’m going to make a companion piece for him as well, but i’ll mention him here. he posts pictures of ryan, sometimes with strange captions, sometimes with rude captions. many pictures didn’t have ryan in them, but he was tagged. some pictures were of ryan’s house or around echo park. see more about that in the companion piece. lots of speculation went on about what he was doing with ryan. we’ll get to that in a minute. something more exciting now. the longest clip of new music that makes me cry every single time i listen to it, that callback line. (fun fact, z commented on it and called him space boi which is where i get one of my tags for him)
he looked beautifully goth for new years
now we’re in 2017!
we found out this year that all the things glitterworldinc had been posting are because ryan’s going to be in his new movie!! he’s playing a character named Dewey Parsons in daniel adams’ new movie starmaker
the newest picture we have from ryan himself is this
and dan adams (glitterworldinc) has recently posted two! one was posted today!
and that is basically everything i know about ryan ross’ life from the earliest facts i know to today! thank you for coming along on this crazy long ride with me and reading this giant mess. i’ll make those companion pieces here soon, so look out for those!
EDIT: Update!!!!! ryan posted this mere hours after i finished this because he likes to make my life harder (i’m mostly kidding, i love him so much)
his caption: “On all twos Makin tunes on toons”
EDIT NUMBER 2: i should have made an outline for these posts, jesus christ. i told you all in another post that the guitar ryan burned alive would be important later and then i never told you why. the why is because brendon still has it. yep, he has the guitar that ryan burned all the way back in the cabin/pretty. odd. era. how do we know this? oh, just because brendon put it in his literal house of memories. it’s fine, i’m not crying. (it’s not fine, i am crying) the house of memories is a vip thing for this tour where fans can go in and take pictures with a bunch of old panic! things, from the masks from fever era to stuff from the victorious video. i would kill to go.
1) (Robot?) Donnie handling a pretty awesome weapon!
2) Raph and his glorious beard. (He looks like he should be on Duck Dynasty or something lol)
3) Raph without his glorious beard.
4) A clearer shot of Robo D and the mystery character behind him! I figured it may be old Mikey- given the three fingers and toes. But now that I think about it- whoever they are, they're really skinny. Maybe too skinny to be Mikey.