the asshole club

Best Comedic Moments of IT (2017)
  • “Best feeling ever!” “Really? Try tickling your pickle for the first time”
  • New kid on the block Ben listening to New Kids on the Block (And making references to their songs and hanging up a poster that he tries to hide)
  • Bill trying to come up with a lie to Eddie’s mom about where they’re going and he goes “I got a new uhhhhh” and then Richie jumps in “A new croquet set!" 
  • Eddie going to kiss his mom goodbye and Richie going "Do you want one from me too Mrs. K?” as Eddie pushes him out the door
  • Pennywise calling Ben “Egg boy”
  • When they found Betty Ripson’s shoe in the sewers and Richie goes “How do you think Betty feels? Running around these tunnels with only one freaking shoe” while hopping up and down with one foot in the air 
  • “It’s in my second fanny pack” “Why do you have two fanny packs?!" 
  • When Eddie is dressing Ben’s cuts from Henry and Richie goes "You have to suck the wound before you apply the bandage, this is 101!” and Eddie just flat out replies “You don’t know what you’re talking about”
  • “The list is longer than my wang!” “That’s not saying much” Stan freaking roasting Richie 
  • The beautiful aesthetic shot of Bev jumping off the cliff with this soft pretty music playing in the background as Richie screams “WHAT THE FUCK”
  • Ben asking if they want to see more of his research about the missing kids and the history of Derry and Eddie violently shaking his head 
  • “Derry started as a beaver trapping camp” “Still is AM I RIGHT BOYS?” Richie going for a high five and getting REJECTED 
  • When Richie is put on lookout outside Bev’s apartment and asks “What if her dad comes back?” and Stan is just DONE and goes “Do what you always do: Start talking!" 
  • "Trash the trashmouth!" 
  • "The sink went all Eddie’s mom’s vagina”
  • When they’re all talking about their experiences with IT and Richie goes “Wait can only virgins see this stuff? Is that why I’m not seeing this shit?" 
  • When the losers saw Mike’s bike and all ran to help immediately and Stan took the extra three seconds to kick his bike stand down 
  • Richie yelling "ROCK WAR” and immediately getting hit in the face 
  • Richie trying to steal and play the horn from the marching band guy in the background during a serious scene 
  • “I saw a leper…… It was like a walking infection”
  • When Stan brings up the woman that IT transformed into for him and Richie just goes “Is she hot?”
  • When Bill asked who wants to stay out of Neibolt House to keep watch and everyone raised their hands (“Fuck” -Richie) 
  • “Can’t believe I pulled the short straw. You guys are lucky we’re not measuring dicks" 
  • Pennywise saying "Beep beep Richie” immediately before attacking him 
  • 3 doors labeled “Very scary” “Scary” and “Not scary at all” with Bill and Richie looking directly at each other before running to “Not scary at all”
  • After Eddie broke his arm and Richie went “I’m gonna snap it back into place!” and Eddie just yelled “Do not fucking touch me!”
  • “Who invited Molly Ringwald?”
  • When Richie yelled that Ben was leaking Hamburger Helper
  • “See that guy I’m hitting? I’m pretending it’s you” Richie while playing the arcade game when Bill came to talk to him after their fight 
  • When Eddie went to confront his mom about his meds being placebos “THEY’RE GAZEBOS! THEY’RE BULLSHIT!”
  • Richie trying to break the bottle against the railing so he has a weapon but then the entire thing just shattered
  • Pennywise’s weirdass dance 
  • “And now I’m gonna have to kill this fucking clown!” END MY LIFE BEST MOMENT OF THE MOVIE
  • “WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB, ASSHOLE!” RICHIE RIGHT BEFORE HITTING PENNYWISE WITH THE BASEBALL BAT
  • “I know what I’m doing for my summer experience essay” Richie right after the final confrontation with IT

Bill- Go. I’m the one who got you all into this. I’m s-s-sorry.. go!

Bev- Guys, we can’t.

Richie- I told you Bill. I fucking told you. I don’t wanna die. It’s your fault. You punched me in the face, you made me walk through shitty water, you brought me to a fucking crackhead house, and now… I’m gonna have to kill this fucking clown. WELCOME TO THE LOSERS CLUB ASSHOLE!

richie and eddie aren’t just “haha dick joke” and “shut the fuck up richie”. they’re late night phone calls when eddie is homebound after the neibolt house, they’re taking showers together just to spend more time closer to each other, they’re watching the sunrise after a hard night and falling asleep with their legs sprawled out all over the place. they’re date nights paid for by weeks of hard work around the house, they’re late night car rides around the town just to see each other, they’re kissing at the worst and best moments, they’re holding hands everywhere and wearing each other’s clothes on the daily. they’re trusting each other with their lives and communicating when something makes one of them uncomfrotable rather than keeping it inside. 

The Signs as Richie being an iconic little shit in the movie

Taurus: Who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?

Aries: Go blow your dad, you mullet wearing asshole!

Gemini: Can only virgins see this? Is that why I’m not seeing this shit?

Cancer: you punched me , made me walk through shitty water, dragged me through a crack house, and now…I’m gonna have to kill this clown. Welcome to the Losers Club, Asshole!

Leo: I’ll show you a staff infection!

Virgo: *yelling WHAT THE FUCK off screen*

Libra: This motherfucker is leaking hamburger helper!

Scorpio: I can’t believe I drew the short straw. You guys are lucky we’re not measuring dicks

Sagittarius: *to Stan* was she hot?

Capricorn: do you use the same bathroom as your mother? Then you probably have crabs

Aquarius: *to Beverly* more than what you showed us yesterday at the quarry?

Pisces: No, nothing cool about this at all…Oh, this is cool! Wait, no, no it’s not

Richie Tozier- unproblematic gay boi

- go blow your dad you mullet wearing asshole

- ROCK WAR

- welcome to the losers club, asshole

- can only virgins see this fucking clown?

- beep beep Richie

- did you want one from me too Mrs. Kaspbrak?

- do you know what staph infection is? / I’ll show you staph infection !

- look at this motherfucker! he’s leaking hamburger helper !

- is she hot? / no, she is not hot Richie !

- I’m glad I got to meet you before you died

- I heard the list was as long as my wang / that’s not saying much (Stan)

- are those birth control pills ? / yeah, I was saving them for your sister

- what’s gray water ? / it’s basically piss and shit

- doesn’t smell like caca to me señor !

- do you share the same bathroom as your mother?

CHARLOTTESVILLE REPORTBACK

From a comrade who was at Charlottesville:

Took me a couple days but it’s time.
To anyone who watched Cville from a far, I want to remind you of something.
What that coward did plowing into a crowd of people from the safety of his car and then retreating to safety was not only an act of cowardice but an act of desperation. With 95% of news reports focusing on the attack, there has been very little coverage of how the rest of the day went for the Nazis, so consider this a PSA.

Make no mistake, Charlottesville was an unconditional defeat for the Nazis and the Fash. The day started out with hundreds of Nazis occupying Emancipation Park fully outfitted in makeshift riot gear and surrounded by a contingent of right wing militia in full battle rattle. It ended with 700+ antifascist protestors marching on the final 70 Nazis that were stupid enough to not leave the city. Antifascist demonstrators, outnumbered close to 4 to 1, literally fought an uphill battle through a single choke point against an army of assholes with shields, clubs, and a seemingly endless supply of OC spray with little more than our fists and our flags. The Nazis said they were going to hold Emancipation park and we choked them with their words. Within an hour, the park belonged to Charlottesville again, and the Fash were on the run in all directions. On multiple occasions I saw groups of maybe 5 or 6 protestors chasing off groups of Nazis five to eight times their size.

Festivities began at probably around 930 or 10 and by 1130, the entirety of downtown Cville belonged to Charlottesville, thanks to all of the various groups and individuals that came out to defend it. Once victory in the park was assured and the Nazis completed their general retreat, packed into their church vans and got the fuck out of dodge, all of the Cville defenders regrouped, rehydrated, and answered a call to defend a small group of protestors from approximately 70 Fash that were harassing them. We stepped off by the hundreds and marched with impunity through downtown with cheering from the sidewalks and the cars. About a block away from where the attack occurred, the bloc with which I was a part of converged with another contingent of antifascist protestors, bringing our total number to AT LEAST 700 (I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it were closer to 1,000).

That’s when the Nazis pulled out their Trump card to try to win the day. This cowardly piece of shit who’s name doesn’t even deserve being written couldn’t cope with the fact that his little group of friends had fucking lost. They came out expecting Berkeley 2 and left in bandages and shame. When the left suffers a defeat, we sit with it, accept it, and learn from it, but these assholes can’t accept that their shitty ‘master race’ is one of utter inferiority and resort to attacking innocent people from the safety of 4,000 pounds of metal.

And even in such a moment of horror, we came out on top. Faced with a situation that none of us expected, street medics and medically trained protestors responded in seconds by the dozens. The following hours long minutes were filled with the greatest acts of compassion for comrades that I have ever witnessed. Medics stayed cool, calm, and collected while providing life saving interventions and preparing accurate and complete patient assessments. By the time EMS arrived, early interventions were mostly complete, and prepared assessments were given allowing triage to be completed accurately but with haste, so that EMS could immediately begin evacing and transporting patients to higher care. It’s a devastating shame that our comrade and fellow worker Heather Heyer had to give the ultimate sacrifice for a cause in which they believed, but I have no doubt that if it weren’t for the actions of the first responders, there would have been several others that would suffer the same fate.

So with that, I would like to conclude this poorly thought out piece of writing with this: Consider the victims of Saturday’s attack. They weren’t a small isolated group of protestors, nor were they in the middle or rear ranks of the bloc marching to the final showdown of the day. They were in the very front. Our comrades were going to be the first to tell the final Nazis that their bullshit isn’t going to stand; not in Cville, not on the East Coast, not in America, and not on the entire fucking planet. Every single one of them is a hero of the highest degree, and don’t fucking forget that. From here on out, we each need to strive to be where they were, to be the tip of the spear against the rise of fascism in this country. So next time you here of a gathering of fascists, be it five or five-hundred, show up. Show up for yourself, show up for all victims of fascism past, present, and future, and show up for Heather Heyer and all our comrades at the front who risked life and limb for our cause and the greater good.

Prior to Saturday, prominent neonazi Richard Spencer said that Charlottesville was going to be a turning point; that “people are going to speak in terms of 'before Charlottesville’ and 'after Charlottesville’”. Let’s show him exactly what that means.

BTW: a group of crows is called a Black Floc

Personal things I loved about It (2017)

  • Mike fucking up Henry Bowers (the movie theatre erupted with clapping no joke)
  • Pennywise’s weird little jig he did (idk if that was supposed to be scary or funny bc y'all know I was laughing my ass off)
  • Beverly in general she’s a goddess
  • BEN MY COTTAGE CHEESE <33
  • When Pennywise fucked up Patrick Hocketter (that shit was funny af)
  • How fucking adorable Georgie was ???
  • WhEN BILL KNEW IT WASNT GEORGIE I WAS SHOOK
  • The fact mike couldn’t kill the sheep (I called mike chocolate daddy throughout the movie my friend was hating me for it)
  • Every one of Ritchie’s joke about Eddie’s mom
  • Eddies mom in general (literally me ??)
  • How shook the theatre was when Pennywise haD FUCKING THIRTEEN ROWS OF TEETH WTF
  • The overall dedication and hard work they put into the movie it was wonderful
  • “If we stick together, all of us. We’ll win.”
  • “Welcome to the Loser’s Club asshole!”
  • How shook I was at literally every Beverly scene ??
  • STAN MY POOR BBY HIS FACE WAS GETTINGG EATEN I WAS QUAKING IN MY BOOTS
  • L O (S)V E R
  • When Bill found Georgie’s jacket (yeah I cried at that)
  • Me yelling ‘rip’ when anyone died
  • WHEN THE THEATRE WAS SCREAMING 'FUCK YEAH’ WHEN BEVERLY SHOVED THAT ROD DOWN PENNYWISE’S THROAT
  • Just the overall movie was amazing. Honestly I loved it (ps i stan Stan ;;))