the assassins guild

100 Player Challenges...
  1. Talk your way out of a bargain with a Fiend.
  2. Become leader of a thieves’ guild. 
  3. Negotiate peace between a town and a lizardfolk tribe. 
  4. Recover a stolen museum display, then steal it later for yourself. 
  5. Track down the kenku spymaster of the thieves’ guild. 
  6. Investigate a connection between city guards and a forgotten, nameless cult.
  7. Convince a lich to make a powerful magic item for you.
  8. Break into a noble’s heavily guarded mansion, just because you can. 
  9. Fly to a distant land and back again on the back of a roc.
  10. Forge an army of pixies, gnomes and halflings to attack the larger races. 
  11. Take a half-orc barbarian to the royal opera. 
  12. Join a rebellion you don’t care about for the sake of someone you love.
  13. Convince a group of fire elementals to take a trip to the elemental plane of water.
  14. Bring together lovers separated by their families.
  15. Explain to a mummy why you have a right to enter its tomb…
  16. Fake the assassination of a monarch you despise.
  17. Attend a ball in disguise without the use of magic.
  18. Distract the city watch so a gang fight can occur nearby…
  19. Convince a horde of goblins that you are Maglubiyet in mortal form…
  20. Smuggle a bored prince or princess out of the country. 
  21. Spy on and participate in a secret druid ritual.
  22. Pass a message to an inmate in a secure prison.
  23. Retrieve an artifact from the belly of a purple worm. 
  24. Lead a group of drow to the surface so they can raid. 
  25. Prevent a tyrant from coming to power. 
  26. Place a simple commoner on the throne. 
  27. Convince a wizard that his or her magic has stopped working. 
  28. Track down a mortally wounded ranger’s dead animal companion to bury with them.
  29. Peacefully get a wing of gargoyles to leave a castle. 
  30. Infiltrate and expose a were-rat den that the city guards don’t believe exists. 
  31. Tame Thunderhoof, prince of the centaurs.
  32. Start a thieves’ guild to compete with an existing one.
  33. Wrangle a panicking owlbear out of a crowded city.
  34. Reunite a half-orc with the parent who didn’t raise them.
  35. Convince dwarf miners to unearth an ancient creature of devastation.
  36. Kill a sorcerer before they can cast a single spell. 
  37. Ambush the tax shipment of an evil empire. 
  38. Convert a cleric to a different faith and domain.
  39. Break a popular rebel out of prison. 
  40. Find the answer to a question said to be impossible to discern.
  41. Make a false claim to the imperial throne. 
  42. Convince rival gangs to join together to form a larger thieves’ guild. 
  43. Convince a slaver to free a valuable captive. 
  44. Free a condemned prisoner from the gallows, in the midst of a mass hanging.
  45. Capture a tyrannosaurus for a wealthy city zoo. 
  46. Bring a militant druid into the largest city. 
  47. Perpetrate a con on a devil, raksasha, or yugoloth. 
  48. Defeat an elf in an archery contest by cheating.
  49. Reveal the doppelganger hiding in the city senate. 
  50. Ride a wild and untamed chromatic dragon into the center of the continent’s largest city.
  51. Escape a deserted island. 
  52. Jump from an airship in mid-flight, with no way of a safe landing…
  53. Convince a paladin to keep an illegal or immoral secret. 
  54. Stop a group of city leaders from opening a portal to the Far Realm. 
  55. Purchase a cloud giant’s flying castle without gold, gems, or magic items. 
  56. Become the leader of an assassins’ guild by assassinating the lead assassin.
  57. Befriend a tarrasque.
  58. Convince a red dragon to give up a piece of its hoard.
  59. Learn the location of a lost vault from a greedy ghost. 
  60. Deliver a love letter from a surface dweller to a drow in a subterranean city. 
  61. Compel a reluctant cleric to return a lost friend to life.
  62. Sing an insulting song about the king to his face—and live to tell about it.
  63. Raise funds from a gold dragon to start a thieves’ guild. 
  64. Break into the royal bedroom of the queen or princess, and plant a letter, offering her a job at a local brothel.
  65. Convince a dragon turtle that the water it swims in is poisonous.
  66. Uncover who is sending death threats to a hated public official. 
  67. Bargain for passage through a dragon’s domain.
  68. Kidnap a wizard’s familiar and hold it for ransom. 
  69. Take a mistakenly teleported merfolk back to a distant ocean in less than a day. 
  70. Convince a barbarian that they are really a sorcerer who can cast powerful spells.
  71. Insult an entire army of orcs…
  72. Stop a vigilante from killing thieves’ guild members. 
  73. “Borrow” a hag’s eye from a coven of hags. 
  74. Expose the beloved mayor as an evil cultist slowly poisoning the populace. 
  75. Compel a planetar and a pit fiend to work together against a legion of demons.
  76. Join a temple of faith, in order to spy on another temple. 
  77. Track the source of a crime spree back to an archfey.
  78. Put a weak and dying wizard on the throne of a barbarian kingdom and keep them there. 
  79. Join an order of wizards, without being able to cast spells. 
  80. Disguise a wealthy merchant as a beggar, to let them watch customers in the market.
  81. Convince deep gnomes, drow, and duergar to co-operate in opening the lost Vault Beneath the Mountain. 
  82. Infiltrate a drow city to assassinate a svirfneblin traitor. 
  83. “Accidentally” cause the death of a world-renowned mage.
  84. Forge a strike force of half-elves who report directly to you, their new king.
  85. Convince a treant to leave the forest it has occupied for centuries. 
  86. Destroy a thieves’ guild. 
  87. Win a fighting tournament using a weapon you’re not proficient with.
  88. Assassinate an imprisoned assassin. Make it look like it’s not a murder.
  89. Hug, kiss and then kill a well-loved noble.
  90. Hunt down a thief and bring him to a wizards’ guild for justice. 
  91. Steal the sacred scrolls of a clan of ninjas. 
  92. Smuggle a vampire into a city in broad daylight, without using stealth or magic.
  93. Use your soul as a bargaining chip in a deal with a devil.
  94. Broker a peace agreement between dwarves and orcs, then immediately break that agreement.
  95. Explore the burial city of the elvish royals.
  96. Convince a githyanki and a githzerai that they are destined to be married.
  97. Back out of a bargain with a powerful crime syndicate—and survive. 
  98. Bring a choir of harpies to sing at a bards’ college. 
  99. Persuade a red dragon to become a dracolich. 
  100. Convince a devil to break its own contract. 
4

Michael Fassbender attends the 2017 Directors Guild Awards in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles, on the 4th February 2017.

Are you telling us that Ankh-Morpork is bankrupt?” said Downey.
“Of course. While, at the same time, full of rich people.
—  Terry Pratchett - Jingo
youtube

So the Assassins’ Guild offers dance and deportment and I am 110% convinced it’s basically just Discworld version of Georgian sword dancing. 

So you’re welcome for the mental image of Vetinari and Downey hacking away at each other whilst dancing. 

I need more gameing blogs to follow!!!

If you post about:

Elder Scrolls
Assassin’s Creed
Guild Wars 2
Horizon Zero Dawn
Subnautica
Horror games
Pretty/art style centered games
CLASSIC Tomb Raider games
PS1/PS2 era games
Video game fan art/concept art
Gameing easthetic

Just fuckin video games, man.

Please like or reblog and I will check you out!

“We certainly could do with [a loan],” said Lord Vetinari. “We need the money. I was about to say that we cannot afford mercenaries.”

“How can this be?” said Lord Downey. “Don’t we pay our taxes?”

“Ah, I thought it might come to that,” said Lord Vetinari. He raised his hand and on cue again, his clerk placed a piece of paper in it. “Let me see now…ah yes. Guild of Assassins…gross earnings in the last year: AM$13,207,408. Taxes paid in the last year: forty-seven dollars, twenty-two pence and what on examination turned out to be a Hershebian half-dong, worth one-eighth of a penny.”

“That’s all perfectly legal! The Guild of Accountants-”

“Ah, yes. Guild of Accountants: gross earnings: AM$7,999,011. Taxes paid: nil. But, ah yes, I see they applied for a rebate of AM$200,000.”

“And what we received, I may say, included a Hershebian half-dong,” said Mr. Frostrip of the Guild of Accountants. 

“What goes around comes around,“ said Vetinari calmly. He tossed the paper aside. "Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo." 

 "Are you telling us that Ankh-Morpork is bankrupt?” said Downey. 

 "Of course. While, at the same time, full of rich people. I trust they have been spending their good fortune on swords.“

 - ‘Jingo’ by Sir Terry Pratchett

Klance Recs #3

Tidal by  noero ( PG-13, 1.6k)

Summary: Although Keith may not consider himself a theorist, he figures the impulse that fuels his own inertia is the only force that can stop Lance’s aimless velocity. They just fit. Far be it from him question the laws of nature. [Pining!Keith]


String Theory 
by noero (NC-17, 4.3k)

Summary: The prospect of piloting the Red Lion had excited Lance at first, even if the mere thought of abandoning the Blue Lion made him uneasy. In hindsight, that should have been his first clue that something was bound to go wrong. Omnipresent robot lions were usually right about these things. [Soulbond, Black Paladin!Keith]


Intermezzo 
by noero (NC-17, 3.2k)

Summary: Their relationship had always been backward like that, needing to turn left before they turn right. They go up just so they can come back down and one step forward for every two steps back. They’d been running in circles so long that they skid the turn when they try to stop. Everything is urgent and feverish.

Alternately, the one in which Lance is handsy and Keith just really wants to kiss him. [Friends With Benefits] 


Pendulum 
by noero (NC-17, 5.2k)

Summary: The funny thing about falling for someone is you don’t even realize you’re falling until you hit the ground.

It just happens that when Lance falls, he hits hard.


Best Laid Plans 
by agrestenoir + ErinNovelist (PG-13, 2.5k)

Summary: “If by dream, you mean your worst nightmare, then yes, sweet Paladin.” Lotor’s voice was soft and saccharine as he crept closer Lance, lips pulling into a twisted, cruel smile. “I am the vengeance my father seeks, the fear you feel in the nights, I am—”

“Batman,” Lance whispered.

“Lance,” Keith whispered. “Please don’t antagonize Zarkon’s son.”

Or: Lance and Keith get captured. Lotor is a Diva. There’s kissing, and somehow they escape too, but who’s really here for that?


Entangled 
by mackerelmademedoit (R, 101.8k)

Summary: When Keith found himself mentally linked to Lance of all people, he never thought that it would end in anything but irritation and misery on both sides. He certainly never imagined that it would be a useful asset in team Voltron’s fight against the Galra Empire. Now if he can just keep his feelings in check, they might actually have a chance at defeating Zarkon.

Needless to say, when he’d wished for a ‘bonding moment’ with Lance, this wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind. [Mental Link/Soul Bond]


pepsicola 
by corydalis (PG-13, 10.3k)

Summary: It starts like this: Lance looking up at the scoreboard only a few days into his Garrison training and muttering to himself, “What the hell kind of a name is Keith?”

Or, Keith and Lance fall in love. Eventually.
DAY 2: love // hate [Enemies to Friends to Lovers]


Like Devo 
by surveycorpsjean (NC-17, 8.3k)

Summary: As rival jammers, they’re rough, skating around the rink, giving bruises, bloody noses, broken ribs and snapped fingers-

But when the cops show up, Keith grabs his hand and yanks Lance into the storm drain.

And thats how they start dating. [Roller Derby AU] 


Crossroads 
by manamune (Light R, 106.8k)

Summary: When Keith crashed his Lion into a Galra warship in order to stop it from destroying a solar system, and more importantly, his friends, he was fully prepared to die for it.

What he didn’t prepare for was to wake up in an alternate universe where he and Lance were dating. [Time Travel/Alternate Dimension]


electromagnetic 
by seabear (PG, 25k)

Summary: Lance spends a lot of time wondering about his place in the universe. And his place with Keith. Oh, also there’s a heist and some fake dating. [Heist, Fake Out Make Out]


The Outfield 
by EdgarAllenPoet (R, 22.9k, WIP)

Summary: "The first time Lance meets Keith, Rihanna’s “S&M” is playing in the background, which Lance thinks is incredibly ironic considering where they are. Also, Keith’s naked.“ [BDSM AU, Safe; Sane; Consensual, WIP]


equations for a falling body 
by csoru (R, 25k)

Summary: “So, good news,” says Lance, voice a little strangled. “I seriously doubt that’s a killer neurotoxin. Or knockout gas.”

(Keith, Lance, an alien drug and an enclosed space, and what happens after.) [WARNINGS: Non-con drug use, non-con branding, dubcon]


Shut Up and Dance With Me 
by wittyy_name (R, 132k, WIP)

Summary: Lance and his friends have been regulars at the Altea Dance Studio for years. Not just for classes, but to hang out, practice, and spend time with good people who love dancing. Every year, they audition to be one of the few representing Altea at the regional dance competition. Lance always auditions solo, but this year he misses out on auditions and blows his chance to participate. And so does his self-proclaimed rival, Keith.

Luckily, Shiro comes up with a brilliant plan: convince Lance and Keith to audition as a duo.

With a little convincing, and a lot of effort, these two might just be able to pull it off and go to regionals… or they might crash and burn. [Dancer AU]


Trouble’s Making Everything All Right by Mytay (R, 44.4k, WIP Series)

Summary: Two Paladins become two rough and tumble mercenaries, donning their leather coats and gun holsters, righting wrongs (while committing a few heists of their own), and fighting to get off this bleak, crime-filled planet.

Also known as Lance and Keith’s Space Cowboy Adventures. [Space Cowboys, Canon Divergence, WIP Series]


Far Away From Nothing 
by Ikira (NC-17, 12.5k)

Summary: When Lance is the last of the paladins to be recovered after their separation through the corrupted wormhole, everyone is a little concerned for him, considering how much Lance likes to be around people. Surprisingly, Keith seems to be the most concerned of all.

But that concern quickly shifts to flustered preoccupation when Keith finally finds Lance and discovers that his time living on an uninhabited jungle planet have wrought some changes in the Blue Paladin. Some really nice changes. Turns out there are no barbers or hair stylists in the jungle, and Keith? Is unexpectedly okay with this. Really okay with this. Oh boy. [Hair Kink? Hair Length Kink?]


The Games We Play 
by Lys ap Adin (lysapadin) (NC-17, 3k)

Summary: Lance likes games.

Through a lot of trial and error, this is what Keith has learned: the more random and casual Lance is being, the closer Keith needs to be listening, because it means Lance is trying to tell him something important. [BDSM]


From the Ruins, We shall Rise 
by (R, 18k, WIP)

Summary: This is a tale of two countries finding peace, a tale of a jealous emperor, and a tale of how a team was put together to save these two countries from their doom.

The kingdom of Altea seeks peace with its Galran Empire neighbor, but the tyrannic Emperor Zarkon refuses to let Altea flourish while his turns to sand. It takes a prince, a general, a hitman, an inventor, a smith, and a guild of assassins to ensure that peace will reign throughout the continent of Cygnus. [Dragon Riders/Fantasy AU]


Burnout
 by lovetheinkstains (R, 12k, WIP)

Summary: Keith has a death wish and his entire department knows it.
Running back into the flames of cleared buildings as if he’s looking for a way to die a hero.
The way his detective friend did.
But the EMT with the pretty blue eyes hasn’t given up on him just yet.
And oddly enough… neither has the dead detective… [Firefighter/EMT AU, Mystery, WIP]


Touchdown
 by InsominiacArrest (NC-17, 4.6k)

Summary: Lance starts to get hot and bothered by the fact Keith sometimes gives out congratulatory ass slaps, and it becomes an issue when they start dating and it’s hard for Lance to ask for what he wants. [Spanking]


from the mouths of liars 
bycsoru (NC-17, 7k)

Summary: “Dude,” says Lance — foolishly, because it means he has to breathe and now if they get sucked out into the vacuum of space, he’ll suffocate — “Are you mutating? Is this going to be the kind of deal where you get all messed up and turn into a horrible monster?” [Galra!Keith, Friends With Benefits, WARNINGS: slightly dark fic, Dom/sub undertones, body horror, consent issues and not entirely healthy relationship, under negotiated kink]

“Dear Mr. Lipwig,
I feel that you are a dear, sweet man who will look after my little Mr. Fusspot. Please be kind to him. He has been my only friend in difficult times. Money is such a crude thing in these circumstances, but the sum of $20,000 annually will be paid to you (in arrears) for performing this duty, which I beg you to accept.

If you do not, or if he dies of unnatural causes, your arse will belong to the Guild of Assassins. $100,000 is lodged with Lord Downey, and his young gentlemen will hunt you down and gut you like the weasel you are, Smart Boy!

May the gods bless you for your kindness to a widow in distress.”
- Mrs. Topsy Lavish

He hadn’t had much experience with the rich and powerful. Coppers didn’t, as a rule. It wasn’t that they were less prone to commit crimes, it was just that the crimes they committed tended to be so far above the normal level of criminality that they were beyond the reach of men with bad boots and rusting mail. Owning a hundred slum properties wasn’t a crime, although living in one was, almost. Being an Assassin–the Guild never actually said so, but an important qualification was being the son or daughter of a gentleman–wasn’t a crime. If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes.
—  Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms
The Dark Brotherhood

There is a guild of assassins that operates across Tamriel known as the Dark Brotherhood. Some believe them to be a myth, while others know and fear them greatly. They kill in the name of the Night Mother and the Dread Father Sithis. The Night Mother was the wife of Sithis, who bore him five children, and sacrificed each in his name. She now leads the Dark Brotherhood in spirit form. Sithis is considered the same being as Padomay, also known as the Void, the Darkness, or the primordial force of change–one of two beings who created everything that is.

(a symbol of Sithis)

The Brotherhood is run by the Black Hand, with four Speakers as the four fingers, and the Listener as the thumb. Anyone in Tamriel who wants someone dead, but doesn’t feel up to doing the dirty work can pray to the Night Mother with their murderous wish. The Night Mother communicates to the Listener, who in turn communicates to the Speakers. The Speakers then decide how to carry out the Night Mother’s word. Each Speaker has their own Silencer, who kill as directed and without question. Silencers are considered the nails or claws on the Black Hand.

(the Black Sacrament, a ritual to call upon the Night Mother)

Like any guild, there are a set of rules, known as the Five Tenets, that the Brotherhood follow. They are:

  • Tenet 1: Never dishonor the Night Mother. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.
  • Tenet 2: Never betray the Dark Brotherhood or its secrets. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.
  • Tenet 3: Never disobey or refuse to carry out an order from a Dark Brotherhood superior. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.
  • Tenet 4: Never steal the possessions of a Dark Brother or Dark Sister. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.
  • Tenet 5: Never kill a Dark Brother or Dark Sister. To do so is to invoke the Wrath of Sithis.

It is similar to a religion or a cult in the way they worship Sithis and follow the Night Mother, but the impelling factor linking all Dark Brotherhood members together is their fascination and love for killing. One may be recruited as a Dark Brother or Sister if the Brotherhood becomes aware of one’s murderous nature. It is not uncommon to receive a mysterious letter or be visited in the night by a shadowy figure after killing an innocent in Tamriel. The Brotherhood sees all.

(a mysterious note)

10

some wind down doodles from the past few days, all to varying degrees crossing over Mob Psycho 100 and Discworld, and most from the AU we’ve been discussing with @fireflysummers (read about it here and here)!! Featuring: more Mob bonding with swamp dragons, Reigen and headology, Small God Dimple, Teru - half elf and most prominent pupil of the Assassins Guild (at least until he encounters Mob during a test assignment aimed at a member of the Vimes’ family), and Reigen and Death of Discworld as drinking buddies.

Sometimes I think about the Origins LIs and I feel like crying

Alistair, who was brought up considered a mistake - the Kings bastard, nothing but a shameful accident jeopardising the true heir’s position and Maric’s reputation - made to sleep in the kennels with the dogs, cast aside and given to the Chantry where he can’t make trouble. Shunned by nobles, mocked by commoners. Nobody ever noticing him except when convenient - nobody except Duncan, and Duncan isn’t here anymore.

Leliana, recovering from betrayal. The realisation that every loving smile, every kiss and soft touch traded between herself and the woman she loved with all her heart - the woman she dedicated her life to, the woman she would have killed for, died for - was nothing but a lie. That for all Marjolaine meant to her, to Marjolaine she meant nothing.

Morrigan who was raised to believe love and goodness to be pretty lies, to see deceit and hatred everywhere, in everyone. Never viewed with anything but suspicion, hostility and at best hollow, meaningless lust from shallow men. Love is a lie and a weakness, only survival matters. Only power matters. The loneliness she feels is a weakness she doesn’t need, and she’s learnt to ignore how it aches.

Zevran, raised in a brothel where love is an illusion sold for coin. Sold on the slave market at seven to a guild of assassins who spent the rest of his training trying to break whatever love was left in him. Never having true loves or friendships, because how can you love anybody when you’re waiting for them to plunge a knife into your back? The only woman who loved him is dead (his fault) and he’s left with the hollow truth - she meant nothing. He means nothing.

And then comes the Warden.
And Alistair finally has somebody who values him as more than Maric’s bastard son, who values who he is and what he wants, a woman mad and wonderful enough to look at the goofy wise-cracking idiot and go “yep, I love him.”
Leliana finally has somebody who will return the gentle words and gestures with everything they have, because finally she means as much to her love as they do to her.
Morrigan finally meeting a person willing to accept her wholly and completely, not cowed or full of fear and hatred for her power, but somebody who respects her. A man who views her not as some object of lust he can tame, but something far more. Love can be a power too.
Zevran finally has somebody he can trust completely, somebody he can be safe with (safe to love, he didn’t even know that was possible). He has somebody who looks at him like he’s worth something. As though in their eyes he’s worth the entire world.

I have feelings