we, a $$nonprofit organi$ation$$$ $trive to $upply high$chool $tudents with an opportunity for high-level educa$ion and $ucce$$ in college admittan$e with our $AT and AP Cour$es $$$$$$$$$$
You open the test booklet. The first page is formulas. The second page is formulas. They’re all formulas. You can’t find the questions. Everyone around you is diligently working. You flip through the booklet but all of it is formulas. They consume you.
“Close your booklet and stop working.” Pencils sound as they hit the desk. Time is called. Time doesn’t answer. Where is it? It is lost. You are all lost.
You are told to seal the multiple choice question booklet. The white labels don’t fit properly in the designated sections. None of this fits. You may never discuss these questions. They no longer exist. They never existed. Ryan tried to fight back. They drag him away. Ryan never existed either.
The test references AP students in it. Haha. The test is very funny. Laugh. College Board wants you to laugh. College Board just wants to be friends. College Board is very friendly. College Board beckons you closer. Closer. They are very funny. L A U G H
You may only use black or blue ink. Your pen breaks. The ink spills everywhere. Milky black liquid falls over everything you knew and loved. The College Board confiscates it. “How can we accurately assess your skills without gathering all your materials?” They smile. You never noticed they had so many teeth before.
The proctor reads the instructions and you begin writing. The proctors circle you. They lean over your test and make disapproving noises. They are hunting. They pick out the weak. You will be next.
Actual Things That Appeared on the AP Language Test
-Everything you do affects history
-“Abandoning Capitalism for Socialism will alleviate struggle”
-A girl’s mom marched with birth control advocate Margaret Sanger and called herself a communist
-The toxic effects of “advanced capitalism”
-libraries are the center of democracy and protect minorities
-Journalists sacrificing journalistic integrity AKA fake news
-ARTIFICE IN POLITICS AKA DONALD TRUMP IS A LIAR EVERYONE IS LYING THE TRUTH DOESNT EXIST
I think this really needs to be said to all the high schoolers freaking out about AP exams, SAT scores, and ACT scores. Hell, even to those who are applying/applied to colleges or other things. The number that you end up reading off the collegeboard site does not determine your worth. The number that you end up reading off the collegeboard site does not determine how smart you are. The number that you end up reading off the collegeboard site does not determine your future. Only you, as a person, can determine that. I know it’s hard, I’m still in high school too. But I think you guys need to, have to, know that even if you get all A’s and a 1450+ (or 2200+) on the SAT that it doesn’t automatically guarantee you a job. You could end up going to Stanford, MIT, or Harvard but end up in a bad place. The school you end up going to doesn’t necessarily grant you a job either. Okay, yes, it makes it a little bit easier but either way, you’re going to have to work hard for everything to get where you want. All of you are so much more important than some score or letter grade. Y’all are gonna do great, as long as you have the passion and drive to work for it. Having straight A’s and perfect scores does not mean you will survive in the real world. Now, this isn’t a way to make you feel better or myself (since I’m not a straight A student either) about all of this because honestly it’s all so true.
Good luck on your AP exams and everything else though. :) You guys got this.