the anything everything and nothing

A new life!

Long hiatus and no one noticed lol

I live with my partner now in a new home, my baby born 15 days ago and i almost died for some medical negligence. How everything happend?? let’s begin! xD

The doctors had to induce my labor at week 38 because i got gestational diabetes u.u they tried everything but i did do not dilate so they resorted to cesarean… so after my cesarean I was unconscious for 12 hours because the doctors applied general anesthesia in me when I was sick with flu which made my lungs collapse. I do not remember anything at all, i was nothing for a moment~ no dreams, everything was just white…

After all of that the next days were a total torture! i was full medicated and I could not even get up to go to the bathroom!! fully connected, oxygen, serum, pulse meter, and an horrible urine catheter…everyday was horrible!! a lot of medicine and injections… and worst of all THEY DID NOT LET ME SEE MY BABY!! totally alone, until the visits had no news of me and I could not see anyone… I did not even have notion of time, so I would lie if I said until when they let me see my family and my baby …

I received a lot of obstetric violence that I do not want to remember, but now im happy that everything is fine in my new home and with my baby! ♥

Here is my baby boy Galen!♥

The signs as lovers

Aries: the daredevil.
They’ll fight for you and protect you, but be direct, upfront and adventurous. The type to go to a festival and fuck you in the car, but also spoil and be jealous. Sometimes lacks the ability to slow down but means the best. Demanding.

Taurus: the comforter.
Provides emotional stability and comfort. Super supportive. They’re very sensual, and find comfort in giving to their partner. Bad day? Let’s have slow sweet sex. Loyal.

Gemini: the free spirit.
Doesn’t want to feel tied down. Wants a person to do whatever with them: sleep, go on drives, have witty conversation, watch Netflix, doesn’t matter. They want to feel like they’re with their best friend and not be smothered, but they’re curious and will never want to stop learning about you. Expressive.

Cancer: the over feeler.
They’re very loyal but demand a lot, bringing security, love and care. They pay attention and want security, but also to be allowed to care for you. Mothering.

Leo: the show off.
Wants to go out and show you off. They want to feel wanted and be able to brag about your relationship. They’re warm and loyal in a relationship but can be self centered. Sometimes they forget the give, in give and take. They’re very physical and sex is very important. Needy.

Virgo: the submissive.
will act tough and sassy but truth is: they probably need you. will move the earth to make you happy, do anything you ask at the drop of a hat. You will never have to question if they love you, not when they’re being sarcastic, not when they’re expressing themselves to you. Never. Extremely submissive in bed, but also very kinky. Will give themselves to you over and over again.

Libra: the romantic.
Cute dates and long cuddles. Slow kissing, laughter and class are how they love. They nurture but never stop courting you. Will bring you flowers every anniversary for the rest of your life. Givers in bed. They get screwed over a lot due to their trusting and loving nature. Hopeless.

Scorpio: the psycho.
Passionate and quiet. Their love is like a silent storm that rains over you and only you. You will never have to worry about them leaving if they truly love you. They’re jealous and controlling though, sex will always be them in control.

Sagittarius: the all or nothing.
They will never do anything half way. It’s everything or you get nothing. They’re a confusing mix of serious and lighthearted- forward and passive aggressive. Intense, and experimental.

Capricorn: the rock.
They’re funny and sarcastic but they’re solid, they want you to see what good there is in dating them. They’re both givers and takers and not push overs but will have a soft spot for you. Practical.

Aquarius: the rebel.
Notorious for being detached, Aqua will impress you by slowly opening up. They’ll want to get into all sorts of trouble with you, and they’ll slowly become your best friend. They’re interesting and quirky and will give stimulating conversations, passionate kisses, little kisses and lots of diverse sex. Once they have you they’ll never want to let go.

Pisces: the dreamer.
Softhearted and starry eyed, they will think the world of you, while building a world with you. They’re sweet and genuine and creative. Never stop romanticizing you. They’re old souls with the stars in their eyes when they look at you.

Pairing: Dean/Cas
Length: 2.5k
Tags: Fluff, Mild Angst, Pining, First Kiss, Canon Divergent
 
Read on AO3

A special thank you to @braezenkitty for being my awesome beta <3

“You just gotta get laid,” Dean said, reseating the burger beside the pile of fries on his plate, this time with a big bite missing. “Or a decent kiss, at least.”

He crumbled a napkin between greasy fingers, tossed it to the middle of the table. Shoved his shirtsleeves up one more time as he tucked his black fed tie under the table ledge and away from the plate. “It’d loosen you up, buddy. And maybe you’d quit tryna live vicariously through horny eighteen-year-olds.”

This was because of the door-to-door canvas. The couple at the park who’d been all over each other, that Castiel hadn’t been able to stop looking at—even after the old, blue-haired lady at 512 Bakersfield Court had made a comment. “Your partner likes to stare…” like she’d never in her seventy-five years of life seen someone curious about such a thing.

If only that was the first time I heard it, too,” Dean’d smiled back from her stoop, the sharp sun cooking them both in the stuffy Tennessee heat. A marked jab to Cas’ ribs, and a walk to the nearest pub later, and Dean was bringing it up again, because, of course he was. Why talk about the case?

“I only glanced at the couple in the park,” Cas sighed. “It’s not a recurring issue. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Dean laughed, lipped his beer bottle, and took a stout drink. “Sure,” he said. “Glanced at them. Glanced at those girls holding hands last week—though, I’ll give ya that one. I gave ‘em a couple once-overs too.”

“Dean—”

“Point is, it ain’t the first time, and you’re a damn liar.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “My being, or not being with people has nothing to do with anything—”

“Has everything to do with everything when you’re touch-starved.”

“I’m not starved. I’ve been… touched.”

Dean scoffed, swirled his beer bottle. “Sure, if you wanna count Reaper-Fools-Day.”

“I’ve kissed more people than April,” Cas bristled back. “How about we talk about what you know of touch starved instead?”

Dean snapped shut, cocked his head as a follow-up comment seemed to slip from his mouth quick. He replaced the words with a couple fries and averted eyes. “Fine,” he relented around the bite. “And?”

“And… What?”

He looked back up, eyebrows jumping. “Were they any good?”

“Who? The people?”

“The kissing, idiot. Was the kissing any good?”

Cas’ heart flopped. He slipped a hand down his beer bottle, and then back up again nervously. The motion pulled Dean’s attention in a glance, so Cas tucked the rogue thing back onto his lap instead. Fingers lacing together under the shelter of the slick waxed top where no one could see. “I don’t know. Yes?” he offered carefully.

“Are you tellin’ me, or askin’ me right now?”

“No—I mean… ” Cas cleared his throat, shifted in his chair, and listened to the wood slats groan. “They were fine. They were… wet.”

“Wet?” Dean repeated. “Cas, wet is how you describe a swimming pool… Oregon in the winter, maybe… Not a kiss. Never a good kiss.”

“Then how should I describe it?”

“No, I mean… if they were wet, then they were wet—”

“No, please. You tell me.”

Dean’s face suddenly fell wide in mock innocence. “What? You want me to describe a good kiss to you right now? In the middle of a restaurant.”

“If wet is insufficient—”

“Oh, yeah. It’s like, miles of not-sufficient-ness, dude.”

Cas chewed a smile down and gestured Dean’s way. Crossed his arms, and sat back. He watched Dean waffle before finally sliding back in his chair to think. He splayed wide, elbows up on the armrests and knees hugging the corners. His face caught the dim overhead lights, and the sun-kissed healthy pink of his skin shone back like warm earth.

He had white in the creases beside his eyes where his smile lines had shaded him from the harsh afternoon sun. A little cut of tan at the bridge of his nose where his sunglasses sat after he’d gotten sick of squinting through the reflections of every bright midday door.

“Okay, it’s like this,” he said finally, tapping an erratic finger on the neck of his bottle, and pausing to worry his lip. “A kiss is a kiss is a kiss, til it ain’t. If you’re with the right person, then the tension between you’s gonna be thick enough to cut. It’s gonna feel like you’ve got a firecracker in your gut, and that other person’s just flicking the Bic. The minute the two of you kiss, the fuse lights. That bastard explosive rips up through your chest, and pops behind your eyes, and I’m talking—screw seeing colors at that point—you’ll be so wrecked, you’ll know what they sound like.

Castiel smiled as Dean came back in with a languid look, and a tongue tip between his teeth. He peeled forward, hovering over the table, so much closer than before, that there was only the dragging smell of his burger all tangled up in his woody cologne for Cas to breathe.

“That’s a good kiss,” he said slowly, and maybe it was Castiel’s imagination, but the sun kiss on Dean’s cheeks had spread to his ears now. “Sounds good, don’t it?”

“It sounds very good,” Castiel agreed. “Very surreal.”

Dean let a long, animated sigh into the room and it mixed happy with the gentle murmur of the busy forks and glasses around them. “Oh, it’s very real,” he said. “Just not very common.”

He poked absently at the pile of cooling fries, and sucked the salt from the end of his finger. The gorgeous smacking sound it made curled red ribbons in Cas’ stomach. “Still, you find someone who’ll give you that, and it’s the kinda thing that’ll right some wrongs. Know what I mean?”

Cas took a long drink, smile falling as the carbonation from his beer prickled reality back into his tongue. “Sure,” he said quietly. “I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Dean’s mouth thinned, and his eyes ping-ponged away uneasy. He tailed and tacked down the waitress, kept locked on her as she floated behind the counter poking something into the mounted LED screen beside the register. “Doesn’t that rub you, though?” he asked, “not knowing for yourself. Don’t you… want that with somebody?”

Cas puffed surprised, and his mouth went dry. Try as he might, the beer wouldn’t wet it. “I mean, yes…” he said earnestly, and the admission ate holes in his stomach.

“Then… how come you ignore all the waitresses I send your way? You’re never gonna get it if you don’t even try.”

Cas was suddenly, and shamefully aware of his attention at Dean’s lips, and when Dean snagged a glance at him, Cas tore his eyes away, shoved them onto the table instead. Focused everything he had on the bleed of condensation below the cool, brown bottle to his left.

“Those people wouldn’t change anything,” he said to the ring. “Colors were never meant to make sounds for some.”

Dean fidgeted the fries again, finally pushed them aside, and brushed the salt off his hand this time instead of eating it. “I guess we better head out,” he said, flagging the waitress. “Sam’s waiting.”


They paid, and headed back out into the melty summer heat. It was sunset, but the air was still laying in the city thick as a wool blanket. Shadows stretched through the streets like plastic-capped Halloween fingers, crowding up in the alleyways and turns, painting the dingy brick walls black.

Cas flared his coat to check his back pocket for his wallet as they passed a couple people with hungry eyes, but just as quickly remembered that he’d dropped his last twenty for the meal, and let the impulse to feed them drift out. Still, he welcomed the brief breeze it gave him, and he wondered if maybe it was getting time to rethink the coat. Grace or not, he seemed to be touchier to the temperatures these days, and it was starting to seem like wardrobe was becoming more important—practically speaking.

Dean shed his own suit coat as if he’d just read Castiel’s mind, and slung it over his shoulder with a hooked finger. His shirtsleeves were still shoved up to his elbows under the blazer, as if he’d put it on after dinner, distracted. “Nothing fancy,” he murmured to his feet.

“Pardon?”

“Hmm—?” He looked over quick, eyes wide, before blinking them back down. “What?”

“I just didn’t catch what you said.”

Dean shook his head. “I didn’t—” But when Cas frowned, opened his mouth to contest, Dean relented. “Oh, you mean the, uh, thing I said out loud…” He cleared his throat, added “apparently” under his breath, and slowed down for some oncoming foot traffic.

“I was just thinking about the, uh, Nichols’ story,” he said, temporarily falling in line behind Cas as a group of people passed. He touched the small of Cas’ back out of nowhere, and kept his hand there. Cas’ chest snagged. “The alibi Brent was peddling didn’t feel right.” His voice was soft in Cas’ ear, almost breathy—but brief, and when he pulled up beside Cas again, sidewalk clear, Cas grabbed a shaky glance, but Dean wasn’t watching.

“You, uh, think they have something to do with the black magic we’re seeing?” Cas asked, and his voice managed to pour out level, despite his stomach coming off that quick rollercoaster dip.

“I mean, the house was a little much for a twenty-hour a week gas-slinging gig at the local area Gas n’ Sip, don’t you think?”

It was the most they’d talked about the case all day.

“Fancy,” Cas reiterated, then, “I certainly never would’ve been able to afford that place when I worked there.” For some reason, the comment pulled Dean tight at the joints. “But I couldn’t even afford hourly motels.”

“Well… the hourlies charge more.”

Cas frowned again, started to ask why when Dean squirmed past it. “But, you’re right,” he said. “Doesn’t add up no matter how you flip the numbers.”

“So, do you suspect they’re the source of the black magic, or victims of it?”

They hopped down the curb, checking the way for traffic, and ended up on the grassy side of Spring Street, just down from their motel. Dean popped a piece of gum in his mouth, balled the wrapper, and stuck it back in his pocket instead of tossing it away.

“I suspect there’s something screwy going on,” he said, “and that’s as far as I’ve got.”

He plucked the gum from his mouth a moment later, and flicked it to the bushes, ran a hand down his face. “Sam’s doing backgrounds as we speak. Here’s hoping there’s a smoking gun in there somewhere. But, ‘til we get that, we’re pulling straws.”

The streetlamps kicked on, buzzing like fireflies in the thick night, the light falling on the street in goldweave strings as they hustled past a defunct sporting goods store—hollow bones brick and mortar now. No one missing what used to be inside.

Dean scanned the streets, watched another few strings of dusk foot traffic pass on the left while he chewed his cheeks.

“Did Sam find anything at the morgue?” Cas pressed, because the silence seemed oddly unnerving.

“No—I mean, uh, I don’t know. Haven’t talked to him.”

“I thought we were meeting him.”

Dean’s attention caught up in a little alcove at the end of the street and he gripped his jacket tighter, tucked his chin and let a heavy breath out. “We are,” he said quietly.

“Not at the morgue?”

“Um, no, he’s at the motel,” Dean said, and he sounded nervous. “Waiting to take us.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and we’ll find a hex bag, or—”

Dean suddenly shoved Cas’ sideways, off the street and into the alcove, shadows tangling up in the corners of it, all those long witch fingers bleeding to flat black. Castiel grunted, surprised. “What’re you—” and his throat went dry as Dean pushed him into the stuccoed brick backside of a closed Chinese restaurant, hands curling up on both sides of Cas’ jaw, but fingers combing a soft arc “—doing?”

“Nothin’, if you don’t want me to,” Dean whispered, conviction skippy at best. His body was hot against Cas. Heavy and hard. Nothing like April’s… Meg’s… Hannah’s…

The question—and it was a question—coiled in Cas’ belly like a fever dream, but an answer never had a chance of bubbling back out. Because a response would’ve been moot before it ever left his lips. Castiel’s pause was too long to be a no, and his fingers had already found their way to Dean’s waist. They were making note of the way his blue button down clung to his sides, like the tee underneath had been soaking in all that sudden, nervous heat since before they’d ever even left the bar.

And so, Dean brushed their lips together, not a hesitation so much as dipping a toe, and a rush of butterflies went right to Cas’ head without mercy. Cas whimpered without meaning to, and Dean landed the meat of the kiss, hands falling down Cas’ neck and dragging that unruly sensation through. His lips were soft and his cheeks, five o’clock gritty. He worked Cas’ mouth open with a roll of his jaw, and a flirty burst of mint graced Cas with the pass of Dean’s tongue.

Castiel melted into it, fingers curling around the back of Dean’s head as he tried desperately to get a handhold on something. Their hips rolled together. Cas stole himself a handful of Dean’s ass. Felt Dean hard against him as he moved against Cas’ thigh.

Dean’s breath went rocky, like he was fighting some kind of tightrope walk of heavy and thin, and the sound he made was dirty enough to sin. Castiel nosed him, combed fingers through his hair as Dean pulled back. His eyes fell hot on Cas’ mouth. The shadows ate the flush from his face, but not the burning heat of it.

“Now tell me again,” he whispered, voice licking at Cas ear and coming out like gravy. “Tell me again what a kiss feels like.”

Castiel huffed, tried to catch his running brain. He couldn’t help himself, hands still at Dean’s waist, he held him there. The both of them were hard, and neither of them were in a hurry to do anything about it. “I would say… green makes a helluva sound,” he whispered back.

He watched a wicked smile crawl through Dean’s face. “There it is,” Dean hummed, dragging a chill with his thumb from the skin he’d bared at Cas’ side, and chasing it to Cas’ neck with a soft breath, a kiss. “An’ I’m just getting started too.”

Then, he pulled away, the absence of his sticky heat leaving Cas bare. The gravel chewed under Dean’s heels as he headed for the street, pausing only to stoop for the jacket he’d shed at some point on the way. He shook it off, straightened his tie. “Let’s go! We’re late!”

Castiel swallowed, hand to his stomach, and peeled himself from the brick.

6

The general nodded in approval. Rhodey was about to follow him to the Humvee when his cell phone rang. […] He answered it with a curt, “Yeah?”

“Well?” That was all Pepper Potts said. “Well?”

“Well… he’s alive. We know that much.”

“Because you didn’t find his body.”

“Yeah,” he admitted.

“Who’s got him, Rhodey? What do they want with him? Ransom? What?”

“We don’t know, Pepper. I wish to God we did, but we don’t. But we have our best people on it. We’ll find him.”

“You’ll find him.” There was distinct bitterness in her voice. “Because we’ve done such a fantastic job finding people hiding in mountains in Afghanistan, haven’t we…”

“Pepper…”

“You were supposed to protect him, dammit! You with all your weapons and security! You were…”

He had never heard her like this. She had never been anything other than in control, on top of everything. Smiling, efficient, nothing ever threw her. To hear her like this tore him up.

He tried to respond, but before he could, Pepper had brought herself under control. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“You don’t have apolo-”

“No. I do.” Her voice had reacquired its detached, businesslike demeanor. […] You’ll keep me apprised.“

"Absolutely. You’ll be the first one to know.” […]

He pocketed his cell phone and wondered, not for the first time, if Tony Stark was aware of just how completely, totally, and madly in love with him Pepper Potts was. For that matter, he wondered if Pepper herself knew.

-Iron Man Movie Novelization | Gif Series

some hobbies

• casual dissociation
• extreme dissociation
• rum & cola
• avoiding
• not feeling anything
• feeling everything
• feeling nothing and everything at the same time (intensely)
• melting
• sitting in a cauldron of my own bubbling disorders and illnesses
• TV static
• headaches
• Astral projection and general witchery

4

❝ I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change.
I am changing the things I cannot accept.❞

- A N G E L A   D A V I S

↳ for @girlsvstrump

What was a god? A focus of belief. If people believed, a god began to grow. Feebly at first, but if the swamp taught anything, it taught patience. Anything could be the focus of a god. A handful of feathers with a red ribbon around them, a hat and coat on a couple of sticks…anything. Because when all people had was practically nothing, then anything could be almost everything.
—  Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad (HarperTorch, 2002)

Lance, laying on the floor of the common room: is there even a point in doing anything? maybe this is all done crazy nightmare and nothing matters. Maybe tomorrow we’ll all wake up and not exist. maybe there isn’t a tomorrow. maybe life is just some unfunny joke. What’s the point of doing anything if everything is nothing and nothing doesn’t exist? What’s the point of doing anything if there’s no guarantee of the construct of tomorrow, which ever comes?

Hunk:

Pidge:

Shiro:

Allura:

Coran:

Lance: guys?

Keith: who— *voice cracks*

Keith: who hurt you

I would walk through fire just to be with you, there’s nothing in the world that I wouldn’t do.
—  (via electricaldreams)
All for nothing

The less you care about anything and everything, the less you try to figure out the point of being, the less you think about the outcome and consequence of your actions and the more you be present in the moment, you’ll start to enjoy being, you’ll be the one noticing how beautiful the road to your home is, how magnificent the night is and how happy you are because absurdity couldn’t let you down, you just accept it, own it and live with it.

Rebellion against nothingness, this old curse of gods, is a brave deed and deciding to enjoy your moments doing what you really love after understanding “it’s all for nothing” is even more courageous.

Stop worrying and overthinking, start living cause it’s all for nothing.

_ thelifeisabsurd

My family is so desensitized to my language learning now that they won’t even bat an eye anymore when they hear that weird mango languages lady or duolingo coming from my phone.
Like I went camping with them a couple days ago and it was almost midnight and I was sitting at the fire doing mandarin on mango languages and my dad just… didn’t say a word and continued staring into the flames like it was the void

  • me: I'm gonna do this!!
  • me: *gets a bad grade*
  • me: I worked so hard, and hard work betrayed me. Everything I did, everything I sacrificed, did not amount to anything. I'm nothing. Why should I even try. I'll always be a failure. Studying is worthless. I'm dropping out-
  • me: *gets an A+*
  • me: Hard work will never betray you. It brought me to where I am today. Education is a gift. I want to thank my mum, my siblings, my friends, my tumblr followers,
Emergency: Abuse/donations/Support

For those who don’t want to read skip to the tl;dr for the gist of it.

Hey guys, I’m sorry to make a post about this and I can’t ass a pretty picture, if anyone cares to lend an ear please. My families abuse on me has increased and gotten worse, I’m not being fed and I can’t even get a job (the Refuse to take me to interviews, or to the actual place I need to work) and when I get money form whatever job I get they take it, but food and I get none of it. I tried to bring this to attention to this before. This a sue started sophomore year in high school and just gradually got worse, yes CPS was called but of course they didn’t do anything, I’ve told therapist, my friends and everything and nothing. My boyfriend is unwilling to let me move into his apartment with him at the end of the month because he says I don’t have a job. (Yes i told him that’s awful thing to say) I’ve put effort it o getting and finding a job and effort into trying to get out of this house. I to inform everyone that there is a possibility that all the power in my room will be shut off because my older cousin believes I don’t deserve power in my room if I can’t get a job (yet he’s the one who hit me and kicked me a few times as well). They value our dog over me. I’ve asked for help about my severe depression and other mental health problems including my bi-polar disorder. Instead of taking me to a doctor, my grandma got my brother therapy even though he doesn’t want it (he’s also depressed but doesn’t want the help). My brother, has no job, also depressed and doesn’t do anything all day hasn’t given my grandma money, he doesn’t pay rent, and or do chores. I am depressed, I do chores, I pay with whatever cash the can mange to milk off of me. He’s fed everyday I’m left literally nothing, I’ve lost weight, I’m constantly sick and I’m lying to my one or two irl friends that I’m healthy and well. I can’t sleep, I don’t have proper medicine to deal with my asthma, anemia, or my insomnia. I’ve tried sleeping remedies melatonin and all that. I’ve asked for help multiple times and got nothing. If you can donate or support I have buttons on my page for that. (PayPal and Kofi) I’ll even do a bunch of 5 dollar sketch commissions so I can at least get some good or save money so I can at least move in with my boyfriend even if it’s temporarily. Im in desperate need of help. I’m not sure I can’t keep up being “strong” anymore. I’m close to giving up.

Tl;Dr: My family is abusing me, I want to get away, I’m starving. Please help me.

“Heaven is a place on earth with you…”

@incorrectprinxietyquotes can you please call off your followers? I’ve gotten like 50 hate messages that I keep deleting because I can’t deal with that stuff.

I apologized for the accidental unauthorized use of your gif, I reblogged my post from you say I was sorry and that it was an accident.

I got the Virgil gifs from Google and I’m on MOBILE it doesn’t tell me who originally posted it. As far as Google is concerned half the time it’s either a product or from pinterest!

If I took down the post, it’s still going to float around with your gif on it. I can’t fix that, because tumblr is dumb.

Look, I’m sorry this has happened and if I could fix it properly I would. but like I DON’T EVEN FOLLOW YOU so… it’s not like I purposely went on to your blog, and stole your gif.

So please just call off the hounds because being told to kill myself isn’t helping how I already feel.

Thank you for your time