if kal el landed on earth in 1987 he’d be 28/29 in 2016 but more importantly he’d be 17 in 2004 which means he probably had an american idiot t-shirt and wore it with a long-sleeved shirt underneath it. with thumbholes in the sleeves. lana lang probably looked like avril lavigne, except they were rural so she did the best she could with what smallville’s thrift stores had to offer. she probably pierced her own eyebrow even though clark kept telling her she’d get an infection. how many of those little wrist sweatbands do you think he owned. did he have a wallet chain.
fake ah crew where a heist goes south and the crew has to bail to a safehouse way out in the middle of nowhere
which is fine for ryan, who grew up in rural georgia and is accustomed to it, but everybody else grew up in a city, so everything’s too quiet and there’s too much fresh air and too much flat land and geoff’s pretty sure he heard howling last night???
so by the second or third day literally everybody but ryan is running around like i need to make noise, i need to blow something up, i need to set something on fire, i need to kill a man but i can’t fucking leave, someone order a pizza so i can kill a man
and ryan’s just looking around in mild concern like “is this what it’s like to live with me all the time?”
after declaring that kissing boys is illegal, terezi dons a camera and seeks out photographic evidence.
roxy poses dramatically and winks for the camera as she deliberately kisses john’s cheek. terezi threatens her with contempt of court, but not before snapping 10 more pics. none develop properly. Terezi sniffs suspiciously at the fully licorice infected photos, and mutters about sneaky void players.
dirk gets tired of the constant ambushes almost immediately and soon modifies her camera with a hidden selfie lens. when she develops the roll its entirely photos of her own eager face squinting (pointlessly) into the view, occasionally licking her lips. she laughs herself sick and then fines dirk immediately for tampering with the evidence. he pays her in orange soda, which she promptly uses to go on a three day bender, the events of which are afterward declared classified.
after weeks of terrorizing dave and karkat she has amassed a frankly overwhelming pile of evidence. no one can deny that what is happening here is very flagrantly against the law. she presents reel upon reel to the mayor in court. his hands tied by the immutable trappings of justice, he begins to draw up a warrant for their arrest. but what’s this? the phone is ringing. the mayor answers. it’s karkat, issuing a full pardon, effective immediately.
you can’t pardon yourself, terezi protests. this is corruption at the highest levels of our
bureaucracy. the mayor is sympathetic, but there is nothing he can do.
her case in tatters, she pins the pictures to the town notice board in revenge. they are poorly framed and blurry and some are just of trees because fuck you have you ever tried to gather photographic evidence while blind??? but there is enough captured illicit activity that scandal soon sweeps the land. the headlines for weeks thereafter: 4R3 TH3Y S1MPLY TOO CUT3?