the amount of times i cried making this

anonymous asked:

prompt: isak comforting and taking care of even during one of his depressive episodes in their new apartment xxx

Anonymous said: Skam prompt: Isak looking after Even during an episode, maybe?


It never feels like Isak’s looking after Even when he’s like this.

Not really, anyway. It feels more like…helping him out. 

Even can’t bring himself to make breakfast? Okay, Isak can cook some eggs for the two of them, even if he can’t make them as well as Even does. Even feels overwhelmed at the idea that it’s his turn to wash the dishes? Well, there’s probably some dishes still left over from Isak’s turn, anyway. Even can’t handle going to school? Isak can let the school know and pop over to his teachers to collect any work Even’s missed. He genuinely, really, absolutely, doesn’t mind. He knows that as soon as Even feels better, he’ll pick things back up. Until then, Isak is there to help him out. Which is okay. Things are okay. Things will be okay. 

One day, Isak finds himself walking home from school and, despite himself, he can’t help walk that bit quicker knowing Even is home, alone, feeling low and a little hopeless.

He steps inside and heat hits him like a punch to the face. Because Jesus, their flat feels like a fucking sauna. They’re entering the summer months anyway, and they have so many large windows that it kind of turns their place into a greenhouse when the sun’s out. But it’s more than that. Isak’s fingers trail over the radiator and find it almost boiling to the touch. He frowns, switches the heating off, and walks into his and Even’s bedroom.
Even is curled up in bed, duvet splayed on the floor, t-shirt and hair damp with sweat. Isak swallows hard, because it just isn’t a nice sight. Even just looks so small like this. 

At some point, Isak’s legs remember how to work. He opens their window as wide as it will go before climbing in bed, next to Even, pressing a kiss on his cheek to wake him up.

“Are you trying to cook yourself alive, or?” Isak murmurs, laughing a little nervously, trying not to make his worry abundantly clear. 

It takes Even a little while to respond, but eventually, he opens his eyes. Looks at Isak before his eyes dart away quickly as he rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling. 

“I tried turning it down, but…” His voice is small, raspy, and his eyes are teary and tired and God, Isak just wants to make it all go away for him. “I couldn’t figure it out, so.”

“I’ve fixed it,” Isak murmurs gently, threading a hand through Even’s hair. It’s a bit gross; greasy and sweaty, and if Isak’s honest, Even hasn’t showered in days and the whole room stinks because of it. It’s alright, though. Isak doesn’t mind that much.

“I just.” Even swallows hard, tired eyes fluttering shut, looking on the verge of tears. And Even’s cried over less when he’s been like this; out of frustration and exhaustion and, well, depression. Isak learnt a long time ago that comforting words can’t always do a huge amount when Even’s like this. That the best thing he can do sometimes is simply sit there and be with him.

“Hey,” Isak murmurs, turning Even’s face to look at him, making their eyes meet. Even’s eyes are a little dulled, a little less light, a little less starry. They’re heavy, exhaustion radiating from them, but they’re still Even’s eyes. Wonderful and perfect and Isak loves them just the same. “Minute by minute, yeah?”

Even swallows again. “Yeah,” he says quietly, and Isak smiles a little, brushing his thumb over Even’s cheek, then his mouth. He closes the distance between them and kisses him, soft and undemanding and reassuring. Just letting him know he’s there. Even’s mouth tastes a little bitter, teeth unbrushed and lips dry and chapped, but Isak wouldn’t want any other lips but these. Even’s. Even, who is the brightest and kindest and most beautiful person Isak knows, even when he’s low like this. 

“How about a shower?” Isak suggests tentatively. 

After half a minute of silence, Even nods, pulling himself out of bed with heavy limbs and tired eyes. It’s progress, though. Good progress. 

Isak fixes the shower so it’s the colder side of warm - they’re both boiling from the heat of the flat - and when Even gets undressed, Isak picks his clothes up. Says, “I’ll join you in a minute, I just need to put the washing on.”

Isak collects the rest of the dirty clothes from their bedroom which - okay, their bedroom is a tip, but Isak’s never been particularly tidy and maybe it does go to shit a tiny bit when Even isn’t there to remind him to pick his clothes up. But whatever.

He strips the bed linen, too, down to the pillow cases, and crams everything into the washing machine before returning to the bathroom. Even is under the shower, rubbing the shower gel over his body kind of numbly and methodically. Isak undresses himself, steps in the shower with Even, and smiles up at him. Kisses him once, softly and gently. Another day, another mood, kisses in the shower can be messy and hungry and desperate. But not in times like this. Times like this, the kiss is nothing but a reassuring hello, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Noses brushing against one another, foreheads together, deep breaths and closed eyes. Standing under the jets of water and melting into one being. And Isak just can’t help thinking that if something as simple as love could make Even happy, then he’d be the happiest boy in the world. 

Keep reading

3

{03/02/2017}

English annotating of Gatsby Texts - also my trip to the Winchester Christmas Market in December (which i miss already) 

The amount of work I have to do is making me panic constantly…No free time at all! Also got my exam questions for my Photography exam project and the questions are so bad *cries* what am i supposed to do with boxes! 

Happy Mother's Day

“Dear Mama.
It’s likely you’ll never get this, but if a message in a bottle can make its way home across the ocean then why can’t a signal across galaxies?
I wonder how long I’ve been gone…
Weeks?
Months?
Maybe even years?
I wonder what they told you?
That I was missing or that I was dead.
I hope you didn’t cry mama.
I don’t deserve you to cry for me, but I know you will.
Like I cry for you.
I suppose I always have been a mamas boy, but nothing wrong with that, after all I have the best mama in all of existence…
Sorry I could t be there to say that in person for you.
Like I did every other year but this one for Mother’s Day.
I’m sorry that I missed your special day.
I’m sorry that you cried for me.
I’m sorry but I don’t think I’ll be getting home in time for your birthday…
Or Christmas…
Or maybe even ever.
I don’t know if this message will ever actually make it home, but I hope it does even if I don’t because you have to know mama that your little screw up helped save the universe.
Not bad for someone who’s teachers said he would never amount to anything.
…I guess I don’t have anything else I can say. There’s just so much I want to talk to you about, all the amazing places I’ve seen and people I’ve met.
I hope I can come home just so I can make you proud.
Happy Mother’s Day, mama.
Love Lance.”
Mrs McClain chocked hearing her son for the first time in years, as she looked up at the man dressed in red holding the device that played her sons message.
“I love you too my baby.” She whispered before collapsing to her knees knowing now that her son may be gone but he had lived as a hero.
She only wished she could of held him one more time and told him that she was proud of him.
That he was her hero.

Why Reviews Matter

This is an issue I’ve been wanting to discuss for a while, but with Gruvia week fast approaching, I thought now would be a good time to finally broach this subject. Mind you, this is hardly a new, or unaddressed issue. This has been brought up on Tumblr many a time, and in many a fandom. But I wanted to address it again, because it is so important.

*Also, because I know many people don’t like to read long blocks of text, I have included random pics of Gruvia with even more random comments to keep people entertained. Enjoy!*

Since my time in the Gruvia fandom, I have always made it a point to participate in Gruvia Week, and likewise, I have always regretted it.

Why? Because the amount of effort/time put into writing fics for Gruvia Week was never worth the amount of feedback/acknowledgement I received in return for my efforts. I don’t like begging for reviews. In fact, when I first entered the FT fandom, and started writing Gruvia fics, I would NEVER ask for reviews. I figured, if people wanted to review, they would. But over the past couple of years, I started asking for them. You know why? Because the amount of written feedback compared to the amount of notes/favs(if we’re talking about fan fiction DOT net) I received on fics was wildly imbalanced.

Was it just me, or was the anime filler unison raid more magically impressive than the official one?

And have I gotten more reviews since I started requesting them. Not at all. Quite the contrary, in fact. Part of that is the FT fandom has shrunk, but another part of it is the *type* of stories I usually put out. I like writing one-shots. I find it more enjoyable to just get a completed story out there all at once. I don’t really have the patience or dedication anymore to keep up a multi-chapter fic. But multi-chapters DO often get more reviews. Why? Because those reading want to encourage the writer to continue the story. And that’s great. That’s how it should be. BUT, that’s how it should be for completed fics, too. And yet, it’s not.

Because I am giving my readers an already completed story, there is no incentive to review. Which from a writer’s perspective, is so discouraging. For a writer, putting out an ending to a story (and mind you, many of my one-shots are 6,000-10,000 words long, so definitely not SHORT) is when they need feedback the most. They want to know whether it was liked or not. That’s the most important time to review. But so many people don’t, because what’s in it for them? They already received everything you were giving out.

Do you see how horrible that is, though? Someone took the time (some fiction takes hours, days and even weeks and months) to write and share a whole story for free, and the least a reader can do, “the review,” is not worth most people’s time. But if that’s the case, then why should I, the writer, waste my time putting out a story in the first place? Liking or faving a story isn’t enough. We want to know what you liked (or even didn’t like) about it. That’s how we improve. We thrive on feedback.

I imagine they might say these kinds of things in bed together, too.

So, yes, as far as one-shots go, why should you leave a review? The story is complete. You don’t need to ask for another chapter to see how it ends. I’ll tell you why. Because while you received a story this time, there’s no guarantee there will be another one in the future. And I know I’m not the only writer or artist who feels like this.

And yes, writing should not be all about the reviews. You should absolute write for yourself above and beyond anything else. And I DO. However, the story is already in my head. I’m already enjoying it. I don’t really need to write it down. I do that more for others rather than myself. And yet the lack of appreciation for this kills my motivation to write anything else.

And all writers KNOW people are reading but not reviewing. The amount of traffic, favs or notes my stories receive in comparison to the amount of reviews are not even close to matching up. If you enjoyed a story enough to fav, follow, like or reblog, then please think about also leaving a comment. No one is asking you to match their story with a novel of your own in a review, but sometimes even a few short words are so appreciated by writers and artists.

Boobs.

If you don’t acknowledge your artists and writers, your fandom dries up. People leave or move on. People stop making gifs, writing, drawing, etc.. If your fandom dries up, then content for the things you love also dries up. Is that really ok? Not only that, but imagine writers and artists who are new to fandom, and new to art and writing in general. Imagine how hard it is for them? You could make the difference between someone giving up and never reaching their full potential, or your review inspiring them to improve to the point that they one day become a famous author or artist. Never think your review doesn’t matter. IT DOES.

Now, back to the topic of Gruvia Week itself. I think the lack of feedback during Gruvia Week especially is a combination of things. Firstly, there’s a lot of content (which is very good! That’s what everyone wants for Gruvia Week, but…). That also means a lot of competition. Things move faster in the tags than normal, things get pushed down, and the sensory overload kicks in, so fics and/or art that would usually receive tons of notes or more feedback on a normal day, just don’t receive as much appreciation during Gruvia Week.

Secondly, there’s the “one-shot” effect I already explained above. People know that no matter what, most users who are participating in Gruvia Week are likely going to post all the content they already prepared. So, you’re going to get “the product” regardless of what you as a reader or spectator do. So, there’s no incentive to encourage the artist or writer, as you will receive that content regardless.

Did Juvia give Gray that butterfly t-shirt? And what did Gray want to tell Juvia before he got made into swiss cheese by the dragon spawns? The mysteries of the GMG forever unsolved.

Now, I’m not saying Gruvia Week is bad for all artists or writers. I actually think for artists and writers just starting out, it’s a GREAT thing. Being reblogged by the Gruvia Week tumblr, which surely has a massive following, helps your art/writing reach more people than it usually would.  

So, I’m not trying to discourage people to participate at all. On the contrary, I’m trying to ENCOURAGE people who read fics or like seeing art/graphics/etc, to ALSO participate. If you can’t draw, or can’t write, but you enjoy it when other people do, LET THEM KNOW. No one wants a dead pairing week, and not providing feedback is the fastest way to kill future ship weeks.

The reason I kept participating every year, for the last three years, was because I hoped things would be better this time. They never were. If anything, if got worse year after year. I’m not saying everything I write is a masterpiece, and I should be showered with a constant stream of praise. But as I explained at the start, the amount of notes and favs do not add up with the amount of actual reviews/feedback received.

This is the most manga time conscious Gray and Juvia have had together in the last six months *cries*

I know some people can be shy. I know some people just like to lurk. But please think of the person creating the content that you just enjoyed. Yes, they drew art this week, or wrote a fic this year, so you already received your reward. But what is the artist’s reward? What are they getting out of it, and what is their incentive to write another story, draw more art, make another graphic, or video? You are not giving them a reason to. And that is exactly why so many people quit drawing, writing, or contributing to fandom all together. So, please don’t let that happen. Please make this Gruvia Week different.

Gray: We are so attractive. 

Juvia: We really are, Gray-sama. I hope people read this whole thing and didn’t just look at our gorgeous faces. 

Gray: I can’t blame them if they did just that. We are fabulous. 

Yoongi as a MLM Boyfriend

Jungkook | Namjoon | Hoseok | Jimin | Seokjin | Taehyung | Yoongi


- just,, the gayest couple a l i v e 

- for dates, yoongi wouldn’t like anything too fancy or too public, so most days you’d both settle on chilling in the dorm/his studio/your apartment

- on rare occasions where he wanted to go out, you’d visit quiet cafes and vintage record stores

- yoongi would be okay with hand holding and kissing each other on the cheek in public, but anything else would be a bit too much 

- although everytime you kissed him on the cheek or called him cute, he’d roll his eyes 

- “you’re gay”

- “well i’m afraid that makes you gay too”

- he’d then smile and kiss your nose

- FFFFFFUCK

- okay let’s be real, he’d 10/10 write songs about you

- and you could bet on there being songs written about which you didn’t even know existed

- since yoongi would be really shy with showing you the songs he’d written while thinking about you, he’d “accidentally” leave his songwriting book conveniently open at the write page on top of an empty table in the middle of your living room

- would blush  S O   M U  C H   when you told him how much you liked the songs

- he’d love crawling into bed at 2am after long nights working on compositions,  you waking up and spooning him

- yoongi would die every time you kissed his hair or gently ran your fingers up and down his skin while cuddling 

- his nicknames for you would be babe, honey, fuck face

- your nicknames for him would be love, game grumps, baby bee

- he’d pout and ignore you every time you called him baby bee though

- “i’m a badass rapper! don’t call me something so silly.”

- “you literally cried when holly chewed up your favourite fluffy socks”

- “… well you’re gay”

- throw back to when he was crushing on you so fucking hard and he confessed by asking you if you wanted to be holly’s other dad

- because of the time he had to spend away from home due to his job, yoongi would need a little reassurance every now and then that no amount of time apart could make you love him any less

- yoongi would just act really cold and tough but he’d be so soft and fragile and always in need of love and cuddles

- i don’t even know what to write anymore he’s just so  s o f t  T-T

- to be really fucking honest, yoongi would love and care for you so damn much that he’d threaten to fight anyone who made you feel bad


wowwwww this series has ended with the gayiest gay of them all, mr min yongle………………….. i hope u guys enjoyed it !!!

Sakura's Love

You know I’ve noticed that alot of people believe that sakura’s feelings for Sasuke is very shallow just because kishimonto never gave a definite reason for her love. They like to believe that she only loved Sasuke for his looks.
Honestly did these people read the same manga as I did?
Like seriously it’s been shown many times that sakura truly loved Sasuke. But I guess that just because she never had a reason than her feelings are shallow. If sakura loved Sasuke for his looks than she would never have went through that much amount of pain by loving him. She almost kills herself to protect him from Gaara. She tries, but fails, to kill him so he won’t fall further in darkness, she saves him countless times and worries and cries the most for him. Kakashi himself said that sakura stopped wanted to make Sasuke hers, she wanted to save him and make him happy. She suffered so much by loving him. But I guess even after all those moments people still think her feelings are based on his looks. Kishimonto stated that ’ you don’t a reason to love someone, only a reason to hate someone’
In his manga, only hinata was given a reason for her love. And somehow that makes her love more pure?
Like he never gave any other canon couples a reason behind their love and people don’t question them. Like where’s shikamaru’s reason for loving temari and vice versa?
Where’s ino’s reason for loving sai and same for Obito?
It’s obvious Obito loved rin what where’s the reason behind it?
Honestly not even Naruto was given a proper reason for loving Hinata. Sure throughout the manga you can see that he grew to care for her, but why does he love her? Iam pretty sure that was never stated. All the NH fans claim that Naruto already loved Hinata but could never realize it till in the Last movie ( pretty stupid ideology) like where’s naruto’s reason? And don’t say ’ because she was always by his side’ cause I’m pretty sure you ment IRUKA was always by his side. Kishimonto never gave Naruto a reason for loving Hinata so iam safe to assume he only loved cause she has big boobs right? Of course not. Naruto is not that shallow. So why can’t the same ideology apply to sakura?.
Like does she need a proper reason to love Sasuke? Her feelings has matured SO much. From liking him for how cool he was and being his fangirl to loving him even though it’s killing her. For loving him even though you are aware of his flaws and mistakes. For loving him despite that. For loving him even though it’s so hard. Many times it’s been stated that sakura’s feelings are pure. Like alot of people like shikatema, even though their was never a reason, we all like to believe that they came to love each other after spending so much time together and by getting to know each other. Kishimonto never stated that but it’s still true.why? Because we can read between the lines unlike some people. So why can’t sakura love Sasuke for the same way? Why can’t you people understand that sakura started falling for sasuke after spending more time with him and getting to know the real him. She sees all his flaws. She knows he’s imperfect but still loves him with his flaws. That shows maturety people. And I like to also state that sasusaku voice actors claim that sakura’s feelings for Sasuke grew more stronger when he left. ’ absence makes the heart grow fonder’ was their reply. But honestly explaining to people like you as to why sakura loves sasuke is like explaining to a blind man what the colour Blue​ looks like.
But I suppose that there was never a reason stated for her feelings so she only loved him for his looks. I guess Naruto and shikamaru only lived their respective partners cause their hot.

Home (Grayson)

• ALWAYS • A Grayson Dolan one-shot series.

You laid flat on Grayson’s side of the bed burying your face in his pillow. There was something so comforting about the scent of him even when he wasn’t with you. You inhaled deep and tried to calm your shaky breaths. You had been crying on and off all day. You had your fair share of bad days but today had been the worst. Your boss yelled at you for some missing paperwork you had forgotten to fill out last week. It was an honest mistake but she hadn’t given you the time to explain that. Your job was now on the line and there was little to nothing you could do to change it. It was days like these that you just wanted to run back home and re-think everything. That’s when the tears began to fall from your eyes. Home. You missed everything about it. The small-town people, your family, friends, even your old crappy job at the gas station. At least things were familiar there. You were now stuck in L.A. a city based on nothing but superficial beauty and view and like counts. You picked up your phone and swiped over your mom’s name. It rang three times before her voice filled your ears. 


“What happened, baby?”

She knew instantaneously. It was crazy how in tune she was to your thoughts and feelings even when you were miles apart.

“Everything happened, Mom.” Your voice broke. “I can’t handle this anymore. It’s so hard being away from you, the rest of our family, all my old friends, even our dog.”

“Oh honey.” She sighed. “What about Grayson? I mean of course you know you’re welcome home whenever you want but you need to talk to him about this. It’s a decision he should be a part of.”

Keep reading

Not astro related but to anybody saying mean things about any of the contestants on produce 101 please stop.

Some of the things I’ve read about people like lee daehwi include:

“Idols definitely deserve hate for being ugly considering their looks are considered a part of their skill set”

and 

“I used to like lee daehwi but now I honestly just hate him” (a summary of a majority of comments about him because of The Avengers team)

First and foremost please understand that I am not screaming or yelling or ranting but I just want to say something I consider a fact: nobody deserves to be told they are ugly, or untalented or hated for reasons like that. Not me, not you, NO ONE.

Along with him a lot of people on produce 101 are just boys, they are kids and that makes those comments even worse. Even if you are the same age as him or anybody else that doesn’t make stating something like that about them right. Please stop. 

It’s okay for someone to not be your favourite, or be your favourite but then you change your mind. But please go about expressing your opinions in a friendlier manner. 

Sure he chose strong members in his team but that makes sense considering the basis of the competition. These people’s dreams and hopes are on the line here, you just have to see the effort their families, along with themselves, are putting in. You just have to see the amount of times people have cried on camera, I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of times they have cried off!!!

It breaks my heart.

Can you imagine your dreams and hopes put into the hands of strangers? Some people, such as myself, may have no clue who is talented or not. Let me explain, votes may just be based off personal opinions or like me based off what I have heard or learnt over the years as ‘good singing’ or ‘good dancing’. But in reality I have no clue in a professional sense who deserves it more.

In truth I think that every single trainee who has put in hard work and effort, left their families to train overseas (going to Korea or outside to learn) and all of that sacrifice and effort deserves to debut.

I guess overall what I am trying to say is every single produce 101 member is trying hard. Every single one is already going through really hard times just being on the show. I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like. Over confident or not, it is not easy for any of them. They don’t deserve to be judged or hated on for being ugly or trying to achieve their dreams!

So please, please be careful and think over what you say about any contestant before you do. If it would hurt you don’t say it, or even if it wouldn’t hurt you, if what you are about to say could hurt anyone - please think twice before stating it.

Please. 

I guess what I am trying to say overall is: They all have it hard, every single boy on produce 101. Let’s not make it worse.

Infinity. ∞

my oil pastel sweetheart. I am sorry. I am sorry because I start every poem for you with we don’t talk anymore. I think about you more than the amount of conversations that we have actually shared. I’m sorry that I’m a lousy friend. trying to find myself within our silence is a dark rabbit hole– are you still lost? do you still cry because the pain just won’t go away? the last time I cried was when writing didn’t make sense to me. I think that and my thoughts go blank. flashback– a year ago, I was different. you called. I picked up. to this day, it’s still my favorite phone call. friends usually exchange words, but us? nothing. not even breathing. dried tears. empty. gone. not there. we tell our depression to meet and greet. I keep that memory in a special part of my brain– like Pandora’s box, I keep hope all for myself. a year later, I got rid of my old love letters. I’m sentimental, deeply attached to nevermore. a year later, I’m still high, but I’d like to think that I manage it better. they said that I lost myself. because I gained weight, no goals, maybe even end up like my father. you see a lot can happen in a year. the person that you talked to– five years of consistent love turned into a pile of ashes, it’s true, people come and go– no one needs to stay. everything happens for a reason. I write poetry because I fell in love. you do your hair a certain way because they told you it would look ugly on you. fuck them. I don’t have enough energy to please anyone except for myself. you hurt someone because they hurt you first, it doesn’t justify your mistakes. if you’re wrong, you’re wrong. simple. you go to the gym because that “man, you really lost yourself” still rings in my ear when you try to convince yourself that no matter if you’re in shape or not… you are more than enough. my big bro said that when someone loves you– really and truly loves you… it’s past the material things. we were in love for all of the wrong reasons, but it made me who I am today. a year later, we no longer talk and it makes me sad. a year later, I still remember our friendship. you once said that beyond my depression is where I am supposed to be. you were right.

kissing + dating hcs;

boss’ memo : ive never received so many headcanon reqs about loving and protecting one person,, so good !!! i’m so proud!!

Originally posted by schuylersparkles


kissing hcs

  • maria isn’t really a early morning kissing type of person, despite being a morning person herself–what she really enjoys are late night kisses! sleepy smooches ! she likes to pepper your face with ‘em as she grows sleepier and sleepier (and gently hums at you when you giggle in response to her affection)
    • she’s really big on consent, so without fail, you’ll hear a soft, “kiss?” before she leans in,, either that, or “may i…?”
    • her favorite place to be is with her arms ‘round your waist, pressing you closer to her (from behind or from the front) and her mouth on your neck–she likes the way her lipstick looks on you,,
  • if you’re busy, she likes to clasp your non dominant hand in her own, turn it over, and kiss the back of it

w/ a s/o who tries to ensure her happiness | s/o who spoils her | when she’s jealous

  • she can’t think about you for too long, otherwise she may start crying–she’s unsure of what she could have ever done to deserve someone who cares about her so earnestly, loves her so deeply! she’s never known anyone like you before and you surprise her every single time you put her needs before your own,,
    • she’s not normally the type of person who cries, but she feels safe around you. plus, these are always happy tears
  • she’s very light-footed, but if it bothers you, she can purposefully make noise when she walks–but either way, she loves embracing you and showering you with soft “i love you”s (sometimes signed, sometimes spoken)
    • she doesn’t quite know what to do when you buy her things !! she’s always sure to thank you–she understands these are material things but she places an incredible amount of emotional significance for every thing you get for her
      • (it’s likely that one of her comfort objects is something you’ve gotten for her–especially if the object smells like you)
    • one of the most frequent things she says to you is “thank you for being kind”
    • if you’ve also had a rough past, she’s willing to listen if you ever want to talk. she wants to ensure you know she’s there for you just as much as you’re there for her
  • she doesn’t really like to involve herself in conflicts–not anymore, but despite this, she’s quite protective of you, and will do everything in her power to keep you safe and happy as well
    • she’s not used to receiving, so she always does her best to show you her gratitude
  • she does get jealous, but it’s more directed at herself rather than you. if she’s feeling jealous of the attention someone else is giving you / feeling unsure of your relationship in general, she’ll withdraw, she’ll be distant. maria needs assurance that you love her often–and she’s self aware of this.
    • just little things to remind her that you love her. maybe remembering something she likes, telling her you think she’s beautiful out of nowhere… that helps her lots !

princemingoo  asked:

46 + 51 + Jaebum? Angst with a side of fluff, maybe? Thank you! 💚

drabble prompts: “I need help because you’re making me go crazy.” [ 46 ] + “I’m so afraid of losing you.” [ 51 ]

distance | jaebum

“I can’t do this anymore Jaebum.” You whispered into the phone, voice so soft and quiet, he barely picked up the words you let out.

Silence, it was silent for a few seconds. Jaebum was processing the words and his mind was filled with so many worries, so many worries caused by six simple words.

“What… what do you mean baby?” He replied.

Tears were already filling in your eyes and you knew when you tried to speak, you’d spill everything. Taking in a deep breath, you tried your best to remain calm, “This… us.”

Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows together, unsure of your message. There was a feeling deep inside of him and he didn’t like it, he didn’t want to hear it, “Don’t say it.”

You pressed your lips together and kept on trying, trying to not break, trying to not let the tears slip through even more, “I need help because you’re making me go crazy.” You took in a deep shaky breath, trying to collect the swarms of thoughts your mind held, “I love you so much and you know that.”

“And I love you baby. I know I never say it enough, but trust me… I love you so much, so so so so much.” He cried, his voice almost breaking. Jaebum was scared, terrified even, you were his everything. The last thing he wanted was to break up… to say goodbye… to throw away all of the time spent on your relationship

“I know you do Jaebum, but… I just…” You paused to let the tears slip down your cheeks, you were feeling so overwhelmed with emotions. Part of you didn’t want to let him go but another part didn’t want to have to deal with long distance, it was too much. Everyday, the craving of his touch grew stronger… the craving of someone’s touch grew stronger, you knew ending it would benefit the both of you.

“I just can’t anymore. This long distance relationship, it’s hurting me too much. I know it’s so selfish of me but we need to br-”

“No.” Jaebum interrupted, his voice firm yet you could tell it was so close to breaking down, “Please… please, I’m so afraid of losing you.”

“FaceTime me baby, please, I need to see you. We need to talk this out.” He begged, he so desperately wanted you to change your mind. Jaebum didn’t want you to say those words that he’d been fearing of.

“I know our relationship is so selfish of me. I’m always on tour or busy and I hardly have any time to spend with you. I know it’s too much to ask of you to wait for me, but please… I can’t live without you.” He poured out, taken aback by his words. He was feeling so much and Jaebum was never great at expressing them, “Can you live without me?”

You wiped your tears away, even though it didn’t matter, the tears weren’t stopping and they wouldn’t stop for a while. You shook your head and gripped onto your phone even tighter, “I can’t live without you either Jaebum, this is why being so far away from you hurts!” You finally cried, letting out the bottle of sadness you tried so hard to keep in.

An abundant amount of tears spilled from your eyes and talking suddenly became the most difficult task for you, “I-I l-love you t-too much… I want to let you go, but I can’t.”

Tears slipped from Jaebum’s eyes, your outburst making his heart break. Guilt consumed him, the guilt of not making more time for you, guilt for not texting or calling as often as he could, all of it piling up.

“Hey, guess what? I love you too much too. I know things are hard right now, but we’ll figure it out I promise,” Jaebum began, trying his best to keep his composure and to not break into tears like you, “Let’s just talk okay? Talk it all out. I’ll even fly out to you to talk it all out if I have to, just please don’t leave me.”

You wiped the tears away from your eyes once again and nodded slowly, “I’ll hear you out, I shouldn’t give up on us so easily.”

A small smile of hope formed upon Jaebum’s lips, “Thank you baby, I’ll FaceTime you right now, okay? I love you.”

Cat mask #2! So here’s Lance, his suit is more focus on stealth, patience and planning. The suit’s multiply lens’s and ability to submerge under the water for large amounts of time make it unique.

Fun fact!: Lance often goes underwater with his suit, often just sitting and conversing with it. 

Also sometimes he’ll play background music if his staking a place, he also races Keith, a lot.

Faking It

Summary: Dean x reader, in a game of Never Have I Ever, Dean finds out that the reader fakes orgasms. He then sets out to prove that she won’t have to fake anything with him.

Word Count: 3,250ish

Warnings: So much smut

A/N: So, another sexy ask got away from me, and turned into 3,250 words of smut. I’m not even sorry. Writing this got me all hot and bothered. It’s been a while since that happened.

“Never have I ever…” Dean stopped and thought for a moment, and you giggled.

“You can’t think of anything you haven’t done?” you teased.

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes. “Of course he can’t.”

Dean looked offended, and Cas leaned over and whispered something in Sam’s ear. The younger Winchester’s face turned red at words that sounded a lot like “demon blood” to you, but that couldn’t be right, could it? You’d just had too much to drink.

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Wherever you will go - Newt & Graves

So lately, been wondering,
Who will be there to take my place?
When I’m gone, you’ll need love to light the shadows on your face.
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone, could you make it on your own?

Percival Graves is dying. Everyone knows it – the healers, the Aurors, Picquery… but one man, a beautiful redhead who never leaves his bedside, refuses to believe that Graves is going to leave him. He promised that he’d never leave him. Graves was a man of his word.

If I could, then I would, I’ll go wherever you will go. Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go.

He cries for Percival, begs him to stay. Little does he know that Graves can hear him – ever cry, sob, tearful plea – he hears it. And his already weak heart breaks just that much more. He wants to wake up, wants his failing body to let him hold Newt one more time before he has to say goodbye.

And maybe, I’ll find out away to make it back someday, To watch you, to guide you through the darkest of your days. If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all Then I hope there’s someone out there who can bring me back to you.

He remembers Newt’s face – the sweet freckles on pale skin, full lower lip Graves loved to nip when they kissed, the blush that would follow and drown his freckles with color… and his eyes – a kaleidoscope of color that was his only source of light in this darkness now.

If I could, then I would, I’ll go wherever you will go. Way up high or down low, I’ll go wherever you will go.

He would’ve gone anywhere with Newt. The mountains, the ocean, the desert, the rainforests… just to be with him. All he needed in life was the clumsy, charming, bashful redhead. He would’ve given up anything to be with him. To save Newt during a raid gone wrong, he’d sacrificed his own life – throwing himself in front of a curse to keep his love safe.

Run away with my heart. Run away with my hope. Run away with my love.

He hoped that Newt would take the life Graves had selflessly given him back and use it for good. To write more books, to make new friends – and as much as it pained him to think it – to fall deeply in love. He wanted Newt to have the most beautiful life he possibly could.

I know now, just quite how my life and love might still go on. In your heart, in your mind, I’ll stay with you for all of time.

And he hoped, most of all, that Newt would never forget him. That he would look back someday and remember him and they love they had shared in the short time they had. No amount of time would ever have been enough for him. Fate had been cruel to them both, bringing them together only to tear them apart.

If I could turn back time, I’ll go wherever you will go. If I could make you mine, I’ll go wherever you will go. I’ll go wherever you will go.

His heart was growing weaker, and it was harder to hear Newt’s cries…

Percival’s last thought before it all fades away is I love you.

[ tagging @natecchi, @funkzpiel, @thiswouldbemyusername, and @ichaboneme bc Jack enjoys angst and sadness. ]
Memory Lane

Part III

Part I | Part II

Asce’s first physio session does not go well.

He doesn’t get as far as he’d been expecting, and his temper gets the best of him.

He’d always felt it, sizzling away under his skin, but he hadn’t realised how explosive it was until he’d managed to wheel himself away in his chair (because his fucking body can’t weight bare enough for walking yet, he’s got to build up to it and that’s bullshit) with tears of frustration clumping his eyelashes together.

He’d left Riskua there and he feels like shit for it, even more so when he discovers she’s fallen asleep by his empty bedside waiting for him to get back.

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anonymous asked:

could I ask for something written about Cor and his little daughter? maybe that she get terribly ill and end up in hospital after cor lost his s/o and the mother of his child? qq

Ah, anon- this flows beautifully from the last anon’s Papa!Cor request! (You sure you’re not the same requester LOL?). I’ll write you a drabble about tiny tot Kari Leonis and worried Papa Cor in this situation :)

Tagging: @the-lucian-archives, @rubyphilomela, @itshaejinju, @blindbae and @hypaalicious because this is freaking cute in an angst ridden way okay? <3 HAHAHA


A Touch of Royal Kindness

It was like the six had some kind of vendetta against Cor Leonis. First, his wife was cruelly taken away from himself and his baby daughter Kari. And now this.

Kari lay hooked up to what seemed to be countless electronic machines which worked around the clock to measure her vitals and keep her oxygenated. The needle in her small, bruising arm kept her sedated through a steady drip of fluids and Cor refused to leave the room despite having lost hours of sleep in the room watching over his baby girl.

All the doctors believed that it was incurable. What Kari had… was an infection borne of the scourge. Ifrit’s bane- the poison of Eos. There was no known cure- besides the Oracle of course. But Cor knew that despite his status as Crownsguard marshal, he was still of common blood. And as he was common blood, so was his daughter. There really was no possibility that Kari could be cured of the scourge.

Cor had resigned himself to losing Kari, just as he had lost his wife. That was just how things worked in the immortal’s life- he just seemed to out-live everyone he held dear. His parents… his wife… and now hope for Kari was looking pretty bleak as well.

Cor knew that if he approached Regis and divulged his story to the king, the man would be on the cause in a heartbeat. Sylva Nox Fleuret would probably be transported in to Lucis, right into Insomnia Royal Hospital, and begin her magical treatments on his daughter. That would be ideal.

But Cor didn’t want to risk the chance of hearing Regis tell him no. He didn’t want to face that possibility of rejection. He didn’t want to hold out on whim of hope that had no right to be there in his heart and mind.

Cor took hold of his baby girl’s tiny hand, and felt the icy skin freeze his whole being over.

Cor Leonis was scared. He was absolutely terrified.

That fear multiplied when Cor fell asleep by his daughter’s side one night, only to wake up in the morning, holding her clammy little hand in his calloused battle-hardened fingers with Regis sitting right beside him with a small frown on his regal features.

“Your majesty…” Cor started, only to trail off when Regis raised his weak hand and quietly shook his head in a decisive moment.

“Sylva is on her way. You should go home and rest- I’ll watch our dearest Kari-”

Mortified at his own incompetence and fear, Cor shook his head at Regis. “No, majesty, there really is no need-”

“You’re like a little brother to me Cor, and you have done so much for Lucis in such a short amount of time. Please, let me take care of you and your family. This is not an order from the king, but an order from your friend. Go and rest. I will call you when Sylva arrives. For now, I will stay by Kari’s side and make sure she is safe and well until then.”

Cor could have cried, but he saved himself the indignity by bowing stiffly before his king and scurrying out the room in a hurry. He averted his gaze from all hospital staff as he made his way out of the hospital and towards his car. The drive home was hell. He was moving further away from his dearest Kari. His vulnerable Kari. His sweet… dying little girl.

Cor couldn’t help the pained cry that escaped his mouth, and he bit his lip hard enough so that he broke the chapped skin. Bleeding slightly, Cor shuddered and pulled the car to a stop before pressing his head against the top of his steering wheel tiredly.

He hated feeling so useless. He hated this waiting game. He hated that he was the immortal.

He just wanted to be a normal father, taking his kid out to the park, playing with her, feeding her, laughing with her and putting her to bed. He wanted to have his wife by his side, and work in partnership with her to bring their precious daughter up.

“It’s not fair… it’s really not fucking fair.” Cor seethed to himself. The marshal didn’t have the energy to get out of his car. There, he slept uneasily.

He awoke to the ringing of his phone three hours later. It was Regis.

“Cor. It’s been done. Kari is okay now.” Cor blinked the sleep out of his eyes, his ears unable to believe what he was hearing. Was he still asleep? Was this just a terribly happy dream?

“This isn’t a joke, right?” Cor asked, forgetting who he was speaking with. Regis chuckled good naturedly on the other end of the line.

“No Cor, come as quick as possible. Kari wants to see you.”

Cor arrived back at the hospital, ignoring the pungent scent of his sweaty clothes. He sprinted towards Kari’s hospital room, much to the chagrin of the hospital staff, and just barely restrained himself from slamming open the door. He couldn’t help but break into a relieved smile as he spied the two Fleuret kids cooing at Kari from the edge of her hospital bed. Kari herself looked tired, but happy, as she grasped onto Ravus’ thumbs tightly.

“Aulea had been by an hour ago, but I sent her home- she’s almost due you see, so I wanted her to rest.” Regis supplied, his voice soft and at ease. Cor’s eyes flittered to the regal blonde woman sitting on a chair near the children, her eyes gazing down adoringly at the younger ones as they interacted with each other. Regis shot Cor a look of encouragement and the marshal stepped forward, feeling both grateful and nervous at the same time.

“Your majesty- Queen Sylva… I can’t even begin to express how much of a debt I owe you for your service-” Cor began, only to shut his mouth entirely when Sylva shot him a beautiful smile. If not for his training, Cor would have flushed dangerously right there and then. Instead, he just stood at attention and listened to her speak.

“I will hear none of that, Cor Leonis. You are a credit to Lucis and a dear friend of my ally King Regis. I am obliged to help- and I am glad I did so, my kids absolutely adore your Kari! She’s quite the charmer!”

Cor forgot his nervousness immediately as Kari’s name came into play. “She looks like her mother.” Cor supplied. Sylva giggled lightly before shaking her head.

“She has your eyes and your fiery will to live. She’s beautiful- you’ve done a wonderful job with her. How old is she, may I ask?”

“She’s turning three in a few months.” At the mention of Kari’s close birthday, the Fleuret kids turned their heads towards Cor eagerly. Cor almost gaped at how beautiful the two Tenebrae native children were- royal kids were really something else.

“May we arrange the celebrations? Kari is my favourite person in the world!” Little Lunafreya exclaimed excitedly. Cor couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the princess’ enthusiasm. Ravus caught Cor’s eye and smiled in embarrassment at his sister’s out-spoken nature.

“Forgive her, Sir Leonis, she’s four years old and terribly excited to meet a child her age. She insists Kari is now her best friend forever.” Lunafreya pouted at her brother and turned back towards Kari, who was smiling happily at the blonde girl.

“My friend.” Kari whispered, her voice the sweetest treat to Cor’s ears. Cor moved forwards and the Fleurets made way for him as he scooped his little girl gently into his arms.

“I missed your voice sweet pea. Oh Six… Sylva… thank you! You saved both our lives.”

Luna frowned, confused. “I don’t get it.” Ravus looked up at his mother in exasperation, only to receive a gentle smile in return. Regis stepped forward and placed a gentle hand atop Luna’s head, gaining her wide-eyed curious attention.

“Sir Leonis would have been very sad if anything happened to Kari. But he’s very happy because you, your brother, and your mother came all the way from Tenebrae to help him.” Luna gasped in acknowledgement and nodded at the king.

“Can I hug Sir Leonis?” Luna asked, adorable and innocent. Regis shrugged and shot an amused look at an equally amused Sylva.

“I don’t see why not, dearest.” Sylva supplied. At their mother’s permission, Luna forcibly dragged a defeated Ravus towards Cor and threw her hands around his knees, nuzzling the side of her face into the rough material of his pants. Ravus, a little reluctantly, followed along and wrapped his arms around the tall man’s waist in a comforting, innocent gesture.

The two kids didn’t see the grateful smile and touched tears that had formed on the immortal marshal’s face at the kindness they showed. Nuzzling his baby closer to him, he reached down to pet both Luna and Ravus’ heads.

So… this was what family was about. This was what made the struggles and the pain all worthwhile.

It all made sense to Cor now.

Utterly, unfathomably stunning. 💙

Well. I dunno what I was so worried about. I finally finished the finale and it was everything I could have dreamed of and more. The intensity of it was off the scale. My heart was leaping and jumping and thudding the entire time. 

From Papa Bear J'onn, to astounding special effects and stunts, the most gorgeous scenes between Kal and Kara, epic battle, plenty of romance, brilliant witty humour to balance the drama, Sanvers, Lena Luthors brilliance, and Cat Grant literally making me cry all over again just by talking. 

There were giddy happy moments and special sentimental moments for Karamel… before they tore my heart out (but left me a small very clear token of hope for whats to come). There was The Danvers Sisters making me sob. There were lines that had me giggling. Honestly there was just such depth of emotions throughout - even from Lillian Luthor, who made a stunning impression in such a short time.

This was probably my all time favourite Supergirl episode. I laughed. I cried. I fist pumped with glee and hollered…. I shouted with excitement and had my heart broken crushed and stomped on. The amount of work and effort that clearly went into this piece was heart stopping. 

And oh my Rao… Melissa Benoist… as our main character, our Supergirl. Your performance was utterly, unfathomably stunning. I will never be able to thank the cast and crew enough for putting something so meaningful to me together like this.

#fightwithlove #fightwithhonour #fightwithhope Never the less, she persisted.

Originally posted by superkaramels

G R A V I T Y

Originally posted by xiuxiu900326


genres: fluff/angst

Baekhyun x reader

A/N: Just in case the action is rushed like that bc it has its reasons relax, y’all will see later, hope you’ll enjoy it

You were walking back and forth with a horrifying stress on my shoulders. You felt your fragile palms  getting sweaty. Your heartbeat sped up dangerously. You moaned with disappointment and sat on the nearest black trunk. In exactly five minutes You were supposed to stand on the stage for the very first time, you were supposed to show your alent that you were hiding for so long. Unfortunately the atmosphere at the backstage didn’t let you calm your  overwhelming nerves. People were bustling around, shouting at themselves about some unimportant things. You internally cursed the person that forced you  to do this, and  that person was one and only, thief of a heart of every single girl in our highschool, the sugar boy mr. Byun Baekhyun.


//TB//



High-pitched sound of a school bell announced the end of my classes. You slowly packed your stuff. You knew that you’d have to stay extra hours to do your monitor’s duties. When everybody left you sighed heavily and raised your body to the standing position. After a while you came back to the classroom with a broomstick. The tempting thought appeared in your mind right when you opened the door. The piano standing  in the corner was staring at you with a desirable look. After a few minutes of contemplating you decided to try out the acoustics of the room. The flicker of excitment filled your chest. This moment of you being alone was something so precious that you couldn’t let yourself skip this opportiunity. You looked around to check if somebody’s there. Luckily the area was completely empty. You bit your lip with a slight smirk of joy, then you quickly moved to the instrument. You carefully sat in front of the piano. The pleasent sounds echoed through the place. The vocal of yours perfectly harmonized with the instrument. You entirely lost yourself in the melody. Suddenly someone knocked. You automatically snaped back startled. You raised your head to meet the eyes of your interrupter. Your chest was moving up and down as you breathed heavily. In this moment you felt your heart in your mouth. Byun Baekhyun, one of the most wanted males in school was standing a few meters away. He leaned against the door jamb. You reached for your school bag in rush, then you immediately went towards the exit. Slight blush of embarrasment appeared on your cheeks. You were furious, you wanted to hide and stay right there in the safe place. You gave him a look of hatred while coming at his forearm.

-Ouch! It hurt! - he screamed overracting.


You turned on a heel ignoring his reaction.


-Wait! Hey! Wait! Let’s talk! - he shouted as you were walking towards the front door of the school.


From this moment, the heart-throb of every female was always by your side, he didn’t leave you for even a minute. He was non stop asking you to sing with him at the school festival of talents. After a while of bullying you with his annoying words you had enough. Under the influance of your anger you said “Yes”.


//end of the TB//


-UGHHHHHHH WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS?! - you scolded yourself out loud.


You lifted your head up to meet the eyes that were always smiley and shiny.


- How are you feeling? are you ready? do you want something to drink maybe? - Baekhyun asked.


You stood up giving him an annoyed look.


-How am i supposed to be ready? I’ve never shown my skills to anyone, try to guess, how am i feeling with a thought that i’ll have to go on a stage in exactly three minutes and present my vocals to the whole school?


Black-haired pouted and narrowed his eyes. He looked like he was trying to solve the world’s hardest riddle.


-Excited? - he assumed with a bright smile.


You sighed loudly rolling your eyes . You  turned away from the boy to stand in front of a stairs that led onto the stage. In a moment you were supposed to get out from the backstage to show the ace up your sleeve that you had been hiding. You closed your eyes to calm your breathing. You felt the unknown hand grabbing your palm all of sudden. It squized encouraging. You raised your head with a questioning look to check who’s the owner of the hand. Baek was standing right beside you staring at you warmingly.


- I know it’s a difficult achievement for you to make but you have to leave the cocoon that you have been living in and show yourself to the world. Don’t waste this amount of talent that your parents gave you, don’t be selfish keeping this diamond from everyone. You can do it, i know it.


His voice tickled your ears gently. You were  facing him with an empty expression. You bobed your head puzzled.


- It seems like you can say something intelligent from time to time - you mumbled forming a delicate smile.


-FROM TIME TO TIME?! what is that suppose to mean?! - he cried outraged.


- And now i’d like present the one and only magnificent vocal duet! Please come up to the stage! Give them a round of applause!


The sound of the voice of our highschool principal interrupted the show entitled “petty mama’s boy Byun Baekhyun”. You came back to your senses. Baekhyun moved his elbow right in front of your face making you take it. Your eyes rolled once again. You calmly climbed up the stairs lifting up your white long dress. Supported by Byun’s arm you felt more confident. You were aware that without him you wouldn’t be able to walk properly and it’s not because you learned how to walk in highheels yesterday. Both of you got into your positions. You were facing each other. The principal handed you the microphones and quickly got out of your sights. You gathered your courage and looked around the school gym. Students were everywhere, in every corner of this huge place. In that moment you were a complete bundle of nerves. You met your best friend’s eyes. Her face birghten up when she noticed you looking at her. She gave you thumbs up with excitement. You laughed quietly. You took a glimpse of your partner. He didn’t take his eyes off of you. He noded his head trying to comfort you.You weren’t able to hold his gaze. All of sudden the song that you wrote resonated with pleasing sounds. The strain of your piece of work made you feel relieved. Sweet Baekhyun’s vocal began your performance.

( exo’s ost https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFwqKDl-F-U )

“hello you came to me, giving me your shy scent


in my hazy dream, You were shining, dazzling


with a fluttering heart, without knowing,


i went to you, step by step


and i stayed by your side”


Boy’s voice was like a fresh breeze in the morning. He filled each word with bunch of emotions, with a feeling of being in love. Just now the stress that  didn’t want to leave you for the whole month disappeared. You lifted the mic to your mouth and returned the feelings of the song while singing the next verse.


“My heart melts at your smile,


When our eyes meet my heart pounds,


Oh remember my smile in your heart


think about it several times a day”


The vocals that belong to you sweetly filled the ears of your listeners with a perfect harmony. The rest of your show ran smoothly. You had an impression that this song fits you both wonderfully. When last words left your lips thunderous applause echoed in the building. You almost forgot about your nervousness that you felt couple of minutes ago. You bowed forcing your body to make flawless movements. You sensed Baekhyun’s hand on your waist that was leading you back to the backstage. The mix of emotions was overwhelming. After you came down from the stage you froze. You felt your cheeks burning. You grabbed your face with your cold hands to cool it down. Your eyes caught the image of your partner. He was standing next to you with blinding smile observing your struggles. This is how your friendship started. Who would thought that this perfect in every way (for most of the girls) object of affection will get along with a complete outsider and  loner. Well, apparently miracles happen.


//1 YEAR LATER//


Steady sound of buzzing filled your  small room. You turned your body and layed on the right shoulder with a slight groan. You reached out for your smartphone that was placed under your soft pillow. Your eyelids raised a bit to see who you are going to deal with later. When your eyes met the bright light of your phone screen you regreted it immediately.


“Byun the idiot”


- He must be joking, what does this man want, what is it that important to call me in the middle of a night…- you mumbled.


With one quick move you declined his call and hid the object. The smartphone rang once again. You rapidly moved to the sitting position with annoyance in your veins. Your finger pressed the green button.


- What do you want? - you grunted harshly.


With your eyes closed , you were imagining what would happen to this boy during your meeting today and your mood automatically got better.


- Y/N,Y/N,Y/N,Y/N!!!! - the voice of a definition of manliness bursted out before you got to finish your question.


You moved away from the phone.


- Yeah, what is it? You better hurry up or i will turn off my phone.


-I’M SO SORRY THAT I WOKE YOU UP BUT THIS COULDN’T WAIT ANY LONGER -he was talking with an incredible speed.


Your eyes automatically did a spin under your eyelids.


- I GOT IN, THEY WANT ME, THEY TOOK ME


The moment of silence grew between you. You had to repeat the situation in your mind and combine some facts to understand what did this kid mean. When his words finally got you your body reacted in a blink of an eye.


-OHMYGOD BAEKHYUN! - you screamed a little bit too loud.


you scolded yourself and you sat on your  bad again lowering your voice.


- Byun are you at your place?…


You spent all night and morning on celebrating Baekhyun’s acceptance to one of the most valuable music studios, SM entertainment. You were proud of him, you were incredibly happy that he finally had a chance to achieve his goals that he has dreamt of for so long. There was a one thing that you didn’t realize - what will happen to your friendship. Right after he went to the SM’s building to start his trainings, to progress under the eye of specialists your contact weakened. Lack of your meetings, lack of his teasing and useless comments, lack of his resonant laugh and silly behavior caused the feeling of emptiness in your heart. Despite that you missed his presence you didn’t gather yourself to say it, to talk about it with him. You knew that entertainments can be demanding and harsh, you completely understood it. Weeks, months, years passed. Your relationship was gone. You graduated from highschool with good grades, you got to the collage, you got a job. Your life was moving forward, but despite all of it, the memory of Baekhyun was still living inside of you, somewhere deep inside your subconscious. You passed by his smiley cardboard standies that reminded you of the past. He was everywhere but nowhere.


                                                    ***

- Thank you very much ! See you later! - you said as kindly as you could to the last customer.


You closed the door right after the young woman left the shop. Afterwards you turned the small piece of cardboard that says “closed”. The work in your parents’ coffee shop was a really pleasing experience. The scent of a coffee soothed your nerves. You approached the long black counter to turn on the evening radio audition. You already was preparing yourself to clean the whole place but the words of a host caught your attention.


“Today our guests are Baekhyun and Sehun from the most popular among the youngsters band called EXO. As always you can send your interesting life stories to us and this time, these two handsome men will read it.”


You froze. This was an unrepeatable chance. Under the influance of emotions you grabbed your laptop and opened your email. You sat on a high bar stool. For a while you were staring blankly at your screen. Your hands hanged over the keyboard, then you let your feelings control your actions. The sound of typing echoed in the room.


After you pressed the “send” button you closed your computer with a loud bang. You had to do something to stop thinking about what you have just done. Of course there was a posibility that your letter won’t be read that’s why you were forced to stop thinking about this.


10 p.m appeared on the screen on your phone clock. The time that you were anxious about. You took a seat next to the one of round glass tables. Even though your body was aching because of overworking you still were able to wait. You curled your legs and put your chin between your knees. Suddenly you shivered. The familiar sound of Baekhyun’s voice appeared in your head. You closed your eyes trying to ignore the pressure that appeared in your chest.


“ Now let’s move onto our listeners’ letters. Baekhyun would you mind  reading the first one?”


Ten minutes passed and 3 letters have been read, but none of them was yours. You sighed, quite disappointed. You were ready to get up and leave but the host held you back again.


“Today we have special extra story for you. Warning, it’s a touching one. Baekhyunsshi could you read it for us?”


“ah, yes, of course”


Baekhyun cleared his throat. You felt like that your heartbeat sped up dangerously. Your hand stopped right above the switch-key.


“ Hi, i’m from Seoul, i wanted to share a piece of my life with you.”


The shock hit you, you couldn’t move. The words that you wrote couple of hours ago were leaving Baekhyun’s lips. You returned to your seat dumbfounded and stared at the device with an empty look.


“In my school times i loved singing, but i hadn’t got the courage and self-confidence to show it to the world. In those days my black-haired guardian angel appeared and helped me to overcome  my fear. Although he was making me crazy, although he was testing my patience and although he was a completely immature kid, thanks to him i discovered my love of being on the stage. During our performance i felt  so thankful. Despite our differances we became bestfriends. We couldn’t leave our sides. When one of us got into some trouble the other was always there. Every moment that we spent together was very precious…precious , because i didn’t know how easy it is to lose it. The time of going our own ways had come. I felt terrible, i felt the empitness that he left, but i didn’t say anything, i didn’t complain. I knew that sometimes you have to sacrifice something for one’s happiness. I knew that the thing that devided us was something incredibly important for that person. Time passed, but the world didn’t let me forget. I pass by him on the streets, i see him in commercials, in shops or even on clothes. I, myself didn’t want to forget. How can u forget the person that made your world colorful again? Years has passed, but i still remember and i still miss him-”


Baekhyun’s voice cracked.


“…Byun Baekhyun, i’m still waiting, kid…”


During his speech you haven’t moved ,even an inch. You felt your hot tears pouring down like a waterfall on your face, you felt the overwhelming ache in your chest. You bended in a half hiding your face in your hands. Your weep didn’t let you hear the rest of the audition. You were cursing yourself for what you did in your mind.


-Stupid, naive girl, what have you done… - you scolded yourself whispering.

I have been working hard to try and process my emotions around the results of trial of Philando Castile’s murderer. When George Zimmerman was acquitted of all of the charges for the murder of Trayvon Martin, I cried for hours. When I woke up on Saturday morning to find that there would likewise be no justice for Philando, I cried. 

Sometimes it can be so hard to feel like there is any justice in the world. And that was one of those days. 

I spend a lot of time these days thinking about where hope has gotten to. Moments like this make me feel like hope has been deferred. But if I know one thing, I know that we must persist. Even when it’s unpopular, even when it results in heartache, even when it feels like it amounts to nothing. I write that as a reminder to myself - and anyone else struggling with their activism and social actions because it feels like pushing against a brick wall - I cannot get too stagnant or too entangled in hopelessness. The work we put in to making the world even fractionally better will make a difference. Keep fighting. 

Rest in power, Philando. I will move forward with you in my heart and on my mind.