Phantom of the Opera: A speculative fiction about what would happen if Benedict Cumberbatch were a woman and his fans had access to a basement.
Hamilton: The best friend of an ambitious political dissident warns him repeatedly that his actions will end in tragedy. When that doesn’t actually happen, the best friend takes it upon himself to teach a valuable life lesson.
Jesus Christ Superstar: The best friend of an ambitious political dissident warns him repeatedly that his actions will end in tragedy. When that doesn’t actually happen, the best friend takes it upon himself to teach a valuable life lesson.
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat: Tim Gunn was sick today on Project Runway. Let’s see what happens!
Miss Saigon: White savior done fucked up. No one is surprised.
The Scarlet Pimpernel: Proto-superhero pretends to be gay. Wife is understandably miffed when she discovers she won’t be getting the D. Hilarity ensues.
The Lion King: A Shakespearean look at a pride of liMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAWENYAAAAAAMAAKALAKIIIIIIIIIIIISSHUENOOONOOOOOOO
Chicago: He really did have it coming.
Cabaret: A Conservative Republican’s worst nightmare is set to music.
Cats: Furries provide a fun-filled look into an average night out.
Rent: All these people are going to die the minute you leave the theater.
Avenue Q: Today on Sesame Street, we learn an important lesson about the purpose of the internet. The word of the day is ANAL.
Les Miserables: A man steals a loaf of bread and is chased across France by the most dedicated police officer on the force. Consequently, everyone dies.
My Fair Lady: A valuable life lesson is taught: if you want to make it in life, all you need to do is sacrifice everything, suffer torment from an obsessive linguistics major, and fake an upper-class English accent. Unless you’re a man, and then you just need to explain that you really need money for alcohol. In that case, someone will promptly die and will you their fortune.
How to Succeed In Business Without Really Trying: A young man attempts to push the boundaries of white male privilege. He soon finds there are none.
Sweeney Todd: A barber and his girlfriend take Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” a little too far.