ANGELICA: There are moments that the words don’t reach There’s a grief too powerful to name You fight your tears back as well as you can Once more burdened with the unimaginable!
The moments when your’re in so deep It feels easier to just swim down Eliza Hamilton moves uptown Consumed again by the unimaginable!
ELIZA: I spend hours in his study I pour over his words once more And it’s quiet uptown A quiet we both felt once before
I take my sister to church with the children A sign of the cross at the door And I pray… I don’t know how I’m going to endure…
ENSEMBLE If you see her in the street, walking by herself, Talking to herself, have pity!
ELIZA: Alexander, you liked it uptown! It’s quiet uptown!
ENSEMBLE: She is going through the unimaginable! She stays up at night, sitting where he used to write Taking in his words and the city!
ELIZA: Look around! Look around! How lucky we are to be alive right now!!
ENSEMBLE: Can you imagine?
ELIZA (Imagining Alexander beside her): Look at where you are! Look at where you started! I really don’t know why I deserve you But hear me out! That would be enough! If I could spare your life! If I could trade your life for mine! You’d be standing here right now Your dreams alive And that would be enough!
I don’t pretend to know The struggles you were facing! When you wrote that cursed pamphlet, when you set your world ablaze.
But I’m not afraid! I know who I married! I’ll keep your legacy alive… Could that be enough?
ENSEMBLE: If you see her in his room Reading to herself, sobbing to herself Have pity! She is going through the unimaginable! See her sitting all alone, facing the unknown Looking out at her husband’s city
ELIZA: Why did you write like you were running out of time?
ENSEMBLE: She is going through the unimaginable!
ANGELICA: There are moments that the words don’t reach There’s a sadness too terrible to name We find resolve as best as we can To push away the unimaginable! We are standing at his headstone I am standing by Eliza’s side She reads his words:
HAMILTON (voice): This letter, my very dear Eliza, will not be delivered to you, unless I shall first have terminated my earthly career; to begin, as I humbly hope from redeeming grace and divine mercy, a happy immortality.
ELIZA/HAMILTON: I need not tell you of the pangs I feel, from the idea of quitting you and exposing you to the anguish which I know you would feel. Fly to the bosom of your God and be comforted. With my last idea; I shall cherish the sweet hope of meeting you in a better world.
ELIZA: Adieu best of wives and best of Women. Ever yours
ELIZA: It’s quiet uptown!
ENSEMBLE: His legacy…Can you imagine? His legacy… Can you imagine? If you see her in the street, walking by herself, talking to herself have pity… She is going through the unimaginable!
MIght wanna grab some tissues, just like Lin, I made myself cry too
*aggressively kicks in the door* YOU SOUTHERN FOLK WITH ALL YOUR "Y'ALLS" AND SHIT IS IT THAT HARD TO SAY THEM SEPARATE WHY MUST YOU SLUR THEM TOGETHER ENUNCIATE FOR THE SAKE OF A COMMON VERNACULAR
This is my first request and ended up being longer than usual, but I think it’s really good.
Pairing: Laurens x reader
Warning: making out, I guess
Requested: Yes, @secretschuylersister requested #56 (
“What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since I was eleven?”) with Laurens.
Requests are super open.
Word Count: 2680
You met John Laurens the day you were born. Since you were
fresh from the womb, and he was only one, it’s safe to say neither one of you remembers
that day. However, his parents and your parents, being old friends and next
door neighbors, remember it very vividly. They love to tell you how John sat
next to you in the hospital bed and was completely memorized by you, a tiny,
slightly pink baby.
It often times made him blush, especially when his parents
joked that he was taken with you since birth.
You were six and John was seven when John declared you to be
his best friend. It was your first day at school and you were headed out to recess,
where all the first graders were playing. You saw John and ran over to him. You
thought his friends would accept you just like John. Instead they sneered at
you because you were a girl.
“You can’t play over here with us. Go sit on the swings and
gossip with the other girls,” one boy said.
“Guys, it’s okay. She’s my best friend. She’s cool,” John
“Then you can go gossip with the girls too,” the other boy
“Fine,” John grabbed your hand and tugged you away. You
smiled at John.
“Thank you,” you said, as the two of you sat on the swings.
“Anytime,” John smiled his lopsided grin.
From then on, that’s the way you always spent recess.
You were ten and John was eleven when John stopped seeing
you as just his best friend.
You were both sitting on the hill near your homes. It was
the last day of summer. John was stressed about school, and you were trying to
cheer him up. Your jokes were corny, but John couldn’t help but be completely
enamored by your laugh. He couldn’t even remember what you two had been talking
He turned to look at you, deep in though.
“I could marry you, you know?” John blurted out. You turned
to look at him and smile.
“Let’s do it then. Promise me, you’ll marry me, and I’ll
marry you,” you smiled.
On that day, John couldn’t imagine he’d ever marry anyone
else. He sat his head on your shoulder in content. The sun went down and
reflected in your eyes. He couldn’t seem to look away from your beauty.
“You know what married people do?” he mumbled. “They kiss.”
“Kiss?” you said surprised.
“I mean, we’re gonna kiss someday. Why not kiss each other
first?” he shrugged. You smiled.
“Sure,” you leaned in.
The kiss was a hot mess, but the two of you were happy and
content in that moment.
You were thirteen and John was fourteen when you realized you
loved John as well. John got back from a month long vacation in New York during
the summer. He knew that was where you wanted to go when you graduated, so he
snapchatted you a bunch. However, when John got home, you took notice of how
much taller he was and how much deeper his voice had gotten.
“John!” you called. He had come over to your house the
moment he had gotten home.
“Y/n!” John yelled, engulfing you in a hug.
“Look at you! You’re so much taller now!” you marveled.
“Yeah, puberty does that to you,” John smiled a lopsided
smile. “You wanna go sit since it’s actually late and I start high school like
“Sure,” you smiled. You couldn’t help but notice the way his
hazel eyes sparkled in the dimming sunlight.
The path wasn’t far and the two of you plopped down to watch
the sunset. You leaned over to look at him. He had his lip in between his teeth
in deep thought.
“You okay?” you asked.
He turned to face you in surprise.
“Hm? Oh yeah. I’m just…nervous about tomorrow I guess,” he
“Don’t be,” you said. You felt a weight in your chest before
speaking softly. “Uhm…and if you should find you don’t really have time for me
anymore, I understand,” you said, not letting him see your sad face.
“No,” he said. He grabbed your face in his hands to make you
look at him. “I’m gonna be here. We promised to get married, remember?” you
both giggled at the memory.
You both got quiet and the silence grew thick as you were
both close. You saw for the first time the way his hair curled around his face.
The way his freckles made a map of his face. The way his eyes flickered from
your lips to your eyes.
You took a leap of faith and leaned. John was quick to close
the tiny gap. In your mind, you saw fireworks as the two of you kissed.
You pulled apart breathless.
“We should head home,” John murmured. You both sat in the
dark now, the beautiful sunset long gone. You nodded in agreement, but your
mind was running with thoughts of John. You were in love.
That same year, you almost lost a best friend. John took you
up on your offer of being too busy to see you. That year, he saw you nine
times. Your parents had dinner every month, and that was the only time John was
ever free to hang with you.
You tried not to let it bother you. John deserved happiness and
friends, and he had that.
In the night, you couldn’t stop the thoughts from creeping
That summer, however, things went back to a more tense
version of normal. You were nervous about high school. John was nervous about
making the baseball team. There was still the tension of not talking to you for
a whole year.
When you started your freshman year, John looked out for
you. Your friends were in the same social group, yet there was always an
unspoken division of boys and girls.
That year John had a perpetual blush on his face. His
friends teased him endlessly about his crush on you, but your friends did
exactly the same. Things were going perfectly, until John got a girlfriend.
You were fifteen and John was sixteen the first time you
both experienced a heartbreak.
It was around this time you realized John was actually hot. He
had grown up nicely. John was noticing the same things about you. You had
started to fill out, and John’s friends were taking notice. John had to constantly
smack the backs of his friends’ heads for making comments on your appearance
right in front of you.
John’s friend Charles Lee was the one who finally asked you
out. He was notorious for being a fuckboy, but you were naïve, and John was too
busy with his girlfriend to notice you. You said yes, even though you didn’t
You and Charles had a lovely date at the movies, until he
drove off into a little clearing. You were just thinking how lovely it would be
to have an older boyfriend as a freshman. He could be your summer romance, and
then for sophomore year, you’d have an upper classman as a boyfriend.
However, Charles had another idea.
“So, how did you like tonight?” he asked.
“It was incredible. Thank you,” you smiled shyly.
“Well, maybe I could show you something more incredible,”
“What could be more incredible than tonight?” you asked
naively. Charles just chuckled before leaning over to kiss you. The kiss was
nothing like with John from forever ago. It was too pushy and needy. Soon
Charles pushed his tongue into your mouth and clawed at the hem of your shirt.
You pushed him off of you.
“Stop. I don’t want this,” you frowned.
“Come on. Don’t be such a prude,” Charles murmured, going to
kiss you again.
“No,” you pushed him back. Charles just stared at you
shaking his head.
“I knew you were always Laurens’s whore,” he spat, driving
Tears formed in your eyes, and when you got home, you wanted
to run straight to your room. John however, was outside waiting to see how your
date went, when he saw the tears in your eyes. When he asked what was wrong,
you couldn’t help but spill the whole story, crying even harder. He hugged you
tight, muttering things about Charles.
The next day, he found Charles laughing with your friends
and slammed him against the lockers.
“John! Stop! He’s not worth it,” you said your voice
cracking. John repressed the words he wanted to say. Instead, he pulled back
and let a puff of angry air out. His girlfriend came by like she did every
morning to whisk him away to make out. There you were, heartbroken and alone.
Charles didn’t love you, but that didn’t sting as much as knowing that John
didn’t love you like you wanted him to.
John’s heartbreak came the next school year, when you were a
sophomore and he was a junior. It was a few days before his seventeenth birthday.
The two of you were born one year and two days apart, and you were excited to
show John what you had gotten him. It was a wedding ring as a joke, since you
two promised to get married.
John’s newest girlfriend had other plans. For his seventeenth
birthday, she was going to give him herself. A few days before John’s birthday,
she did just that, after only one month of dating. That didn’t sound like the
John you knew, and it only added to the long list of heartbreak. However, soon
after she broke up with him. John cried.
You two sat on the hill for the first time since middle
school, staring into the sunset. John’s head was in your lap, and you were
lightly running your fingers through his hair.
“I thought she loved me…I thought she was gonna want to stay
with me, but it turns out she didn’t know I was a virgin. She was only in it
for the sex,” he couldn’t look you in the eye.
“She sucks. I’m sorry,” you said, not knowing what else to
“I’m done with stupid love and shit,” he grumbled. You had
planned on giving him his gift tonight, but that seemed to be in poor taste
“Promise me something,” John said, sitting up to look you in
“Sure,” you crinkled your brow.
“Save yourself for someone who loves you,” he said,
urgently. “Don’t make my mistakes.”
“H-How do I know if they love me, though?” you stammered.
“If you can’t decide, just…save yourself for me then,” he
rambled out, surprising himself.
“You?” you asked surprised.
“Yeah. If you’re ready and you don’t want it to be some
stranger, I’ll be there,” he smiled. He wanted to add “because I love you” but
he wasn’t that bold just yet.
“S-sure,” you stammered again blushing.
You looked down, but John tilted your head up. You looked
into each other’s eyes for a moment before kissing passionately. John slowly pushing
you down into the grass. You slowly began to lift your hands up into his shirt.
He broke the kiss momentarily to slip your shirt off. John kissed down your
neck softly, then he began to suck on one spot, nibbling on it slightly. You
moaned out in response. After a minute, when you were sure, he’d left a hickey,
he suddenly pulled back.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sadness in his eyes. “I shouldn’t
have done that.”
You were too stunned to tell him it was okay. Your mind
screamed at you to tell him how much you liked it, how much you liked him. Instead,
you sat there. He ran home. You slipped on your shirt.
You slowly drifted apart after that night.
It didn’t take long for the hickey to fade, but it never
faded from your memory. It constantly tormented the both of your minds. You
wondered if it meant John loved you. John wondered if you enjoyed it and loved
You were seventeen and John was eighteen the time the two of
you finally fucked. Although, you wanted it to be sweet and slow and nice sex.
You knew immediately after that it was a casual fuck.
You and John had found your way together at a party, drunkenly
reconnecting. By some grace, you actually made drunk plans for dinner the next
That night John couldn’t keep his eyes off the way you
filled out so nicely, and you couldn’t keep your mind from wondering about how
he had developed.
The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a
The dinner ended with nothing substantial happening,
however, when you got to the street you both lived on, both of you fully aware
your parents were away on vacation together, things picked up.
“So,” John began. “Did you ever…met someone you loved?” John
asked. You fully understood what he was implying.
“Never,” you whispered, leaning in close. “Although, I think
I’ll take your advice from forever ago…” you trailed off.
That was all it took. John slammed his lips into yours. You
trusted him, although in hindsight he was going to graduate and leave in about
ten days. You should have known.
You should have known the way his hands knew just what to do
was muscle memory. You should have known this was routine for him.
But the way his body pressed against yours. The closeness
you felt with the man you loved. You couldn’t hardly stop yourself and justify
it in that moment to your needy brain.
I was incredible, but short lived.
Lying there after, you felt vulnerable and stupid. He rolled
right onto his side and began to fall asleep. You sat up, embarrassed. He
couldn’t actually love you.
His arm shot up and pulled you back to the bed.
“Stay,” he mumbled. So, you stayed. This changed nothing.
The next Monday, John’s last Monday, everything was the
You ignored John. When he graduated, you took one forced
photo with him. You didn’t see him for a while after that.
You were twenty-two and John was twenty-three the next time
you saw him.
You had finally moved to New York. You had gotten into
Columbia college, but had forgotten John was going to graduate school there
until one fateful day.
John was rustling around with his friends when he saw you.
He wasn’t sure if it was you, until Alex started calling out your name.
“You know her?” John whispered to Alex.
“Yeah, I’m the teacher’s assistant in her intro to law
class,” Alex replied as you walked over.
“Hi, y/n! These are my friends, Hercules, Lafayette, and Laur-“
you cut him off
“John?” you asked hesitantly.
“Hey, y/n. Can we talk?” John asked.
“Uhm…We’ll just go now,” Alex said looking suspiciously between
you and John, before raising an eyebrow at John, suggestily.
You and John started to walk.
“So…Uhm…It’s been a while,” he began. You scoffed.
“Yeah,” you said coldly.
“So why’d you ignore me after we…” he trailed off, hurt
lacing his voice.
“Fucked?” you finished. “Because, you were just going to
leave me anyway. You just wanted my virginity for some power trip or something.”
“You have to believe me. That’s not what I meant to do,” he
said, his sad eyes betraying the anger in his voice.
“You can’t prove it. You just feel bad about it,” you yelled
“Yeah, well what if I told you I’ve been in love with you
since I was eleven?” he yelled, his patience gone.
You instantly softened.
“Y-you have?” you asked. He nodded his head in response.
“Well, if you were to say that, I would probably tell you I’ve
been in love with you since I was thirteen?” you smiled.
“I’d probably do this,” John leaned down to capture your
lips in his. From somewhere in the distance, his friends cheered.
You were twenty-four and John was twenty-five when the two
of you got married, and your lives began.