the air in my lungs

I am very happy with where my life’s at right now. I have friends and family who care about me, a wonderful boyfriend who always brighten up my day, a roof over my head, air in my lungs, and a lot of food I get to eat everyday. No matter how harsh life maybe at times, I will keep in mind that it doesn’t matter as long as I remain to be positive and will thank God in everything He has given me.
—  115/365
12:23

It’s night
12:23 am
And I’m alone
And I feel alone

I feel it coming over me. It always does this time of night.
I can’t do anything but close my eyes and wait; wait for it to finish with me. Wait for it to take my insides and crush them into the small ball it wants to, so it can get kicked around inside of me by my own thoughts.

I look at my messages with her for help. She’s asleep so I don’t text her. I don’t ever want to bother her. I just read our messages and pretend I’m talking to her then. She helps me so much. She drags me out of the water and slaps me awake and kisses the air back in my lungs and I’ll never get to repay her for that. She’s everything I need and want anymore.

3:48 am
And I’m still alone. Sleep isn’t an option at this point.
She’s still asleep. She will be for hours. I can’t wait to have an actual conversation with her again, it will help me so much.

I just can’t help it I want to do it but I can’t and I never can because I can’t imagine being anywhere without her and I don’t want to.

It’s 6:30, she must be awake by now. I’m going to try

She’s awake. Nine minutes later she replies. And she brings me back; back to life, again. She always does.

~Made by myself

There are days where i just want to pack my valuables in a backpack && hit the road. Take the path that has yet to be travelled with an unknown destination. See the things eyes could only dream of, feel sensations that are so foreign to the body, & hear things people talk about. Take deep breaths in && out, filling my lungs with fresh air. I want to set camp in the highest of high mountains && sleep beside the ocean as the stars lay above me as a blanket. Photograph untouched land that even the eyes of the internet haven’t seen. 

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Sarah Lawson - “Anne Frank Offers Justin Bieber a Lesson in Humility”

“One night before bed, I gathered all the air inside my lungs.  When I woke up still breathing, I named this moment my symphony.”

Performing during prelims at the 2015 Women of the World Poetry Slam.  Subscribe to Button on YouTube!

I loved you quietly.
When the rainstorms started
I laid in the shadows and
watched the water fall.
My breath caught in my 
throat and my lungs ached
with need for air but god,
you stole all of it as you walked
down the path.
I loved you recklessly,
catastrophically destroying
myself for you, but
we had fun didn't we?
I died tonight I think,
but the fire that recked me
wouldn’t get to you because I locked
the doors and burned with our home,
and that’s all that matters right?
A quiet love that saves you from 
their own terror– yes I tore
myself apart as I taped you back
together and I wept over what we
were as I comforted you in the shadows.
Corrupting myself with anything
to distract myself from you but,
I did not stray from your light,
I did not let you die and– 
That’s all that matters though.
I loved you, I hope you knew that.
—  misconnected lovers, a.c. 

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, ‘This is what it is to be happy.’”
- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Brilliant looking morning by our ambassador @thenoisyplume by western_rise

*thinks learning an instrument will be fun and beneficial towards brain development, intelligence and overall understanding of the world* *ends up with a giant persistent headache and possible carpal tunnel*

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So I finally noticed you can add sound effects to video…

I'm a horrible writer

I’m sitting in my car listening to Death Cab for Cutie and waiting for my girlfriend to get out of class and I can’t stop thinking about how much I love her and crave her. It’s the kind of love that when you really think of it, it really doesn’t seem real. It’s like for the last 20 years of my adult life I was underwater with an anchor chained to my foot and when I met her I was free. The chain disintegrated and I made it to the surface. It’s like I finally had air in my lungs and I was able to feel everything and anything. She’s different than anyone I have ever met, and god she’s the best thing that I have ever encountered.

If you have read any of my other posts, you would know the backstory to our relationship and the struggles she and I have gone through. But if you don’t feel like searching through my blog, I’ll give you a short lowdown of everything. We met through friends, and without really knowing too much about her past, the biggest thing is that she has struggled with pill addiction, anxiety and depression for years now. Since dating me she has pretty much been a year sober, with only a few slip ups. Which I am very very proud of her for being so strong.

But that’s the thing she doesn’t understand, of her 21 years of life does not understand how strong she is. I have only known her for a year and a handful of months but from day one I could tell how strong she was. But now dating her for 11 months, I have seen her having to deal with withdrawal, cravings, slip ups, depression, anxiety, her fathers impact of his affair with another woman, staying up all night and me having to holding her until she stops crying and falls asleep… And that’s not something a 21 year old girl in college should have to deal with, but she does. She has to deal with all the things above and more, but she still has a smile on her face everyday, she still gets out of bed every morning, she still showers and gets ready for the day and a lot of people can’t do thAt, but she does and it may not be easy but it happens. I don’t think she realizes that even brushing her teeth or combing her hair or going to work every day is an act of being strong. Although she deals with so much shit, she still gets on with her day and deals with what comes her way.

She is so fucking strong and I can’t tell anyone or anything of how proud I am of her. She is my inspiration and the love of my life. She is everything and I will never take that for granted and I hope she never takes anything for granted. I hope she realizes how beautiful she is and how strong she is. I hope she realizes she can do anything if she puts her mind to it. Hell, we even moved her out of her dorm in 2 days. If that’s not determination than I don’t know what is. She doesn’t understand how much of an impact she’s had on so many people’s lives, she’s that type of person though. You meet her, you hear her story and you never forget her.

You would think that after all she’s gone through, she would still be an addict, using all the money she’s earned for pills and alcohol, but no. She has her head on straight and is going to school even with her anxiety, she’s working a job even though she doesn’t want to get out of bed to deal with the world, she’s going out to dinner or taking a walk with the dogs even though she feels like she’s going to puke. She is so strong, she is so beautiful, she is so amazing.

I have never felt this kind of love for anyone, not even my own parents. This is the love where I know I will have it for the rest of my life. This is how I know she is my soulmate and I’m going to spend the rest of my days waking up her to beautiful face. This is the type of love you see in movies, the type of love everyone dreams about. I have that type of love and I am never going to let it go, I am never going to let her or it slip through the cracks. I am never going to let her lose herself and what she’s worked for. I am going to love her forever and I am going to help her be the best person she can be. I am going to be by her side everyday and help her be sober, even if it means buying a back of Camel Blues to help itch the pain, I’ll do it. To me that’s better than choosing pills over anything.

I never want to lose this girl, especially to pills. I want to have her feel something other than the adrenaline of slipping the pink and blue pills down her throat. I want her to be excited to wake up everyday and be excited for what comes her way. I want her to be genuinely happy and for her to realize how strong she is and that she can do anything. I want her to be okay.

But I know one day she will be okay.

Now none of this probably made sense or my writing was confusing because I am horrible at writing anything. But I hope you guys and her get the gist of it.

I will love you to the ends of the earth aje, and I hope you know that and it stays with you forever. First and last, always💞

You think the sky is beautiful.

The way the stars dance across the sky and the way the sun kisses your skin.

You love semicolons on the wrists of people as scarred as you are.

You think a baby’s first cry and autumn is beautiful.

And you love the raw emotion of drunken tears and first kisses.

You ask me what I think is beautiful and all I can think about is the way your eyes light up when you talk about something you love.

Or when the corners of your mouth turn up slightly when you argue with me for hours about how you love me more.

All I can think about is the way your laughter is air to my lungs, and the way your touch rips the breath from my mouth.

But I want nothing more than to take your face into my hands and tell you that you are not merely “beautiful”.  You are dazzling, exquisite; you are a work of art. You are what stars would form if they were to be put together.

You are this magnificent light in my darkness of a life, so don’t you ever take “beautiful”.

And I could go on about how your eyes make my cheeks erupt with a forest fire, or the fact that my stomach doesn't feel butterflies, but instead when you sigh my name, I feel a supernova exploding in my chest that causes my bones rattle and my knees shake.

So when you ask me;

“What do you think is beautiful?”

All I can answer with is,

“You.

—  Indigo Storm