Up to day 405 without you. Decided to write a letter. Hope you get the message from wherever you are now. Grandpa, I miss you everyday. Any of these 405 days I didn’t think about you. I miss you like the air in my lung, it can go in and out, but it only will stop forever when I meet you again.
I see you in the sunset and in the sunrise, and in each piece of the world I see a little bit of you. Miss you when i go to Feira, because after every step I take I hope to find you like we used to. I remember you when I eat coconut candy, when I see meatloaf, when I smell panettone and when I watch channel Viva. I remember you every time I watch a football game, and when I hear “Botafogo” that used to be your team. I remember you when I hear something about the army, and when I see lychees. I remember you immediately when I hear André Rieu or The Phantom Of The Opera. When I think about Sundays I think about you, and when I swim in your house’s pool, I almost see you there. Oh, your house.
Unfortunately, since you’re gone, going to your house became a burden. It is painful and it gives me a extreme malaise. Actually, it is really unfair with my grandma, and I am sure you wouldn’t be happy with the few times I am visiting her. I’m not happy either, but visiting her causes a deep pain inside of my heart. It can’t be like that.
I would give a lot of things to hear news about you (please, not now. It’s night and I would be really scared) and have the chance to spend 10 minutes with you, the person you were before cancer ate you. But I am sure my life is not one of these things, and I try to comfort myself thinking that one day, for sure, we are going to meet again. When I miss you really hard, I just keep breathing.
I know you would be proud of me (and maybe you are, why not?) because of the things I have been doing and thinking, and for the person I`m becoming.
My pain is in the fact that you`re everywhere, but at the same time nowhere.
I love you. Always and forever.
You know who.