“Cracks in the wall… silence… there’s something the Doctor doesn’t know – doesn’t know, doesn’t know! I have to solve it…” “Right, but the Doctor says your brain might melt if you don’t rest and process. Now get some sleep.” (x)
“But Captain, shouldn’t we at least–” “No. We should not. The last time we worked with the Doctor, I lost my hair. The Enterprise will have no further contact with the Time Lords, and that’s an order.” (x)
“This is impossible! If New York isn’t actually a fixed point, then there’s no reason the TARDIS shouldn’t be able to– wait, does anyone else sense an unusual amount of temporal energy in this forest?” “Dude, I don’t care. One more dimensional hop and I’m gonna upchuck a perfectly good bacon cheeseburger. Take us back to London and let the psycho detective figure it out.” (x)
All right, if I’m going to do this, might as well do it properly.
The Road So Far
Dean and Sam Winchester, the unlucky sons of a cursed family and the true vessels of the archangels Michael and Lucifer, have been tapped to act out the millennia-in-the-making apocalyptic battle between Heaven and Hell. The gates of the pit are unlocked, the Four Horsemen roam the earth, and all wait on the chosen ones to play their roles.
For them: A grizzled former hunter who thinks they’re idjits, a renegade angel with no understanding of pop culture, and a drunken author who writes full-frontal nudity and may or may not be a prophet of the Lord.
Against them: Everything else.
Sherlock Holmes, sociopathic consulting detective, has the dubious honor of having attained an arch-nemisis in the form of criminal Jim Moriarty. After having survived an explosive confrontation (nearly literally) Sherlock, with his roommate/blogger/best friend Doctor John Watson, continues to solve only cases that do not bore him while he waits for Moriarty’s second shoe to drop.
For them: A severely put-upon detective inspector who works only within his division, a landlady who is not a housekeeper but makes excellent biscuits, and a loyal morgue attendant willing to play fast and loose with cadavers.
Against them: Everything else.
The Doctor, the Last of the Time Lords and the Oncoming Storm, travels the universe sowing chaos both deliberate and accidental. While he has a wide and varied collection of enemies, currently the most relevant are the Weeping Angels, who have stolen his companions Amy Pond and Rory Williams and locked them into a past point to which the Doctor cannot go without creating a paradox that would rip apart New York.
For him: A semi-sentient spaceship in the shape of a blue box, a part-Time Lady wife who is occasionally in jail for his murder, and acquaintances scattered throughout history, most of whom he has screwed up.
Desire for processed food satiated, the Doctor and Dean returned to the 221B flat to offer thoroughly unreassuring explanations to our detectives. To avoid being arrested, the Doctor used headbutt telepathy on Sherlock to give the quick and dirty recap of Time Lordiness – which caused Sherlock and his high-level intellect to promptly short out from excessive information influx. As John wrangled Sherlock into bed so that he (Sherlock) might have time to process and not melt his brain, Dean, concerned by this new evidence of paranormal capabilities, demanded more information of the Doctor, which he (Dean) promptly misinterpreted.
It was at this point that Castiel called, alerting Dean that he (Castiel) was with Chuck the Prophet, who was freaking out about the possibility that he (Dean) might be in the company of a certain sociopathic consulting detective. The Doctor offered to take Dean to Chuck via the TARDIS, and after Sherlock’s insistence, agreed to take John along as well (over John’s protestations).
Meanwhile, in 1938, Amy expressed worry about Sam’s refusal to accept the fact that they (Amy, Rory, Sam) are all permanently time-locked in the past. Sam might be onto something with that, given that on the way home from work he encountered a crack in a back alley wall.
Elsewhere: Lucifer, still on the hunt for his vessel, utilized another crack in the universe (found for him by Moriarty) with the intent of retrieving Sam without collapsing reality. Moriarty warned him that Amy was not to be “disturbed” in the process, unless Lucifer wanted to return to where he came from: the Impossible Planet.