I apologise for any mistakes but I’m not very well at the moment and my time off gave me the perfect time to formulate my revenge to @thevalesofanduin
Here’s to tight suits and tousled hair.
Tags: NSFW (Just in case)
“Thank you for tonight, I-” A large smile wormed its way onto your face as your feet began to slow in pace, your fingers nestled perfectly between the gaps of Leonard McCoy’s. Glancing to the side, your eyes met his own as he squeezed your hand; a subtle sign of affection.
“I had a good time.” The words slipped from your mouth with ease as you finally came to a slow stop before your quarters, the cold metal of the door seeping through the silk dress you wore as you pulled your fingers free from Leonard.
I want to fall sea deep into intimacy with you
submerge in all fashions of emotional bonding
let the waves be our guide as we allow
ourselves to dive and experience all the deepest
secrets that lie underneath our shells
Surf through the beginning stages of romance
with the courting of each other
Learning how to navigate
through the abyss of the unknown
that is this growing relationship
As we surf we try to ride the waters
steering left and right avoiding the little things
the farther we sail, the more turbulent it becomes
No longer basking in the clear crisp blue sea
as the cool breeze created the illusion
of us floating
Storms settle in and we find ourselves
losing ourselves while on the verge of sinking
Drowning in the depths of secrecy and miscommunication
lack of trust and one-sided compromising situations
so what was thought of as wanderlust
surged into a robust connection
But with time comes experience
and we begin swimming our way back to each other
cruising past the stage of hardship
and smooth sailing back to shore with a new understanding
that love can’t transcend to its purest form
simply through fairytales and steadiness
because love thrives on difficulty
through merriment, chaos, and indifference
I want to ride the roughest waves with you
only to get through it and have you to smooth sail with
but only if you’re willing
April 1st, 2017 (this dream was dremt the night before)
“TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU LADDIES, my name is jacksepticeye and welcome to–”
With buzzing and excited energy, Jack starts his 5pm video with a bang with a brand new game for his viewers to see. His bubbling energy and bright smile made any viewer feel safe and fuzzy inside. The game seemed weird and warpy, like as if someone snatched chunks of play-doh and mashed them together to create a biome, whilst the sky above lit a poisonous venom colour (sort of looking like the Soda Drinker Game). Neverless Jack tells his story about how he found the game and that he seemed interested in playing it.
“Let’s get into it!” Jack announced hitting play. “Now i heard that this is some sort of circus game, with all kinds of like… tricks and pranks, all that sort of thing. Which is great because–” he lunges his body out of the shot of the camera, making him out of sight for just a few moments, it was so quick that it almost didn’t seem human. “APRIL FOOLS!!!” he bellows, his face so close to the camera it basically took up the entire webcam frame. Chuckling to himself he sat back down and started playing.
The game consisted of weird carnival games and events; giant wheels that go high into the air, whack-a-mole and arcade games, hall of mirrors and hook-a-duck… pretty much a circus fair simulator! But each event or ride seemed… broken. Something was sure to start freaking out and fly in some sort of direction or straight up not do as its told when Jack interacted with it. Despite it breaking, Jack got many laughs out of it all.
Throughout the game, something didnt feel right. The game gave off a weird effect, as if it was pulling you in more and more as you played. Not as if “i want to play more of this game” sort of way, it was more like there was some sort of mental magnet, making you never want to leave this place. Jack himself looked like he was in a trance every now and then whilst he played. Out of nowhere inside the game, an elevator appeared, just sat in the play-doh concrete floor, and Jacks eyes suddenly sparkled with curiosity.
“Ooooh… let’s go in here!” He suggested, walking up to it. Clicking the mouse and pressing several buttons to try and interact with it, he managed to get inside the elevator. “AHA!” He announced, “finally something that didnt break of me–eeeeah?” His final word turned into a confused mumble when the game loaded. He was inside the elevator, but there were four doors, one on each side, and there was a barrier stopping him getting through them all.
"Can i not leave??“ Jack asked, trying everything he can to escape. “Aaah fuck, i should of known this would be broken EVERYTHING IN THIS GAME IS BROKEN.” he complained. Sitting up in his seat he tried again.
“Is there really no escape–” the video suddenly sent silent, and the webcam changed, an image of anti sat there, smiling at the camera; you could barely see him, but his smile shone through.
Suddenly a sharp noise screeched out of nowhere, making Jack flinch in shock. The elevator started moving, like as if it was descending. The rumble of the room got faster and faster, the elevator flying into the unknown abyss of the game.
“Ohhhh god i dont like it i dont like it i dont like it” Jack said, tensing up to the point his shoulders almost met his temple. “I can literally feel the force of–” he shook his head frantically, juttering almost and another anti glitch appeared; blood running down its face and grin, “the fucking pull of going down in an elevator!” Jack sat in his seat, wincing and wishing for the elevator to stop vibrating. “Ohh god please stop…”
That familar voice. It would send shivers down your spine. Both of excitement, and fear. "P̷̴̀͠͞a͏̷̨t͡͏̨͡͏h̶̢ȩ̸̕̕͞t̷͡i̵͠͠ç-̸̡-̷̶͢ ̡̢̧̕͜y̷̵͟͜͝o̶̵̕̕͡ų͝͞ ̵̛͘͟c̷̕a͜҉͝n͟͏'̶̢͢͟͟t̡̨͜-̷̷̛̀-̨́ ̵̷͜͝҉i͘҉̨ ͏̧͠͞c̷̸̛a̵͘n̶͘'̢͜͏ţ̴ ̧̛s̴͏t͡҉͢o͏̢̨͟ṕ̵̵̷.͝͠͞"̵̛͢͡͡
The facecam suddenly turned black and disappeared, leaving the gameplay in a state of silence, only the rumble of the elevator making a small trudling noise. All of a sudden, the camera view of the game breaks away, switching it from first person to third, and Jack appears, panting. The webcam hisses and static noises break loose before reappearing, with Anti in Jacks seat, and Jack in Anti’s game.
"̴͡Y̢ǫu̸ ̨͜͜c̷̕͟a̕n̴͜t̴͜ ̷͜͡è͡s͏̡̛c͠à̕͘p͞͡ȩ,̸̴̧ ҉̷͜y̸o̵u̸ ͜c̀͝à͡ń̵̡'̷͘͘t͜ ̛͟e̵s̨͘͟c͜a͠p̧͠͠e̡̢͘!͘͜͞” Jack stands and stumbles from the force of the elevator before running around, frantically trying to pry a door open.
“͏̧͡Ý̵ò͝u͢͜ ̵̧́c̴a̶n̛ ́͢tr̸̨͟y̷̢-͘͜-͟͠ ̵̧i̛͡͞ ̧c͝ą͡n̵̛͡ ͝ţ͘͟r̢͢y–̷̕ ̸a͢͞l̕l ̷͟y̴͠͠ou̸ ̨w̕à̕̕n͏t̴́,҉͝ b̷ų̵t ̢ẁe҉͝–̸ w̸̕͝í̛l̴l͝ ́b̷e̶͠-̕͞-́"̴ The facecam sparks and creates static, Anti throwing his head in wild directions, making the game itself freeze from time to time; almost as if to stop Jack from trying to escape.
"NO!” Jack yelled, kicking at a door one final time before giving up. “I might not be able to hear you fully because your shitty signal doesnt work, but FUUUUCK you.” Jack stood in the centre, smiling to himself from his witty comment. The facecam froze in shock, Anti didnt like being talked back to.
“̶̡̨̙̠̲̥͛̇͐̃̽ͤͯ̄͑ͯ̈̀͗̋͐͟F̸̡̠̙̰̯͔̳͓͉͈͎̫̠̆̐̆̓̅ͨ̀͐̄̉ͣ̐͢͢I̷̥͔͚̝̺͙̤̰̫̦̩̬̞̎ͦ͛̂ͫ͆́̏͂̕͠͠N̴ͩͬ͗ͮ̀͢͏͙̹͕̘̤͙E̯̘̱̪͕ͦͧͯͣͥ͋̽̓ͩ̑̀̀̚ͅ!̶̧̧͚͙͇̣͎̦͕̮̙̹̩̬̒̿̑ͬ͒̓ͨͩ̾͒̾́̂̅ͅ!̃̈ͮ͌ͪ͊ͯͣ̈ͪ͂ͯ̚҉̮͚͉̟̮̥͚͓͍̯̳̕͟͝” Anti lunges at the camera, arm outstetched and hands clawed, ready to almost grab you. The facecam turned into TV static and disappeared, and the elevator around Jack started to break down in glitches. The walls ran with vibrant broken colours, the textures switching sides several times. Worried, Jack retreated to the centre of the room.
“Shit, shitshitshit.” All of a sudden the speakers and several rides from the circus rides glitch through the ceiling and straight through Jack, but the wires and cords latch onto him and pull, trying to make him go through the floor into the unknown. “NO–” he yelps, trying to fight against it. “Fucks sake Anti i dont want this– i’m so sick of you trying to control me–!”
“̵̡̡Ì͟m ͏͞s͜͡o͘͝ ̡s͘͟͡ic̷̴k̢ óf̸ ͞w̢͠-͘w̧͟a̛͝-̧w̵̡a̶̡i̡̛t͝i͏͜n̛͝g̀͝ ̢f̶͢͝o̵͝r̡͞ ͏ỳ̨̛o͏u̴͠ ̢͘͞t͢-̵͞t̶ǫ g̢͏i̵̡͜v̧͢ȩ͟ ̸͟ùp,̢͝ ͢i҉̨͢ ̧͟͞m̧͝ì̵͢ǵht͟ ̶as̀͢ ̨́͞well̴ ͢k-k͞҉-̶̴k̴͢҉I͘͠L̴L͞ Y̕͝OU̸̢͘ ̸̢Ǹ͢O̢W̸͜!̨͜” The cords dragged Jack down more, making him go onto his knees, the glitches dripped down the walls more and more, creeping towards the floor. If jack can’t escape, the glitches will reach the floor, make Jack fall through it, and he will be lost inside this circus game forever.
Just seeing this happen… you felt a strong incline for Jack to win. If all goes to plan Jack will be lost forever, and Anti will take over. Jack struggled and fought, cursing under his breathe as he tried to wriggle out of the cords. The glitches dripped more and more, getting closer as time grew short.
But despite it all, Jack broke through. Anti’s chants and glitched facecam and video, made Jack more determined to win. He didn’t want to be a puppet of his game, a toy, a shell.
“FUCK YOU ANTI!” Jack announced, pulling hard at the cords. “YOU GLITCH BITCH MOTHERFUCKER, YOU’RE JUST DEPRESSED BECAUSE YOU CAN’T HAVE A BODY OF YOUR OWN TO SHOW OFF YOUR MASSIVE EGO.” Blue sparks flew off of the cords, the glitches have hit the floor, and they were growing toward the green beacon. But with determination, the cords snapped, and the whole video had plunged into darkness.
“Thank you… for hearing my call” a faint voice said. A Jack’s voice said. A small giggle was followed after that, and the video ends there. Jack had defeated Anti for the time being.
(Some bits were made up in this dream but only to fill in the blanks, but most of this DID happen in the dream. Sorry its super long!!!)
This isn’t a word associated with Scorpio much. More than anything, like their co-ruled Aries under Mars, Scorpio repels while attracting. It’s usually Scorpio that consciously or unconsciously provokes fear in others. And thats because they may be perceived as a body floating in a black, empty void. Like Pluto. They strike fear in others because Scorpio has danced with death and become buried alive by pain. Scorpio confronts others with the terror they would rather avoid, passively. Many people fear death, and Scorpio’s presence offsets the energy that reminds people of the impending shift of consciousness. Some people are energized by this. Other people are intimidated by Scorpios for reasons they can’t pinpoint. And for this many Scorpios find people instantly like them or are repelled by them.
Fear is what drives the lower evolved Scorpio to evil, crime, cruelty and power hunger. Their inability to negotiate the underworld torrents, the plunge into infinite blackness with only their senses to rely on. And while alone, tumbling through a shadowy Pluto abyss, the less integrated Scorpio grabs a hold of anything they perceive will provide them a pillar to step foot on or satisfy their own spiral of indwelling mysteries. This comes through abuses of power and the grotesque manipulation of people through contaminated Pluto water. Authority, money, control and dominance provide a platform on what is a seeming infinite abyss of unknown blackness. And Pluto turns into a dirty waste product when Scorpios, or any of us processing Pluto submit to the underworld guardian with fear, ignorance, aggression and fail to confront our own psychological processes and harness the transformative facilities.
These lesser evolved characters have coloured the Scorpio imagery with malevolence and painted Pluto as the assassin dwelling in the shadows. And yet this is typical of Pluto, to illuminate the murkiness while shielding the light. Harsh and humble. Unlike Saturn who stirs the rapids in the water and the flotation devices at every achieved obstacle; with Pluto, we are already submerged and blinded. Here we are forced to find the breath of life behind the eyes wide shut, the light found only in the darkness of the soul and the symphonies in silence.
This is powerful, yet all too overwhelming for some Scorpio incarnates. For some the blackness begins to leak into their soul and their reflex is to spread this in malicious acts of cruelty. We see this through corrupt politicians and remorseless criminals. But what they deem as ‘power’; sitting behind desks with profound titles, victimising other individuals, possessing ultimate authority, religious command and monetary esteem is the ultimately powerless attempt to fill a void of fear. This is a fear of the deep, spiritual and unconscious processes and difficult truths they cannot fathom or manage, and yet, it is largely these types deeming the integrated Scorpio - the healing mystic, the compassionate redeemer, the meditative solitary as weak or unsubstantiated. Intimidation is the response to their intimidation of their own inner world. This doesn’t attenuate their distress so their desire for power grows stronger and stronger and their acts becoming more desperate and callous. Scorpio is a complex sign that blends the purest and most volatile of the human traits. Where the zodiac has learned to form, own, converse, belong, express, analyze and balance; it has developed the human awareness to to consciously weave the web choose how to walk alongside the gatekeeper. -C.
“Until we have met the monsters in our own heart, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all the darkness in the world stems from the darkness in the heart. And it is there we must do our work”
— Marianne Wilson
They won’t understand you. They won’t. I know this, because I used to be on their side, stuck in a dead end office, working a shitty job, making decent pay. My family and friends were convinced I’d lost my mind when I gleefully leaped into the unknown abyss of cooking. I suppose they thought it was a phase I’d soon grow out of. Could this be you? Maybe finishing high school and are contemplating a life in the kitchen, or are already in culinary school. Maybe its not you, but rather someone close to you. Whatever the circumstances, if you’ve gotten this far, I implore you to keep reading.
Regardless, keep reading.
Most will never know what it’s like to make a living as a professional cook or chef, and that makes me smile. It’s something of which I am arrogantly proud. No, not because I think we’re better than anyone, but because of the fact that to be a really good cook or chef it takes tremendous physical, mental and emotional fortitude. Most people don’t have, nor appreciate the gifts we’ve been given, and this often includes our front of the house counterparts.
Seven days a week, we show up willing to get our asses kicked. We sign up for this in exchange for an opportunity to express ourselves through food. There’s no such thing as weekends or holidays. We might get a random Tuesday off, and if we’ve put in the proper dues and happen to be in cahoots with the chef, we just might have the good fortune of being exonerated from working the dreaded Sunday morning brunch shift. No one wants to work Sunday morning. We work longer days than just about anyone. Days start early and end late, typically when the rest of the western world is changing into their PJs, brushing their teeth and hopping into bed. The length, isn’t the hard part though, its the depth. Fifteen hours on your feet is grueling enough to scare away some fence-straddlers, but on top of that, consider the kitchen atmosphere where everything is either excruciatingly hot or sharp as hell. Cooks scurry around cussing, the printer spewing out tickets as fast as it can, and for hours every inch of one’s body is physically tested. Emotions are tested, and sometimes you will fail that test. You’ll break into frustration mid-shift, relying on a teammate to help pull you through. Your mental strength will be tested — misreading tickets, overcooking steaks, undercooking pasta, or completely blanking the fuck out on any number of things, once again having to rely on a teammate to pull you through. You’ll do the same for him — it’s how we survive. Close call finger-nicks and tears shed while chopping onions don’t phase us, not even secondarily. Screaming hot 50 pound pots of salted water simmer away, not boiling fast enough most of the time. When the potatoes or pasta are ready to come out, chances are a dry towel is nowhere to be found, and lacking time to search, we somehow make do, most likely further searing the callouses up and down our already damaged hands. Pain is an after thought, it doesn’t phase us. It can’t, or the whole ship sinks. We owe it to the warriors next to us to keep going. There will also be a point mid-shift, when you’ll have to make a dash to the dry storage pantry, or the walk-in cooler. Darting across the obstacle course of the kitchen typically includes maintaining one’s sense of balance while leaping across oil-slicked tile, dodging pans flying in the vicinity of the dish pit, and having to weave in and out of fellow line cooks, then back into our place on the line. This is all to be done without dropping your supplies, or worse, disrupting the rhythm of the team. Disrupt the rhythm, and we all go down with you. This takes serious skills. To create the rhythm necessary for success on the kitchen line takes hours and sometimes years working together as a unit, in the trenches, slugging it out, together. Next to the military in full fledged combat, a group of guys and gals in the kitchen know teamwork better than anyone.
Let’s say you made it to the end of the service. By now several hours have elapsed since the first tickets came chirping through the printer, and the apron draped around your neck now resembles something your dog might have chewed to hell after having splashed through the mud. You are filthy, but pots are done flying across the kitchen, flames from the burners are dulled to mere pilot lights and for the first time all night, you have a minute to breathe. A Red Bull sounds pretty good right about now, or traditionally, a cigarette in the cool fresh air outside of the kitchen hits the spot for most chefs. The burns on your hand have probably blistered already, and now that you actually have a minute, the pain hits you. The slightest of breaks and its back to business identifying prep needs for the following day. It’s the easy part of the night, coasting home, after a dozen hours afoot. Now, the challenge is powering through when your mind is occupied with fantasies of beers, shots, the dive bar across the street and the pretty new waitress whose name you’ve already forgotten.
If there is one thing I’ve learned as a chef, it is that we are always learning to adapt —rolling with the punches. We put ourselves out there as artists and creators. Its a beautiful thing to have the opportunity to express ourselves through the creation of food, and the food we craft should be an expression of who we are. What we create is just as much of how the world has shaped us, as it is us shaping the way we see the world through our food. Unfortunately, most diners don’t connect with our perspective. They want their food, their way, and it pisses us the hell off. Chances are, if you aren’t a chef, this has been you, and we have undoubtedly bitched about you to our fellow cooks. If you’ve ever put your work out into the world, you know how much it stings to have your work not appreciated as you intended. This is what keeps us up at night asking ourselves how could I do it better, and what should I have done differently? It eats at us if we let it.
Don’t let it.
Chances are your family, friends and virtually anyone close to you will be unsuccessful in understanding the life you have chosen for yourself, but maybe this letter helps, just a bit. If so, they might understand why your mind is racing at 2AM after a 400 cover Friday night, and why you can’t celebrate Mother’s Day brunch with the fam. Perhaps now they might understand why every square inch of your body hurts most of the time, and how there really are no sick days in restaurants. They might understand why we settle for grossly underpaid wages, and hopefully they can read between the lines, and figure out why we bitch about customers upon getting off of work. They might understand how the stress from our jobs might lead us to have a few cocktails, which might be followed with a few bad decisions. Above all, if nothing else, maybe they will see that we can’t imagine our lives any other way.
I’ll take a hand full of burn blisters, some achy knees and the hankering for a cocktail at the end of the night, over ever having to sit at another desk miserably debating whether or not to shove needles through my eye balls. Living this life means we get to be creative. It means we get to showcase our skills in the heat of battle, feeling the adrenaline rush of sloshing through the trenches with guys to our left and right. These are guys we’re lucky to call teammates. It means we get to be creative and stand proud for something we believe in. We get to sleep with a certain piece of mind and awaken the following morning hungry for more. Even if it means suiting up for brunch every now again, we get to make a difference in the lives of people around us, in the best way we know how. We get to make them happy, and we get to through food.
Promise me this:
Show up every day looking to make the most of it. Learn from the best, seek to be the best, and once you are on your way, teach others to be the best. This life won’t be easy. It will be damn hard, but it will be worth it, and in the end you will have lived a life of which you are proud, one that’s yours, and in doing so, you get to make the world taste a bit better in the process.
A Guide to Being a 17 year old:
First, you have to be indecisive. And I mean, REALLY indecisive. Think of it as trying to pick a flavor of ice cream, except your decision will determine what kind of ice cream you eat for the rest of your life, and some of the flavors could possibly kill you. You also have to be moody. And I mean, REALLY moody. But I don’t mean occasionally crabby. I mean some days you don’t want to get out of bed because the world will seem like the flattest goddamn bottle of champagne out there, and other days you will be that bottle. Once in awhile you’ll get these crazy urges, probably while you’re trying to sleep, and you’ll feel like cleaning your entire house or being the next great contemporary poet. Chances are you will remain in bed and proceed to get anxious about everything you could be doing. That’s another thing. You have to worry a lot. And I mean, REALLY worry. It’ll feel like you have an internal bees nest and just when things have settled down, the one kid from down the block you can’t get rid of bombards it with his slingshot. Most of the time you don’t even know what the hell you’re worried about. You just worry. But enough about your weird habits. You’ll figure those out eventually. The real kicker comes when you decide to venture into the unknown abyss of love. Yes, you will love. And I mean, REALLY love. But not right away. You’ll meet a girl, probably over social media because you’re too afraid to actually talk to her in person. She’s gonna intrigue you. This is how it goes. You’re going to try so hard to impress her with your witty, flirtatious phrases and eloquent words. Spoiler: it works. But don’t get too excited. You’ll start to think wow! I really like this person, but I don’t know if we’re ACTUALLY compatible because we completely bypassed the friend stage, the basis of all successful relationships. Actually, scratch that last part. You won’t realize that until afterwards. Anyways. You’ll date for awhile. You’ll see a few movies. You’ll start to think about her lips on your jaw and the electricity pulsing through your nerve endings when her hand rests on your arm. You’ll call it love, for the sake of labels. Then, when you’re way too invested to have any hope of a happy ending, things will go bad. And I mean, REALLY bad. You’ll start to constantly question yourself when she doesn’t look at you the same way. You’ll try to change yourself because your whole life you’ve never known anything different. You’ll break up. A jagged split that’s anything but symmetrical. Pieces of you will be left on the other side. You tell yourself you’ll learn from it; you’ll become a better person. But the worst is not the break. The worst is having to keep yourself company afterwards. You are a recently finished party where no one was quite interested enough to stay. You sit alone in the big hollow house that is yourself. You’ll crave attention. The kind that comes with temporary longing and permanent regret. You are once again the flat champagne bottle, hanging on the rack as people talk about what you once were. But you won’t change. You won’t do a damn thing about it. Because this is what’s comfortable to you. Being stuck in a boat that’s constantly taking on water but never enough to sink. You will not be the motor that propels you to shore. But just when it looks like you’re about to go down, someone will save you. Someone unexpected. She will come like the calm sea breeze rolling in on a Tuesday afternoon. You are tentative. Your heart is like the Christmas gift you’d rather keep yourself than give to someone else. But she will take it. It won’t be like before. Your walls will be violently torn down, and you’ll realize the human body is a work of art no prodigy could capture. You’ll no longer wonder about the future; you’ll long for it. You can’t wait for the moments when you can wipe that little bit of toothpaste from the corner of her mouth or ask what you can make her for dinner. Yes, you will want to make her dinner. And while you still don’t know what flavor of ice cream you want and you still haven’t figured out what you’re worrying about and that flat champagne bottle still hangs from the depths of your mind, everything will feel okay. The swinging pendulum that is your delicate life will settle into an unfamiliar but pleasant rhythm for as long as it can. But there’s one last thing you should hear…
Dan and Phil are laughing. Suddenly, Phil has the urge to poke Dan’s left dimple. He pokes Dan’s dimple and gets sucked into the deep unknown abyss. Phil is not there anymore. There is a new channel called AmazingDan.
The year of 2016 shall in many peoples memories, be a year of complete and total shit. A year that saw the rise and fall of many great things. From Donald Trump to Harambe memes and everything in between, 2016 was a year of transition.
And so too was it for me a year of transition. A year where I said goodbye to a great many things yet at the same time ushering in a new chapter in the book of Destery. Which is not a real book because if it was, it would be full of poop jokes and terrible humor.
So much like the years before me, in addition to listing my accomplishments throughout this year, I’ll follow it up with what I’d like to see achieved in 2017 and hopefully at the end of it, I can look back and say “man this year didn’t suck, thats amazing! How new!”
1. YouTube 2016 was one of the most eye opening and easily the most financially lucrative years on YouTube I’ve ever had. this year alone I gained almost 250,000 subscribers, almost doubling what I gained last year, And finally hitting that magical One million subscriber mark that people have been long anticipating. And while numbers don’t truly mean that much to me, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t extremely proud of how far I’ve come. That said, this year also was a huge year of transition on YouTube for me. I ceased making WTF NEWS on Shane’s channel and started up WTF FIVE, a show that was definitely out of my comfort zone when I first started it; but I’m glad I took the risk as it’s taught me a lot about myself in the process of the show’s growth, now reaching almost 1 Million people per video. WTF NEWS was moved to my Capndesdes, which has quickly became the #1 most viewed show on my channel. In addition, i stopped doing the Recap vlogs and brought back the Destery watch vlogs which I believe feels a lot more personal and allows me to have sort of a conversation with people rather than just talk about my life that really isn’t all that exciting anyways. I stopped doing the Monthly favorite videos, I stopped doing Real Ass Talk videos, I stopped streaming on twitch, I closed down my MineCraft server, and I haven’t posted a QNA in over a year, but regardless, true fans and viewers have still stuck by my side, eager for whatever random shit I dish out next. In the next year I hope to continue posting my WTF NEWS videos, Destery Watch vlogs, random skits, as well as bring back the Capndesdes QNA videos as I greatly enjoyed doing them.
2. EXPANDING With all the phasing out of older video series, many people began wondering: what the hell is destery doing with his time anyways? And while YouTube will always be a main passion and income source for me, 2016 proved to be the first year where I tried expanding my reach in more than just the digital world. So in order to cut back even more on the amount of time I spend per week doing YouTube, I hired two editors this last year who have been a tremendous help to me in allowing myself more time to focus on more pressing concerns than spending 5 fucking hours editing a video. And With the free time gained from the help of my editors, I was able to focus on something I’ve always wanted to do: make a board game. And Though the game is still very much in it’s alpha phase, I’ve recently also hired two artists who are already taking the game from just an idea into a magnificent work of art that has inspired me even more to have it released. I can’t wait for you guys to play it and remark on just how fucking nerdy I am that one of my dreams in life was to make a board game.
3. STEPPING OUT OF MY HOBBIT HOLE So one of my resolutions for last year was to travel. To see more than just the worlds and places I see on TV and to actually venture into the scary unknown abyss known as “outside”. Well this year I’m happy to report that I travelled a metric fuck ton. Starting with going to Tennessee last January; then to Las Vegas in March, then exploring cool new places here in Portland, visiting my mom and Nathan in Idaho twice on a long and terrible car ride, Then to The land which I promised I would never return in Orlando Florida, then to a weekend in Seattle, and then again to Tennessee. This year was by far the most I’ve ever travelled and I’m extremely proud that I was able to leave my comfort zone which is really just my apartment filled with cats and video games, to embark on a quest to see more of the world.
4. BODY IMAGE SO fun fact - I’ve never really thought very highly of myself. Even if I have all of these accomplishments and useless to mediocre talents like making transformer sounds with my mouth, I still have a hard time with my own self worth and image. So this last year I vowed to test myself. To push myself harder than I ever have before both mentally and physically. And though I still look like a sad sack of uncooked chicken, My increasing desire to work out, eat healthy, and ice skate rigorously has only been briefly halted this year by my own doubts and the evil addicting nature of Taco Bell. I know that this year I can prove to myself even more that I am a Warrior and I will not give in to doubt or 2 dollar chicken burritos.
So those were my accomplishments I felt were worth noting this year, And as I venture forth into the next year, I have but one resolution. STOP BEING LAZY. The largest hurdle between me and greatness is the limitations I set in my own mind And the inability to act on opportunity simply because it requires work. Nothing is simply achieved. Everything requires work - and my goal this year to be someone who constantly strives to work their hardest. Not only for my fans and people who look up to me, but to myself as well. When you’re sad and feeling helpless, many times, it’s hard to dig yourself out of the hole you’ve made. But inaction is greater a crime than trying and failing. Inaction leads to settling. Settling leads to regret, and regret leads to a mundane life. And if theres one thing I know, I will never settle for the mundane. Because the weird - The strange. The people who try something they’ve never done, or attempt something that frightens them - Those are the people who change the world.
Falling is staying up until 4:30 even though you have to be up in two hours.
Falling is making sure you always wish her a good nights sleep.
Falling is using a tank of gas in one day just to see her for a minute.
Falling is staying on the phone even when neither is talking because just
knowing she is there is comforting.
Falling is wishing you could give her food when she says she’s hungry
And wishing that you could curl up to her side when she says she’s tired.
Falling is asking how her day was and then trying to make it even better.
Falling is reading her horoscope.
Falling is making stupid faces just to hear her laugh.
Falling is saying “no” to everybody else because all you can think about is her smile.
Falling is seeing her eyes and wondering how anybody could speak lies into them.
Falling is knowing there are negatives but choosing to focus on the positive.
It is wanting her heart but understanding that she had to give it to you at her own pace.
Falling is being terrified.
It’s questioning your sanity.
And falling is suffocating under the idea that she might now feel the same.
Like drops of rain from an overflowing cloud,
I am falling.
Maybe too fast.
Maybe not fast enough.
But I am descending towards an unknown abyss
And I do not want to stop.
❛ ME TOO, ME TOO!!! ❜ he's the captain so no way in HELL he's getting left out — and so there he goes, a smooch right on the lips.
if it was his captain, of all people, to begin this chain of kisses … he wouldn’t be as surprised as when the cook first met his lips. actually, it would’ve been preferred because of the unknown abyss of innocence within the pirate king. unlike sanji who claims to have an expertise in romance ( hah ), luffy doesn’t know a thing about it.
in other instances, he would not care about the clueless straw hat bearer, but in this case, he is relieved. so when the other comes along, boisterous as always, and gives the swordsman a mess of a kiss, he’s the only one he allows to linger for a moment ( knowing there were no significance behind it ) before grabbing the straw hat he wore and pushing it into the other’s face. ‘hey, this isn’t some kind of game of who gets to kiss who. ’
When we begin to understand that relationships are not always meant to last, we can also have a deeper appreciation for the experiences we share with people while they are in our lives. Though it may sadden you to consider the end of a relationship, you can begin to appreciate the people in your life for the sheer reason that they exist in your present. People come and go, but memories last forever.
The lessons people teach us and the hardships they help us navigate are never forgotten. These memories become permanent parts of us and continue to shape who we become. Just because a relationship does not last does not mean that it is insignificant in any way. It is not the amount of time these relationships last that is important, but instead, it is the ability to remember them.
Once we can accept the realization that relationships are fleeting, our lives will be filled with vast moments of appreciation. Appreciation for each relationship in its entirety and the uniqueness of the moments that you share together — appreciation for the present.
Leaving people behind is never easy — it never feels right to move on to the next chapter. But, as life continues onward, so do we, and just because we leave people, it does not mean we must forget the times we shared. It does not mean that all those things must be lost in some unknown abyss. All we can ask is to remember and that those whom we once loved remember us, too.
I am indubitably appreciative of my growth past extensive fits of depression and / or anxiety, and that I no longer retaliate against myself with self harm or starvation. I am so glad that I am fully capable of realizing the love others have for me, and that I have such a strong support system always on my side; and I am so glad they no longer have to worry about me. But there are times that I feel so low and consumed by fog that I can barely find the recognition of my own breath, and watching myself sink into an unknown abyss seems utterly inevitable. I get so lost and entranced by the spiralling motion that any hope for healthily digging myself out is essentially slim to none, because, regrettably, I am incapable of refreshing myself of my values and my divinity. It is so horrific to venture back to these dark days alone, and I am aware that I might not have to. I am so loved. But everybody has finally stopped worrying, why would I make them start again? I wish somewhere felt like home.
see the way people look at you? that small flick of their eyes as they blink; eyes raising to meet yours for a millisecond of eternity. a thousand words exchanged in a split second, a communication of strangers. you don’t know them, they don’t know you. but in that moment there is an understanding, a common cry of every human.
what am I doing? what is my purpose? what does it mean?
you scream this with every fibre of your being. (scream) how has no one heard? they cannot see. you hide it behind pretty words that climb and vine they’re way around you as if their delicate flowers could ever protect you from the truth. the truth is only your lies sustain them.
the stranger can see, they empathise, they acknowledge
a scream of humanity, a disease that is more deadly then that which plagues our bodies. the howling winds of the abyss. of the unknown. we have learn to ignore it, in ourselves and others. flowers are prettier in all their lie, preferable to the abyss. the only moment it’s seen is in a strangers eyes for that millisecond of acknowledgment. it’s all you can bare.
Aries is the birth of a nation; Taurus is the way it establishes itself financially; Gemini is the connections it makes with other countries; Cancer is the way it offers its resources to assist those in need, whether they are natives or on the other side of the earth. Leo is the way its culture shines; Virgo is the global developments that come from it; Libra is the harmony and rapport between governments; Scorpio is the jealousy, greed, or anger that starts devastating wars. Sagittarius is the revolution that overthrows corruption; Capricorn is the new and improved society, rebuilt bigger and better; Aquarius is the return to peace, invention, and humanity’s evolution; and Pisces is the abyss of the unknown future, fate, shifting between apocalypse and transcendence – will we conquer the universe, or disappear in the blink of an eye?
“Yes I do think that the stars are quite bright tonight. Sometimes my mind wonders as to what it would be up there amongst the darkness of the skies floating into an abyss of the unknown.” Blues hues would become crystallised as Keira would become dazed by space but most of all reflecting on the problems she was currently facing. Despite being a QUEEN everything still seemed rather empty. Exhaling deeply, turning neck as lips would offer a faint smile as if to hide sadness beneath her pale face, eyes would flutter as Keira was rather nervous even if she were a witch & had power over everyone she could not get over her fear of being open with anyone.” You look well tonight but I take it you’re here to discuss business & to give me an update on the enemies that have made landing on the shores this morning? We can defeat them.” Pale hands would press down firmly down her blue silky dress, slender exposed shoulders would shiver from the cold.
From what unknown abyss rose this genius? From what
maternal depths did this creature strive towards the light?
Robespierre was timeless, sterile, neither young nor old. But
beside him was that mysterious being who was at once light and darkness, the soldier and lawgiver Saint-Just, who at the age of twenty-seven, still at his side, was to mount the scaffold. Never will the world’s astonishment at this youth grow dim; and never will it be able to decide between timid admiration of his greatness and horror of his inhumanity. Saint-Just was not of this world; but no one could say whether he had risen from the Realms of Death to warn mankind of the frailty of its pleasures and hopes, or whether he was a messenger from that Empire of Light where bodies have no substance, tears are unknown and the Book of Wisdom lies eternally open in the brilliance of infinite day.
His was an unearthly beauty. His large deep-blue eyes re-
flected the firmament of an unknown universe. His fair curly
hair fell over his rounded forehead, almost touching his eye-
brows, whose delicate arches continued the curve of his nose. His mouth was finely moulded and almost unnaturally pure, as if formed by the spatula of an artist. Whence came the almost delirious charm of this physiognomy? Perhaps from the ability to inspire both tenderness and icy fear. If one felt inclined to lay one’s hand on those golden locks thickly covering the childlike head, one also wished to flee to the end of the world from the enigmatic hardness of that look. Had another mouth ever touched those perfect lips? What did that face look like asleep: were the cheeks flushed, the mouth open? Did he ever sleep? Was he alive? Was he dead? His bearing was almost stiff, with measured steps he mounted the tribune, his hands folded behind his back, making no gestures. His chin rested motionless on his
massive cravat, which was carefully starched. Only his golden earrings dangled gently above the high collar of his frock-coat.
‘Power belongs to the phlegmatic!’ he called to his friend
Robespierre, when the latter’s face became contorted with rage. His calm was terrifying, for it radiated a coldness that seemed to destroy all life…His cruelty was never that of a brute, but of a superhuman judge. Almost all the great death sentences of the Convention were his work. He demanded the head of the King, the death of the Girondins, the death of his friend Hebert and his party; the death of his friend Desmoulins, the death of Danton, the death of Herault. Inflexible and graceful he looked as he stood on the tribune, the light shining on his golden curls, his earrings gently dangling, while no expression nor movement broke the paradisal calm of that face the face of the Angel of Death…
For he understood the language of the dead. It was said that
as a boy he had fixed up a room with a black cloth on which
white death’s-heads appeared, and that in this room, by the light of two weak candles, he loved to meditate. Certain it is that he had intimate and mysterious relations with death not only with the death who had the features of a handsome youth and held an inverted torch, but also with the death which he was preparing for others. The white hands of this annihilator were not spotted with a single drop of blood, for the contamination did not reach him. The headless and decomposing corpses of his victims taught him a wisdom which culminated in absolute contempt for life. “Let those who are ambitious go and walk for an hour in the cemetery, where the tyrant and the conspirator sleep together!”ran his famous report on the ‘general police’. Death indeed spoke to him and taught him that the fight was over, that life was nothing, and that the pleasure of returning to the soil lasted for ever. ‘I despise the dust of which I am made!’
Perhaps he was himself the genius of death, in whose eyes the whole kingdom of insensibility was reflected; perhaps he was himself the torch-bearer whose cool beauty inspires calm in the poor hearts of men and whose aspect impresses by its very inability to suffer. Never was there such a pure reflection in such dark waters and never was a mortal man so immersed in the invisible stream of oblivion. Silently the stars journey through time, while the human race strives impotently with unrecognised longing towards immortality. Tears fall and become spinning worlds, sighs escape and swell into the harmony of the spheres. The smile of a God fills the globe with fertility and again the sweet source of human suffering begins to flow. But he needed neither food nor drink, sought neither the poppy nor the grape, neither grew cold nor hot; nothing hurt him, nothing made him glad: he was there beautiful, precise, naked Death itself.
(From Robespierre the incorruptible by Friedrich Sieburg)
I am so sorry it ended up longer then a genuine drabble but I still hope you enjoy it!
“What is this room for you?” he asks, lightly caressing your cheek as his lost eyes focused on you. The abyss of unknown things you have thought about vanished slowly before trying to unravel Hoseok’s strange question.
“What do you mean?” you ask back, placing your right hand in between your cheek and pillow as you turn your entire body to face him.
Note: Read the notes at the bottom for clarification, if anything, leave a comment or message me if something still doesn’t make sense. Remember, NO SPOILERS PLEASE, in the comments or anywhere on this account. I have not finished the novel. I stopped reading for now so I can translate. No copy/paste and all that other shenanigans either. Vote/likes are highly appreciated. (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و
Co-translated @Dezilen (yes you’ve helped plenty silly), co-edit by @wpattison, and @WeiLiu5 for making sure I translated correctly from the Chinese counterpart. (all wattpadd accounts)
˚ஐ₊✧(❝᷀ੌ ˙̮ ❝᷀ੌॢ●)⁺˳ஐ༚ Thank you all!!
The babbling some readers glance at XD: This is the longest chapter I’ve translated so far…so long. It feels like I’ve been translating this chapter for a month, seriously, I have gray hairs now. I want everyone to know, that I DID added some juicy parts that are not from the original novel because I felt like some parts were not descriptive enough, or needed some more oommpphhh, BUT the original contents were not removed at all.
This chapter is rated: M *had to bold that M*
As always, THANK YOU for reading and enjoying the journey our SUPER ACTIVE boys:
GU HAI & BAI LUO YIN
Chapter 145: A MIRACULOUS MOMENT to WITNESS
If truth be told, since the night Bai Luo Yin ran back home, he already knew it, felt it in the depths of his bones, that this inevitable day had been long ordained. Choosing to be with Gu Hai was the same as choosing a path with no way out. He cannot be too preoccupied with always wanting to be the top forever. Even more so, escaping from it only signified that there’s a stain, a wrinkle….a ripple in the fabric of their relationship.
And yet……he was unwilling to part with Gu Hai.
All these contradictions, like barbed wires, thronged with sharp edges, twisted and turned endlessly together as it clung tightly to each other. It was impossible to unwind and straighten out this wretched entanglement and even the most noble of all scissors would not be able to break it apart. With just the slightest touch from these seemingly slithering wires, it had already been predetermined that a scorching, searing and extremely painful sensation would strike the pit of his already churning stomach.
He allowed his head to hang loose with eyes that looked as though they were staring into the abyss of an unknown place. Within seconds, he powerlessly laid his head upon Gu Hai’s broad shoulder. He really wanted to immediately break this person in half with his bare hands and swallow him whole until he reached the bottom of his stomach. In this way, he would not have to worry about being eaten by him. More importantly, he also would not have to worry about him running away.
Gu Hai’s trembling hands snaked toward Bai Luo Yin’s head, lifting it up from his own shoulder. Gently, he turned it ever so slightly allowing that familiar face to directly face him. Love was it. It was love that shielded his eyes, with a type of incurable addiction, he looked at those pair of stubborn pupils in front of him. And silently within his already tightened chest, it was as if his heart had the voice to verbalize his feelings, and it said:
You freaking smart ass, always torturing me all day. Making me impatient and hunger stricken. When I want to eat you up, you make it impossible. And when I want to hate you, my heart betrays me……How should I deal with you?
Bai Luo Yin was also keeping a weather eye on Gu Hai as voiceless thoughts crept into his restless mind. These thoughts unknowingly imitate ones similar to this obscene person as it scolded and cursed away.
You fucking greedy ass cat. All day, the only thing you know how to do is to eat. It would have been good if your fucking mouth was a bit smaller. Why must it be so big like that. Sooner or later, you’re going to die from getting so stuffed! *1
For about two minutes or so, the room was rather silent as the two sat staring at each others’ countenance. Quite different from their external surrounding, mentally, they were hurling insults at one another.
Once again, as if clock work, they shamelessly drew close, allowing their arms to gently take in each other’s warm body. As this embrace closed the distance that kept them apart, their lips met in a much needed kiss. It has been a while since they’ve tasted each other, yet like always, their lips fitted together so perfectly that they might as well have been doing it a thousand times over.
What it somewhat lacked in gentleness and that feeling of romance, it made up with passion. One that was encircled by a scorching blaze.
Their beard stubbles chafed against each other, causing boundless amount of electric current to generate from their chin. It tickled their necks as it traveled along and gathered closely in their chests until it reached their stomachs. As if the end fuse of a bomb was lit, these electric currents exploded with a powerful reach and dispersed into every single nerve in their body.
It has been a long while since he has been deprived. He could almost feel in the depths of his heart and mind, that he indeed, missed and longed for it. Quickly this treacherous arousal greedily emerged. Gu Hai’s hands weaved their way toward the hem of Bai Luo Yin’s shirt and slowly crawled underneath, before inching solicitously upward along the smoothness of his skin.
Conforming with Gu Hai’s intimate touches, Bai Luo Yin squarely placed his hand between Gu Hai’s legs. He could feel the member beneath the soft fabric of the pant throbbing vigorously with vitality.
And at the same time, he could feel his own body’s heat reaching its boiling point.
The loud sound of gasping for air and panting spread throughout the living room.
In this fanatical and heated moment, Gu Hai’s hand suddenly stopped in track and he faintly said, “Go shower.”
But Bai Luo Yin wished to continue this.
Gu Hai, however, said once again, “I don’t want to force you. You must be quite tired as well from racking your brain just to torment me. Take a nice bath and have a good night sleep.”
After he finished saying this, he got up and started to walk away in a rather slow mannerism.
Bai Luo Yin was right behind Gu Hai, staring at him with a very peculiar expression in his eyes for a quite a while. Suddenly he leaped forward and chased after him. His arm swung and made a loop around Gu Hai’s neck, gripping at it tightly with a rather powerful force before he coldly asked:
“Trying to loosen the reign before you can capture the prey huh? You don’t have any good intentions do you?”
Gu Hai drew back the corner of his mouth into a rather overt smirk, “You know it and you still followed.”
With that said, he quickly turned around and suddenly closed the bathroom door. Looking at the lingering anger on Bai Luo Yin’s face that had yet to disappear, Gu Hai knew, that he had already agreed.
“Help me rub my back,” said Gu Hai as he turned around and let his back face Bai Luo Yin.
Bai Luo Yin ignored him, picked up the shower sprinkler and slowly rinsed his own body down.
Less than a second later, Gu Hai unexpectedly jumped in front of him, and without any explanation at all, he snatched the shower sprinkler from Bai Luo Yin’s hand. He adjusted the sprinkler to its maximum pressure, faced it toward little Yin Zi and sprayed the water at it as if to rinse it.
Suddenly a warm sensation gathered together in that weak and sensitive area. It was like a big hand was on top of his member, gently and softly caressing it. All of a sudden, Bai Luo Yin’s legs weakly trembled before he shifted and stepped back. He wanted to evade and hide from this kind of excitement that made it hard for people, for for him, to endure.
Unfortunately, Gu Hai’s hand responded with great speed and followed closely, continuing to spray the water. Bai Luo Yin’s body moved back again until his back made contact with the ice-cold wall of the shower stall. As the coldness that permeated from wall coursed throughout his body, he could not help but to let a moan emerge from the back of his throat and escape his lips.
Gu Hai laughed rather frivolously, “That moan was very seductive, let me hear it again.”
Bai Luo Yin raised his hand, with every intention to smack Gu Hai a couple of times. However, instead Gu Hai seized this grand opportunity and tightly gripped Bai Luo Yin’s wrist. Then along with having already seized the other hand, Gu Hai bind them firmly together with only one of his hand. He pulled them both up and held them fast at the top of Bai Luo Yin’s head.
With much control and ease, Gu Hai stooped slightly down and started to gently and slowly lick and bite along Bai Luo Yin’s smooth and wet neck. His tongue teased and took its time to taste the skin, feeling the veins underneath throb a bit faster every time his teeth lightly grazed against it.
Accompanied by a stream of water that ran down profusely from the top of Bai Luo Yin’s head, Gu Hai kissed his way down.
The moist warmth on Bai Luo Yin’s nipple brought such a shock of pleasure that he forgot every thought that had been floating through his brain. Gu Hai had his mouth there, kissing and nibbling on it for a while before his skilled tongue wandered elsewhere.
Gu Hai continued to kiss and bite his way passed the underarm, down the side of the torso, and stomach………
The dense hair between Bai Luo Yin’s leg was washed clean and softened by the streaming water, allowing Gu Hai’s tongue to easily sweep it away before locating its main target. His tongue flicked over it briefly, bewitchingly, seductively, then with tantalizing slowness, he slid the member in and out of his mouth. Ever so tenderly, he sucked down on it, worrying it with his teeth as his tongue wrapped warmly, moistly around the shaft. Each time his head bobbed back and forth, his teeth would lightly scrape against the soft skin.
He picked his flirtatious eyes off the ground and intuitively glanced at Bai Luo Yin. His eyes licked over him with caressing heat as he surveyed his pliable chest, the lustrous smoothness of his belly, the sensuous flair of his hips that flowed into the firmness of his soft and supple thighs, and the long and flowing lines of his lovely legs……legs that could easily wrap around a man, and with much ease, hold him prisoner until he could no longer think straight…until he willingly drowns in a sea of wild ecstasy.
Bai Luo Yin felt pain and numbness crowded together in his limbs but even worse, he felt a sense of shame. Now feeling as if his breaths were being taken away unwillingly, he crudely gasped for more air. He then took Gu Hai’s head and pressed hard on it with his hands. However, having momentarily neglecting the fact that his own member was still in Gu Hai’s mouth, for a split second, he felt an intense pain coursed throughout his member.
The expression of his own enjoyment and endurance painted itself vividly on Gu Hai’s face. With the look of pleasure kissing his face joyfully, Gu Hai’s member became slightly swollen of its own accord even without it being touched or fondled with.
Under the flowing water, the two wet bodies were excited and stimulated until their erections were at their peak. They gently caressed, stroked, kissed, and rubbed against each other. Their breaths were accompanied by the flowing water and blended harmoniously into a beautiful symphony. This sound entered their ears and excited them even more.
“Baby, I want you.”
Gu Hai took Bai Luo Yin’s hand within his own and placed in on his already burning member. He wanted him to know, to feel in the deepest part of his heart and mind, that he was not able to wait any longer.
Bai Luo Yin’s lip moved, but he didn’t say anything.
Gu Hai held onto to him tightly, yet this hug was tender and full of gentleness. His eyes were closed and shielded with a heavy passion that refused to go away, and his seductive lips were slightly parted. The curve of Bai Luo Yin’s mouth, a mouth that was like saccharine, an infinitely desirable magnet hovering within mere inches of his lips, was made to be traced by a man’s tongue. He wanted to feel his soft lips yield under him again. He watched as those enticing lips slightly parted, breaths quickening and then becoming shallow.
For a very long time, Gu Hai kissed him. It was like a silent promise.
This time, I will be very gentle, very soft and gentle……
Lying on his stomach on the cool sheets of the bed, he could clearly see before his eyes all kinds of scented lubricants. Just from looking at those items seemingly taunting him, Bai Luo Yin felt as though, he himself was at an execution ground awaiting his inevitable death.
Amongst the various lubricant bottles, Gu Hai picked one and skillfully twisted off the cap, allowing the aroma to dispersed throughout the room. He squeezed a bit of the oil on his hand and kept in mind what the book pinpointed as the main aspects.
You must be patient and meticulous. Do not act with undue haste or eagerness.
On the contrary, who could have imagined that this kind of slow pace movements and rhythm caused Bai Luo Yin to feel even more mentally strained. He waited for a long time and continued to do so but even then Gu Hai still has yet to make any sudden movement. So instead, this anticipation made his heartbeat reach a measurement of 180 beats per minute. Feeling a shortness of breath, he gasped for several gulps of air before he slowly slipped his body off the bed.
“Hey! Don’t run!”
Gu Hai grabbed one of Bai Luo Yin’s leg and dragged him back to his previous position on the bed. As he looked at the boy beneath him, he repeatedly cursed and blamed himself mentally.
Look at what you’ve done, you’ve scared him until he became like this……after you’ve done to him, just go into the bathroom and slap yourself in the mouth ten times!
Bai Luo Yin bore an expression of being slaughtered on his face as he pressed a pillow on his own head.
Gu Hai watched Bai Luo Yin somewhat amused, not knowing whether he should laugh or cry at this outcome, “Can you relax a little bit?”
By this point, Bai Luo Yin still did not say anything and refused to listen to any words that came from the other boy’s mouth. His entire body, from the top of his soft hair to the tip of his stubborn toes was in a state of readiness, seeming as though it was preparing for war.
The pain was about to come soon, so he must, at all cost, stand his ground in the face of this adversity.
Slowly and softly, Gu Hai placed both of his hands on Bai Luo Yin’s buttocks and gently massaged it. He wanted to help Bai Luo Yin’s tight and stiffened muscle to loosen up and relax within his touch, but in the end, Bai Luo Yin still refused to cooperate.
The more he rubbed and kneaded, the muscle became even tighter. The tighter it became, the more he wanted to use even more strength to make this piece of meat slacken. Ultimately, the more he rubbed, the more painful it became for Bai Luo Yin. So as a result, a wretched howl escaped his lips along with the searing pain. He incessantly smashed his hand on the bed.
Then Gu Hai noticed that, the piece of meat in front of his eyes has already turned slightly purple from his supposedly careful kneading. He doesn’t want to lost control again, he won’t. It had been hard enough just those few minutes ago to get this precious person to be here.
There was an internal battle raging between his heart and his head from trying to keep his hands, his mouth from crawling all over this body, to keep him from caressing and licking this sweet body, to keep him from stroking him where his emotions were so hotly centered.
Beads of sweats then formed and gathered together closely atop his forehead. Only then did he become aware that the sin that he had committed ran deeper than he had expected. That the wound caused would not just suddenly disappear.
“Yin Zi, don’t think about the situation from that day again. Please take this day as our first time, okay?”
Gu Hai then kissed the tip of Bai Luo Yin’s nose where small beads of sweats had already gathered. In a small voice he continued to whisper, assuring Bai Luo Yin of his solemn promise.
Hearing those soft words repeatedly resonant in the space closest to his heated lips, Bai Luo Yin’s frame of mind gradually became at peace, tranquility finally found it way on his body, bringing it into relaxation.
Gu Hai then moved his mouth toward the nape of Bai Luo Yin’s neck and following along the ridge of his spine, he kissed along this path while making sure to take his time. He traced the contour of each disc with his tongue as it swept over them. He could almost feel those thousands of nerves setting off with every contact it made with his warm mouth. He continued to lick, let his tongue danced of its own accord, and kissed its way downward until it reached the tailbone. He carefully twirled his tongue all around that sensitive area.
Bai Luo Yin could feel an incomparable tingling sensation, somewhat of an itch. His entire waist became numb so he shifted his body as to relief himself from this “discomfort.” However, an even more intense ticklish sensation surrounded him. it was numerous and closely knitted together as if a horde of ants were gnawing and nibbling away at his bones.
A short while later, he pulled tightly on the bed sheet and gasped desperately for air before forcefully letting it out. A wave of heat engulfed his brain causing his thoughts to momentarily become blank.
At that exact moment, Gu Hai’s teeth bit and nibble tenderly at Bai Luo Yin’s anus. It was as if he was intentionally nibbling lightly then hard. With much skill, he would quicken the pace, then slow down until he could feel Bai Luo Yin’s legs trembling almost violently.
Feeling that he had fondled and teased that area well enough, Gu Hai carefully spread those two now soften cheeks apart with his hands and attacked the inside. His burning tongue swept all around the entranceway. As he continued to run his tongue over it over and over again, he slowly tasted that spot he had so long missed.
Bai Luo Yin was both afraid and excited with anticipation. His fingers gripped tightly on the bed sheets creating a hundred or more of pleats on the fabric.
Finally, Gu Hai’s tongue rested solely on that tight passageway. With much desire sitting on the tip of his tongue, he squeezed his tongue inside.
A powerful electric current rapidly emerged from the pit of Bai Luo Yin’s stomach and sent heat rising all the way from the soles of his feet, to sweep through his body like brushfire. Then, a torrent of desire flowed through him, tightening on his internals in a steel vise. A familiar warm sense of pleasure ignited inside him as the marvelous, erotic heat continued to engulfed him whole. It turned his blood into a viscid flame that fired his body from the inside out.
His toes jerked from the shock of this electric current and suddenly his waist became rather erect, before curving into a slight arch. Unable to hold it back any longer, he moaned into the pleasure.
Since you want me to be in pain, is there really a need to make me feel pleasure now? You want to first send me to heaven then kick me down to hell, don’t you?
Once again, Gu Hai poured some lubricant on his fingers. His other hand skillfully snaked its way to Bai Luo Yin’s member and worked its magic there, seeking to provoke an excitement out of that fellow. While using this enticing method as a distraction, his fingers now moisten, sneaked toward that tight passageway and slowly pushed inside, inch by inch.
Quickly, Gu Hai’s finger was wrapped tightly inside by the warmth of the inner wall. His finger felt so warm, alive and strong as it slowly moved, pushing in lightly and softly. And that same warmth sent a tingling sensation spreading up his own arm in rippling waves of heartwarming contentment that flooded every single of his being.
A smiled graced his lips as he looked at Bai Luo Yin with eyes that seemed as though it could describe the other’s boy emotions.
“How is it? I didn’t lie to you, right? You don’t feel even a bit of pain at all, right?”
It went in so quickly and so easily like that? It can’t be! The difference in size is completely incomparable!
Bai Luo Yin turned his head around to look. As it turned out, it was just one finger.
Why the fuck are you showing off for when it’s just one finger huh?
Bai Luo Yin angrily twisted his head back, he could not help but to mentally complain about his own hardship.
It’s still too early, I just have to continue to endure it a bit longer!
When Gu Hai stretched out and inserted the second finger, he sensed a great deal of resistance. With this kind of obstruction opposing him, he patted then lightly slapped Bai Luo Yin’s ass several times, urging him to loosen up so that his muscle can relax and not push his fingers out.
Bai Luo Yin did not utter a single word as he gritted his teeth together tightly. To make matters worse, his body refused to cooperate or loosen up even the slightest.
Without any better option, Gu Hai restored to pouring some more lubricant on his hand. He increased the friction that he had on Bai Luo Yin’s still throbbing member, letting his finger tease the tip once a while as to keep him excited and stimulated. Taking advantage of the interval between Bai Luo Yin’s slow intake of air, he pressed his fingers in without any letup until it fully entered.
“How does it feel?”
Bai Luo Yin truthfully said, “It’s not really comfortable. Feels a bit swollen.”
Gu Hai was completely confidant in himself as he replied, “Don’t worry, it’ll be better in a moment.”
Along with the rhythm of his soothing breaths, his fingers slightly and slowly moved up and down against the warm wall that tightly encased it. It was quick, then it slowed down. This pace continued until Bai Luo Yin gradually became accustomed to this stimulant and the feeling of discomfort slowly lessened as well.
A strange and exotic kind of feeling welled up in his chest and gushed forth from within his scorching body. He couldn’t discern whether it was a comfortable feeling or not. But, at the very least, the taste and feeling of this kind of sensation was not difficult to endure.
A gentle breeze chose this moment to eddy over them, caressing them in its passing with the sweet smell of the lubricant.
All the while, Gu Hai was already fired up, his blood was boiling and racing at full speed. Every single time his finger slipped in, he could feel the tighten muscle smothering him. A familiar sense of pleasure emerged from within his memory, making him a become a bit impatient, he was itching to get on with it. He wanted to relive and taste that pleasurable feeling again, the one that beckoned him into ecstasy and dragged him into a death that was worthwhile.
No, this won’t do. I can’t be impatient. The book already said it, there’s still a finger missing. I must completely stretch it out.
With regards to someone like Gu Hai who is anxious and need to quicken things up, this was indeed a great test of endurance.
Feeling a bit swollen, Bai Luo Yin felt that it was somewhat unbearable, so he twisted his head around and said earnestly, “Can you take one out?”
A painful expression painted itself on Gu Hai’s face.
It was hard enough to squeeze it in, now you want me to pull it out once again. Are you trying to suffocate my precious little Hai Zi to death?
Are you trying to suffocate my precious little Hai Zi to death?
“Bare with it a little bit longer, it’ll quickly feel better.”
Gu Hai patiently ingratiated himself with little Yin Zi.
Finally, he was able to make this little fellow fully erected.
Two minutes later, all of his thoughtful and earnest preparations were in order.
Gu Hai slightly squinted his eyes and when he opened them again, his eyes were shimmering with excitement.
“Next you’ll witness a miraculous moment!”
*1 You fucking greedy ass cat. All day, the only thing you know how to do is to eat. It would have been good if your fucking mouth was a bit smaller. Why must it be so big like that. Sooner or later, you’re going to die from getting so stuffed!
I wanted to explain Yin Zi’s thought here in case anyone doesn’t get it, he meant, “…. the only thing you know how to do is think about having s**. If your appetite toward *it lessen a bit, it would be good. But why must it be so big? You’re going to die from thinking about it too much!”