the 21 second excitation


Howard: Who’s there?

Bernadette: Olive.

Howard: Olive you, too.

Leonard: Guys, that’s really starting to get old.

Howard: Knock-knock.

Leonard: Who’s there?

Howard: I have a girlfriend and you don’t.

Leonard: Hysterical!

Sheldon: Wait, now, we don’t know that yet. He isn’t finished. I have a girlfriend and you don’t who?

Howard: So. Are you sure you don’t want to come with us to Raiders?

Bernadette: Oh, no. That movie had melting faces. It reminds me too much of the time I dropped that vial of flesh-eating bacteria into the Rhesus monkey lab. Besides, Penny and I are having a girls’ night tonight.

Amy: Girls’ night? What does that entail?

Bernadette: Oh, you know, girls get together, hang out, share girl talk.

Amy: I’m a girl.

Bernadette: Oh. Well, maybe you can join us. I’ll ask Penny.

Amy: No need. Penny and I are very close.

Leonard: You are?

Amy: Yes. In fact, our menses are synchronized.

Amy: Penny. Bernadette tells me you’re planning a girls’ night.

Penny: Yeah?

Amy: I’m a girl.

Penny: Oh. Um, it was, it was just going to be me and Bernadette. Besides, I thought you were going to the movies with Sheldon and the guys?

Amy: Yes, but they’re not girls. I’m a girl.

Penny: Yeah, no, no, I-I-I got that.

Amy: What’s the dress code?

Penny: Ugh, just wear something comfortable.

Amy: Alright. I’ll have to go shopping.

Sheldon: Knock-knock.

Leonard: Who’s there?

Sheldon: Hugh.

Leonard: Hugh who?

Sheldon: Hugh people need to listen to me! It’s time to get in line for the movie!

Sheldon: And that’s how you tell a knock-knock joke.

So anyway...

Amy: To make a long story short, turns out I have an unusually firm cervix.

Penny: You know, Amy, when we say girl talk, it doesn’t just have to be about our lady parts.

Amy: Shame. ‘Cause I have a real zinger about my titles uterus.

Bernadette: Penny, your nails look great.

Penny: Oh, thanks. I found this place in Alhambra. It’s in a woman’s basement. I think it’s a front for human trafficking, but they do a really good job.

Amy: A colleague of mine did her graduate thesis on the fungus that grows on improperly sterilized manicure implements. 

Amy: Well, don’t tell me that’s not girl talk.

Penny: So where should we go tonight? A bar? A club? A movie?

Bernadette: Or we could just stay here.

Amy: Yes, and continue to bond. I have a feeling that after tonight, one of you will become my best friends forever. Or BFF, if you prefer. Which I don’t.

Penny: Alright, time to open Bachelor Number Two.

Bernadette: Gee, I don’t know if I should drink more. I have to drive home, and I’ve got enough trouble seeing over the dashboard as it is.

Penny: That’s okay. You can just sleep here.

Amy: Oh, good, a slumber party! We’ll do makeovers, initiate phony phone calls, and have spirited pillow fights in our frilly nighties!

Penny: Oh, gosh, Amy. I don’t know if I would call this an actual slumber party.

Amy: Well, that’s disappointing. I’ve always wanted to be invited to a slumber party.

Bernadette: Oh, you never were?

Penny: Not even when you were a kid?

Amy: Well, there was the time I had my tonsils out, and I shared a room with a little Vietnamese girl. She didn’t make it through the night, but up till then, it was kind of fun.

Penny: Okay. Well, I guess we’re having a slumber party.

Penny: Oh!


Hey, guys, bad news.

Raj: I just did a quick calculation. Given the size of the theatre and the length of this line, we might not get seats.

Sheldon: WHAT DID HE SAY?!

Leonard: Nice going, Raj, just got him down for his nap.

SheldonWe might not get seats?!

Leonard: It’s fine, it’s fine. Go back to sleep.

Sheldon: Oh, I informed you thusly. I so informed you thusly.

Leonard: Howard, you talk to him. Howard?

Leonard: You’re peeing, aren’t you?

Wil Wheaton: Hey, look who’s here! Hey, buddies.

Sheldon: Well, if it isn’t Wil Wheaton, the Jar Jar Binks of the Star Trek universe.

Wil: Mee-sa think that very funny.

Sheldon: Well, you-sa can go think that at the back of the line. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.

Theatre Staff: Wil Wheaton.

Wil: Yeah.

Theatre Staff: I’m a big fan.

Sheldon: Of what? Poorly executed beards?

Wil: Do you think you could get me and my friends into the movie? We got here a little late?

Theatre Staff: No problem. Come on, I’ll hook you up.

Wil: Oh, awesome. We-sa gonna go into the movie now. Bye-bye.

Sheldon: This is Indiana Jones, not Star Trek. There should be no value to his pseudo-celebrity here. And even at Star Trek conventions, they only let him in if he helps set up.

Leonard: Calm down, Sheldon.

Sheldon: I will not calm down. This affront to justice and decency cannot go unanswered. As Captain Jean-Luc Picard once said, “THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE! THIS FAR, NO FURTHER!”