The Colin Mochrie story? Gladly. This is a good story.
So I go to this college, and it can best be described as a little weird. It desperately wants to be Cambridge, but it’s not Cambridge, so it takes out its frustration with not being Cambridge on weird collective mockeries of Cambridge stuff. So far so good.
One of these weird mockeries is the debate club.
It’s hard to even properly call the Literary Institute a debate club - it is a club, and it does debates, but the debates are 100% stand-up comedy in a parliamentary format and the other half is bullshit pantomiming. For instance, every year at matriculation, the club drunkenly rushes the stage, interrupts the ceremony, and calls everyone in the audience a horse’s ass (occasionally while quoting Dune). It also puts on a yearly event called ‘Tuck-Ins’, in which people in the dorms can sign up (or sign their friends up) to have the entire LIT burst into their room, give them bedtime snacks, give them bedtime beer, sing some bedtime songs, and tell them a bedtime story. Except, the LIT never does anything seriously, so the bedtime song was always Barrett’s Privateers and the bedtime story was almost always something we called ‘The Rat Story’. Let me tell you about the Rat Story.
The Rat Story was a piece of… literature… that a LIT member dragged out of the dregs of the internet many years ago. Nobody knows where it came from, and my efforts to find it again were unsuccessful, but good lord, it was bad. It was a page-and-a-half-long Hermione/Wormtail (rat form) smut fic and it was awful.So awful. I’m cringing just thinking about it. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever read, and at this point I basically know it by heart. We read it aloud, from the poorly worded introduction to its horrible closing line (AND HE SCAMPERED AWAY WET! STUNNED! AND THRILLED!) dozens of times in a single night to unsuspecting students. It was an experience.
Now you might be wondering how Colin Mochrie fits into this.
So, one of the other things my college does powerfully and often is pretension. We are the most pretentious college you will ever see, and our college clubs are proof positive of this. Every year, various college clubs send out dozens of official-sounding letters inviting our various favourite well-known-people to attend our meagre college events (I, as president of the James Bond Society, personally invited Barack Obama, Sean Connery, and the Queen to our AGM). However, this year the Comedy Club was riding particularly high, and it sent out quasi-sincere invitations to speak to a variety of Canadian comedians.
And Colin Mochrie showed up, one fateful Tuck-Ins night.
He gave a talk, which was very good, but noticed as the talk finished that many students were rushing away to something in an awful hurry. We explained that it was the night of Tuck Ins, an important and sacred college tradition and that
We would be delighted if he would join us.
And that, my friends, is the story of how I found myself crammed in a dorm room with 20 other people, listening to Colin Mochrie describe Peter Pettigrew’s rat boner to a couple of second years who had no idea what they were getting into.
Why do you hate Jackei so much? You both are undertale animators so I don't see any issues
I’m assuming you’ve only following me recently.
I freaking love jakei, she knows that
We usually just go and full roast each other for fun and lolz
so I call her a fgt, she calls me a cringe queen, all in cool terms.
So you’re right, there is no issues. It’s all just for fun.
Unless someone gets in the middle and gets all triggered by me or jakei for using the word faggot or retard, even tho it’s in jokingly manner, between us, as a joke, but hey, I usually have a great time with jakei on skype and we chat pretty often so no worries and it’s a great stress relief!
(If any of you feel like shame me again for my use of words, do it on Monday 28, I’m busy at the moment animating my ass off and I might pay attention at your snowflake complaints that day, or not, probably not)
if we're talking astronomy geek neil, imagine neil getting SUPER into space stuff when he takes an astronomy class as an elective and one night andrew sets up a telescope on the roof as a surprise so he can look at the stars bc he likes making his bf happy. doesn't even say anything, they just go up there and there it is in all its magnificent glory and neil doesn't say anything but his eyes are sparkling.
DUDE DUDE DUDE THIS IS MY SHIT OKAY
the obsession starts on the roof
neil is looking up at the stars and realises that during his life on the run, he hasn’t had time to learn any of the names of the stars, so he points to a cluster and asks andrew if he knows if it has a name
andrew, who read a book about it once for class and retained everything answers: “that’s cygnus”
“huh. and what’s that one then?”
and neil is just fascinated because he’s never really stopped to think about it and these shiny things are literally fucking huge glowing plasma-balls
space is badass and neil can appreciate
so he reads up on constellations and when they go up to the roof, neil will just sit there and mutter under his breath all the constellations he can see
(andrew tells himself it’s not strangely endearing)
eventually neil becomes as bad as kevin is with history facts
“hey andrew, do you know that we’re on a collision course with andromeda? andrew, it’s travelling towards us at 250,000 miles an hour” “go the fuck to sleep, neil.”
“if we were astronauts we wouldn’t be so small, do you know astronauts can grow 3% taller in space?”
“black holes man. fuck black holes.”
neil has google alerts on for meteor showers bc ?? it’s literally flaming space rocks giving you a free lights show who doesn’t want to see that
we don’t kiss our boyfriends under the stars, we kiss them under meteor showers like men
neil definitely has a hard on for the aurora borealis and he definitely pesters andrew to drive them to spots where they’re most likely to see it
andrew gets neil a telescope for christmas like a really fucking expensive one but ofc it means nothing
“you’re straining your eyesight without it and you look stupid in glasses.”
Well, a creppy boy started talking to me on the Tumblr chat saying weird shit and asked me to be his valentine out of the blue, so.. Yeah can I request RFA+V+Saeran reacting to that? A creep talking to MC and saying creppy stuff lol. Love ur blog 💕
Is he still bothering you? If he is PM me and his ass is grass Or if you’re just in need of a fake girlfriend/boyfriend/SO also say the word I’m there y’all don’t even know how good I look in drag
Forreal tho, if someone online is ever making you feel uncomfortable don’t be afraid to get assertive or reach out for help.
RFA+V+Saeran react to a Creep creepin on MC
Yandere Yoosung: ACTIVATED i imagine a magical girl animation sequence whenever I say that
You had shown him the messages immediately because you two were playing games on an online server together when you got random, creepy PMs from GameFreak90
‘hey there, I see you’re a high level. U must be pretty good with your hands
want 2 play a game together sometime? it doesn’t have to be online ;)
its almost valentines day you know. we can hang out. ‘
You were so uncomfortable, and it went from uncomfortable to freaked out when you asked GameFreak90 to stop messaging you and he kept going, starting to talk about all the things he’d like to do to you
Yoosung searched the guys name immediately and pulled up his profile
His hands never moved so fast
‘Hey. Quit messaging MC28. She’s a good friend of mine and you’re freaking her out. -ShootingStar’
Yoosung was not having it. He didn’t have Seven’s hacking skills, or Jumins money, or Jaehee’s wit or anything the others had
But what he did have was his games
He pulled up TeamSpeak for his LOLOL guild immediately
“Guys, I need backup for an emergency raid”
It was over in minutes
Yoosung’s guild had raided and completely emptied GameFreak90′s base
Yoosung got a string of messages immediately after
hey man what the fuck
dude give me my shit back
fine im sorry im sorry give me my shit please
Yoosung just turned his mic on and with one last request of his guild “Hey, can everyone here flag this guy for inappropriate behavior”
In about 10 mins Yoosung went to pull up GameFreak90′s profile
It had been deleted
Yoosung had the smuggest of smirks on his face
“My hero” You giggled and kissed him on the cheek
He went from war hero Shooting Star to blushing, stuttering, Yoosung real quick
It was a slow day in the coffee shop so you were just sitting at a table playing on your phone and sipping coffee
Huh? New message.
Ding ding ding
You had a bad feeling before even opening your Fumblr app
When you did open the little social media site, you were met with a bunch of unwelcomed advances from some strange follower
Hey valentines is coming up and im lonely
r u lonely to?
how about u be my valentine and we can go out??
You grimaced and replied with a curt “I’m sorry but no thanks”
come on babe
dont b like that
we can have fun
Jaehee had noticed to look on your face and immediately popped to your side
“Mc is everything alright?
“Yeah..I’m just getting creepy messages from some guy on Fumblr.” You handed her the phone so she could read them and her nose crinkled in distaste almost instantly
“Well your first problem is you apologized.”
Jaehee started tapping away as she spoke “Don’t apologize for not being interested. When you apologize it makes you seem more …docile. Submissive. If these creeps think you have an ounce of shyness or even politeness in you they’ll try to exploit it.”
“o-oh.” You stammered, surprised by how irritated Jaehee suddenly seemed
“Secondly,” Her expression softened a bit with a final tap on the screen “You didn’t block him immediately” She looked to you with a smile on her face, pleased with herself for whatever she said to your Fumblr follower
She handed the phone back to you and a light blush fell across your cheeks. Jaehee never seemed to be the protector type but when it comes down to it
Baehee isn’t letting anyone bother you
He’s gotten his fair share of creepy fan mail, but he understands it comes with the job
But when you get creepy mail from his followers
NO NO NO NO NO
You two have all the fan mail sent to a P.O. Box so fans don’t have your home address
One time when you went to get the batch, the two of you found a handful of letters with your name on them
“My fans must see us together all the time” Zen said as he handed the letters to you, a cautious look on his face. He was worried it was going to be some fangirl writing a mean letter about how she deserves Zen instead of you
It was much creepier
It was a bunch of letters from some guy
‘My sister is a big fan of Zen so I have to watch TV shows with him on them all the time. One time there was a news story about him, but you were in the picture with him…’
The letters go on to say how once the writer saw you with Zen he started searching you more and claimed you two would be a perfect match. He started suggesting you break up with Zen (offering for him to date his sister) and for the two of you to get together.
You have to literally hold Zen back so he doesnt march to the return address and beat the shit out of sender
“Zen it’ll be such bad press do not do not do not”
“I DON’T GIVE A SHIT”
“YES YOU DO PLS ZEN”
20 mins later
He’s not calm, but he’s not bum rushing the door so…calm enough
“Let’s think of a reasonable way to handle this” You slump into a chair, exhausted from being the only thing standing between Zen and a physical assault charge
After a few minutes of silence
..”I have an idea.”
Zen pulled out a pad and started scribbling. “He said his sister is a fan of me? Well I’ll make her an offer she can’t refuse.”
Zen ended up writing a very heartfelt note to the sister of the sender, explaining the situation and how uncomfortable you were feeling because of the brother. And if the sincerity of the letter wasn’t enough to get her to make her brother stop, the VIP pass to Zen’s next show was a good bribe.
He sent it out the next morning, and a few days later you guys checked the PO box to find a letter from her apologizing profusely for her brother’s behavior and how she’d handle it. And about 10 pages of ‘thank you’s and compliments for Zen of course.
Elizabeth would only chase a laser pointer for so long, so you had a lot of free time whenever Jumin was at work
You were no stranger to social media sites as they were the best way to distract yourself for hours at a time until you had something entertaining to do
And you’ve gotten spam bots before, but never a human who was actually so forward enough to send you enough messages to make you a small novel
you look really nice in your profile picture
is that designer? man you got money to
you’re a rich bitch. wanna come see what its like on the other side of town?
You were appalled.
“Leave me alone” was the best you could muster since you were in such a state of disgusted shock.
The messages continued, and you ended up just blocking the guy. But even after that just looking at your phone made you a little nervous that you were going to see more messages from another douchebag
Same douchebag. Different site.
why’d you block me? playing hard to get?
“How’d you find my profile?”
it’s not hard to figure it out since I saw your name on the other one ;*
You just blocked him again and put your phone down, resolving to entertain yourself with anything else that wasn’t social media.
Eventually Jumin came home, and the first thing he noticed was your phone sitting on the coffee table and a specific lack of…you.
He went into a panic for a moment before you stepped into the hall, freshly showered.
“Oh, MC, there you are. I was worried for a second. You’re usually not far from your phone.”
“Yeah..” You muttered. “Some guy just keeps bugging me”
What do you mean
You explain the situation to Jumin and his phone is to his ear almost immediately as he picks up yours with his free hand.
“Luciel? I’m cashing in on a favor….”
You knew immediately where this was going and you had a slight grin on your face, knowing the creep who kept messaging you wasn’t going to be bothering you or anyone else anytime soon
You don’t even waste time
The second you get the first creepy message
hey hot stuff
You hand your phone to Seven
He just looks down at the screen, and a devious smile spreads across his face
Sure he could mess with anyone he wanted, but this time he has an excuse to go all out and ruin this Creeps life.
Seven whips up a program in a matter of minutes, connects a USB from his computer to your phone, then texts the man back
‘Hey cutie…wanna see a picture? ;)’ and he attached a file
It says the message was received and viewed, but no response was given.
“What’d you do?” You ask as Seven hands your phone back
With a big smirk on his face:
“Once he opens that file his phone is going to run through his chat logs and play back all his creepy messages on a permanent loop on his screen. And if he has any wireless connection to his computer, say, cloud storage, it’s going to happen to his computer too. And every few minutes he’s going to get a picture of me dressed as a maid, because I have to deliver, you know?”
You give Seven a huge hug “Ugh, thank you. How will I every pay you back”
“You already did” He laughs
“You’ll see” He winks and goes back to his computer.
You shrug and walk away, figuring you’d find out soon enough
And you did
The next time you opened your phone, your background was a nonstop slideshow of 707′s Greatest Crossdressing Pics
And all your app icons were selfies
And your gallery was filled with pictures of the red headed hacker
V was sitting on the couch and you were upstairs cleaning up and putzing around
V looked to see your phone light up on the table
“MC, I think someone messaged you!” V yelled up the stairs
“Will you check it for me? It’s probably just a guest with a question about the party.” You called back
“Sure.” And with that he opened your phone to find a rather crude picture “What in the world”
my friend gave me ur number, thought you’d like this ;)
V was horrified that someone meant for you to open this
‘I dont’ He typed back.
awww come on. you can tell from the pic im a good looking guy and my friend says ur cute. why dont we hang out
“No.” V glared at the number displayed at the top of the message board
playing hard to get? i like
V realized there was no reasoning with this idiot, and he thought it would be a waste of time trying to further communicate with a fool like his, so he bit down his better instinct and just sent a picture of himself glaring at the phone camera and typed “You’re talking to a man”
there was no reply for a moment
my friend said this was a girl
“I can assure I am not a female. Your friend gave you the wrong number. Go away”
There was no response but V was sure he could feel the embarrassment from the other side of the connection
With a satisfied huff he deleted the messages and number, figuring it best if you never have to worry about the situation
He also plans to find out which one of your friends would give your number to such a vulgar creep.
You two were watching a video on your phone when you got a sudden chat request on Kiik, a messaging app
Saeran cast a quizzical look at you and you return it with a shrug, signalling you had no clue
When you open it up theres just a bunch of weird messages
wanna be my valentine
i dont want to be lonely and i bet you dont either
we can keep each other company ;)
You didn’t even have a chance to respond before Saeran took the phone from your hand
“Fuck off” He was holding your phone so tight you thought he was gonna snap it in half
wow ur not very polite
“I said. Fuck. Off.” Saeran let out a breath that sounded like a growl
come on baby dont be like that
You could see a fire in your friend’s eyes and you knew things were about to get bad
“Send one more message and I’ll end your miserable existence, Scum.”
“Saeran let’s just ignore it” You tried to take your phone back but he wouldn’t let go, too hyper focused on the screen. Instead he looked at you and said “He shouldn’t be talking to you this way.”
Both your eyes shot back to the screen
so you’ll come see me ;)
Whoever was on the other line had nooo clue who they were taunting
Saeran got up slowly, so slow it was a little creepy, when you looked at him you could see the gears running in his head
He walked over to his computer and started typing away, looking to the phone every now and then.
After about 20 minutes he finally came back to sit with you and handed your phone back.
“You….You good, Saeran?” You asked, surprised at how calmed he seemed.
He looked to you with a smile on his face and a glint in his eye. “I’m very good.”
You were almost worried to ask but “What’d you do?”
“Not much. But he’ll leave you alone soon enough.”
You stopped asking questions, he wouldn’t tell you the details anyways.
That night you were awoken to
You fumbled around in the dark and eventually opened your phone to see messages from the Kiik app
I’m very sorry for what I said to you earlier. I will never contact you again. If I do my fingers will be broken.
A/N: I’ve been obsessed with this song for a while and listening to it just sparked the idea for this piece. It’s not so much an AU as it is a few years in the future and I wanted to explore the friends with benefits dynamic with Peter Parker because it seems out of character for him but not impossible. I actually started writing this a few months ago but didn’t get around to finishing it until 3am this morning. Hopefully it turned out okay!
Parker and I went to the same high school and were sort of friends but really
only became close once we started university. We had a few classes together,
being in the same program and all, so I was glad to see a familiar face in the
intimidating large classes full of people who were just as smart, if not
smarter than us.
is tough, especially when you’re constantly trying to keep the city a safe
place all the while keeping your GPA up. Classes being much more fast-paced
than high school took a toll on him. He was so busy that he started falling
behind on some of the course material which is when we started studying
together a lot. I helped him catch up, he learned quick. He was really good at
problem solving and understanding complex math problems, so we helped each
other out. With all the time we spent together on breaks, taking turns grabbing
coffees and muffins for each other before a class or work, not to mention hours
of studying, we became pretty close.
Something inside us know’s there’s nothing guaranteed Yeah, girl I don’t need you to tell me That you’ll never leave, no When we’ve done all that We could to turn darkness into light Turn evil to good Even when we try so hard for that perfect kind of love It could all fall apart
#onlyinamitypark does everone still think thatWes kid is still crazy after the truth is out. #DisasteroiApparentlyNeverHappened? #WesIAmSoSorryForEverone #ICantBelieveFentonLetEveryoneBelieveWesWasCrazy #NoWonderFentonWasAlwaysSoAmused
i was asked by @misfitreindeer to make a post about skeletons and debunk a lot of typical transphobic myths about how, y’know, females look like X and males look like Y and that everything works in 100% black in white but it doesn’t actually
and it’s important to know that while i’m an anthropology student, my main focus has been on forensic anthropology so we’re not talking about cavemen here. we’re talking about anatomically modern humans. (although i do know a little about cavemen because my overall degree will be in anthropology)
i’ve taken most of my classes focusing on the actual bones, i’ve worked with actual human bones, a lot of which were people who had been murdered, some which were still under investigation. i’m entering my 2nd term of my junior year as i’m making this post and the only forensic anthro/anthro classes i have left to take are ones that aren’t my field (cultural/linguistic anthropology, museum curation, working on dig sites with archaeology students) and a shitload of chemistry.
so while yes i don’t have my degree yet i’m studying this right now, i’m learning the newest available information at my university, and i’m asking a lot of questions because i’m so fascinated by this field
so i’m going to just give you a gigantic infodump of what i know. i’ll also put up pics of bones, not graphic scary things i promise.
You are the hot pink sorbet, the flushing of flamingo I am the black trench, unnoticed but existing all of our greens, swaying, unclasping mercury is in our blood, boiling in passing and we are the ocean, boundless yet restrained by the colours that we were once loved.