To every sweet older white woman we meet who squeezes their cheeks and makes sure to look me in the eye and tell me my sons are gorgeous, I silently plead with you to remember this when they’re teenagers, towering over us both. To every mom of my sons’ peers who tells me how cute their hair is, I beg you to recall this moment if one of my sons is who you see when you open the front door for your child’s first date. To every black person who does a double take at my pretty sons and their tired, black parents, I want to remove the blindfolds and hurt of hundreds of years of self-hatred and shame. To the police officers who smile and wave at the boys as they walk side by side with me, I would give anything for you to remember them as small, bright-eyed, and admiring—as sons of a loving mother, as humans with the right to live.
Anon said - Can you make a scenario in which Jungkook gets you pregnant?
Summary - Jungkook is what scared you the most. Telling him is what you feared most. Maybe some things you fear forever.
“You’re just regretting saying something you were thinking all along.”
Genre - Angst
Word count - 1,551
Disclaimer! I just want to say, in my mind, I imagined Jungkook just a bit older than his original age in real life in this. Just something to keep in mind.
It was the day you feared most.
You walked to the nearest medical store with a shiver running down your neck. There was bile in the back of your throat, you could feel it. Acid ran through your body, and you wiped at your mouth you desperately tried cleaning out earlier. It scared you. No signs, and no symptoms that showed an actual illness.
And that’s when you unknowingly took yourself outside. You rang the store, which were filled with medications, and flower pattered bandages that sat near the counters. You remembered going there a lot to get bandages, especially to get the ones as specified to be ‘Iron Man,’ ones. Your mind wandered to the person you thought about through the whole ordeal. It was to patch up Jungkook when he was hurt. If only you had enough bandages to patch up yourself.
Your heart tightened when you walked past the counters and towards one of the back sections. You reached for a box and made your way to the front of the store. Your face twisted up as you dropped it onto the check out counter.
“Are you expecting?” The woman asked.
You looked up, trying to wipe away the sickening feeling in your body. You only gave a forced nervous smile. How could you even be smiling? Was that humanly possible during that moment?
“No, it’s just for a friend.”
You didn’t know why you said it. You looked old enough to be having a child. Surely mature enough for someone who’s a couple years into their twenties. You were maintaining well in college work often. But, something drawn you to say no. Like you were trying so hard to make yourself believe that you’re not expecting, and that it’s just a lie.
When you returned home with the bag in your hands, you immediately dragged yourself to the bathroom. Your hands reached into the bag for the box full of pregnancy tests. You opened the box, and pulled one out. You read the instructions on the box, put it to the side and hid it where no one would find it.
With shaky hands, you took it. This test would determine practically a majority of your life. Frankly, the result wouldn’t push you toward the edge. That wasn’t it. Maybe you wouldn’t be as prepared than you’d expected yourself to be, but inside, you knew in some type of way that you wouldn’t feel mad if you saw the two lines laying across each other. It wasn’t the mere possible positive result that would kill you.
It was the aftermath that drove all of your fear.
When your eyes laid on the result, all you could do was just stare. Not crumble to the ground, or take a mental hit at yourself- no, you just dropped the test. You stared at it. Your heart started acting up. Pumping in pain, and almost bursting out of your chest.
You took it from the ground and buried it in the trash, covering it up with paper and other things that would keep it hidden. You wiped at the tears in your eyes when you were finished. Weakly, you kicked the door open to your shared bedroom.
You sank onto the bed, laying back and staring up into the ceiling. How was it going to play out? How is it all going to play out?
You were having dinner with Jungkook. It was a scheduled date that happened every week for the past two years, and it was a couple of days after you found out you were having his child: a fact that made you pound with fear when you were around him.
You were sitting across him at the dinner table. Jungkook sat with a smile on his face, as he started digging into the food you made him. He let out a content sigh after one bite.
“Your cooking’s really good Y/N, as usual.”
You smiled as he went back to eating. You scanned him fully, taking in how happy he looked. It had been like that since you’ve remembered. Your eyes averted toward the small band-aid on his cheek. It was the Iron Man ones you bought a of a couple of weeks before. The edge of your lips started lifting up, relishing in the thought that he still liked to wear them when he would get hurt.
Your mind suddenly turned back to when you last went to the store. The box you hastily carried to check out, and quickly carried back home. The smile that was on your face slowly started fading, and guilt filled your heart.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” Jungkook looked up after taking a bite.
You blinked away your thoughts and looked at him. “Jungkook, I have a question.”
He set down his chopsticks and gulped down the remainder of the food in his mouth. He wiped his hands on the napkins set on the table, and then leaned forward to look at you.
“What’s the question?”
You fumbled with your words a little. “What do you think..” You bit your lip, but you tried not to make it too obvious you were nervous. “What do you think about babies?”
Jungkook questioned the motive behind your question. “Why are you asking so sudden?”
You played with your fingers under the table. “I’m just… Curious.”
“Well..” He started off. “I would like to have one, one day, but I don’t think-”
You sucked in your breath once you heard the second part of his sentence. That made Jungkook cut himself off. He looked at you in confusion.
“Hey, are you okay-”
“Jungkook…” You looked down at your plate, shunning away from any eye contact.
He looked uneasy. His eyes circled your what felt like now puny figure, like you were shriveling up.
You used all of your strength to simply just open your mouth. “Jungkook…” You lifted your head up to look at him with tearful eyes.
You almost swore you heard something crack when you said it. Was that you, or was that him?
Jungkook was suddenly standing from his seat, looking down at you with an unreadable expression- one you couldn’t see due to the blur in your vision.
“What?” His voice was shaking, just as much as yours was.
“I heard you the first time,” he snapped.
You flinched at his sudden tone, and tears started streaking down your cheeks.
You didn’t want to answer him, fearing that you would make him more mad than he already was. This was the first time Jungkook had done something so rash.
You felt him grab at your arm. “How, Y/N?” His voice was cutting edges.
“I don’t know.. It must’ve been weeks back. I took the test and-”
He threw your hand back to its original position in anger. He walked to the living room, pacing around in frustration. He grabbed at his hair and pulled at it. Your eyes were starting to clear up, and you could see the anger written all over his face.
You shakily got up from your chair and made your way to the living room. You watched as Jungkook continued to pace around the room, taking deep and heavy breaths.
“I know it’s going to be hard but-” you swallowed down the lump in your throat. “We can get through this, together.” You were trying so desperately to claw at any hope left.
He turned around. “We can’t!” He yelled. “Think about my whole career here, it could be ruined!”
You tightened your eyes upon hearing his words.
“I can’t just put everything down! I can’t just raise a baby when there’s so much going on!” He kept spewing out hurtful words.
“Well I’m sorry! I didn’t ask for your career!” You screamed it out. More tears poured down your face. “I didn’t ask for you to not be here when I need it, and I sure as hell didn’t ask for this argument!”
You pushed at him with all your strength, and he almost fell to the floor due to shock. “Go ahead and have fun with your career then, Jungkook. Have fun going on tours and concerts, and especially have fun having noburdens.”
You looked at him with hateful eyes before turning away. You gritted your teeth from your outburst as you dug your nails into your palms. Angrily, you wiped at the tears forming in your eyes.
Jungkook looked at you, shocked and drained. Something sank on him, and he started regretting everything he said. He started regretting ever making you look so- hopeless, afraid. He saw it in your eyes, and he couldn’t help but plant the image in his mind. His heart sank. He regained his balance and put a hand on your shoulder, holding you in place.
“Wait- don’t leave, I didn’t-”
You jerked your shoulder away. “You meant it Jungkook, I know you. You’re just regretting saying something you were thinking all along.”
You made your way to the door with tears still falling past your cheeks. You didn’t regret what you said, not a single bit. Your hand twisted and the door handle clicked.
No, he couldn’t lose you. He denied every part of him, telling himself he wouldn’t. But how could he think so? After what he just said? He was an inch behind you, so close to holding you tight, but so far from doing it.
“Don’t leave.”He was filled with guilt, regret. Tears of his own blurred his vision.
Being at a new school without my family close by is honestly such a lonely, scary experience. I’m not used to having to make friends without being on a sports team or having my sisters around to help out. I feel like I’m 14 years old and just starting high school. I know it’ll get easier and I just have to be patient. But, It’s still a struggle and even though I’ve posted several photos of me smiling and happy, on the inside I’m nervous. Like most people, I fear rejection.
I want you all to know that it’s ok to be scared. Try not to dwell on that fear though. Be kind, be optimistic, be yourself and things will work out in the end.
Giving my all to someone for so many years only to find out that they never loved me and having to start all over. That may sound so pathetic and I’m a very independent person but lately I’ve seen so many relationships fail after so many years for one reason or another and that’s scary. I also fear the day my parents pass, I don’t know how I’ll cope with that.
First your heart breaks, it hurts almost constantly and it feels like the pain will go on forever. Then as quickly as it came it goes away and you feel as though it will all be okay. You are lured into a false sense of security, until you see, smell, touch or hear something that reminds you of them, until you catch their eye or notice them moving on. Then your heart aches, and the pain isn’t consuming like heartbreak, the pain is quiet, niggling in the back of your mind, reminding you of what you lost. Heartbreak is painful but expected, whereas heartache is cruel and it strikes you randomly. Most people fear heartbreak but me, I fear the ache.
The Killing | Reviews – 3×01-02: The Jungle/That You Fear the Most
Uma nova trama. Um novo caso. A mesma chuva de sempre.
Quando The Killing foi cancelada pela AMC vimos um ciclo terminar. Até porque a grande pergunta que carregava o contexto da série havia sido respondida. E por mais que a série tenha na primeira temporada levado vários fãs a loucura, pela demora em revelar o verdadeiro assassino, a segunda temporada veio para corrigir os erros e nos apresentar uma narrativa mais célere, proporcionando-nos um desenvolvimento mais sólido e cheio de reviravoltas.
“I left everything for this, I left it all…for you!”
Characters: Sam x Reader Word Count: 500 (look how bad I am at writing drabbles)
Sam had been very distant to you in the past few weeks. At first you thought it had something to do with a hunt gone wrong but that wasn’t it because with Dean or Sam he acted completely normal. But whenever you entered the room, he left it. Whenever you tried to touch him, he got out of the way.
Out of your reach. Almost out of your life.
The gap between the two of you in your shared bed started to become bigger. There was always this cold spot right next to you. The cold spot where you both used to lie together, legs intertwined and your head on his chest. Now it was almost like Sam was a stranger.
And then one day he said it. The words you’d feared the most. “Y/N I don’t think you can live with us anymore.”
He wasn’t even looking at you. He simply stared down at his hands and you bit down hard on your lip trying not to start crying. You’d seen this coming. After all you weren’t an actual couple anymore for a few weeks now. But still, it hurt. More than every injury you ever had. More than anything you could imagine.
It fucking hurt.
You murmured a silent “okay” but didn’t left the room. You wanted him to say something. You wanted him to fight for you. You wanted him to say that he screwed up and didn’t mean it that way. But he didn’t and this made you almost explode out of anger.
“You know what? Fuck you Sam. I never thought you’d be like this. Of all these guys in the world I would’ve never -
I left my family behind. I became a hunter. Because I wanted to be with you. Because I love you. Just, just tell me what happened between us. You owe me this because dammit Sam,I left everything for this. I left it all … for you.” You screamed the words into his direction and finally he had looked up.
His eyes were red from crying and he looked like he’d gone through hell and back. It made your heart break only more.
“That’s exactly the point Y/N. You did so many things for me and I can’t give you anything back. I can’t give you a normal life. I can’t give you a real family because who wants to raise children in this life? I can’t give you what you deserve and oh god -,” he rubbed his hands over his face. He was trembling, his entire body was shaking.
“Sam hey, that’s not true,” you’d crossed the room and reached for his hands. How much you’d missed to hold them. “You give me so much. Waking up everyday next to you is the most perfect, most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. You give me a comforting shoulder when I am down. And you make me laugh and feel all of these butterflies in my stomach even though we are together for such a long time now. You make me happy. Can’t you see that?”
You pressed a light kiss against his lips and he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you like he was afraid of losing you anyway. But he wouldn’t. Sam Winchester would never lose you.
The future is full of excitement…and anxiety. Since it is now February and lots of people are graduating this May, I decided to address life beyond college. Life after college can be terrifying because college has become “comfortable” and it is what you’re used to. Leaving college can also mark the end of education, something you’ve done for most of your life. But never fear, time happens and many big changes can be made one at a time so you aren’t feeling overwhelmed. I hope you find this helpful!
Imagine being Sam’s girlfriend with a hard past and you
have to past through it, though still with the scare that this could happen
WARNING! Abused content
You and Sam had this stupid argument on hunting. You and
him have this normal experience that had happened and finished the same, him
with Jessica Moore and you with a man that you wish you could forget his name.
This argument was about you wanting to hunt, when he wants
to live normally. Dean had just died, well that’s what Sam said, he mostly disappeared
after killing Dick Roman. You told him that you wanted to keep hunting, because
you are way too scared of normal, it’s the only thing that really scares you.
The thought that a supernatural creature attacking them while they are off guard
because you aren’t in the job is what you fear the most.
He had screamed at you and this was something Sam never did
before. He usually would stay calm and talk, but this time he was angry, really
Now you’re here, curled you on the couch, sipping on a
coffee and staring out the window, the only thing to calm down. You see the
Impala park in front of the motel you are living in with Sam. These past days
haven’t been easy, nightmare after nightmare about your ex-boyfriend. He was an
asshole, you couldn’t say something else than that. He would bark orders, yell
when something wasn’t like he wanted, or sometime hit. He would also abuse on
sex, doing it when he wanted and never asking you or being gentle. You never
even liked him, it was your father who didn’t care about you said to marry this
man so you could be out of your misery. Though, being poor was better than what
you had at the time.
When a monster came in your house one night, killed your
husband and almost you, you were thankful. Sam and Dean were the one that saved
you, and you decided to stay with them because you and Sam fell in love at the
“(Y/N)” Sam greeted once he entered the house.
You don’t look at him, staring outside the window.
“Look at me, please”.
You feel your hands starting to shake and the tears falling
on your cheeks.
“Oh” Sam sighs “babe, why are you crying? I’m sorry if I
screamed at you, I was really angry because I don’t want you to get hurt”.
“I know” you choked out “I just… I just hate… hate i… it
when pe-people yell”.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be scared of me”.
Sam kneels down in front of you taking the cup away from
your hand as gently he can and puts it on the coffee table.
“Why are you shaking?” He asked worried.
You sigh and wipe your tears “I need to tell you something,
I can’t take this anymore, it hurts too much”.
“Tell me” Sam encouraged you.
“I… I used to have a husband” you admitted “my father and I
were poor and he forced me to marry him. But he was a bastard who didn’t care
about me and he… he…” tears start falling once again “he abused me in all ways…
after five years I finally had the courage to run away…”
“A husband!” Sam exclaimed “I can’t believe it… how could
he do this to you?”
Sam gets up, fists clenched turning his back from you. This
makes you sob, something Sam had never heard and never see.
He relaxes and bents once again in front of you “I don’t
care about this” he said “I care about now, and I wish I could go kill that
bastard because you do not deserve this, babe. I love you so much, I am so
sorry if I scared you. I love you”.
He places a sweet kiss on your lips at the same time he
erases the tears from your face with his thumbs.
Accepting a person who is not consistent is difficult because it means you cannot depend on them to have unchanging values and ideas, which is another way of saying you cannot “understand” them. People often want to “understand” others to “know their place” for strategic self-positioning, which is ultimately about control and safeguarding their advantage. If you make a big life-change it may literally shatter those around you because they can only accept and “love” you “their way.” They may judge you as unstable, but really they are unstable, which is why they may fall-apart as you move forward. It is really their illusion of knowing and control that has ended. The inconsistent person is free, and freedom is really what people fear most. Who says you have to be the same person tomorrow that you are today? It is a ridiculous notion. Change is inevitable. Your personal and spiritual evolution will always be seen as a betrayal by those whose values you abandon. You have a right to change your values, beliefs, and ideas. The discomfort you feel when you attempt to change is just the social control that surrounds you becoming more obvious and bearing down on you. There is nothing more spiritual than freedom and it is very spiritual to violate old beliefs for new values.
— Bryant McGill
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(This passage is from the SR book, but I post all my writings freely as a gift for those who cannot afford them. If these writings have benefited you, please kindly leave a review at bryantmcgill.com/sr-amazon)