pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college
okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order
- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”
- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”
- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.
- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction
- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)
- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him
- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.
- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.
- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point
- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???
- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.
- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE
- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach
- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.
- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao
- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class
- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again
- I’m not even kidding
- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour
- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching
- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.
- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.
- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.
- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.
- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.
- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.
- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.
- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.
- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.
- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream
- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.
- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.
- I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.
- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.
- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.
- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.
- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.
- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.
- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.
- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.
- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.
- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.
- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.
- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg
- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.
- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.
- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.
- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.
- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.
- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.
- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals
- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”
There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.
his junior year, Jughead goes to New York for a writing internship.
swearing, you might cry
Word count: 4,574
A/N: umm first of all thank you for 7000 followers?? holy crap. anywho wowowow this
is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written.
It’s based off of the song “Ever Since New York” from Harry Styles’s
album (which I love btw). This is probably
my favorite thing I’ve ever written tbh. Hope you all enjoy!
Tell me something,
tell me something
You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do
After years of saving the money he earned at the Twilight
Drive-In and other odd jobs, Jughead finally had enough to buy a plane ticket
to New York. He had discovered a writing
internship there that he knew he had to do.
It didn’t take much effort to convince his dad to allow him to go; in
fact, FP even offered to pitch in some money.
Jughead refused, claiming that he wanted to do this all on his own. He wanted to deserve this internship as much
He started talking to Veronica frequently, asking her about
her time in New York. She, of course,
gladly answered all of Jughead’s questions. She was glad to finally bond with her
boyfriend’s best friend.
Jughead also pestered Betty with questions, seeing as she
had done an internship similar to his two summers ago. It was a bit awkward at first, since the two
of them used to date. However, they both
got over their awkwardness for the sake of preparing Jughead for his
“It’s really amazing,” Betty told him. “It’s a great experience, and you’ll learn so
“What are other people like?” Jughead inquired. “Are they pricks?”
“Sometimes,” Betty laughed.
“It depends. Do you know how many
other people are participating in the internship?”
“Just one,” he answered, shrugging. “I don’t know who it is though.”
“Well, if they’re a jerk then that’s gonna suck,” she
offered. “But if they’re nice, they may
become one of the closest friends you’ll ever have.”
“Yeah,” Betty replied and nodded. “You’re gonna spend all summer with this
other person. They’re either gonna drive
you up the wall or become your new best friend.”
I need something, tell
me something new
Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote
For this curse, oh, what’s it waiting for?
Must this hurt you just before you go?
“Have fun in New York, Jug.”
FP patted his son on the back as they stood at the airport gate. Betty, Veronica, Archie, Fred Andrews, and
Kevin stood behind FP, all wearing supportive smiles. Jughead glanced around at the group who
followed him to the airport, filled with admiration of his friends and family.
“Thank you guys,” he said, fighting back a giant grin. “You didn’t all have to come, though.”
“Of course we did,” Fred Andrews argued. “We’re not gonna see you all summer,
Jughead. We have to give you a proper
“Well, proper send-off achieved,” Jughead laughed. He watched as others in the line began to
move. “I guess I should go now. Thanks for this. See you all in August.” As he turned on his heel and walked away, the
group of six gleefully waved at Jughead’s retreating figure.
“You aren’t worried about Jughead all alone in a giant
city?” Fred asked FP as they exited the airport.
“Nah,” FP responded, waving his hand. “He’s a smart kid, he’ll find his way.”
Oh, tell me something
I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
“Hi, I’m Jughead Jones,” he introduced himself at the front
desk. “I’m here for the writing
The lady sitting behind the desk glanced up at Jughead. “Ah, yes!
We’ve been expecting you, Mr. Jones!” she exclaimed, standing from her
“Oh, am I late?” Jughead inquired.
The lady shook her head.
“Oh no, not at all. Your
counterpart just got here early, so we’ve been waiting for you to start.”
“Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” she gestured to a girl sitting on a
chair against the wall, flipping through a magazine. The girl perked up when she heard her name,
and saw Jughead and the receptionist staring at her.
“Is this him?” (Y/N) questioned, standing up and setting the
magazine down. Jughead noticed it was a
“Yes,” the receptionist answered. “(Y/N), this is Jughead Jones.” Jughead stuck his hand out to shake, and
(Y/N) firmly shook his hand.
“I hope you’re not an asshole,” she blatantly said as they
released hands, “because we’re gonna be stuck with each other all summer.”
“I was thinking the same thing about you,” he quipped.
(Y/N) raised her eyebrow in interest. “Quick-witted,” she noted with a smirk
forming on her face. “I like it.”
“You better,” Jughead fired back, biting back a grin. “Like you said, we’ll be around each other
“If we were together any longer, I’d worry about you falling
in love with me,” she jokingly warned.
“So be careful.”
Brooklyn saw me, empty
at the news
There’s no water inside this swimming pool
“When’d you get here?” (Y/N) asked as she and Jughead exited
the building, their first day of the internship finished.
“Two days ago,” Jughead answered with his hands in his
pockets. “What about you?”
“Last week.” Her pace
was quick, and she seemed determined to get somewhere. “Are you hungry? Because I’m starving.”
“I would love some food,” Jughead almost moaned at the
thought of food. He was only able to
scarf down a small lunch in the midst of the business.
“I know this great burger place,” (Y/N) explained as she led
the way to the restaurant. “It’ll make
every other burger you’ve ever eaten seem like a pile of shit on a bun.”
“I doubt that,” Jughead scoffed. “There’s a diner where I’m from that makes
the best burgers you’ll ever eat.”
“Where are you
“Riverdale,” he said.
“Pop’s diner, that’s what it’s called.
If you ever find yourself in Riverdale, stop by Pop’s. Trust me, you’ll thank me.”
“Well we’re not in Riverdale right now, Jughead Jones,”
(Y/N) reminded him. “So you should thank
your lucky stars that I am your counterpart,
because I’ve been here for the past week.
You know what I’ve been doing for that week? Exploring, Jones. I have tried and evaluated twenty-one
restaurants, and I know where to go for whatever you’re craving.”
“What if I’m craving Korean food?” he quizzed.
“32nd street, there’s a great Korean grill,” she
“There’s a quaint little place on 135th street.”
“What if I want to get wasted?” Jughead smirked.
“There’s a club a couple of blocks away with shitty
security,” (Y/N) answered with a smirk equally as wide. “Or maybe I was just an exception, seeing as
how attractive I am.”
“I think you overestimate yourself,” he scoffed, playfully
rolling his eyes.
(Y/N) lightly slapped him on the arm. “I do not!” she retaliated.
“Whatever, keep lying to yourself.” Jughead quickened his pace, leaving (Y/N)
“Hey!” she called out, rushing to catch up to him. “You better not leave me! You don’t even know where you’re going.”
“You’re still here,” he noted, casually wrapping his arm
around her shoulders. “Lead the way,
Almost over, had
enough from you
And I’ve been praying, I never did before
“God, this food sucks,” (Y/N) whispered, gesturing towards
the plates of Japanese food sitting in front of her and Jughead. “That place we ate at last week was so much
“True,” Jughead agreed with a mouthful of food. “But this place is cheaper.”
“Rightfully so!” she exclaimed, jabbing at her tofu with a
chopstick. Jughead silently laughed and
shook his head, continuing to eat his fried rice. He watched as (Y/N) picked at her dish,
examining each aspect of the meal.
It had been three weeks since their internship had begun,
and Jughead and (Y/N) quickly became close friends. They bonded over the overwhelming amount of
work at their internship and their food-discovering adventures. Jughead didn’t know how he would’ve survived
an entire summer in New York without (Y/N) by his side. They even stayed at the same hotel, so during
a sleepless night, one would wake the other and stay up all night talking. On those nights, they would drink hot
“I’ve got the check tonight, Jug,” (Y/N) said, snapping
Jughead out of his thoughts as she took the bill from the waitress. Jughead furiously shook his head.
“No, (Y/N), you got dinner yesterday,” he protested,
reaching out towards the bill. “I’ll
cover it tonight.”
“You got lunch!” she exasperatedly exclaimed. “I can handle it. Dinner wasn’t even expensive last night or
Jughead huffed as the waitress returned and took (Y/N)’s
money. “Fine,” he pouted, “but we’re
gonna go out for desert, and I’m paying for it.”
“Ice cream?” Jughead offered, standing from his chair. (Y/N) followed suit, and they exited the
diner. She slowly grabbed his hand,
intertwining their fingers.
“I’m feeling frozen yogurt tonight,” she countered his
offer, grinning up at him.
“What’s the difference?” Jughead playfully scoffed, trying
not to blush at their hand-holding. They
had started doing it last week after he almost lost (Y/N) in a giant mass of people.
“I swear to God, Jug, you said the same thing last week, and
I explicitly explained it to you.” (Y/N)
rolled her eyes. “Ice cream is-”
“Made with cream, whereas frozen yogurt is a yogurt-based
treat,” Jughead quoted what (Y/N) had told him last week.
“I knew you paid attention to me.”
Understand I’m talking
to the walls
I’ve been praying ever since New York
In the middle of the night, the phone started ringing. Jughead, still half-asleep, answered it with
his eyes remaining shut.
“You can come over,” he said, not waiting for the caller to
initiate the conversation.
“Okay,” (Y/N)’s quiet voice responded, and she hung up. A few moments later, a soft knock resonated
through Jughead’s hotel room. He rolled
off of his bed, throwing on a t-shirt, and opened the door. (Y/N) stood in the doorway, slightly
“You cold?” Jughead murmured. (Y/N) wordlessly nodded. He gently grabbed her arm and led her inside,
shutting the door behind them. He stripped
the blanket off from his bed and draped it over her shoulders, wrapping (Y/N)
in the soft white material. (Y/N) smiled
up at him.
“Why do you put up with me?” she asked, sitting on his
bed. Jughead mimicked her actions and
sat next to her.
“What do you mean?” he questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.
“How are you not sick of me?” she elaborated. “I mean, we’ve been constantly hanging out
for, what, a month and a half now? You
know if I’m annoying you, you can just tell me.
I’ll back off.”
“Why would you annoy me?” he asked, slowly wrapping his arms
around her waist and pulled her into his lap.
“You’re the best part about this internship.”
“You’re full of shit.”
“I’m not,” Jughead lightly laughed, slightly nudging
her. “I’m serious, (Y/N). Before I came, I was asking my friend Betty
about internships. She did one two years
ago, so she knew what she was talking about.
She told me that the people I’ll meet during this internship will either
drive me up the wall or become one of my closest friends.”
“So I haven’t driven you up the wall?” (Y/N) inquired with a
“Of course not,” Jughead laughed loudly this time. A moment of silence ensued, both (Y/N) and
Jughead overwhelmed by sleepiness.
“Is Betty your girlfriend?” (Y/N) broke the silence, staring
up at Jughead.
“No,” he muttered, brushing a strand of hair out of her
face. “She was,” he admitted, “but not
“Nothing bad,” he shrugged.
“Sometimes things just don’t work out, you know?”
“Yeah,” (Y/N) muttered.
“I had a boyfriend.”
“Shut up!” she whined, elbowing him. “Yes, I had a boyfriend. He was actually a total dickhead.”
“How?” Jughead asked, growing concerned.
(Y/N) looked up at him and giggled. “Oh, you’re worried,” she cooed, placing a
hand on his chin. Jughead swatted it
“Sue me,” he retorted, but then grew serious. “But really, what happened?”
“Nothing bad,” she replied, facing away from Jughead. “We were dating for a while, and… I don’t
know. He never really supported me in
anything. He wasn’t nice to any of my
friends, and I didn’t notice for so long because I was so fucking smitten. Eventually it hit me one day, and I realized
that he was horrible. So, naturally, I
“As one does,” Jughead nodded, nonchalantly tracing patterns
on (Y/N)’s right arm with his thumb.
(Y/N) slumped and sighed.
“What time is it?”
Jughead glanced at the clock with its blaring, bright red
numbers. “Three o’clock.”
“Jesus,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes. “I should… I should get back to my
room.” She jumped off the bed and
trekked towards the door, her bare feet dragging on the carpet.
“Wait,” Jughead commanded, grabbing her arm. “Don’t go, it’s too late.”
“You say that as if I have to walk across New York City,”
(Y/N) joked. “It’s fine, Jug, my room is
down the hall. I’m not gonna get
“No, but you may fall over before you reach your room,” he
countered with a lighthearted smirk.
“Just stay here tonight, okay?”
(Y/N), too tired to argue, needed no more convincing as she turned
around and climbed into Jughead’s bed.
He laid down, patting the space next to him. (Y/N) tentatively settled next to him, slowly
resting her head on the neighboring pillow.
“You can get closer than that, you know,” he told her, amused by her
unusually timid nature. She hesitantly
scooted closer to him, until she was near enough for Jughead to wrap his arms
around her waist and pull her against his chest. “That’s better,” he whispered into her
hair. She draped one arm around his
torso, the other arm tucked under their now-shared pillow.
“Night, Jug,” she murmured, eyes already closed. He smiled at her.
Oh, tell me something
I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
“Oh, Jughead, how is it?” Betty eagerly asked, her face
displayed on his laptop screen.
“It’s been great,” Jughead answered.
“What restaurants have you tried?” Veronica questioned from
her spot next to Betty.
“A bunch,” he vaguely replied. “(Y/N) is attempting to try every restaurant
in New York City. I think it’s
impossible, but she’s determined.”
“Who is (Y/N)?” Archie inquired, popping his head into the
Jughead laughed, “Where do I begin? She’s my ‘counterpart’ for the
internship. We’ve become very close.”
“I told you,” Betty grinned.
“You were right,” he admitted. “Right when I met her, I… I don’t know, it
just felt like something clicked between us.
We’re inseparable.” Betty’s
expression slightly darkened, but Jughead waved it off as a bit off jealousy.
“Ah, you’ve got it bad, bro,” Archie laughed at his best
friend. Jughead rolled his eyes.
“It’s not like that, Arch,” he explained. “It’s like Betty said, you grow really close
to people when you spend so much time together.”
“But you don’t blush when you talk about them,” Veronica
noted, pointing out Jughead’s dusty pink cheeks.
“You’re imagining things,” Jughead scoffed. Betty, Archie, and Veronica shared a knowing
“If you say so,” Veronica sing-songed. Before Jughead could respond, there was a
knock on his door. A smile
subconsciously grew on his face.
“Speaking of (Y/N),” he said, standing up and walking
towards the door. He opened it, and, as
expected, (Y/N) stood there.
“Are we going or not, Jug?” she pressed, grabbing his
hand. “I told you the line for the
rainbow bagels is super long. I don’t
want to spend all of Saturday waiting for one, even though they’re so fucking
“I’m video chatting with my friends right now,” Jughead told
her, gesturing towards his open laptop.
“Can you wait like five more minutes?”
“Fine,” (Y/N) huffed, crossing her arms. She stepped into his room, allowing him to
close the door behind her. She followed
him as he sat back down in front of his laptop, resting her chin on his
shoulder as she peered at the screen.
“These are your friends?”
“Yeah,” he confirmed.
“That’s Archie,” he gestured towards the redhead, “the blonde one is
Betty, and that one is Veronica.” (Y/N)
smiled at Jughead’s Riverdale friends.
“You must be (Y/N),” Betty smiled. “Jughead was just talking about you.”
“Of course he was,” (Y/N) joked, nudging his arm. Jughead playfully shoved her back.
“So how’s it been?
Three months with the infamous Jughead Jones?” Veronica inquired with a
smirk dancing on her lips.
“Well it hasn’t been three months quite yet,” (Y/N)
corrected her. “I’ve only gotta deal
with this guy for two more weeks.”
Jughead’s face slightly deflated as this realization hit him. “Let me tell you, he’s quite the handful.”
“We know,” Archie laughed.
Jughead opened his mouth to say something, but (Y/N) interrupted him.
“Shit, I left my phone in my room!” she exclaimed, standing
up. “I’ll be right back, Jug.” She turned and faced the laptop. “It was great talking to you guys. I hope we can meet sometime!” She quickly exited Jughead’s room. Immediately, Veronica, Archie, and Betty
bombarded him about (Y/N)
“You lucked out, bro,” Archie told him. “She’s a keeper.”
“She’s absolutely amazing, Jughead,” Betty smiled. Jughead grinned and shook his head.
“You guys, I told you-”
“Don’t even go there,” Veronica interrupted him. “That girl is absolutely perfect for
you. The way you two look at each other
is… it seems like it’s from a fairytale.
You two are soulmates,
“She does seem great, Jug,” Archie agreed with her. “I mean, I’ve never seen you like that with
anyone. No offense, Betty.”
“None taken, Archie,” she waved his comment off. “They’re right though, Jug. You never looked at me the way you look at
(Y/N).” Jughead couldn’t think of a
clever retort. “But be careful,
Jughead. Like (Y/N) said earlier, you
two only have two more weeks together.
If you haven’t done anything up to this point, you might want to
consider whether or not it’s worth it to start something now. Just ask yourself, is it worth the heartbreak
that’ll happen when you have to leave her?”
She pursed her lips as she watched Jughead’s face darken on her screen.
“Thanks guys,” he said halfheartedly. “Really, thank you. I’ll see you all in two weeks.”
Tell me something,
tell me something
You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do
Tell me something just before you go
“Our last day!” (Y/N) exclaimed, prancing into Jughead’s
hotel room. After the video call he had
two weeks ago ended, he decided to give her a key to his room. “Our internship is over, and we have one last
night to spend together, Jug. Out of
every place in all of New York City, where do you want to go, Jughead Jones?”
she asked seductively, a coy smirk growing on her face.
“I’m feeling burgers tonight,” Jughead answered, trying to
stop his expression from deflating. “And
then maybe we can get some cupcakes?”
“I like it!” she grinned.
She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room, beginning the trek
to their favorite restaurant. “Jesus, I
can’t believe it’s been three months already.”
“I know,” he agreed. “It
seems like my plane landed just yesterday.”
“Yeah,” (Y/N) breathed.
They spent the rest of their walk in silence, choosing to listen to the
bustling New York traffic.
The waitresses at the restaurant, at this point, knew
Jughead and (Y/N) as regulars. They didn’t
even bother giving them menus, knowing exactly what each of them would order.
“You two are my favorites,” the waitress whispered as she
set their burgers in front of them.
“Thank you,” (Y/N) grinned.
“I’m sorry to say, but it’s our last day here.”
“Oh,” the waitress sighed.
“Well, you two better visit. I don’t
know what I’ll do without my favorite regulars.” She walked away, leaving (Y/N) and Jughead to
enjoy their burgers.
“You know,” Jughead noted through a mouth full of burger, “I
don’t know how you’ve tried almost every restaurant in New York City while
becoming a regular here.”
“Talent, Jug,” she told him, wiping her mouth on a
napkin. “It takes a hell of a lot of
They finished dinner and went to their favorite bakery to
get cupcakes. On their walk back to the
hotel, they fell into silence once again.
It wasn’t broken until they entered Jughead’s hotel room. By now, almost all of (Y/N)’s stuff ended up
in here. They found it easier, rather
than constantly having to switch back and forth between rooms to grab their
“So that was our last day,” (Y/N) claimed, flopping onto the
bed. Jughead stood by the bedside,
crossing his arms with an amused smile.
“Unfortunately, it was,” he nodded. He jumped next to her on the bed, earning a
shriek from (Y/N). He swallowed as he
stared at her, knowing what he had to tell her.
“Do you remember what you said to me on the first day we met?”
“That I know where to go for whatever you’re craving,” she
answered with a grin. Jughead laughed
and shook his head.
“No, the other thing.”
“I hope you’re not an asshole because we’re gonna be stuck
together all summer?” she offered. He
shook his head again.
“I called you quick-witted?”
“What is it?” (Y/N) demanded, sitting up so that she was
hovering over Jughead as he remained laying down.
“You told me that if we were together any longer than just
the summer, I might fall in love with you,” he explained, sitting up so that
they were face-to-face. (Y/N)’s grin
“Oh,” she murmured. “Yeah,
I did say that.”
“You were wrong,” Jughead said, trying to keep his voice
steady. He slowly grabbed her right
“Really?” she asked as her eyes followed Jughead’s hand.
“Betty told me to be careful,” he explained, “because we’re
not gonna be together that long. And she
was right. I mean, why would we risk an
immense amount of heartbreak just for the sake of a blissful few weeks
together?” When (Y/N) said nothing, he
continued. “So I figured I could just
suck it up and get through the rest of our time together and not say
anything. It was a good plan, but you…
you ruined it.”
“Sorry,” she quipped with a small smirk. Jughead lovingly rolled his eyes.
“No you’re not,” he laughed.
“You’re not sorry, and you shouldn’t be.
Within the three months we’ve spent together, I’ve grown closer to you
than I ever have with anyone else. Hell,
my ex-girlfriend said that we were great together.”
“Yeah,” he responded, grabbing her hands. “Jesus, (Y/N), I’m in love with you. I’m fucking in love with you, and it sucks. It sucks because I don’t know if I’m ever
gonna see you again. And this is gonna
cause so much heartbreak, for me at least, and maybe you too. I just… I can’t keep it from you
anymore. But I also think, deep down,
you already knew how I felt.” Tears
clouded (Y/N)’s eyes, and her lips quivered as she quickly enveloped Jughead in
“Fuck,” she whispered into his neck. “Fuck, of course I love you, Jughead.” He pulled himself out of her grip and stared
at her, stroking his hand across her cheek.
They both leaned in, pressing their foreheads against each other. Their lips ghosted over each other, only
“If I kiss you-”
“If you kiss me, everything is gonna go to shit, Jug,” she
interrupted him. He nodded but didn’t
pull away. They sat there like that on
his bed on a minute, (Y/N) sitting on Jughead’s lap with her arms around his
neck, foreheads touching and lips barely brushing.
The tension grew unbearable, so (Y/N) closed the gap and
pressed her lips against his, trying to express what she had been feeling for
the past three months.
Jughead, too, attempted to convey every pent up confession
he had, wishing that kisses could speak.
He wanted his hands, which were encircling her waist, to tell her how
she charmed him with her wit. He wanted
his eyes, which were closed with pleasure, to tell her how beautiful she was,
especially when she trudged into his hotel room at three in the morning. He wanted his lips, which were pressed
against hers, to tell her how much he loved her. He loved her, he loved her, and he wanted to
keep saying it for the rest of his life.
For the sake of oxygen, the two pulled apart. They kept their foreheads resting against
“Everything’s gone to shit,” (Y/N) whispered, and Jughead
burst out into laughter. (Y/N) followed
suit by giggling, and their still-entangled limbs caused them to fall onto the
bed so that (Y/N) was laying on top of Jughead.
This only caused the pair to laugh harder.
When their chuckles finally died down, (Y/N) climbed off
from on top of Jughead and laid next to him, resting her head on his
chest. She combed her hand through his
“I’m sorry that I fell in love with you,” Jughead
apologized, kissing the top of her head.
They were slowly falling asleep.
“Thank you for falling in love with me,” (Y/N) whispered,
eyes fluttering shut. “It may have all
gone to shit, but it was worth it.”
Oh, tell me something
I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Oh, tell me something I don’t already know
Jughead stepped off the plane and saw his dad and friends
standing at the gate, excitedly waiting for him. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even bother
smiling. Immediately, everyone
While they were awaiting Jughead’s plane’s arrival, Betty,
Veronica, and Archie explained to the rest of the group about (Y/N). They told them about how Jughead spent three
months falling in love with this girl, and they explained that they had never
seen Jughead look so smitten before.
“How was New York, Jug?” FP asked, taking Jughead’s suitcase
from him. Jughead shrugged.
“It was nice.”
“Good food?” he questioned, trying to get his son to open
up. Jughead nodded tiredly.
“Yeah, food was great,” he replied monotonously.
“And the internship?”
“Helpful,” Jughead responded. “I think it’ll help me improve as a writer.”
“That’s good,” FP said, raking a hand through his hair. “You had another person with you, right?” FP noticed Jughead tense up at this.
“Yeah,” he answered quietly.
“Yeah, I had a counterpart.”
“What was she like?”
Jughead looked up at his dad.
“You already know who it is,” he replied, shaking his
head. “Who told you, Betty?” FP pursed his lips.
“Yeah, her and Archie and Veronica. But listen, Jug, you’re going to have your
heart broken countless other times. You’ll
get over this girl,” he attempted to comfort Jughead.
“Dad, she wasn’t just a girl,” he protested. “She was amazing and quick-witted, and I fell
in love with her and then everything went to shit. But the worst part is that it’s okay, because
she loved me too. She fucking loved me,
and I kissed her, and now I may never see her again.”
“Well if you loved her that much, you may see her again,” FP
shrugged. “Fate is a tricky thing, son,
but the universe seems to cooperate better if you love someone.”
A/N: This idea was sprouted by one of those ads we’re the two people are texting about something really agnsty or suspenseful and you have to download the app to see the whole story. I loved the idea so much and thought no one would be more suited for it than Void. I want to thank @writing-obrien for seriously helping me out with this when I was completely stumped. Also @celestial-writing because this fic would not be finished if it weren’t for her motivating me to push through up until the very end. And @sarcasticallystilinski too for all her feedback. I think they all edited this at some point too so thank you beautiful babes, I love you all more than most. Lastly, Koneko is Japanese for kitten so says google translater. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.