that's not your body

  • Hufflepuff: *carrying slytherin bridal style against their will* Isn't the sky beautiful...
  • Slytherin: I can murder you.
  • Hufflepuff: *snack appears out of thin air* Do you want a cookie?
  • Slytherin: I know how to hide dead bodies.
  • Hufflepuff: That's wonderful.
  • Slytherin: I am planning your death.
  • Hufflepuff: What's on your mind?
  • Slytherin: Homicide.
  • Hufflepuff: Eat your cookie.
2

POOR BOY 😩Speedy and safe recovery Ken!

anonymous asked:

just imagine lance and keith switching bodies after some "weird" experience they had in some other mission. and then they just wake up and everyone hears lance in keith's body screaming "I HAVE A FUCKING MULLET, NOOOOO" and keith is like "what the fuck is going on with me? wait - wHAT TEH FUCK IS GOINDG ON WITH ME?" and they freak out together just screaming and panicking.

OH MY GOD

Keith is like all *internal screaming* while Lance is more of the external screaming type like 

Lance:

  • Lance freaking out bc instead of avoiding Keith’s extremely cute annoying face, he’s forced to see it in the mirror for however long they’re stuck like this
    • “Hunk….I can’t do this…”
    • “Don’t worry, Lance, we’ll figure out how to get you two back into your own bodies soon enough.”
    • “Nonononono thATS NOT MY PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE A MULLET HUNK.  A MULLET.  AND THE WORST PART????????? ITS FUCKING SOFT GOD DAMMIT AND HAVE U EVER NOTICED HOW PRETTY KEITHS EYES ARE???? NO???? WELL HHAHAHHAHH THEYRE GORGEOUS god i think im in love with him”
  • him being extremely dramatic about it
    • “i cant do this”
    • “youre being dramatic”
    • “I have a mullet i think im entitled”

Keith:

  • Keith can’t stop rubbing Lance’s his face like i gotta get me some of these skin care products bc holy shit?? so soft?? 
    • “Pidge touch my face”
    • “what???? no ew gross?”
    • “its soft pidge.  so soft.  i cant stop TOUCHING HIS FACE”
    • “dude stop”
    • “so soft”
  • He is also completely obsessed with Lance’s eyes like
    • “Pidge his eyes”
    • “he has them, yes im aware”
    • “nononno have u ever noticed how BLUE they are??”
    • “that would be his eye color yes”
    • “but theyre so blue?? illegal.  not fair.”

So hey, if you seriously think the Shisui set is Thot Gear; or you think that characters that wear it are “slutty” or shameless or whatever; or it’s “just gear for Sunseeker Courtesan RPers” or some bullshit… Go away. Leave. Get off my blog, I don’t want your miserable ass here.

Jacksepticeye themed asks
  • I haven't seen these around before so I'm making one!
  • 1. Sticky bomb!: If you could make a weapon of your choosing, what would it be and what funky name would you give it?
  • 2. SPEED IS KEY: What's your dream super power?
  • 3. Green Pewdiepie: Has anyone ever compared you to someone else? Was it positive or negative? How did you feel?
  • 4. Antisepticeye: What's your favorite horror trope? Least favorite?
  • 5. "Am I recording?": Have you ever done something to completion only to find you'd done ot completely wrong? What was it?
  • 6. BAYTIN(as of today its a meme ahah): Ever been in a fight? How'd it go?
  • 7. Irish Slang: Do you know another language? What is it? Say something in that language!
  • 8. Dr. Schneeplesteen: What's your favorite board game?
  • 9. All the Way: What was one of your most unmotivated points? What got you through that point?
  • 10. Jacksepticeye power hour: Are you impulsive or do you usually think things through before doing something?
  • 11. Cool Patrol: If you met your idol, who would you meet and what would you say?
  • 12. Cuz Fuck you, that's why!: What's a favorite insult that you actually use on others?
  • 13. I know what do: When learning something new, do you learn quickly or does it come slow?
  • 14. The gauges: Is there anything you'd ever want to do to 'decorate' your body? Tattoo/gauges/hair dyeing/piercings?
  • 15. That's a stup: Do you get bored easily?
  • 16. Robin's edits: Do you think you'd ever be a video editor? Are you currently? What's your favorite edit to do/favorite edits to see?
  • 17. Signe: Do you have a significant other? How long have you been together? If you are single, have you ever had a significant other? How long did it last?
  • 18. The hat™: Do you have a favorite peice of clothing? What is it?
  • 19. The Undertale series: Do you have a favorite game? What is it?
  • 20. High fives all around: Is there a special greeting/parting gesture you give to others? What is it?
"Genital Preference"

Its not about sex.

It never has been. As a lesbian trans woman, almost all of my romantic encounters, crushes, and relationships are with other trans women. This is a pattern that holds true for 99% of us. We couldnt really care less whether some cis women don’t want to have sex with us.

But that is never how the conversation is framed by cis women who defend the notion of genital preference. Instead, its framed as “natural” for “real lesbians” to find our bodies repulsive. Our attempts to be included in women’s spaces and feminist discourse, where we belong, is equated to sexual violence, because apparently its impossible for you to see us tr*nnies as anything besides sexual predators. Its the way in which even supposed allies wax heartbroken about the need to protect young women (read: cis women, the only real women in their view) from us “trans activists” or “genderists” who are supposedly trying to force ourselves onto you when we never have. Its the fact that arguments in defense of genital preference are utilized as a way of reifying the notion that only equating womanhood with certain bodies is natural and good.

If you haven’t engaged in relationships with trans women, that’s fine. We seriously dont give a shit. Who says we want to date cis lesbians anyway? Oh wait, we’re sex crazed males in your eyes, so you assume we do. But when you make a politics out of specifically defending the right of people to be repulsed by our bodies…thats much more than just sex. You’re defending your right to see us as subhuman freaks, whose lives ultimately don’t matter.

"MBTI AS THINGS MY FRIENDS HAVE SAID" -an enfp
  • INTJ: "I just signed up for ten clubs... I'm going to be very busy from now on, aren't I?" "I can literally feel the regret coming off of you"
  • INTP: "I was just randomly googling the word "wow" and I found out all about this airline called WOW airlines. *rants for a few minutes then acts like they never ranted*"
  • ENTJ: " I have been taking Muy Thai classes for 20 years-" "ENTJ, you're not even 20." "... The point is this person isn't going to beat me."
  • ENTP: "ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT, ENFP? Don't you dare tell me you got it from Wikipedia." "..."
  • INFJ: " Guys, do we have to fight?" "YES!!!" "... *explosion of a thousand suns*"
  • INFP: " Have you ever heard of the ratakuo?" "No...?" "Good because it doesn't exist."
  • ENFJ: "I need another cup of coffee to deal with these people." "Haven't you drunken like 6 cups already?" "And your point is?"
  • ENFP: "I-ay m-aay orrible-hay erson-pay." "What did you just say?" "Nothing~~"
  • ISTJ: " I understand that you are under my general IQ, but please heed the stupidity that escapes your mouth. I don't want to be infected."
  • ISFJ: "I'm sorry those ickle pickles did something like that to you..."
  • ESTJ: "Patricia, I need 2 people on that case stat." "ESTJ, none of us are named Patricia." "Do I look like I care?"
  • ESFJ: "Hi! My name is ESFJ, I enjoy warm hugs, hot coco, and watching mean people being kicked out of the social hierarchy."
  • ISTP: "I managed to play video games 40 hours straight with only one bathroom break." "That's amazing, but sounds absolutely horrible for your body." "It was worth it."
  • ISFP: "I wish that you guys went to my school." "We do." "Ok yeah!!!"
  • ESTP: "I have a whole schedule planned for not sleeping the next 60 hours." "ESTP, no." "ESTP, yes."
  • ESFP: "ME GUSTA BAILAR LA MACARENA!"
Imagine that when you fall into middle earth you're wearing lots of body glitter and Thorin thinks that's just how your skin is

You : is it just me or does your uncle seem more upset and frustrated than usual?
Fili : yeah, he’s a bit miffed at himself and at you.
You: why?
Kili : because he keeps trying everything to make you shimmer again. You know like you did the first time we all met you.
You: but that’s not how my skin naturally is…it was fake….wait what has he tried?
Fili : oh the usual, trying to make you laugh, make you happy, and make you warm to name a few.
You: * goes and shows thorin the body glitter and kisses him*
Thorin : * has glitter in his beard for days*

Originally posted by polish-killa


Originally posted by tinysofia

Quincy Li, the Transformer

Name: Quincy “Qinlin” (aka verdant forest) Li I named him Quincy bc of the visual of Q and bc of the ‘in’ part, not bc Qin sounds anything like Quin lmao

Occupation: mercenary employed by RED (sort of, more in his backstory)

Age: 26 (in 1970 so he’s like… the same age as scout…?)

Height: 5′8″ (standing)

Build: Average. His upper body and core strength is far better than his lower body strength. He is currently still undergoing physical therapy, so he’s working on it. His arms probably get buffer as time goes on simply because of the nature of his disability (paralysis below the knee if thats even a thing lmao either way it has to do with his legs and basically the whole point of his class).

Description: He has fairly standard Chinese features, and his skin is on the tanner side (bc seriously, don’t believe those commercials, far more Asians have darker skin than those vampires you see on TV–his skin tone is actually fairly close to my own). His hair is short, and he generally wears a beanie and fingerless gloves. He usually is found wearing a modified dress shirt with a maroon vest emblazoned with his class logo. He wears a small, stud earring on his left ear. 

Likes: Machines, programming, computers, technology, exploring, cars, motorcycles, listening to folktales

Dislikes: exercise, his physical therapy training, his crutches (even though he understands their necessity), his leg braces, his modified shoes, gender dysphoria

Alignment: True Neutral (gives zero fucks tbh)

Zodiac: Aquarius

DOB: February 2, 1944

Gender: Male

Orientation: I haven’t really thought about it yet tbh although I don’t think it will ever come into play should I ever end up rping as him at any point? but I have a feeling he’d end up bi/pan like most of my muses lmao

Voice: The sound of a 12 year old boy like the kind you meet in tf2 servers tbh His voice sounds gender neutral. Even if you listened very carefully, it is hard to discern whether his voice is that of a mature woman or a boy in his teens.

Languages: English, Mandarin Chinese

Education: He’s fresh outta college dude. Went to a 4 year for a bachelor’s in mechanical engineering, then took a few years of grad school until he was taken to Mann Co, where he finished his education under Engie.

Nationality: Chinese American (he has an American passport bc he was born in the US, specifically, San Francisco)

Disorders: Mild PTSD

Habits: Tinkering with things that don’t belong to him. Prone to experimentation with machines, specifically cars and motorcycles. He loves motorcycles bc he can use them to great effect if he mods them a bit to accommodate for his legs. Plus, gotta go fast my dude, and motorcycles are the easiest way for him, a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie, to get his fill of adrenaline (plus he’s a speed demon i mean what do you expect, being stuck to a wheelchair all day?). Likes trying to “sneak” around as best he can: it’s a habit he developed since childhood, and is especially a challenge bc of his disability.

Positive traits: Intelligent, confident (in some ways, at least), gives good advice despite not following it on his own

Neutral traits: Passive, impartial, talkative

Negative traits: Impulsive, immature/petty, uncaring, selfish, prideful

And, of course, an obligatory explanation of what the fuck this lil kid is doing with these hardened mercenaries:

Keep reading

Caught Web Handed

Originally posted by tom-hollcnd

Series: Peter Parker Imagines

Relationship: Peter Parker x Reader
Warnings: Swearing cause I swear a lot get used to it or don’t read my stuff
Word Count:2,000+
A/N: Typed this before my shift! Enjoy my darlings :)


[Reader’s POV]


“Now just do the equations worksheet over the weekend, you have a quiz on formulas on Tuesday have a great weekend everyone!” the teacher waves to us before walking back to her desk. Putting your notebook away you zip up your bag.


   Slinging the straps onto your shoulders you pick your phone up off the lab table. Taking your beanie and putting it on your head. You start to walk towards the door when a hand grabs onto yours. Looking at your hand to the body thats connected to the other one. You smile realizing it’s your boyfriend, Peter Parker.


“Baby, I’ll see you over at my aunts tonight for dinner right?” he asks looking at you with a cute smile. Nodding you quickly peck him on the lips.


“Yes I’ll head over there after school,I offered to help her cook” walking hand in hand the two of you leave the room. Fixing your glasses you push them back up the bridge of your nose.    


“No wonder why Aunt May larbs you so much” his laughter making you smile, it’s so damn cute. It was his Aunts way of saying I love you and since you started dating she says it to you too. Now you’re a part of the Parker household.


   Peter kisses you goodbye once you two reach the end of the hall. He said he had to go do something for the Stark Internship. Your friends joked he was cheating on you but you all knew he wouldn’t. Peter wasn’t like that all, he reminded you of a love sick puppy.


    Walking down the hallway next to you, you pass through a sea of people to get to the doorway. Peter was long gone by now doing whatever for Mr. Stark. Zipping up your windbreaker you step out into the windy environment. It was fall in Queens and quite chilly to be exact. Holding onto your skateboard as you step down the entrance steps.


   Teachers stood outside watching as people left. Their eyes monitoring everyones behavior some eyes on you due to your skateboard. Leaving the school grounds and placing your skateboard on the ground. Placing your maroon Van clad foot on the black board. Your eyes looking down at the Spider-Man sticker you made to decal it.


   Pushing off with your left leg you stand fully on the board. The wind blowing against your skin as you roll down the street. Using your left leg to push for more speed. Music playing in your headphones as you make your way to Peter’s place. The streets turn into a blur as you make your way down. Skating across crosswalk ,thankfully no one next to you. You hated skating and having to get off if there were more people trying to cross.


   A red blur passes by capturing your body sending your skateboard off into the street. Headphones popping out of your ear as a cars honking fills the air. A scream leaves your mouth as you see you’re not on the ground connected to the lovely Earth. Seeing your skateboard get snapped in half broke your heart. The man driving the car slammed on his breaks flipping you off.


   You were held in strong arms making you snap back into reality. Looking up you see it’s Spider-Man. Words couldn’t even form in your mouth. Your jaw was ajar and probably broken open from shock. He swings another web descending from the perch he was holding you on.


“Watch where you’re going bitch!”


“Hey buddy that’s not how you talk to a lady!” He shoots a web hitting the man in the mouth. Another web securing his hands to the wheel.  


“I-I don’t even know what h-happend I was just crossing the street I-”


“Don’t worry, he was the one who almost hit you trying to speed through a light… Are you okay?” his voice sounding worried as he placed his hands on your shoulders. The eyes of his mask narrowing as he looked at your body.


“I’m fine thanks to you Spider-Man, my skateboard not so much” you sigh pointing over to your crushed buddy who was murdered.


“Can I offer you some web transportation today?” his voice sounding very familiar. Your mind just couldn’t process anything at the moment after what happened.


“Thanks but I have to go help make dinner tonight, maybe I’ll see you around Spiderling”you wink at him before walking over to the guy trying to get the web off. Pulling out your brass knuckle rings you slip it on.  Raising your arm you punch his back window.


“That’s for Zippy you impatient fuck” Checking the road you cross it and pick up your murdered pal. You’ve had him since you were in middle school. 


    The man looks over at you like you’re insane. His face angry but he couldn’t say anything cause it was muffled. Flipping him off you make your way down the street. Putting your headphones back in your ears you turn the music up. Secrets cover to Shape of You starts up making you grin. Singing along you continue your way to Peter’s apartment.


-


“Sweetie can you grab me the vegetables I washed? they’re in the sink in the colander” May asks as she chops up the onions her eyes watering slightly.


“Got it” giving her a thumbs up you walk to the sink pulling the colander out.  Water droplets drip so you shake it a few times before setting it on the counter.    


     Grabbing a cutting board you place a zucchini on the board. Opening a drawer you find a knife and pull it out. Hitting the drawer closed with your hip you begin to cut the vegetables. May instructs the way you should cut as she slides the onions into the sauce pan. Elvis was playing in the background as the two of you cooked.


     May and you talked about what was going on at school. You told her how your art piece got picked for a contest. Peter was more the science smarts you were the artsy one. Total polar opposites but love each other so much. It was also a plus for having a smart boyfriend, he’s your own tutor.


   Sticking the pan in the oven you set the timer for an hour. May was cleaning up the kitchen while everything was baking. She had the sauce on a simmer to keep it warm till Peter gets home. Lifting your backpack off the ground you carry it to Peter’s room. Walking in his room and stumbling on his shoes. Kicking them to the side you roll your eyes.


     Going to the bottom bunk you set your bag on the made bed. Leaning against the wall you cross your legs. Pulling out your laptop you open it up to Tumblr. Scrolling through your feed on the Spider-Man Blog you had. You’ve been trying to capture pictures of him and thankfully you had your camera set up in your glasses.


     Taking them off you flip a latch open and plug a micro usb into it and the usb into the computer. Downloading the file you upload it and add a caption. Adding the tags you want and post it to your blog. Pressing play you watch as you’re hoisted up and how you look up to see Spider-Man. Watching the clip again smiling cause you knew it would get loads of reblogs. Closing your laptop you unplug your glasses.


      Putting them back on your eyes adjust being able to see clearly again. You could see without them but the world seemed more clearer with them on. Thankfully your dad knows how to add technology to things so you were able to have him customize the glasses. They were perfect because you were able to capture footage of him.


     Moving to the edge of the bed you freeze seeing the door close on its own. Quietly getting out from under the bunk bed your feet step onto the floor. Looking up you see Peter on the ceiling crawling. A strand of a web hanging from the door closed. He jumps down quietly and gracefully, his back to you.


“You’re Spider-Man?” You blurt out making him jump turning around. A look of fear plastered on his features.


“N-No I’m not” Peter’s voice panicked as his suit slides off his body. His muscular body coming into view making your eyes grow wide. Peter wasn’t like this before,where did this body come from? What the actual fuck was happening?!


“You were on the fucking ceiling Peter Benjamin Parker” your voice rising a bit from what you saw. He covers your mouth pinning you against the ladder of the bunk bed. Peter looks back at the door becoming dead silent.


“Quiet please, May doesn’t know..” He looks you in the eyes, his eyes begging you practically. Nodding he lets go of your mouth stepping back.


   Watching as he slides out of the suit. Pulling on a sweater he had draped over his desk chair. His hands pulling down the sweater covering his prominent abs. A blush on your cheeks as you look away from him. Jesus Christ you didn’t know he had that body hidden under the clothes he wears.


“How long have you been hiding this from me” crossing your arms over your chest shifting your weight to one leg. Your hip popping to the side as you waited for an answer.


“It happened a few weeks before we dated…I just feel like I need to do something around here while I can.. Mr. Stark made me this suit, it used to be this homemade one but now I have thi-“


“HE made your suit?” you ask in awe looking at the suit on the floor. A lightbulb going off in your head, looking back up at Peter you point at him.


“This is the Stark Internship isn’t it or is it just a cover? Holy fuck you’re working with Iron Man” Peter’s smiling at your freak out moment that you were having. Your boyfriend is Spider-Man.


“You’re not mad at me?” he looks at you with the sweetest eyes, he reminds you of a puppy sometimes. Shaking your head no you pull him into a hug. His strong arms wrapping around you tightly.


“I’m just mad you didn’t tell me cause I’m your biggest fan” you give him a playful glare as he lifts you up.


“Do you know how hard it was to keep this a secret? You’ve almost found my suit so many times while you’ve been here” Peter laughs lightly setting you down on the ground. The door opens to show May peeking her head in.


“Hey I- Oh Peter I didn’t know you came in!” Peter turns around kicking the suit under his desk. May raises an eyebrow looking at Peter’s tense body.


“Dinner will be ready soon, Peter put some pants on” she closes the door leaving the two of you in Peter’s room. Peter jumps hitting the ceiling open a small latch. He hooks the suit up closing it letting out a sigh.


“Now why don’t you show me the footage you captured today” Peter grins pushing your glasses up the bridge of your nose. Your eyes widening at his statement he just made.


“What do you mean?” You look away heading towards the bottom bunk.


“You really think I was just saving you or coming out of nowhere? I did that so your blog could get tons of hits” He sits down next to you on the bunk a content sigh leaving his lips.


“Son of a bitch” you laugh shoving him slightly only to be pulled into his arms. Peter kisses your forehead making you smile.


“Don’t think I didn’t notice you charging your glasses in class today, my Spider Senses tingle more around you the most” his smirk growing only making you roll your eyes. He was such a smart ass but he’s yours and you were so content with your life. Daily content because Peter is a part of it.


   For the remaining time you showed him the clips of you caught of him. Him asking you how you got certain angles or how you did certain shots. Dinner was ready and the two of you headed out to the dining room table. May being a hoot with her jokes with Peter. Life was great and even greater knowing your boyfriend is the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man .

do you ever look at artwork showing people cuddling or something and the only thing you can think about is how awkward the pose is
like
boi
b o i
dat legs gonna be dead in five minutes if you keep it at that angle