that's my photos of me tag if this ever happens again

Take It All Back

Part Three

Summary: Still stuck in an alternate reality, Jensen navigates through a day full of ups and downs. 
Pairing: Jensen x OFC (Journey)
Word Count: 1775
Warnings: Mentions of possible pregnancy. 

Masterlist

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did you really not know (anthony ramos x reader)

request: anonymous: *slides u 10 bucks* heyo bud! Can i request a anthony ramos x reader where reader is an understudy in Hamilton and has a huge crush on ant & some of the other castmates have a running bet about when the reader will finally talk to him. And one day the lin and daveed are teasing the reader and ant’s like “who ya talking about” and yeah, fluff (sorry if its confuzzling + thank you<3)

Summary : fluff betweeen you & anthony bc u 2 belong togehter and people teasing and jfakdsfj;adskjf

Warnings: hardcore fluff, embarssment, cussing, u getting EXPOSED, you kissing daveed, anthony being dumb 

a/n - lots of these r in my inbox im working my way though them and hello anon i will gladly take that ten dollar foudning father without a father out of your hands.


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callout post for tumblr user spideydevils to let ppl know that yall should avoid interacting with them

basically:parker is both an emotional abuser who has hurt and/or manipulated at least 6 people (and possibly more that im not aware of) who has tried to manipulate/coerce people into doing sexual things with them.

they needed help last year and i let them live in my house, and for months subjected me to various common abuse tactics. below is a list of several abusive things they did to me

  • pretty much constantly would make subtle & outright insults about me, usually calling me annoying or selfish whenever i didnt do something they wanted me to do.
    calling me “selfish” included a time when they wanted me to do something sexual with them that i was uncomfortable with causing them to insult me for it.. similarly, would get annoyed/angry with me for not being able to do certain sexual acts due to anxiety and/or general discomfort with it
    they also invited people over to my house frequently without asking; they asked a friend to come over after my grandfather died and i said no due to me needing some time alone to grieve, to which they responded by being passive-aggressive and angry with me for weeks and telling said friend that i should’ve let them come over because i “didn’t even know my grandpa that well anyway”
  • regularly made ableist comments for people with traits of certain disablities/mental illnesses; including calling me and my friend (both autistic people) “annoying” for rambling about my special interests, saying things like “that art style is bad because every person looks like they have down syndrome,” stating that every trait they didn’t like about someone was a “typical sign of them having BPD/bipolar disorder” basically every time they didnt like someone it was usually because that person had a mental illness/disability
    oddly enough, every person they dated/were interested in when i knew them was emotionally vulnerable, and they even made a post stating that their “type” were people who were “emotionally stunted”

again, especially sketchy after their history with how they treated mentally ill people

  • after getting in a fight with two of my friends, they got angry with me for hanging out with said friends to the point of us having to make plans in secret and avoid telling them what we were doing so they wouldn’t get mad at us for hanging out 
  • repeatedly lied to my parents (and other people) about money in order to trick us into financially supporting them; this included an instance in which they told my mom that their mom had “forced them to pay for all the gas money” on a long road trip, only for us to later find out that parker hadn’t paid for anything and had instead spent their money on art supplies. not only that, but the situation had led to another friend being forced into paying for all of the gas money while parker got to save their money so they could spend it on art supplies.
    note: at this time they were living with me and under my parents’ roof, meaning my parents were already paying for their food and other supplies and didn’t have much to spare, but because of them blatantly lying my mom felt bad and gave parker money to make up for what they were “forced to spend.” they basically had absolutely no consideration for how much people were spending on them, and whenever someone agreed to pay for something for them they would spend as much money as they could (i.e. once my mom was buying us things from AC moore and they literally spent at least $100 dollars on art supplies, then proceeded to use none of them)
    later after they moved out they made a kickstarter to help support themselves, which was incredibly sketchy knowing their constant problem with wasting OTHER PEOPLE’S money.
  • would regularly bring up people’s personal problems & the like (jncluding certain sexual things) around strangers without that person’s consent
     this included being told secrets by someone (such as about their mental illnesses or home situations) and then sharing it with everyone they knew
    also, was rude to a person in a way that led me to getting outed; basically the person asked if we wanted to take a feminism survey and they aggressively responded “why? because you assume we’re women?!” (as if that had anything to do with the question…) and then bragged about their response to us as if yelling at someone for a simple question and forcing a trans person into a situation where they needed to explain their identity was in any way admirable
  • used manipulative tactics to get my friends and me to side with them and turn against each other- i.e. would say things like “sometimes i think i like you more than anyone else in the group” in private but to every single friend individually. would spread negative thoughts about us behind each other’s backs in order to make us dislike certain aspects of each other (literally would never talk about anyone they knew in a positive light, it was all negativity used to ~make us see each others problems~ or some shit)
  • said things like “how could you abandon me after everything i’ve done for you?”
  • when called out on their problems they would proceed to blame it on their mental illness or seclude themselves and wait for everything to blow over so that they could just come back and not have to deal with it.
    in addition to just waiting for everything to blow over, after they’d apparently determined that an adequate amount of time had passed they would immediately come back to see you and start talking to you sweetly and pretending nothing happened- this was incredibly jarring and creepy and worked to make a lot of us question if they’d actually done anything wrong. (not to mention if you said they did anything wrong they’d immediately come back at you saying that you were “projecting” therefore wrong lmao)
  • they would also make every issue about themself;
    i.e. once they made me cry and they proceeded to say (aggressively) “are you crying?!” and then shouted “thats it! im done!” before running out of the room. when we saw them again they proceeded to make self deprecating comments about what a shitty person they were, forcing us to console them rather than them actually apologizing for hurting me.
  • Regularly acted superior/smarter/more “mature” than the rest of us- this includes constantly referring to another friend as this “pure innocent person” (solely because she wasn’t ~kinky~)
    The way they talked about the “pure innocent person” was especially creepy as they would say things like “i wish she wasn’t straight, i don’t want any of those straight guys corrupting her :/” it was really fucking creepy.

my friend @hails-bop also added:

I also experienced abuse from spideydevils when we were friends.

  • They were dating my best friend at the time and proceeded to play us against each other and caused the end of our friendship and spread really nasty information about her. 
  • They also acted as if they had “saved” me from a manipulative, toxic friendship by calling me “a little helpless puppy” that they rescued.
    They also constantly acted like I was this poor defenseless creature that they had to rescue while simultaneously acting like I had to save them bc they, quote, “would die without me there.”
  • They also manipulated me into buying us matching t-shirts and water bottles with my living money (the only money I had when I had no job and no home after moving out of my mom’s house) saying that I had to because I had to provide for them and such and wouldn’t give me a chance to say no.
    They also asked me if they could look at my debit card one day bc they like the stimulation of the sparkles on it to which I gave it to them without a second though because I knew that was important for them. They proceeded to copy down my debit card info and when I suspected it, I was afraid to ask them as they got mad whenever anyone confronted them. The next day they asked me for the address associated with my debit card, when I asked why they told me that they just wanted to remember it and later that it “was an autistic thing”. So I only have them part of it, since I wasn’t comfortable. I noticed the next day that I had over $100 taken out of my bank account (again the only living money I had at the time) and that  my Amazon account had been locked out because of “suspicious card activity”. When I confronted them about it I simply told them that I was having all these issues, to which they came back and said that Amazon was just dumb. But later when I asked them if they had done it they told me “Oh, that might be my bad. I bought some pants and must have accidentally used your card info.” They claimed that it was already logged into their Amazon account automatically and the app must have gitched. However, I never gave them my info or permission to used my card on the Amazon account. They continuously denied that they stole from me and have yet to own up to it. And when I brought it up a few times much later they completely ignored my questions. 
  • They were also very forward sexually with me at the very beginning of our friendship. One of the first times I stayed over at their house they brought out their hand and leg cuffs and were just being weird with them (our relationship never escalated to sex thank goodness.)
    They also stayed with me for about a week before they moved into my friend’s house and were really inappropriate with my step-sister. They wouldn’t stop asking her if she would have sex with them or if she “ever wanted to experiment”. My step-sister repeatedly said “no” and they proceeded to get up and show my step-sister nudes and photos of them in bondage gear. I then decided they needed to get away from her so I took them outside to walk to Arby’ s and the first thing they said was “I’m so gay for your step-sister”. 
  • When they were staying with me for a short time my father sent me $100 to help with groceries while they were there and they made me take them to Dollar General to buy things they claim they needed but still had not used after months and months of time. 
  • After they moved in with my friend they would make me clean their room everytime I came to visit. I would come up to visit from college and if I didn’t have their room spotless when they got back then they would say things like “Why didn’t you do any work??” Or when they got back they would make me stop hanging with my other friend to hang out with them or to finish cleaning their room while they sat on their bed and did nothing.
  • They would also constantly ghost me for no reason at all. They would be mean and spiteful when I messaged them and then when I just gave up and left them alone they would say “Well, why aren’t you talking to me?”
    then would randomly come up to me days later and put their head on my shoulder and act as if nothing had ever happened. This happened like two or three times over the course of a couple months. 
  • They also almost made me go to a super expensive college with them because they “needed me or they’d die” and that I had to go to help them. I almost went but finally realized that was a horrible idea. 
  • They also would make me stay awake until like 6am even when I had things to do the next morning telling me that I wasn’t allowed to leave them or that I would be abandoning them. 
  • They have also continued to play the victim. When they cut ties with people they continue to talk nasty about the people they hurt and point the blame to those people. They act as if no one cares about them and everyone leaves them because “no one understands” etc. when everyone leaves because they are being abusive and hurting everyone around them.
  • Being involved with them was so incredible horrible for my mental health. I’ve started therapy through my school and constantly continue to have nightmares of them. I advise anybody to stay as far away from them as you possibly can.

Edit (5/12/17) more things from @itsmekarlee:

  • they basically destroyed my life and turned all my friends against me because they were trying to force themselves on someone who was made very uncomfortable by them. 
  • spread horrible rumors about me and told everyone that I was toxic and abusive
  • faked a suicide attempt to guilt trip me and my friend (who barely knew them). And they tried to “give” me all their cosplay stuff before they “died" 
  • during that they proceeded to post a passive aggressive status on their account
  • texted a friend who had my phone at the time, while on a school trip, things about ditching me. They even told the friend to delete those messages but I had gotten my phone back, i called them out on it, but they just told me I was a horrible person and that I would have done the same thing.
    on the same school trip called me out ((accusing me of stuff they made up)) at lunch in front of everyone, made me cry and proceeded to say that I was manipulative
  • just in general very pushy and awful, pls avoid

Edit (6/23/17) more things from @luke-amidala (quotes are taken directly from a chat between me and her, while bullets without quotes are paraphased a bit to fit this format better)

luke-amidala and parker were college roommates during parker’s first semester at pratt

  • “Basically what happened was that they had been incredibly toxic to us, and we wanted to get them out of the dorm because they weren’t good for our mental health”
  • “They were incredibly mean our room mate Tamlin, and often made him cry.” 
  • “They wanted me all to themselves because they had a huge crush on me, so they would try and isolate me. They were super sexually inappropriate towards me, despite me constantly telling them I wasn’t interested.”
  • “Finally, we had a mediation with them to tell them how we felt and how we couldn’t have them in the dorm anymore. I told them that I was suicidal, despite making great progress in the past few years, and they told me ‘well, that’s your fault for feeling that way…’”
  • After luke-amidala and parker’s other roommates had gotten parker to move out of their dorm, parker proceeded to spread lies about luke-amidala having “physically attacked” them, likely as a way to build sympathy from people outside of the situation;
    this included using the “attack” against hails-bop in a conversation where parker asked hailey “if they [parker] were a toxic person” and when hailey said that they were, parker proceeded to instead call hailey toxic for insulting them after they’d been “physically attacked” by their roommate (coincidentally parker hadn’t mentioned anything about a physical attack until after they needed to use it as leverage in order to deflect hailey pointing out their abusive behavior)

Edit (6/25/17) info from Parker’s other roommate @chillinginthedaisies once again taken from a chat we’d had with minor edits for the post format

  • So they were living, we were sharing a bedroom, just us. Initially they entranced me, were very kind to me and I felt like I had a nice friend. I had been so anxious for months on who I would room with because I’m trans and worry, but I thought they were amazing at first
    The night before moving in together, however, we got in a fight because I didn’t word something correctly for them. I apologized so many times and had a panic attack because I was afraid they would hate me and we had to live together, but once we moved in everything seemed fine at first and I still thought they were nice
  • As days passed they kept pointing out my insecurities and saying mean things to me. I can get kind of loud sometimes, and we invited new friends over and were having fun with them in our room so I was being a bit loud and Parker told me how annoying I was being and that I’m so loud they can’t stand it. This is one of my biggest insecurities because I don’t realize I’m doing it sometimes. This lead to me having a panic attack in our kitchen because I thought they hated me.
  • Eventually all they would do was say mean things to me and be passive aggressive because I would hang out with our roommate who they had a crush on. They saw me as a threat even though I had shown no interest in our roommate and it only got worse when we tried to talk things out:
  • They told me that I was sheltered, privileged, that I’d never known pain in my life. They said they hated me and wanted to have my life because it seemed way better than theirs. It kept feeling like they were trying to one up me with their problems. I told them many things about my life like about my mom dying, but instead of trying to relate to me they stepped all over what I’d told them. They said it wasn’t that bad my mom died because they had to watch their grandmother die. It was like, I also watched someone I love die, why couldn’t we have been together about something instead of them trying to out pity me
  • They were like the embodiment of every bad thing that everyone had ever said or done to me wrapped up in one person. I felt trapped with them but at the same time I kept wanting to please them. I was scared to be in the same room as them because I was afraid of what else they were going to say to me. Finally we got them kicked out of my bedroom but their stuff stayed in my room for at least a month after that. It was awful because it still felt like they were there. While they were gone they spread rumors about me and my roommate like saying that we had abused them. I still had to see them in one of my classes even after they got kicked out of my room and it was like I couldn’t escape from them until they finally left campus.

Edit (6/24/17)More info from people involved with parker provided with permission from a person who’d prefer to stay anonymous;
for convenience of this post we’ll call them Basil

  • Parker would often bring up sexual things in public and around friends without Basil’s consent;
    For example, Parker gave Basil an unwanted sexual gift for her birthday, knowing that Basil was uncomfortable with receiving it, and have her open them in front of a large group of people without knowing the gift were sexual.
  • Parker also would generally try to pressure Basil into sexual things and would try to guilt her into doing sexual things she wasn’t interested in, including a time in which Parker wanted to exchange sexual text messages/pictures and, upon Basil telling them that she wasn’t comfortable doing that, Parker proceeded to start making tons of vent posts about how ugly they were and how disgusting their body is (this happened several times to several people; Parker would often take “i dont want to have sex with you” as an insult to them and proceed to make whoever rejected them feel horrible by posting several self-deprecating vent posts, talking about self harming, and/or blaming them being rejected on their eating disorder and often using as a reason to purge/binge. These were public posts made on Parker’s main blog that they were fully aware would likely be seen by whoever was “causing” them and would immediately begin to blame themselves for it.)
  • Tried to pressure/guilt Basil into a polyamorous relationship
  • Parker would actively try to convince Basil that her mother was abusive (which she’s not, at all) in order to distance Basil from her solely because Parker didn’t like her.
  • Parker would get angry at Basil for things she did due to her depression and/or anxiety and would demonize her for it;
    For example, at a friend outing Parker said something along the lines of “Basil you need to not do this thing and you can do better” and Basil responded with a self-deprecating joke (something like “oh haha i know i’m just a horrible person”) which made Parker SLAM their glass on the table and say “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT” very loudly and angrily causing Basil to panic and have to the restaurant leave to calm down.
    After Basil had left we asked Parker what was going on and they proceeded to call her manipulative literally because she made self deprecating jokes a lot (which is not only something that people with depression do generally, but also something Parker did all the time in ways that were Actually manipulative.)

Edit (6/24/17) More info from another person who’d prefer to remain anonymous; for convenience we’ll call her L.

  • Used a similar “how could you leave me after everything I’ve done for you?” guilt tactic on L when they broke up; examples of this can still be found on their blog: 

They also didnt speak or look at L for weeks after they broke up, causing L loads of stress to the point where she felt obligated to get back together with them despite not wanting to just to make things easier

  • Parker used their eating disorder to manipulate L while they were having a meltdown; during a group outing at a restaurant L wasn’t eating anything, Parker told L that “if you didn’t eat then I won’t either” and proceeded to go to the bathroom and purge, causing L to have a breakdown
  • Parker had a tendency to pick favorites in polyamorous relationships, in which they would treat one person nicely and be complimentative of them while their other partner would get ignored and become a target of insults. 
  • Parker would often borrow things from L and then say they “lost them,” however when Parker moved out and we packed their things we found a lot of L’s “lost things” in a matter of minutes; this made Parker’s lack of any effort to even TRY to find L’s things pretty obvious and considering Parker has an aforementioned tendency to steal people’s things and lie about it, it’s likely that Parker didn’t have any intent to return these items to begin with.

Edit (6/24/17) @whothefuckisjb provided a buncha specific info about how they were treated by parker and their effect on his mental health that i’m just gonna quote here (with minor edits for organization’s sake)

I “knew” Parker for three years online prior to meeting them in person at their college where I picked them up just to give them a place to stay during winter break that wasn’t all the way in far away and away from their mother. It wasn’t that I felt sorry for them or that I thought I was saving them. I thought I was sparing them from suffering more than they already had.
Little did I know they only wanted to suffer. At every turn they seem to take the path that only leads to more hurt, more suffering, and more destruction. They want to suffer, like they enjoy the attention it brings them. Then they complain about the attention it brings them. The whole time I’ve known them it seems like their whole theme has been some paradoxical scheme of “I don’t want pity! But here’s how EVERYONE has hurt me”. As they bounce from person to person, not seeing how much pain and suffering they cause.

Dated outtakes from my personal journal of the time when Parker lived with me:

  • 3/28/17
    “… I’m tired. I want to sleep in the living room tonight. But I continuously feel guilted into sleeping with Parker because I don’t want them to tell me how I’m making them feel horrible. It’s so hard to do what I want right now.
    Parker is constantly contradicting themselves on so many things like “stay the HELL away from (their therapist)” and saying they dislike my place of therapy so when I consider couples therapy for them I don’t know who to go to. And when they continue to say they’ll try harder all I’m feeling and all I’ve ever felt from them is no ACTIONS.
    Something is blocking me from being able to properly communicate with Parker like I would with my mother or (my other significant other whom was neglected and pushed away from our “poly” relationship). I think… I think it’s fear. And I’m sick of hearing this “no warning” excuse from them. I felt pressured to speak before I was ready to ergo things came out confused and not how I wanted them, so then they get angry about having no warning about these things but when I try to give a warning they get anxious and press me for more details or I get “can you at least try?” Even though I already said “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk just yet”… We’re progressing at 2 different rates. Eventually, whether we want to or not, we’re going to drift away from one another.
    Every time they press so desperately for love and affection I’m so so uncomfortable but I know contact can be comforting to them. But do I want it? No. Not usually. Especially when so many times I’ve been scared close to tears because of a “NO!” In response to trying to comfort them with physical touch. It’s maddening.”
  • 3/28/17 A single page with just this written on it:
    ““Do not touch me!” You hissed at me as I quickly stood in case you passed out right there in front of me. I’m crying.”
  • 3/29/17
    “…I’m fining it hard to write about my problems and not Parker’s again. I feel bad. I wanna cry and go home. But I can’t go home, because Parker is there.”
    (I’d also like to point out it was around this time that I was so riddled with anxiety due to Parker’s abuse that I quite literally developed a stomach ulcer that is now a weakened spot in my stomach lining that is a lasting physical and painful effect of their emotional and mental abuse.)
  • 3/31/17
    “I’m dying. I’m used, I’m worthless, I’m suffering. I don’t want them to know. It’s just more hassle and trouble for them. I just want to be alone where I can’t be used or guilted or manipulated I want to cry but I just can’t seem to this time. I hurt. I’m used. I’m a tool. I’m crying on my book gods damn me.” (more intricate writing) “Just let me die so their lives can be better…
    To have someone who was supposed to look out for you, love you, be there for you turn and put you in such a dark place that you’re suicidal and so sure that everyone’s lives would be better without you? The whole idea of it is disgusting. And it happened. More than once I’m very sure. To others even.”
  • 4/2/17
    “I want to emote unapologetically. I want to sit and cry and unless I ask for help I want to be ignored like I don’t exist.
    Everything in me is crying and begging for them to go away so I can start my life again. I feel like nothing can or should move forward until Parker is gone. I think this is my tipping point. I was already so close to the edge of my breaking point that the abuse sent me off the deep end…”
    (I would only go to school in a desperate attempt to get away from Parker. Those six hours of actual high school hell were better than being at home, MY home, where my abuser was taking up every available ounce of space in my tiny apartment.
    Earlier entries from my journal look like this when I’d just told Parker they were being abusive.)
  • 3/26/17
    “I’m supposed to think on it for a week. Sure. I walked for HOURS today just thinking about it all and I let the abuse get in the way of my thoughts. FUCK! I’m so trapped, more now than ever before.
    Trapped by guilt and this feeling of invalidation. I’m crying too much. My eyes hurt. I’m so dehydrated.
    Stopstopstopstopstopstop. I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS. It hurts. I hurt. Make it stop. Sara (my therapist), please. I’m begging. Anything to make the pain go away. Drug me. Hurt me. Kill me. Just make it stop.”
  • I would sleep with my journal just in an attempt to keep them from reading it. I’d keep it tucked on my side of the twin bed so they’d likely wake me stretching over me to try and reach for it. Not once did I invade the privacy of their journal. Not once. But there were times that conversations would come up that literally could not have happened unless Parker took and read my journal.
  • I was asked to do sexual things I was obviously uncomfortable doing and when I voiced to them about being uncomfortable with it they belittled and berated me for it. They taunted me and treated me childishly because I wouldn’t whip them hard enough! I can’t help but feel like everything I’ve done was some disgusting set up play to make me look like the abuser.
  • I’m slightly self conscious about my intelligence, I know I’m not very smart but I’m not a moron either. Being with Parker constantly correcting, confusing, and compiling things to show me how stupid and unintelligent I was? Made everything ten times worse. They always had to be right. They had to have the last word. Even if they weren’t right I was still in the wrong because everything was always my fault.
  • I had to be the one making decisions for them. I had to be in charge of their life so when they fucked it up more they could blame it all on me. Well no, no it’s not all on me. I have a plethora, a literal fucking book of evidence of what they did to me. Literal quotes of the shit they’ve said to me. I have evidence, hard and true. And I felt like I needed all this evidence, I still do, because living with them has made me doubt the reality and validity of what I am feeling. I started writing because I knew I was losing pieces of time and blacking things out and having more panic attacks. Parker destroyed my life and my reality. Please for the love of the gods don’t let them do it to you too.

(me, s-squishysquibbles, talking again:) i dont want people who read this to send them death threats or hate messages or anything like that, i just want people to know that they should Not get involved with them.

the fact that theyve hurt so many people is terrifying and i just want to warn as many people as possible to avoid them because they are clearly not interested in improving their behavior.

if anyone else has been hurt by them me and @hails-bop are always here to talk. if anyone wants me to add anything else, message me i can do so and won’t add your name unless you specify that you want me to. 

the reasons i believe kaisoo is real is how they keep doing their thing (touching, being close w/ each other, etc) and rub it on our face. usually, if you are being paired/shipped with someone you don’t like, you’ll be uncomfortable, even a male (ex-)idol from older generation time had said that he didnt like the idea being shipped with other member when his group was still active (he even “ugh”-ing when he mentioned this. and honestly it was more like crack-ship tbh, the fans just shipped them both out of nowhere i think, not hardcore), but not kaisoo, they seem just fine and chill with each other. no awkward “me no likey you, no homo bro” feelings ever linger on them, not a bit.

it’s obvious that they know about all these kaisoo ordeals going on internet; they’re often seeing playing w/ their gadgets (smartphones/ tablets) especially in airport, they had seen some kaisoo banners in concerts (like in mexico) and fanmeets (in china). 

but they often doing this “gay things” when fanservice isnt required, like all the members just chilin and answering the damn questions but they are busy flirting, eyefucking and releasing sexual tension. and when they’re on stage they do things like glancing then biting lips (soo), turning head like an owl to see his other half on the other side of stage (jongin), make sure the other is close (ksoo koala-ing jongin and jongin following soo like a puppy), or those ‘lemme appreciate how pretty your lips are’ moments . those shit aint fanservice because it’s so goddamn subtle to be one, u need at least to be a casual shipper to notice those shit. doing fake kiss or hugging them out of nowhere, that’s fanservice. 

and dont tell me SM trying to sell kaisoo gheiness for money, cuz i aint buying it, first: commonly the company would “sell” their idols w/ “ideal boyfriend/girlfriend material” image. why? it sells more, many horny teenagers prefer oppa is my boyfriend > oppa is another oppa’s boyfriend, second SM doesnt even promote kaisoo in the first place, SM original ship is baeksoo (or the rumor said) and SM pushes taekai more to public, if SM does ship kaisoo, then why the fuck kaisoo wasn’t paired in ‘playboy’ dance? SM is a big company and i guarantee you they know about spazzing and glorifying kaisoo ritual on internet, it should be a gold mine to be exploited (hell kaisoo shippers are so thirsty even the whole pacific ocean couldnt sate them, lots of cash surely would be thrown just for buying kaisoo merch, i guarantee you, even kaisoo shippers had managed to buy a star so they could name it kaisoo good fucking god how rich this fandom is), but SM doesnt do it (they just sometimes pair these two, but it’s so rare, rare as raichu card), as if something would happen if they did, something that would got out of hands.

also ksoo had (or still has?) gay rumors and ofc he blatantly denied them so hard, it makes him become even more suspicious. like, just chill dude, the radio host just asked what kind of men that considered good (i think thats the question, i dont really remember) and he answered “i don’t know i’m not into men” like whatthefuck, even suho answered the question “a man that do this and that is considered a good man”. no need to go panic mode immediately.   so why ksoo doesnt stay the fuck out from jongin cuz them being together screams gay so hard. those rumors should’ve alerted him, buutttt noooo, they keep being joined at the hip. (and he continues to koala-ing at jonginnie)

also, again, there’s this video/gifset about chanyeol said jongin didnt like ksoo, bc ksoo didnt want to look at him when they talked. ksoo claimed his astigmatism caused this. mother-fucking-puh-lease. until this day ksoo still has astigmatism and u know what he does? he stares the fuck out of people/object (mostly MC and monitor screen), but why not with jongin then? if his astigmatism caused him not to look at people then why only jongin? why other members dont complain about this? honestly? plus isnt astigmatism causes your vision to be blurred? fucking blurred. he was supposed to not being able to see jongin clearly bc astig-fucking-matism causing his vision to be blurred. why he chose not to look at jongin instead? hmm? there’s this video saying he had a crush on a friend (mind you, he didnt mention it was a girl, the host did) when he was on his 3rd year of highschool. exo debuted 2012, ksoo joined SM 2010 (he was on his 2nd year of highschool, according to wikipedia, i know wikipedia full of fuckery sometimes but i think this is correct), so it means when he was on 3rd year, it was already 2011 and exo is already formed by that time, meaning the members already being introduced to each other. i bet they were busy preparing their debut and shit, meaning they met a LOT. sure lots of ppl said “woa who’s the lucky girl?” and many would rebut me and my petty delulu argument by saying “ksoo mentioned the “friend” he crushed on was from different class, the crush was from the same school !” or “theres this photo of him with the girl”, mm-hmm, but let me remind you the host mentioned the class thingy first (she asked “is the friend from the same class?” ksoo said “no, from different class”–he could imply something else, maybe class as it means school–different school that certain someone went to) and for the photo, well the photos of him with certain someone (alone, just both of them) appear to be more intimate than he with the girl (and other students). just connect the dots, darling.

i’m sorry i know as you read this you prob think that this girl is so delulu even the lord and savior cant save her anymore, this thing was supposed to be short but god forbade me and told me to preach the truth (well, not really), 

jokes aside, this is just my kaisoo theory, bc what kaisoo shippers do when there’s no new post on kaisoo tag? they either do fanfic (write/read), fanarts or sputtering nonsense on their blog like kaisoo trash they are /sobs and wailing how do i get off from this ship? HOW?? should i just jump in the ocean of feels?/

btw sorry for grammar mistakes and etc hope my post does make sense, i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and it bugged me to keep it inside the jar, so i decided to spill the drink here 

i’m sorry again /bow 90°/

and dont attack me /hides under blanket/

Tyler Hoechlin, MVP of My Heart: DOTW Chicago

This Sunday was the second day of DOTW Chicago, and I was lucky enough to attend. After a number of dramatic airport antics, I finally arrived at the convention just before it began. I flew halfway across the country and I couldn’t be more excited for the day, even if I had been awake since Friday night. The only real goal was getting to talk to Tyler for a little bit, but along the way I made some friends and the day turned out all the better for it. The day began for me with Orny coming on stage and introducing Ian, but as this trip was mostly about Hoechlin for me I’ll leave the recaps of everything else for others.

The first big thing I did was attend Tyler’s Meet and Greet. The amazing darkenednights (Go check out her photo’s of the con!) was kind enough to sell me her ticket, and I couldn’t be more thankful. The whole day was the best ever, but this really was it’s core. Now I don’t know how much we’re actually allowed to say about it, so I won’t go into much detail about it. But he was so nice and made sure to involve and talk to everyone during it, and answered questions and smiled and was just so nice. At one point I asked him about the Dodger’s game, and he said it was amazing to be a part of, but that his brother had been teasing him about how he only hit two home runs, and when I said “but you were MVP” he said his brother reminded him he was only the co-MVP. I responded by putting my hand on my chest and saying “Well you’re the MVP in my heart” to which he just gave a really big ‘awh’ and said “that’s the one that matters.” He really is just the best guy like wow. 
While in there I met some super awesome people, such as switch842 / runningwithwolves42! It was pretty great. Everyone in there was amazing and it made it all so much fun.

Next up was his panel, which has been reported on in depth I’m sure. I didn’t get to ask him the question I wanted to, but a highlight has to be when someone asked him how he would survive in a zombie apocalypse. He decided he would want dragons (because who wouldn’t?), but when I yelled out asking what if they bite the dragon, he just said you’re done. It’s over, you’re dead. haha Another just amazing part was when this little kid asked him what his favorite Beatles song was and he talked about rocking out in the car to the ‘na na’s at the end of Hey Jude. He was just so happy and perfect and it was great (also I crazy want to hear him car singing now haha)

The last two things were the photo ops and his signing! I had two photos, and told him at the Meet and Greet I had a plan for it, and he said he was looking forward to it as he left. When I got up to him in the line, he remembered that I had a plan and asked what it was.
I had a bottle of coke in my hand. He hadn’t noticed it.
I smiled and looked at him.
“okay, Tyler?”
“Yeah?”
“I need to ask you the most important question I can ask someone.”
“Okay..?”
He looked a little worried. He didn’t know. Hadn’t realized yet. I drop to one knee.
“Will you.. *presents the coke bottle with his name on it to him* Share a coke with me?”
He died. He threw his head back laughing and clapped while saying “I will”. It was so great I was so excited. After he stopped laughing he grabbed the bottle a little and smiled down at me: PHOTO HERE. (the photographer took it just as his smile started to fade, which is a little sad but I still love the photo). I stood up and gave him the coke and he seemed surprised he got to keep it?? He’s so great oh my gosh. 
He put the coke to the side and was like “hug?” 
I thought he meant an actual hug. He meant a photo hug. I went for it. My head fell into his shoulder and He started to pose. I realized halfway through and turned my head awkwardly with my hand on his shoulder to look at the camera. He thought it was funny apparently, though, so that’s nice. PHOTO HERE
I left after getting a real hug, and made my way upstairs to the autographs.

Now, I almost missed my autograph. Things were running a little slow and I had to catch my flight. I had been up since Friday night still. Starbucks had closed. I was so tired it was a mess. Eventually the wonderful Creation team bumped me to the front so I wouldn’t miss my flight, and I got to say goodbye to Tyler. He laughed and smiled when he saw my photo, and said he was sorry I had to leave so quickly (I told him why I got bumped up). But before he finished signing, I told him how much he meant to me and why. Basically I told him that he was the best, and my hero, and that he and Derek got me through a really really bad depressive/almost suicidal spot four years ago and have been helping me ever since. He got these really wide eyes (which is a sight to see even in my state truly) and an awed expression, and looked a little lost for words (he said “that’s amazing” or something similar at first) and then made for a high five before just getting up and walking around the table and giving me a huge hug (which was magical and I was almost crying because it was really hard to say and I was so tired and he was being so amazing and fantastic to me). I told him he was my hero again and that I had to go but just thank you so much for existing, and he got this really serious face and nodded as he sat down but then immediately smiled and told me he wanted me to come see him again soon (and I died inside). I smiled and nodded back but joked that the goal was he was going to be so famous that he wouldn’t do these anymore and I wouldn’t be able to afford it. He just smiled and waved at me and told me to have a safe flight. And then I was gone. I left the room and said goodbye to my new friends and got to the airport and cried for a long time because of how amazing he is and how much I wish I could talk to him again and how much I missed him already, and because I have no idea when I’ll get to see or talk to him again and it kills me.

So. That is my (very, extremely long) recap of my day at DOTW Chicago, and the part that was most important to me (for reasons that I hope were made clear). The take away should really just be that Creation Events are great, con friends are the greatest, and that Tyler Hoechlin is the best human being in the world, my favorite person, my hero, and now MVP of my heart. 
Nate out.

I interrupt my semi-hiatus with a Cockles update (among other things)

SO I took a break from studying (I FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT THIS GUYS. I EVEN CARRIED AROUND ALL MY NOTES AND BOOKS ALL WEEKEND AND DIDN’T EVEN CRACK THEM OPEN AND READ FIC ON MY PHONE INSTEAD. I AM TERRIBLE) to go to Supernatural DallasCon this weekend!

Basically, if you’re going to a con, I highly suggest you go with someone??? Cause this time around I was by myself and while I still had fun, met people and got to hang around with Bunny and Kiriei for a little bit, it was still kind of lonely. :( SO yeah. But anyways…

I won’t bore you with all the con details, so here’s my personal highlights:

Keep reading

(original photo found on Pinterest, but the link was dead.)

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I hit this milestone! Check out this post to read all my thank you’s, which actually seem to grow by the day … 

I honestly wasn’t sure if I wanted to celebrate by doing any activity that would involve writing, but come on. I’m a SPN blog, yes, but so much of my blog centers around the fics! SO, here’s how it’s gonna go: (That’s right I’m gonna make you keep reading. This is already more space than I care to take up on anyone’s dash.)

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anonymous asked:

Olicity prompt: Just any thing that's with them being written about in tabloids and stuff. Or arranged marriage/drunken Vegas marriage.

Thank you for the prompt, anon. I combine both of them into one… kinda. Hope you enjoy! 


Waking Up In Vegas

Oliver’s eyes open at the brightness of the morning light streaming in from the hotel window. It triggers a painful migraine, leaving him squinting. He rolls over, sensing a wonderful warmth beside him that he’s not used to. It is fragrant and luxurious, something he’s longed for but kept himself from for so long.

The face he finds resting on the pillow beside him shocks him.

Felicity.

And judging from the state of nakedness he’s in, he assumes she’s the same beneath the sheets tucked tight against her chin.

Felicity. In my hotel room. In my bed. What the fuck… what happened last night?

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