I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct
and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’
and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice off my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’
and in that moment I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell
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SG Writers: *Introduces Jack Spheer as Lena’s ex-flame.* Alright look! Calm down! SuperCorp can’t be canon because Jack is a guy and he dated Lena therefore Lena is straight and not in love with Kara. Got it?
Me: But, now you come to me, and you say: “Lena is straight. Got it?”
But you don’t ask with respect. You don’t offer friendship. You don’t
even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the
day Kara and Lena are to be married, and you ask me to believe this shit?