that's called commitment

anonymous asked:

I need help and I don’t know who else to go to. My Daddy has mental health issues which manifest into things like strong fixations. Usually I can help with his problems but this time I don’t know what to do. This time he’s become fixated on my best friend (he’s polyamorous and has had feelings for them since he met them, and the fixation is feeding on that, so it’s not just a sex thing) I’m extremely uncomfortable with our relationship being poly, but idk how else to help him. What do I do?

uhm, well…. there are some different ways of looking at this.

First I would challenge exactly what “poly-amorous” means to you.. because I can tell you what it doesnt.

It doesnt mean your partner can just go around being with whoever they feel like without keeping your feelings, cares or concerns in mind. Thats call lack of commitment and cheating.  

What it should and does mean most of the time is a relationship that involves a couple who brings in one or more other people under the agreement of both parties with strong discussion and the building of trust, laying it all out on the table, and making sure that everyone is aware of all things at all times… with FULL AMICABLE CONSENT.

Even swingers have consent and agreements in place.

In the past when I have been in relationships in this lifestyle I have always been fine with my partner having a vanilla relationship with someone else to get what I tend not to give them. But it was also agreed that I knew everything from the dates they went on to what they did and so on. Everyone respected each others views and feelings and it was all worked out with consent… if things got uncomfortable or weird or whatever, then my partner ended it out of keeping in mind what was more important.

Just because he claims to be Poly….

It doesnt mean he gets to do what he wants just because hes obsessing over it.

It doesnt mean you ignore yourself, your feelings, emotions, and own mental health in order to allow ENABLE him to do it.

The poly side of this lifestyle, like everything else in this lifestyle, operates on trust, communication and respect for others. If thats not being put into place, then you need to reconsider the relationship.

You are OBVIOUSLY EXTREMELY UN-comfortable with being poly in the first place, so why are you with someone who is not comfortable with commitment? I mean, I get that hes fixated on this person… sure, but what about the others… or that porn you dont like.. or that other thing he does to you that you dont like but go along with in favor of “helping him”

that doesnt help him… that enables him while he ignores the fact that he has a problem and, with the information you have given me, doesnt seem all that concerned about doing anything about.

Oh and I get it… you love him, hes great (lol). etc and so forth… but so are a portion of the other 8 BILLION PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, a good chunk of which are probably great daddies waiting for a great little to have a great relationship with.

The problem is.. people tend not to look past the half mile radius of the bubble in which they conduct their lives in order to work hard, be patient and truly be happy.

then again.. some people dont like to listen to wisdom and would rather stay in their situation and be miserable.

to each their own.